Do you think you are in a codependent relationship? Do you want to save someone else? Do you think you can’t live without someone else? This video briefly explains codependency.
hi guys I'm back I sorry I haven't done the video like when I said I would I we had to fly coughing video and I thought I'd do one in the next day but the coughs got worse and the next day got worse and literally I've been so ill and so I haven't even been able to open the laptop and check messages or reply to people and I feel really disconnected so I'm really sorry because I have missed being in touch with you guys but I'm back now I feel slightly better so I'm going to get on and do the codependency video now I don't know loads and loads and loads about codependency but I know I've been in a codependent relationship I didn't know it at the time I realized when I did a lot of work in rehab about it and so what is codependency basically anyone can be codependent it can stem from childhood it's something that can be passed down generation to generation they say in childhood if you maybe have parents that maybe neglected you or just think of you time and as a child you were seeking their approval and putting their wants a need like before your own then it's something you can carry on like when you grow up and you can bring it into relationships so like I said anyone can become codependent I said in the last video with codependency you often have someone with issues the issue who might be it might be a physical like long-term physical sickness illness it might be a mental illness it might be addiction alcoholism etc so you have a partner like this and then you have the codependent partner now the codependent mana is the person that comes in with good intentions thinking I'm gonna save this person and I will sacrifice my needs and wants to save this person and that's what they do they set out with good intentions I'm thinking not only will they save them but this person can make them happy and by them saving them it will make them happy and they will get something out of it the thing is like I've been there as the codependent actually ha thinking I'll do everything for this person I couldn't live without this person literally I used to think I would die if this person wasn't in my life that is not all lovely and romantic that is not healthy actually and and so I would do everything constantly trying to be the perfect perfect partner but I would also I wasn't doing it for nothing I wanted to like gain their approval only to get validation from them and if I didn't feel that my efforts were being noticed I'd get really pissed off and I think that is what someone who's kind of him that they can get like and you'll find a lot codependents have chronic anger and it is built up inside them because they're doing everything for everyone or for this part person and making all these sacrifices to the detriment of their own mental health their own feelings their own happiness they're doing all this and then it doesn't get noticed and then stop and codependence relationships aren't healthy in the fact they can often be like abusive say say there's an alcoholic and addict or someone who who's abusing the codependent but the codependent just doesn't want to leave because they to have a fear of abandonment and they can't imagine life without this person so they're in complete denial about it and they will do anything they can to save the relationship no matter how destructive it actually is codependent people can have poor communication skills in the fact that they kind of shut out all of the relationships it's just like it all becomes them and their partner that's it and they'll start lying to other people pushing other people away blaming other people for the way they feel and their life is just them and this person they can become very clingy and that's exactly what I used to be like I'll kill you on please don't leave me I know you are so um but yeah that's that's that's the truth of it it's not healthy you're not happy and actually the codependent sets out to save the other person when actually they can instead they kinda do the opposite because they're enabling them to carry on with their illness or just say okay let's say mmm so drug addicts and the codependent starts lying to other people for them covering up for them making excuses for their behavior giving them money they're actually just enabling that person to carry on on that path so they're not saving them they think they're looking after them but they're not what you'll find as well I'm I was talking to someone the other day about this subject um just say like you've got someone with mental health illness a borderline personality disorder post-traumatic stress disorder or whatever disorder and you have your co-defendant and the person at the mental health illness will go in to a hospital they'll get therapy the real medication and they start to get well because you can get well when you've got mental health issues you can yeah they start to get my how does this leave the codependent cuz all of a sudden this person who's relied on them and needed them doesn't need them anymore they're alright they can now go off lift their happy little life and the codependent person is just kinda left there like their whole reason for being has just been taken away from them and a lot of the time you see when you see this happen whether it's a someone with mental health illnesses it gets well or an addict or alcoholic who finds recovery gets well the relationship then breaks down because it's a lot of the time everyone's focus is on the person with the issues if the codependent person has issues too and they don't have that support there so you will see this person going get well then the codependent person's just left there and like I just said like I was talking to someone the other day the amount of times you then see relationships break down couples get divorced couples break up then what will happen so the person with the issues is who hasn't got issues now they're fine happy happy happy gone how to happy love the codependent person will go out and find another relationship very similar where they'll find someone within addiction or with mental health or it's like they hunt out that vulnerable person that they can save and they just repeat the cycle again I think I think I covered it all I mean I could talk for hours and how is now is about this but I don't just want to go off on wanna start repeating myself and not making any sense so I will leave it there but have a think like in your relationship is it mutually satisfying or is it one-sided is it abusive do life or your partner do you cut off for the people yeah just have a look at your relationship and see is it one side it or is it not and if you like do think include dependent it's not the end of the world there is help for that I'm not going to go into that here because I don't really know too much about it but I know there is help so um yeah but it is a real problem and it's something that needs to be talked about so don't just hide up your feelings because your feelings are important so yeah all right guys I love you loads bye
This transcript was auto-generated and therefore may contain mistakes.