I start discussing this actual topic just after the 5 minute mark fyi! Love you guys xxx

Transcript:
hi my lovelies welcome back to my
channel recovery mom and guys I've got a
thank you again because the sales of my
book and it's it's amazing it's thanks
to you guys and because it's word of
mouth I've done new advertising except
mentioning on my channel this is huge
and obviously for me is huge I think
this is huge because it's getting out
there the message of BPD and this
disorder that was once so unknown and
seen as like people are learning about
it and it's it's just amazing for those
of you that haven't got it no pressure
got by the way no pressure it is called
the big book on borderline personality
disorder quick thing I was in rehab for
drugs and I went to cocaine Anonymous
meetings and they deal with the big book
on the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous
and it had a huge effect on me and I
thought this is amazing how like one
alcoholic can help another and I started
thinking like I did come away from the
fellowship and because I didn't identify
with the person mentioned in the book
but I from where I took what I took was
if one alcoholic can help another if one
drug addict can help another why cannot
one person with BPD help another person
with BPD and I love the fact that they
had the big book and I was like we need
a big book and so I did that that
inspired me that is why my book is
called the big book on borderline
personality disorder and by shereena
that spoke sh e eight
all right MA Rooney or double O n ey in
case you look it up um cheapest place to
get it will be Amazon and also there's
loads of reviews on there so go and have
a look
and again I've gotta say I've got to say
so there is in the people canal clicks
anonymous 12 steps 12 step fellowship
Narcotics Anonymous 12-step fellowships
they've got different book based 12-step
penis twelve steps I kind of
developed my own ten steps for those of
us with BPD and they are outlined in the
book um they are not a copy of the 12
steps step one admit you have a problem
yes that is I suppose but I think isn't
that across the board that is the first
thing we need to do is say hello have a
problem the reason I say that I've got a
really really nice friend and her ex
she's just copied the phone sex Michael
you didn't even read it dude you didn't
even read it it's no copy step one very
similar
step 12 for there must at 10 for me very
similar like one our colleague helped
another in our case step 10 help our
tribe one of us helped another one of us
say yeah it's it's it's not copy because
I didn't I I did the 12 steps I've done
them and I think they are amazing guys I
think they were amazing but for someone
with BPD they didn't necessarily work
and I knew we needed something else we
needed something different and so that's
what I did if you look it up on Amazon
you'll see the reviews if you've bought
the book
and you've read it and you liked it
leave a review that's amazing so I'm
gonna have to put in the title video
really starts at five minutes because
I've just gone on and on about my book
great in my live stream the other day I
planned on talking about how painful
goodbyes are I was requested this from
Leah hi Leah uh and I had intended to
talk about it but I was hold on for an
hour and a half and it was rudely
interrupted by my daughter so I never
got to the subject today's video and I
will put it in the description start it
at five minutes and basically why do
those of us with BPD find goodbyes so
painful like so painful I think there is
a number of reasons for it I mean I will
explain some things I went through so I
suppose when I was younger I don't
remember saying bye to my dad when he
went to work really and he worked at the
airport and sometimes I think I was
aware of him getting up really early but
I was in bed with my mom and I didn't
care but it was when my mom and dad
would divorce my dad moved back to
Dublin in Ireland
and me and my brother in the holidays
would fly out to see him amazing holiday
like we just had the most amazing
childhood out there really it was I
can't fault it that my Nana and my
granddad would just like they were
perfect they were the perfect
grandparents when we have so much fun
and it was just freedom because they
owned loads of land and we were just
free to run and have fun and into the
holiday would come and it was really
weird because I always
kinda that's my the plane would fly in
we'd leave from London Heathrow would
fly into Dublin every time it landed I
would just get this sense now going back
as far as I can remember the sense of
I'm home and we'd have a holiday and
then it'd be time to go and every time I
just cried and I cried and I cried I
would remember saying bye to my Nana and
my granddad and waving to them to the
route sorry I'm being very quiet on the
journey to the airport would get to the
airport
I'd break down I didn't want to go I
would cry on the plane my little brother
next wasn't much support I just cry I
have to be like I would feel as that
plane took off out of Dublin to head
back to London I just feel like leaving
my home obviously it wasn't I was going
home to my mum and my mom like me and my
mom were so close my love my mom she's
literally amazing as I told it wasn't
that your mom's the one that disciplines
you your mom's the one that makes you do
your homework and get ready for school
doesn't the hard work so as a child it
was like we just had we can do what we
want and stay up late and eat what we
want and something bad it was really
really like I found it really really
painful I can tell you now actually and
now my ex that might happen like my most
recent ex Darren who I'm very caught
with how upset I got leaving Dublin and
that was just a few years ago it so it
still affects me it's like it's there
it's really hard I come back and I'm a
to my mum basically I roll with my
mum and because I can't deal with the
pain is
I can't deal with the pain and even
though I know I can go back there it
something gets me and it comes out and
really horrid ways as a child I'd play
up I'd be a bit of a nightmare at home
as a child too
when I went out there for my brother's
wedding so three three and a half years
ago lot he was just before Lottie was
born and I flew out there and I came
back and I was really quiet and light
then my mum was talking and I just had
this meltdown like in her kitchen and
took it all out on her basically it was
all her fault because I suppose going
back to told her that's how I saw it
like I'm back here because of you having
to look after me and stuff and I'm
really really struggled with it now
those of us with BPD one we've got
intense emotions - we have this fear of
abandonment so goodbyes for us can seem
really final even if we know they're not
in our head it's not like or to see
tomorrow
we don't know when we'll see them the
intensity is really really tough I
haven't just had it like when I'm in
Thailand the most recent time actually
it doesn't mean anything doesn't mean
anything
bah okay so did I even do a video on it
there was a post I put on this man and
I've been flying I kind of discussed
everything but it was my ex decided he'd
move away which is fine that's his
decision that's his life there's there's
nothing wrong with that but Vic he was
gonna take a new job he was gonna be
working we
to come into lockdown he would not be
seeing the kids and I really cried and
it was because the kids were really
upset but he had come and said goodbye
on a day finding a bit tough we're not
together but I found it tough it was a
tough goodbye because I kind of won
yesterday with the kids - it was just I
just found it really tough and I was
like keep it together keep it together
anyway the next day he calls he says um
I haven't actually left yet I was
planning on going last night but I
thought I'd hang around shall I come say
goodbye
I had like a fit as a you laughing with
the kids heads you can't say goodbye on
one day and then think you're gonna come
and say goodbye on another not fair was
it to do with the kids actually that was
because I had gone through that goodbye
okay okay and all of a sudden he's like
we're gonna have another goodbye and I
could not do enough of the body I just
couldn't do it oh so you can't you can't
come and then I was thinking it's not
fair but for me it was I felt like I was
I'm an emotional roller coaster it was
horrendous absolutely horrendous and I
was really angry at him because I don't
think he realized like what the goodbye
was like for me I dealt with her used to
mask it once as best as I could but then
all of a sudden looks like I'm like no I
did not have to do this again no and he
felt really unfair I was really angry I
did have a meltdown really shouted told
him he was unfair when he just wanted to
see the kids but I suppose for me it was
it
was for the kids as well but was it it
was but it's because because it makes me
feel this way
I assume it's gonna make the kids feel
that way and that makes it even worse um
I I don't live near my mom I moved away
they're hopefully gonna be living here
real soon we're hoping they're going to
exchange guys please pray for me pray
for my mom that they get to exchange
because my brother is literally stuck in
a wheelchair in a house that you can't
get around he can't have an electric
wheelchair because it wouldn't have the
space to like move she's small and stuff
within two weeks and I don't want them
to lose the house because everything
just feels like it's gonna fall apart at
the minutes of keys if you're
interpreting obviously if you're not
don't worry if you are please please
because I'm really it's gonna be amazing
to have them down here so I moved away
and I was used to having my mom right
now could see when I wanted to see her I
went to her house if we go by Midway and
[Music]
she comes every two weeks usually I have
not seen my mom since January January
maybe February so how do I deal with
that good boy and I wish I could say
every time I say goodbye I just put some
skills into practice it's not I think
it's like something I've kind of built
up it's not something that I consciously
think of I have become really good at
being able to step back from my emotions
some people saying that makes me really
cold but do you know what if it if it
doesn't lead to a meltdown and me
smashing the place up and ruining all
the relationships
I don't mind being a little bit cold I
kinda do have to shut off a bit and I
can hear my can't shout him that's my
boy my 9 year old on a station I can cut
off I remind myself under see them soon
you'll see them soon the problem with
BPD I suppose is because we have other
traits as well we don't just like the
fear of abandonment declarations we can
have like paranoia and for me is really
intrusive thoughts force now basically
the world is going to end
that's the worst is going to happen all
the time and so my mum would be driving
back they'd leave hair at nearly
midnight and have a two-hour drive and
sit in my head what they didn't call me
what they have a car accident what my
whole family's worked like and so why
still say bye I've keep myself really
busy I to keep myself up so I could find
them go you nearly home after an hour
and a half check where they are and stay
in contact that way and I think that
helps like we have FaceTime you know
what's that video called zoom Skype
where they you can we can contact people
so even though when people leave we can
still see them now which makes it easier
when I was younger I didn't have that my
dad would phone me every couple of weeks
on a Sunday and if we were there we got
the phone great I could speak to him
otherwise I've read another two weeks
and it's not like that now but I
appreciate like goodbyes are hard for a
lot of us I think saying good
say goodbye it's like tip 7 on to a
normal person that's how bad I said that
to a normal person not like us with BPD
to someone without BPD it's like see
later by two days of us with BPD it can
feel like it's the end of the world will
we ever see them again because we've got
so many other things going on
not just that sometimes when right when
we've had a good time with someone we
just want that to continue because we
know our emotions like this I swear it's
not even funny but fine it's fine
go I was fine
those of us with BPD we have a lot of
things going on like I said emotions
like this that's where I was when we
having a good time we wanna stay with
that good time and then we know when
someone goes and we left to our own
devices
here can start thinking stuff and we can
start feeling stuff and doesn't
necessary feel good and I think it's all
these things that can make goodbyes hard
like just to say quite just to a friend
if they've seen you and you might not
see them and for two days it might seem
like it's only two days but actually
when you're so used to feeling rubbish
and all of a sudden you've been with a
friend it'll be good we don't want that
to end why would you want that to end
because we know how we feel and we know
how we think and it's a painful place to
be basically it does get easier guys it
does
I knew that let you just call me by
child no sit like joking aside and it
can it can get easier it does how does
it get easier it's through things like
learning to manage our emotions so
instead of them being like that they're
a bit like that it doesn't mean
straightaway they're just like oh yeah
it does not mean that but it does mean
they get less like
less roller coaster like erratic
basically and building healthy
relationships not shutting yourself off
from the outside world because that's
the thing you can say bye to some and
then completely shut ourselves off and
the reason we can often do this is
because we could have a favourite person
or someone it's like that's everything
right now
and then we shot ourselves off from
everyone else and it's important we
don't just have that one person we have
that we can turn to and that we can talk
to that's why I keep saying listen I'm
on it beyond belief about VPD tribe
right now because I want to build this
community so no one ever thinks I've got
nowhere to go
we'll go online and with there with some
of us are there it's gonna be it's gonna
be great
and I'm only liking conversations now
because do we launch it at a dude I
talked that another DM a live stream I
actually got a whole video explaining
what's going on at the moment regarding
VPD tribe BAE's there is there learning
to be on their own is important as well
though because you can't just rely on
other people I suppose that's what
recovery gives us once we start to calm
these emotions and build relationships
and things like mindfulness like that
these are all the things we need for our
recovery that's so powerful that can
like enable us and naval us to be able
to say bye and not have a meltdown and
not get fared up I've talked for a
really long time I'm going to upload vo
later today and I love you all loads and
I'm gonna be back in a couple of days
talking about those of us with BPD all
waste using toxic women if you're a man
I love you guys
I'll be back in a few days
This transcript was auto-generated and therefore may contain mistakes.

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