I had an opportunity today to chat with my daughters class teacher and give him any information that helps him gain a better understanding of my daughter. It felt really freeing to be honest…I spent so many years being dishonest and today I don’t need to be. Opening up with someone can be really enpowering.

Transcript:
hi guys happy Tuesday I apologized there
was no video yesterday I had a poorly
child at home but he's gone into school
today so I'm gonna do a quick video that
was supposed to be out yesterday today I
wasn't sure what video I was gonna do
but I'm gonna tell you what I did today
basically I had an appointment up at the
school and whereas they used to do
parents evening this was so your teacher
can get to know more about us and by
getting to know about the family and any
significant events in our lives that may
have affected our children it helps them
understand our children more so
obviously like it was a half hour
appointment and I had so much to say
because I do I do to always try to
actually have this conversation with
teachers so they do understand my
children that a little bit more it was
for my daughter and I was thinking how
she has literally been through so much
when she was born like she was the apple
of my eye
I mean she still is me and her are so
close what me and all the children are
so close but it was just me and her and
we were so so close I really made a rod
from my own back by never putting her
downs then she didn't want anyone else
to hold her I was always having to be
there
and it was a wonderful and then when she
was 1 I got pregnant and a few months
before her second birthday
her brother arrived and it's just
unfortunate that when he was a couple of
months old she she was just turning 2 at
the time there was a blow to my marriage
I found out my ex husband had been
phoning my best friend and the marriage
just kind of erupted and we were arguing
I started using drugs again I started
drinking again
I was always screaming at her dad I was
crying constantly now my little girl
doesn't really remember any of it she
doesn't remember me living with her bad
but it must have affected her in some
ways and sometimes like she's mean to
her brother Kim who's like 20 22 months
younger she's quite can be quite mean
and I often think is it because like she
life is she knew it that was just lovely
and happy and joyful and then all of a
sudden it just happens when her brother
came along everything turned to and
it was just awful when she was three
three and a half well three I went to
live with my mum with the children I was
still with their dad but I went to live
with my mum and then when she was
three-and-a-half I went into rehab so
she had been with me all the time and
all of a sudden I went and I was in
rehab for a long time and when I got out
my mum said look I'll keep hold of the
children you need to sell because I
chosen to relocate and I didn't want her
missing out of school because she'd
started school I missed her first day at
school so we had all this going on and
then when she came back to live with me
well I had I had her baby brother on her
fifth birthday and then two weeks later
she herself and Keon came back to live
and all of a sudden everything was
different they were living with me it
was a real struggle in the beginning she
started a new school so she'd left the
school that she knew and it was like
she's literally had so much going on in
her life she's really really close with
my brother as well now those he who
watch my videos regularly know that I've
talked about my brother was diagnosed
with spinocerebellar ataxia which is the
cerebellum back here which is the part
of his brain which responsible for motor
skills so talking walking moving
basically is degenerating it's just
breaking down so initially he started
just being unsteady on his feet and then
it got a bit worse then he started
falling and like today he really
struggles to walk he really really
struggles to talk he had an appointment
today and he actually my mum was saying
he used the phone app because it was
easier to be understood
so I talked about all this because like
I said my daughter absolutely adores my
brother and I wanted to share this video
because I think there's something very
freeing in there's something very
freeing in being able to be really
honest and I think for me I spent so
many years using drugs and that
everything was very secretive I didn't
want anyone knowing where I was going or
who I was going to see or where I'd been
or where my money had gone it was
constantly trying to cover my tracks and
like I said really secretive so I'd
often go around with you know that like
anxiety butterflies in your stomach like
thinking I'm gonna get cool out I'm
gonna get cool out and so today it's
really nice to be able to go this is how
it is I was a drug addict because I I
would never have said that years ago
I refused to think of myself as an
addict I did not think I was addicted I
felt like I was in control I was in
complete denial about everything so now
being able to actually say yeah I was
addicted this is how it was is freeing I
mean there's no point in me not opening
up and being honest because I put all my
stuff on YouTube anyway so but I was
also able to like talk about how life is
today and life is really good family
life is good family life is stressful
Corsa dezer now I have four children I'd
be lying if I said piece of cake but we
are really really happy we were a happy
family I wouldn't say we're perfect I'm
certainly not the perfect mum I make
mistakes I have bad days but overall
we're really really happy and we all
stick together and we're honest with
each other
it's difficult when you've got four
children to have one-on-one time I say
that's why I read to them individually
at night so they have that one-on-one
time where we can sit and talk my little
boy Eason I was reading the ugly
duckling to him the other night and it
was for him because he starts school so
it's one of those books teaching them to
read so it's very repetitive and very
simple so it was like the ugly duckling
met a boy the boy said you are ugly go
away
and then the ugly duckling met a girl
the girl said you are ugly go away and
so we read that story not to it down a
slide keep mommy kiss and he just looked
at me human you are ugly go away
Kian was just killing himself laughing I
love banks and so they still keep
bringing them up
mommy's buggy oh hey thanks guys
yeah I think my children have stability
today they get to school they're clean
they're what they're clothed they
well-fed no like I'm not perfect who is
I don't strive for perfection because I
think I'd always fall short and then I'd
be beating myself up about it but I just
think I do my best
each day I can just do my best and some
days I don't even do that but I'll feel
bad about it maybe I'll make up for it
the next day or apologize if I've been
particularly grumpy because hey I get
grumpy at times but yeah life is good
and I would suggest to anyone like if
you do like have children at school to
talk to the teachers because they can
offer you added like extra support it
does help them to understand your
children more maybe you're someone and
you don't have children but just having
that someone to talk to and be honest
with is so nice and maybe it would be
someone at work maybe it would just be a
friend who won't be judging judging you
because
what I'm gonna say now is actually quite
contradictory through my youtube channel
I've realized just how stigmatized
borderline personality disorder is
addiction is and I really realize that
but since I've been in recovery whenever
I tell people like my story or I talk
about it
I've always been shocked at how
non-judgmental people have been like the
mums at the school I really thought like
oh I don't want them to know they might
judge me they won't want their children
playing with my children because they'll
think of all their mums next addict
don't go near her but actually it's been
people have been so non-judgmental and
nothing that really really supportive
and it's been so nice I no longer feel
like I'm walking around with this big
secret that I don't want anyone to know
about because I've just put it out there
and told people and I know that I try to
change I tried to do my best but yeah it
was quite nice having that conversation
today because I was thinking wow like
everything that my kids did go through
to like where they are now I mean it's
amazing they've come so far and they've
done so well and they're really good
kids
um I mean my little girl can be like
mouthy sometimes like a little teenager
we had a argument the other day she
couldn't find some ring she saw I put
rings on I haven't got any on today but
I put them on and she was like where's
my ring last I don't know maybe you
should have some respect for your stuff
instead of losing it and she just lost
it and she was like you are a disgusting
person
and I went yes I've got nice rings like
then I went downstairs and I got to the
bottom of the stairs and this thing went
flying past my head and hit the wall she
liked the phone in this toy is Peppa Pig
house at
my head I was like you're kidding me I
mean she's lucky it didn't hit me and
it's the first time she's lost it and to
be fair I didn't have to get but I got
nice rings like I did wind her up so
that yes if that's been going on for me
today I've been talking for too long and
I need to do interpersonal effectiveness
videos I did DBT videos ages ago I've
done a motion regulation I did
mindfulness I did her distress tolerance
I didn't ever get around to doing
interpersonal effectiveness and I keep
getting requested it over the past like
two years and I haven't got around to do
it and I am gonna do it because I
actually know this is really important
that's a really important section
relationships is well like we have most
of our problems that causes us notice
the pain most pain and I also need to
complete my 12 steps of a a I started
doing the 12 steps of Alcoholics
Anonymous
I believe I'm up to about number 10
again haven't done them I need to I know
I've been through the step so I can do
them and give you my opinion on them and
what kind of went through my head doing
them so I need to get that up to date so
when people click on that playlist they
have all 12 steps and I also need to
complete my 10 steps that I believe you
can take to help you recover from
borderline personality disorder so what
you might find over the next few weeks
is getting a few random videos thrown
out on different days because like I
said I'm trying to catch up a little bit
but I'll be back tomorrow anyway and
yeah I love you
This transcript was auto-generated and therefore may contain mistakes.

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