hello my lovely little fighting warriors
I hope you had a wonderful Easter
I have eaten way too many eggs the
chocolate variety and now I've got to
get healthy I've had a massive sugar
overload and they're not even my eggs
they're the kids but the kids are at my
mom so right today I am doing a video
request from Natalie and hi-hats LeeAnn
and she asked me to discuss bullying and
getting over being bullied and I was
bullied at school so I know just how
awful it makes you feel you can feel
frightened
you can feel alone confused you don't
know why this is happening to you you
can start blaming yourself thinking
maybe you've done something wrong but I
can tell you that if you were being
bullied the issue does not lie with you
the issue is with the bully now bullying
is actually a learnt behaviour many
people that are bullies often become
bullies because either they've been
bullied themselves at some point maybe
they're having a tough time at home
they're insecure they can be jealous but
the issue is very much with them and
it's not with you sometimes well a lot
of the time there is a ringleader who is
the bully and they have their little
friends and sometimes it's a case of
they don't want to lose face in front of
their friends so they carry on with the
bullying and it can get out of hand but
it's important to understand why someone
would do this and how it makes you feel
and the fact that actually you're you're
not the problem you are really not the
problem even though they go out of their
way to make you think you are the
problem
now bullying can kind of take place
anywhere you can get bullying at home in
your local neighborhood in school even
in workplaces it kind of it happens
everywhere now
obviously a lot of my channel is about
borderline personality disorder and for
those of us with BPD we are highly
highly sensitive anyway
so if someone then starts trying to tear
us to shreds or call us names or do it
subtly and make little snide comments to
us we feel it even more that does not
mean we're just overreacting and we're
not actually getting bullied because if
it's making us feel bad that you're
being bullied so do not think oh well
I'm just a highly sensitive person
because actually yes you might be a
highly sensitive person but no one
deserves to be called names I mean
there's lots of different forms of
bullying like I just said sometimes it's
really really subtle little subtle digs
other times it's outright physical
violence sexual violence you might be
called homophobic names racist remarks
made to you here's the thing if it's
physical sexual homophobic comments or
racial slurs like prejudice insults to
you or you have pictures of yourself
shared over social media that's a
criminal offense and I would HIGHLY
advise you to go to the police because
they are actually
committing a crime by doing that the
thing is I remember when I was at school
I was so fortunate in some ways that I'm
old enough that we didn't have social
media and I was at school but actually
that men I got I got bullied in school
but when I went home no one had contact
I didn't have a mobile phone so the kind
of the bullying stopped when I was at
home but even though that was the case I
can remember still just being full of
anxiety at home I dreaded all I could
think about was going into school the
next day and not wanting to go and that
was without social media and now people
have social media and so the police can
get you when you're at home on your own
in your room but I can also remember
when I was at school telling the
teachers and the teachers called the
bullies in and decided that I was not
being bullied because I was outgoing and
confident what they completely failed to
realize was I had this kind of mask on
where I was loud and I would answer back
to teachers and make jokes all the time
but I did that because I was actually in
so much pain inside and I was really
really good at hiding it but the
teachers decided actually if anyone was
the bully it was probably me and there
was nowhere else being bullied and that
feeling of not being believed like I
didn't know who to turn to what to say I
tried talking to my mum who I love my
mom so much everyone knows how close I
am with my mum but my mum just at that
age thought you can't be being bullied
you're so confident and so she just
couldn't see yeah and a lot of people
around me just couldn't see it and so I
kind of felt like I had nowhere to go
nowadays schools are really cracking
down on bullying I know at my kids
school they've all
got like anti-bullying week and they
have different kinds of classes
specifically on this problem so both
schools and workplaces are now trying to
target beliefs so I would say like if I
had to give you advice if you are being
bullied now one do not isolate do not
keep it to yourself tell someone tell
close friend tell a teacher tell a
parent family member just do not keep it
to yourself I did a little bit research
on it actually and some of the advice
was if you feel safe actually confront
the bully yourself because chances are
they're probably just as scared as you
but I know it's not as easy as that
because I would have loved to have
confronted them but I just I was just a
bag labs it makes so much noise coming
in the door so yeah it's not as easy
doing that if you are going to do that
maybe do it in a public place where
there are people around and try and
rather than shouting at them talk to
them and say like what if I done why
have you got this problem with me but
like I said like this is advice I have
read but for me it was very much I just
did not have the guts to do that one of
the pieces advantage at Rice that I read
I loved because I used to say um to
people I would just love to do this to
the police if they like just say they
say your your shirt looks rubbish -
laughs manically yes it does look and
really just start laughing and then just
walk away and I laughed when I read that
but I can really imagine that just
throwing someone if you were to do that
there be light and there was a website
that I have found called www.h the label
dot
or and it's an anti-bullying website
there's quite a few there's national
bullying helpline stomp out bullying
gorg um so sorry I'm just looking at my
notes because I've written them down so
I can remember other advice stick in a
group because bullies less likely to
target you if you're with other people
but again I know you can often isolate
yourself from other people I mean
apparently 45% of people that get
bullied
don't tell anyone because one they're
embarrassed they're scared nothing will
get done so they keep it to themselves
but actually if we're going to stomp out
bullying it's important that we tell
someone and actually actively do
something about it because bullying is
not okay so okay just say you've been
bullied and maybe the bullying stopped
now that you've kind of been through it
I know from personal experience that it
sticks with you for years and years and
years unless it's dealt with I held on
to so much anger and like even in my
late 20s if I thought back to the
bullying like 10 15 years before I'd get
that horrid knot in my stomach
I'd feel sick and I think oh I wish I
could show them and I are very much
carried it with me I think if you've
been through this and you have been
bullied it's important that you actually
process what's happened why it's
happened and why it's happened it's
always never anything to do with you
remember I've said that it's got nothing
to do with you it's very much the issue
in lies with the bully but I would
suggest some form of counseling most
definitely I wish I had heard
counselling but I never did and I think
that's why I kind of carried it with me
for so long
and when I was in my late twenties why I
can't kinda look back and I looked at
the bully the bully actually passed away
when I was in my late 20s and she was in
her late term since I found out she had
passed away and you'd think that'd have
made my anger go but it didn't but what
helped was I started kind of looking at
her upbringing and I mean her mum was
absolutely vile and was always off
seeing other men never really had time
for her she kinda had or what had to
kind to look after her brother and her
sister and and that kind of helped me
understand a bit it didn't necessarily
make me forgive her but I kind of
thought wow actually she had it really
tough from a young age her mum was
really not very nice person at all
but yeah that is the number one piece of
advice I would say it's just like
counselling talking therapy where you
can actually talk to people about what
you've gone through I am pretty sure
like if you go on some of these
anti-bullying websites they have
communities where you can talk with
other people that have been through what
you have been through and talking is so
powerful just being able to let it all
out
and say this is how it makes me feel you
will feel so much better for it because
so often actually we don't want to talk
about it we think if we just forget it
it will go away but it won't it won't go
away unless we do process it we do talk
about it and we have some counselling
around that you might have to I mean
your school or your workplace might
offer counseling otherwise go to your GP
go to your local doctor and say look
this has happened to me it's really
affecting me live with my daily life
it's had a real impact on me like a
negative impact I need some help around
this help is not just giving you
antidepressants and sending you on your
help is getting you someone to talk with
you and let you talk to them welding
listen I I'm going to leave that there
guys but I will be back next week I'm
gonna do a quick of the video now that
will go out today as well about my Bert
yes enjoy your week I love you all loads