hi guys happy Friday today excuse me I'm
going to be touching on the subject of
Christmas because I really really want
you guys to stay safe because like I
said I've said in my last few videos
this is a really difficult time of year
so today I'm going to talk about dealing
with problematic family members
difficult family members because often
we can go home here and not see our
family at all at certain members and
then at Christmas were kind of all
pushed together and we're supposed to be
joyful and happy and all we haven't seen
for a whole year and it's so wonderful
but that I isn't actually the case or
all the time and so I'm gonna focus on
that because when you have borderline
personality disorder relationships are
intense they are unstable and it's not
just romantic relationships a lot of the
time it is relationships most families
friends so that's what I kind all a
discuss with you today because chances
are you might even have a lot of anxiety
about being around the family and having
to see the family knowing that every
year a big argument happens or you end
up just feeling really down after seeing
your family and it just putting you in a
real down-down mood for weeks after so
that's why I thought I would discuss it
today so if you are Jew to spend it with
your family I would say plan ahead now
it's not like you can say right this is
the date how the day is going to go and
it's going to go that way but it's good
to kind of have an idea of how you
expect it to go and you can try and keep
to that plan as much as possible so for
example just say you have an uncle who
every year gets into a big debate about
politics
and the whole family starts arguing
people are pointing fingers it's really
uncomfortable someone storms out I would
say plan ahead I'm going to avoid that
conversation I am NOT going to be pulled
into it I'm not going to take part in it
if it's brought up I'm gonna say well
we'll agree to disagree and leave it at
that
don't get pulled into a big argument if
someone says something to you it might
be oh you're not working yet something
that we might really take personally 1
don't take it personally I know that's
easier said than done but a lot of the
time it's actually not meant personally
someone might just generally genuinely
be asking like how's work but we can
take it as you're implying I haven't
worked for ages and it's my mental
health for Aurora but that's not the
case they are just simply asking and so
think if someone's gonna ask me
something like that
or it might be are you working or not
settle down yet no children yet or you
know one of those kind of questions that
we can really take as a dagger to the
whole think about kind of your response
so rather than getting aggressive I
would always say before you say anything
to someone pause take a deep breath
because often if we don't pause we will
just point the finger back and get
aggressive and say things that we
wouldn't say if we had taken those few
seconds and so you might say pause no
I'm not working yeah I'm firm not being
feeling too great recently but you know
things were on the up and hopefully soon
and just kind of then turn it back to
them and ask them a question because
here's the thing people like talking
about themselves so
and you can very easily kind a sidestep
their question and bring it back and say
what's going on with you or how's your
job going
we'll have you got any plans for next
summer the whole holiday next summer or
something just ask them questions and so
when you're planning maybe have a few
questions that you can ask different
family members ready so when it comes to
it you're not kind of stuck there like I
don't know what to say I mean there can
be just the basic erst basic us the most
the most basic the basic ascends my
English is so good basic us huh new word
Jarrett is my partner's down there where
is he on the sofa playing xbox like a
teenager yes I am recording um ah a big
one a big one that I would advise you to
do or not do his alcohol consumption
obviously at Christmas everyone's
drinking sherry whatnot I would say that
alcohol kind of it well it makes us act
in a way that we wouldn't usually act it
can heighten our emotions so if we're
feeling a bit edgy and not quite right
and we have a drink we might actually
get full burn on aggressive so I would
say really what that alcohol consumption
if it's not you that drinks if you have
a family member that comes and gets
really drunk and causing an argument you
are perfectly within your right if it's
your house and you are hosting and you
have someone that does this
you are perfect within your right to set
boundaries beforehand rather than just
waiting and hoping or hope they don't do
it this year even though they've done it
every year maybe having that
conversation and the way you go about
that is
then you get drunk every year and we
don't want new hair because that will
cause them to argue and then you're just
gonna feel really yeah I would have a
talk say oh we're really looking forward
you come in kids if I'm so excited
you're so funny or just say something
nice and say this year we're going to
not have as much alcohol for whatever
reason and if they say oh well it won't
come then so all that's a real shame we
would really love to have you there but
we've decided this these are the rules
this year because you were allowed to
put boundaries in place if you have that
family member who turns up drunk cause
there's a big fight might it might turn
physical they might start throwing
things you were then in your right
within your right to phone the police
you do not just have to put up with it
and sit back and say because no one
deserves that no one deserves abuse it
won't just be ruining your Christmas
everyone there it will be ruining their
Christmas too I would also say
I've gone blank again it's completely
gone blank again I know it's all right
yeah I've completely gone blank guys but
one thing I would say is try to enjoy
the day but don't put pressure on
yourself because if it's you're building
it into this big thing it's smus day and
it's going to be amazing
chances are it might not meet your
expectations or meet your expectations
because I was having just a chat with my
friend Joanne you guys might know Joanne
from Twitter she does my tweeting for me
um
about Christmas and she was saying you
know it's money it's this it's the
stress and I kind of said like the only
people I think that really enjoy a
Christmas are either ones that have
loads of money and they've got no
concerns they can have people put up
their decorations they don't worry about
the food money is no object to them and
they can have the dream Christmas or
people that just treat it like well it's
just another day I'll do the best I can
and that's it because if you're going to
put loads and loads and loads of
pressure on yourself it's gonna affect
you afterwards because it's built up
built up built up it doesn't meet meet
your expectations and then you have the
downer afterwards and it's just not
worth it it is just another day and so
if you're getting all panicky and
thinking oh my god christmas is coming
out from seeing the family really remind
yourself actually this is just another
day i can get through that day just like
I can get through today just like I got
through yesterday just like I got
through last week etc and kind of take
it from there try and just relax
because that's the thing we get
ourselves so worked hard the day goes by
and it's just like over like that and we
stressed up to the eyeballs and we don't
actually enjoy it and so I would say to
you really just make a conscious effort
to say this year I'm just gonna relax I
have no expectations I'm not going to
put fresh and run myself it's just
another day I'm going to do another
video now hopefully to put out next week
for you because I just I'm not getting
the chance really to record as often as
I want at the moment and I want you guys
to stay safe over Christmas because it's
so important and then we'll be into the
New Year and it'll all be forgotten and
so long as you can get through that
difficult time you'll be okay
so I sending you all loads nodes nodes
love MA
bye guys