Due to our BPD traits can we simply have casual sex? Or do we get too emotionally involved? Or maybe we find casual sex easier than intimate sex. Today I discuss this and try to answer the question.

hi beautiful people happy Friday I
apologize that in the past few weeks my
videos have been all over the place
things have been really manic but they
finally starting to calm down so I'm
hoping things will be back to normal now
today I'm doing a video request from a
lovely young lady called Kim and she
asked me the question can people with
borderline personality disorder have
casual sex
now when you hear of borderline
personality disorder you can often hear
that we are promiscuous but I must point
out firstly that not every person with
borderline personality disorder is
promiscuous just as not to people
necessarily have the same traits there
are nine traits to get diagnosis you
have to have five the different
combinations together add up to about
256 so we're all different we have
different traits
secondly sexual promiscuity does not
necessarily mean the same thing as
casual sex and I'll explain what I mean
by that casual sex is maybe you go out
you forget them
you go your separate ways sexual
promiscuity believe it or not I wouldn't
say is casual
we've borderline personality disorder
sexual promiscuity it's very much
because of one of the trays whether it's
impulsive reckless behavior or whether
it's because of our chronic feelings of
emptiness we're trying to fill that void
the reason that say someone has sex
because of the trades it's not casual
it's they purposely set out to have sex
it's not just something like a whim I am
doing this I have to have sex to make
myself feel better or to stop myself
feeling so empty and there's a real like
we we set out intentionally to do it
rather than just being a casual one
thing take it or leave it it's
definitely not take or leave it it's I
need it because I need to feel better so
the two are not the same
those of us with BPD we can all have
such different feelings when it comes to
sex as well and a lot of it is because
well first of all lots of people with
BPD have suffered some kind of abuse in
their past or trauma and it might be of
the sexual nature now if that's the case
it's not surprising that this person
will then grow up with negative thoughts
and negative feelings regarding sex the
up traits of BPD we have our fear of
abandonment so we might meet someone and
have casual sex with them but if they
don't call us that's gonna feed our fear
of abandonment now I've got a story
actually I can tell you this is a true
I was 16 or 17 I think for 17 I was in
Ireland visiting my dad and I was
walking down the road and a car pulled
up and it was a really good-looking guy
and I remember what he said to me made
me laugh he said you've knocked me for
sex can I have your number yes you can
so I gave him my number
he found we went out he took me out we
went out to Dublin and he had some
drinks and stuff happened and that was
it and he wasn't looking for a
girlfriend he just came out of a
long-term relationship he told me that
he'd just come out he wasn't looking for
anything serious
I was like yeah that's cool I'm so cool
with it and I phoned him the next day
see if he wanted to meet up and he said
he was visiting a friend he was going
out for lunch with a friend and I was
like oh okay
um who's your friend and he said the
name of a girl and I literally like
flipped out we've been on one date I did
not know this guy for flee and he I was
like oh right okay so where does that
leave me then and he was like what what
you mean I really confused like what
we've just met and I was like well
obviously I mean nothing to you I mean
nothing to you and you're just throwing
out I was with you only yesterday and
already you've found a replacement and
he was just like I don't think this is
gonna work I literally freaked out he
told me I needed help which I did but I
didn't realize it at the time I was like
he was going out with a female friend
and I didn't like it so I feel bad can't
really come into play if we because we
might go in to light a relationship we
might have sex with someone and think
that we haven't got act but we are very
emotional people
our emotions are extremely intense
and if we then feel like this I felt
about this person they didn't care about
me anymore it can really really caused
us hurt and then
because another one of our trades is our
unstable and unclear self-image so for
me when I found out this guy this poor
poor guy I was seeing a female friend
that really knocked me I was like well
what's wrong with me now what's wrong
with me I already had low self-esteem
this knocked my self-esteem further now
when we have that happen we can then try
to look for things that make us feel
good and if we have someone showing an
interest in us that can make us feel
good so then we might go out actually
looking for flirting with people seeing
people because we want to have our
self-esteem boost it and that's why we
might then go and have sex with someone
because we feel like we're wanting
someone wants us someone likes us but
afterwards when we realize actually they
don't want anything else we can be left
feeling used and worse than we did
before we have done it so we do
something to make ourselves feel better
but it can make us feel so much worse we
if we have sex with someone because we
have that chronic feelings emptiness and
we just want to feel something and we
have sex with someone afterwards we're
probably gonna feel more empty like than
we did before we've done it there are
those of us with BPD that completely
avoid sex altogether and just because we
know it's going to cause
problems I've talked about like myself
like I've told you my very slutty story
my slutty story but believe or not that
was not something that I did regularly I
was more of the sort person that I would
just jump into a relationship and I'd be
with them for years I didn't she
I didn't do that but I've it kindly
explained for I kind of cut off
emotionally yeah makes it clear but can
we have casual sex I I can't answer on
behalf of everyone obviously but for me
I definitely couldn't because if a guy
looks at me I would start planning our
there was nothing casual about it when
he would he'd look at me and he'd be in
it for the long haul I'd make his life
hell for a few years so for me
definitely not unlike I said the
promiscuity and the casual sex they are
different because when we're purposely
setting out to do there's nothing casual
about it we're just literally trying to
fix our feelings and make ourselves feel
better because most of us well most of
us many of us we don't have a healthy
attitude to sex because with it comes a
lot of negativity we bring with it a
load of intense emotions and they
inevitably cause us a lot a lot of pain
along the way
I'm going to leave that video there
today guys but I will be back next week
I know some of you have asked me to do
video requests and I'm trading through
all my old messages trying to find them
so it'd be really helpful if you do have
one just to stick it below in the
comment section of this video and so
then I can get a new list going because
I didn't have them all written out but I
don't know me so I'm gonna leave it
there have a wonderful wonderful weekend
and I'll be back on Monday have you all
This transcript was auto-generated and therefore may contain mistakes.

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