Do you think you are in a codependent relationship? Do you want to save someone else? Do you think you can’t live without someone else? This video briefly explains codependency.

hi guys I'm back I sorry I haven't done
the video like when I said I would I we
had to fly coughing video and I thought
I'd do one in the next day but the
coughs got worse and the next day got
worse and literally I've been so ill and
so I haven't even been able to open the
laptop and check messages or reply to
people and I feel really disconnected so
I'm really sorry because I have missed
being in touch with you guys but I'm
back now I feel slightly better so I'm
going to get on and do the codependency
video now I don't know loads and loads
and loads about codependency but I know
I've been in a codependent relationship
I didn't know it at the time I realized
when I did a lot of work in rehab about
it and so what is codependency basically
anyone can be codependent it can stem
from childhood it's something that can
be passed down generation to generation
they say in childhood if you maybe have
parents that maybe neglected you or just
think of you time and as a child you
were seeking their approval and putting
their wants a need like before your own
then it's something you can carry on
like when you grow up and you can bring
it into relationships so like I said
anyone can become codependent I said in
the last video with codependency you
often have someone with issues the issue
who might be it might be a physical like
long-term physical sickness illness it
might be a mental illness it might be
addiction alcoholism etc so you have a
partner like this and then you have the
codependent partner now the codependent
mana is the person that comes in with
good intentions thinking I'm gonna save
this person and I will sacrifice my
needs and wants to save this person and
that's what they do they set out with
good intentions I'm thinking not only
will they save them but this person can
make them happy and by them saving them
it will make them happy
and they will get something out of it
the thing is like I've been there as the
codependent actually ha thinking I'll do
everything for this person I couldn't
live without this person literally I
used to think I would die if this person
wasn't in my life that is not all lovely
and romantic that is not healthy
actually and and so I would do
everything constantly trying to be the
perfect perfect partner but I would also
I wasn't doing it for nothing I wanted
to like gain their approval only to get
validation from them and if I didn't
feel that my efforts were being noticed
I'd get really pissed off and I think
that is what someone who's kind of him
that they can get like and you'll find a
lot codependents have chronic anger and
it is built up inside them because
they're doing everything for everyone or
for this part person and making all
these sacrifices to the detriment of
their own mental health their own
feelings their own happiness they're
doing all this and then it doesn't get
noticed and then stop and codependence
relationships aren't healthy in the fact
they can often be like abusive say say
there's an alcoholic and addict or
someone who who's abusing the
codependent but the codependent just
doesn't want to leave because they to
have a fear of abandonment and they
can't imagine life without this person
so they're in complete denial about it
and they will do anything they can to
save the relationship no matter how
destructive it actually is
codependent people can have poor
communication skills in the fact that
they kind of shut out all of the
relationships it's just like it all
becomes them and their partner that's it
and they'll start lying to other people
pushing other people away blaming other
people for the way they feel and their
life is just them and this person they
can become very clingy and that's
exactly what I used to be like I'll kill
you on please don't leave me I know you
are so um but yeah that's that's that's
the truth of it it's not healthy you're
not happy and actually the codependent
sets out to save the other person when
actually they can instead they kinda do
the opposite because they're enabling
them to carry on with their illness or
just say okay let's say mmm so drug
addicts and the codependent starts lying
to other people for them covering up for
them making excuses for their behavior
giving them money they're actually just
enabling that person to carry on on that
path so they're not saving them they
think they're looking after them but
they're not what you'll find as well I'm
I was talking to someone the other day
about this subject
um just say like you've got someone with
mental health illness a borderline
personality disorder post-traumatic
stress disorder or whatever disorder and
you have your co-defendant and the
person at the mental health illness will
go in to a hospital they'll get therapy
the real medication and they start to
get well because you can get well when
you've got mental health issues you can
yeah they start to get my
how does this leave the codependent cuz
all of a sudden this person who's relied
on them and needed them doesn't need
them anymore
they're alright they can now go off lift
their happy little life and the
codependent person is just kinda left
there like their whole reason for being
has just been taken away from them and a
lot of the time you see when you see
this happen whether it's a someone with
mental health illnesses it gets well or
an addict or alcoholic who finds
recovery gets well the relationship then
breaks down because it's a lot of the
time everyone's focus is on the person
with the issues if the codependent
person has issues too
and they don't have that support there
so you will see this person going get
well then the codependent person's just
left there and like I just said like I
was talking to someone the other day the
amount of times you then see
relationships break down couples get
divorced couples break up then what will
happen so the person with the issues is
who hasn't got issues now they're fine
happy happy happy gone how to happy love
the codependent person will go out and
find another relationship very similar
where they'll find someone within
addiction or with mental health or it's
like they hunt out that vulnerable
person that they can save and they just
repeat the cycle again I think I think I
covered it all I mean I could talk for
hours and how is now is about this but I
don't just want to go off on wanna start
repeating myself and not making any
sense so I will leave it there but have
a think like in your relationship is it
mutually satisfying
or is it one-sided is it abusive do life
or your partner do you cut off for the
people yeah
just have a look at your relationship
and see is it one side it or is it not
and if you like do think include
dependent it's not the end of the world
there is help for that I'm not going to
go into that here because I don't really
know too much about it but I know there
is help so um yeah but it is a real
problem and it's something that needs to
be talked about so don't just hide up
your feelings because your feelings are
important so yeah
all right guys I love you loads bye
This transcript was auto-generated and therefore may contain mistakes.

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