I always felt different and could be in a room full of people and still feel lonely.

oh hi guys I am gonna do another video
request this was requested by someone
called call cool girl and she asked me
to talk about constant feelings of
loneliness emptiness and isolation now
again these are all things I am can
relate to 100% um is it the borderline
personality disorder I don't know
borderline personality disorder when we
have it it often comes hand-in-hand with
depression with anxiety with other
things and definitely the depression
side of it you just feel lonely and
empty and you can isolate but the same
with borderline personality disorder in
itself actually we can feel so alone
because we just feel different to other
people we see other people around us
getting on with their lives like they're
we're not we have to put on this mask
and come across all happy when we're
dying inside and we can't tell people
how we feel because a lot of the time we
don't even know I only now that I'm in
recovery I can do all these videos on
borderline and I did one living with
borderline personality and explaining
how it is but if you'd asked me back
when I was suffering with it I don't
know I just I didn't know I couldn't put
it into words I couldn't describe what
was wrong with me
I just felt different and because I felt
different I felt so alone I could be in
a crowded room full of people all
chatting to me laughing smiling and feel
lonely that emptiness
you literally just feel like you just
have a hole inside you like nothing's
nothing fulfills you you don't know what
you want and you don't know who you are
you've lost your sense of self and I
think when we start to feel like that
and we feel really lonely it's very easy
to start actually cutting ourselves off
especially when we feel lonely when
people are around us because then we're
like what's the point I would isolate a
lot there are times that my phone would
be ringing and I would be looking at it
and not arm saying I didn't want to talk
to people I had nothing to say I
couldn't I couldn't explain it someone's
how do you feel how do you explain like
yeah yeah that's how I felt
yeah like it was a sometimes I felt like
that sometimes I just he like wanted to
scream but I couldn't put it into words
I couldn't say right oh yeah I just feel
like it's me for me like what the hell
is wrong with her um yeah I just I
didn't know what was wrong I felt so
alone it's amazing actually I think to
myself because I've started doing these
and I'm kind of in shock that just how
many people were like that may relate
and I wish I'd known this years ago
because I thought I was the only one I
really really thought I was the only one
like this even when I knew a had
borderline personality disorder I didn't
know actually just how common it is and
how many people are out there suffering
but luckily now I can use my youtube
channel as a platform to let you guys
know there's loads of us we're not alone
there's loads of us we all feel like we
all feel like that or felt like that and
I can also use it to say that you won't
always feel like this no how
but you think you will is very hard when
you're isolating to see any way out and
imagine yourself socializing again or
living a normal life because I know for
me I kind of just stayed in my little
room box myself off from the outside
world and just I was kind of content
with it I don't know I don't think as
content with it I just think I kind of
accepted it and thought well I'm not
like other people
at least I'm safe here no one can hurt
I can't hurt other people and I still
managed to but all those feelings the
feelings of loneliness emptiness they do
go because I don't feel lonely today I
can be on my own all day just doing
housework and I still don't feel lonely
I don't have that empty feeling inside
me today I feel my life has a purpose
I'm here for a reason not just doing my
videos but I'm here to be a mom to my
children I'm here to be a daughter to my
mom I'm here to be a friend to my
friends I'm here to be a partner you
know like I've got I have things to
offer today so that feeling of emptiness
I've kind of filled it with all
different healthy relationships things I
enjoy whether it's reading swimming
going for nice walks appreciating life
but there was a time that I could not
get pleasure from anything like this
I even watching funny videos of DVDs I I
just couldn't get jewelry out anything I
just fell
like this emptiness this numbness that I
couldn't explain to people I didn't want
to explain I just didn't want to talk to
people but I have just done another
video in which I say recovery as
possible and I will say it again
recovery is possible recovery brings you
so many new things it's amazing like
that emptiness inside get filled up lots
of joyous feelings and it doesn't mean
like I go on the best holidays and I
live in a mansion and I have millions of
pounds it's just a content or just feel
good inside I am happy and I never ever
ever ever thought I would be really I
really didn't and I am proof that you
can feel like that but still get well
and any of you can get well absolutely
any of you all you out there can and
it's amazing when we do and then we can
all give back to the next people that
are suffering because there'll always be
people that were born with it or
developed BPD but you know we've got to
kind of stand together and say look
we're proof we're doing alright recovery
the process doesn't happen overnight but
it's possible and once you have it it's
amazing so the isolation it's um it
doesn't make it easy because we cut
ourselves off and especially if then you
isolate for so long you start getting
like Agra phobia with them where you
won't go out but it even if you're at
the point you don't want to go out you
don't want to see a mental health worker
there's still things you can do if you
look up
there's so much information online there
are books you can read just do what you
small steps slowly slowly don't put too
much pressure on yourself you know we
have time take your time do it properly
and it's really really worth it so have
a wonderful wonderful weekend my
This transcript was auto-generated and therefore may contain mistakes.

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