hi guys today I am going to do a
facebook request and I'm going to talk
about when we cancel plans at short
notice when we make excuses not to go
out when we avoid our friends phone
calls and eventually it leads to our
friends thinking we can't be bothered
now I have first-hand experience and
this because this is something I used to
do all the time now I mentioned
previously in another video there people
with borderline personality disorder
often have other disorders it might be
anxiety it might be depression or it
might be a number of different things
the thing with anxiety the thing with
depression they make it very difficult
for us to lead a normal life when we are
depressed we often don't want to get out
don't want to go out don't want to face
anyone when we suffer with anxiety like
I have previously it can be so bad that
it can cause us to have panic attacks
and fills us with so much fear that we
don't want to go out and it gets to the
point where we actually feel we can't go
out there were numbers of times friends
would phone me and they would ask me if
I would like to go out somewhere and I
was quite good at saying no and I always
had excuses ready like I had other plans
or I was doing something there'd always
be a reason why I couldn't go if however
though my friends were like well we'll
just change the day we'll do it this day
and I kind of felt backed into a corner
or I would agree to go but at the back
of my head I would be freaking out about
it all week
and deep down knowing hello
okay it wasn't happening so it would be
a couple of hours before and I would
decide I've got to say I'm ill or
whatever other excuse I'd come up with
and I wouldn't even phone because in
case they could hear in my voice that I
was lying or they started trying to talk
me out of it so I would just send quick
text I'm really a limpid can't make it
and that'd be it and I did this
repeatedly friends would phone me and I
would see the phone ringing and often I
would think oh I do want I'll talk to
them later and I believed that I would I
just tell myself I don't want to talk to
them right now I'll call them back but I
would never call them back because when
later came I would think I don't want to
talk to anyone right now I'll do it
tomorrow
and so on and so on so I would stop
talking to them and eventually my
friends stopped calling I stopped
getting invites and I believe they just
thought I wasn't Robert and that just
wasn't the case it wasn't I wasn't
bothered I loved my friends but I was so
full of fear and so down and miserable I
just couldn't face people I didn't want
to be around people so I isolated the
thing is the longer this goes on for the
harder it gets to pick up the phone and
make plans to go back because we then
get scared of everything and we can't do
anything and it gets harder and harder
and harder and it's a really lonely
existence and it was I felt lonely but
at the same time I push people away and
didn't answer their phone calls like I
said my friends thought I wasn't
bothered that wasn't the case looking
back now I wish I'd been honest even if
it wasn't to everyone but to one or two
friends just
said though I suffer really bad anxiety
I really freaks them out and maybe start
slowly maybe instead of going out a
friend can come around and just have
coffee at your house and just let them
know where you're at because if they
don't know they are gonna think oh she
can't be bothered because they know no
different so it's up to us to take
responsibility and think okay I'm gonna
tell we don't like I said we don't have
to tell everyone it's no one's it's not
everyone's business but we can tell just
one friend and say but this is what's
going on for me
that's why I don't answer my calls to
you I mean sometimes I might not want to
answer the phone but I'd be happy to say
go on whatsapp or just message back and
forward and that's okay I could do that
and maybe if that's okay with you that's
something you can think about doing and
[Music]
for me at the moment I am a mama for I'm
very busy
my baby's 8 weeks old and I don't get
help I don't see people I have been
isolating I don't really have people
come around and my part I was saying to
me you're isolating rice elating but and
I'm not making excuses I kind of think
I'm just so busy I mean I wake up I do
the school run I come home I feed the
baby I clean the house and when you got
four kids that's a lot cleaning to do
things like doing the dishes putting
things away putting a wash load on
taking off load out in the clothes away
sewing out the ironing pile and now the
weather's getting better and I'm going
outside and things are growing which is
lovely all the flowers are coming but so
are the weeds through other weeds and
I love my garden I love gardening but
now I'm just like I've got to eat as
well it's just another thing on my list
of things to do so I'm trying to do my
videos by the time I like baby settled
she is waking up over there at the
moment so now I'm rushing rushing
rushing and before I know it it's time
to get the kids so I go and get the kids
I'll bring them home and we do homework
we do reading I get dinner on I before I
know it then I'm tidying up the dinner
and then it's time for them to go to bed
and I'm in their pajamas or because they
are young I often have to sort things
out and it is non-stop and then they go
to bed we do reading they go to bed and
then baby ones feeding they're not going
to feed the baby and like I said is
non-stop and the thought of going to
meet someone or having people run for
coffee it's like oh I'll just throw me
out my routine and obviously if I want
to have someone round I've got to have
the time for that and which I don't have
so I would have to drop out something
might be the hoovering but then I've got
Robbie flaw so really in an ideal world
I would have a cleaner I would have an
iron ax is there such thing as an IANA
could iron my clothes I would have a
cook he would cook lovely healthy meals
for me and all the children I would have
a gardener who could get rid of my weeds
and then I could socialize but I don't
have a cook kena ina Organa so I have to
do it to myself and so I struggle but
like I said it's important we don't
isolate it's about being honest I'm not
saying if you're full of fear and you
have been isolating for ages that you
then just text a load of friends and say
let's all meet and go here because that
is to a bigger thing
and it was just gonna put you off it's
just gonna scare you
but maybe just meeting up for unfriend
like I said in your house to start with
and then maybe with that friend going
out for coffee we've kind of got to step
out our comfort zone which is hard I
know I when I'm in my house I feel safe
I'm safe in the house the babies can't
get me but how are we going to in real
life if we're confined to our little
safe place we have to step out our
comfort zone and is frightening but we
can take baby steps like I said we don't
have to go on to a full-on house party
or invite loads of people round it is
baby steps and it is so worth it because
you will build up your network of
support which is important in PPD we
need to talk to people let people know
what is going on for us it's important
in all mental health issues talking can
help so much and like I said we don't
have to stand out on the street and
shout to all the neighbors I have
borderline I struggle at night no chance
isolate you know we don't have to do
that but we can sit with one close
friend until what's going on for us and
it's okay so okay Bob I'm coming I'm
coming
take that chance and give it go let me
know how you go love you guys I