My Family think I am a completely different person to who I used to be. But it can be hard on families to believe we truly have changed.

hi guys today I'm going to do a video
request from a lovely lady called
Christina and Christina asked me did my
family notice a big change when I came
into recovery when I was recovered so if
you were too sweet to my family now and
say have you noticed the change there'd
be like because I'm literally a
completely different person today I
whereas a few years ago my mom wouldn't
be able to sleep at night because she
didn't know if she's gonna get a call
saying I was in a hospital or whatever I
was drinking a lot of alcohol I was
using drugs daily and I was violent I
was brewed I was manipulative people
would walk on eggshells around me
because they just didn't know how to act
around me and because they never knew
when I I was just going to fly off the
handle over any little thing I couldn't
be trusted I would steal money off my
family and I wasn't a very nice person
basically well it wasn't i wasn't a nice
person because like i said borderline
personality disorder it's an illness but
my behaviors weren't very nice and I
hurt the people around me a lot today
I'm not an alcoholic I'm not a drug of
it I am NOT rude or violin don't get me
wrong i am not perfect believe it or not
and but today if i say something say
that might be out of order and I
shouldn't have said I apologize for it I
take responsibility for my actions today
I do not steal money off my family today
I can be trusted today yet I still have
emotions emotions there for a reason the
healthy but with borderline personality
disorder an extreme intense
oceans they're not healthy today I
regulate my emotions I can still get
emotional you know who can but I don't
get emotional to the point where I
self-harm or I use drugs so I am
completely different basically to how I
used to be but just because my family
can see a big change in me it doesn't
mean that they necessarily believe one
hundred percent that I have changed and
I will explain what I mean by that when
I was 16 I stole a lot of money off my
brother and it's something I'm really
not proud of but it is something that I
did now so that's when I was 16 I'm 35
now and this year was my mum 60th and my
step dad's 50th and we wanted to do
something nice for them so me and my
brother to kinda bang their heads
together and short right what we gonna
do and we thought we'll get them nice
hotel send them away for a nice weekend
romantic weekend together and my brother
said well do you want to do the booking
or join me and I've like well I'm a bit
busy can you do the booking and i'll
send you the money who's like yet no
worries so then I asked him can I have
your bank account details so i can
transfer the money to you because
obviously we're going half and he said
oh I don't feel comfortable giving you
my bank details
now I could have flown off the handle
what do you mean you can't what you
don't trust me you don't trust me and I
could have done that but then why should
he trusts me you know we when we are ill
not just like if we're with our mental
health if we're a drug addict for
alcoholic you know we hurt a lot of
people we break a lot of trust and
obviously what I did to my brother I did
it at such a time in his life that it
has stuck with him and it had a big
effect on him and I have to accept that
I cannot force him to trust me I can't
be angry at him for not trusting me I
just have to accept that I broke his
trust I hurt him and that's it there's
nothing I can do about that so although
if you ask my brother has she changed
he'd be like yeah she's completely
different but obviously there's
something in him that isn't doesn't
quite hundred percent believe that only
how change completely but that's okay
and other family members can be exactly
the same they might be like yeah she's
completely different bar deep down still
have that feeling like when's it going
to go back because also what you've got
to remember now I'm talking sorry and if
they compare me from now to them but
there's been a process in between of me
getting from there to here and that
process I didn't go from A to B and just
get well away from A to C to D back to a
again 2d backed away again and bit by
bit I kept tight like I've said in my
other videos where I talk about recovery
process I could take one step forward
only take two
now I know that is part of the recovery
process it's exactly the same with
someone who's into a drug addict or now
colic relapse is often part of their
journey it doesn't mean they will never
get recovery they will never get clean
it just means that it's part of their
journey a lot of people have real apps
on their road to recovery and but we can
accept that and realize we're not back
to square one but for outsiders looking
in our loved ones when they see us going
back slightly they're like here we go
again oh my god here we go we're back
we're back to square one even though we
know we're not for them it can feel like
that so for them it's even more gradual
process and it takes them a long time to
realize actually even though we've taken
two steps back now well lot further on
like in our recovery than we ever were
before so but we can't make people
understand that we can try and tell them
but we can't make them leave it we can't
force them to trust us or force them to
believe that we will never do what we
did then all we can do is take one day
at a time and show them today I'm all
right I'm a nice person today I won't be
rude to I wont to do a little for you
whether they believe or not it's another
thing what we can do is keep showing
them that we're not going to and that's
what recovery gives us recovery gives us
the chance to make amends for all the
people we hurt because we do hurt a lot
of people and and part of like my making
amends to my loved ones isn't
necessarily keep saying I'm sorry I'm
sorry I'm sorry
there's only so many times they can hear
that and it would be very good i say I'm
sorry and then I do it again so I show
it in my actions today I just focus on
my recovery and trying to be a nice
person and like I said if I do do
something wrong I take responsibility
and I say sorry today so well I hope
that answered your question for Cena I
know I kinda went off on a tangent a
little bit but yeah there is more to it
then is there a change yes they can see
a change but they might not necessarily
believe it will always be that way but
that's okay all I can do is show them
that we have changed and that is white
do today see bye guys
This transcript was auto-generated and therefore may contain mistakes.

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