hi my lovelies today I am going to talk
about something I'm confusing myself I
should really plan these videos should
my rather impressing go on the camera
and not knowing what I'm going to say
okay right I'm basically doing a little
bit of work for someone I'm just helping
them pair with web site together and for
that reason I have been asked to look at
lots of different videos on borderline
personality disorder now I don't usually
get time to what other people's videos I
know there are loads of amazing videos
out there but as you know I have four
children
I am rushed off my feet I am doing my
own videos and I just don't have time
but because I'm helping and these people
I am making time to watch so whereas
before I would be feeding the baby and
maybe reading a book or a magazine I am
now watching YouTube videos and I just
watch a bit of them and I have a look at
the comments to see like what people
like what people don't like and there
was a subject I can't remember what
video it was but it was a lady and she
was talking about how to protect
yourself from people with borderline
personality disorder and she's obviously
she doesn't have it and she's coming at
it from a family's perspective and so I
just watched a bit better the video now
I am quite non-judgmental and I watch
other people's videos and when I read
people's comments because I think
everyone's entitled to an opinion I
might not necessarily agree with it but
what's to say I'm right well they're
right
they're on so I do tend to look at
things non-judgmentally and I think that
helps me I'm I don't bite if someone
gives me a comment that I don't
necessarily agree with I try and say
okay if I was this person where are they
coming from how why are they thinking
like this so there was this lady and she
did her video for people and I think it
was how to get out of being in a trapped
relationship with a borderline and I was
like oh this will be interesting to read
the comments and so you have partners in
the comment section say this is me I was
trapped with someone with borderline and
yeah I agree it so hard and data chatter
death but then there were people with
bought with borderline personality
disorder that commented and their
comments were very much
this is contributing to the stigma the
way you've worded this you're kind of
saying all border lines are the same
this is how we will axe deter and then
we had the people with borderline and
the people that had perhaps gone out
with a borderline or being hurt by
someone with borderline commenting on
each other's comments and they got quite
vicious and we're saying quite nasty
things and someone had put a comment it
was a guy I can't remember I don't want
to like drop names anyone but um he was
like you know you with a borderline
you you create the stigma yourself can't
you see that lots of people are getting
something from this video and the but
the people with borderline err no no no
man yeah this is basically what he said
it's a common thinking do we add to the
stigma ourselves do we Oh got sleeping
really I got something in my eye
sorry right so do we Oh
do we add to the stigma do we do we do
we and because people are always going
to have an opinion on something and as
someone that has borderline myself I
know we're not bad people I know that I
also know that just because say 100
people you have hundred people in the
room they all have borderline
personality disorder you're going to get
some that are the nicest sweetest people
and some the arm because that is life
that is not because of the borderline
personality disorder that is just life
you get good and bad but it's very easy
for us with borderline to see someone
say something about something negative
about borderline think well that's not
me that's not me and we bring it back to
ourselves when what I try to do is look
at it from the other person's point of
view now if I didn't have water line and
I have been with someone who did and was
with them for years and they just knock
me down and down and basically they
behaved in a way that I used to behave
and they behaved in this way to me and
they just knocked my self-esteem I
didn't know what to do I wanted to
gather the relationship but I was scared
they would hurt themselves my view on
borderline personality disorder would be
very different to the view that I have
now because I have it so kind of we have
inside information but then they to get
that family members they have their own
information of they've being hurt and so
they might see this video on how to cope
and they find it really helpful so are
we right to say that's causing stigma
or are we better to send okay that helps
them because unfortunately yes we can be
the nicest people but we can behave in
not very nice way and we can hurt people
and I think like for me personally I
find it helpful for me to own the things
I've done and say yeah I wasn't a very
nice person
I hurt a lot people yes I was a nice
person deep inside and it might have
been the borderline that did it da da da
da da but that doesn't really matter to
the people I've hurt
all they know is they were hurt with
someone that had borderline personality
disorder and how do I not learn to
manage my BPD I would possibly still be
behaving in that way and still hurting
people and just like us with borderline
we have a right to say we deserve to get
better we deserve to learn skills where
we can manage this and we can have happy
life don't the people that are around us
that we love but her don't they have a
right to do something for their kind
recovery to learn them how to deal with
us how to cope how to protect themselves
because if we constantly saying well
this is causing stigma we don't like it
it's almost like we're making it worse
for ourselves because we're not giving
them a chance to find something that
helps them to help them because we're
we've got our thing or we can sit and
talk about our borderline but we don't
want people talking about us because
that's how we take it when actually
that's not the case we shouldn't take it
personally because like I said yes some
people don't get me wrong some people do
tour us all with the same brush and say
all border lines
like this but we know that's not true so
are we going to buy on that I think all
we can do is focus on sticking together
and let people that don't have it family
members do what they need to do to help
them cope and when I say that I do not
think we should just sit back and let
people completely sell borderline this
borderline that but what we thought
understand is a lot of these family
members or exes and that they are going
to have a lot of anger just like if
someone really hurt us and we would
carry that anger around now I've got an
example it you're probably going to
actually say that's not the same at all
but I went out with three guys not at
the same time but they were all
capricorns and I'm a Libra we did not
have a healthy relationship we clashed a
lot and I started thinking to myself
well w monogram with another Capricorn
like all capricorns are the same clearly
they're not but that's to say like I can
think like that anyone can think when
they've been hurt by a person for a
reason and the reason they have been
hurt is the borderline personality
disorder because if we didn't have it
chances are we wouldn't hurt them like
that so it is the borderline what they
don't understand is that it is the
borderline it's not as a person but
we've kind of got to let them learn that
for themselves and I think if we're kind
of going on the site saying
you do they're desert and get really
defensive we're not really helping our
cause we think we are because we think
we're all standing together but actually
for them it's like they can't even see
that they hurt us and now I might have
lots of people disagree with this video
and that is fine because you are
entitled to an opinion I'm just telling
you like how I view it and I do try to
see things from other people's
perspective there are always going to be
people out there that don't understand
borderline but I believe the way we
change that is we stick together and and
not we argue with them and try and force
our opinion on them we just show people
look once we've recovered it's
especially the people that come through
it if we can kind of get together and
say look this is us now we are not bad
people now yes this is what we used to
do yes we used to hurt people but now
I've learnt to manage it I'm a nice
person and we can show them that way as
opposed to staying in the problem and
saying like pointing the finger at them
like they're so bad because we they've
been hurt remember just like we've been
hurt and I think I'm gonna leave that
with everything it's a bit a random one
but I thought I would discuss it and I
get lovely when I get like a horrid
message to me I try and like I said see
it from the person's point of view and
respond not like oh really super nice
like please like me but I just try to
understand it from their point of view
but I have noticed I get a lot of my
regular viewers or people with
borderline really defend me and that is
lovely thank you so much for doing that
but I I can't help think we've sometimes
we've just gotta let people ramp let
them get on with it because we are
highly emotional people we don't need
people dragging our mood down we kinda
gotta say okay they have the reason for
this we're sticking together and that's
what we've got to do we've got to stick
together nothing that's important and
let them stick together if that's what
they want to do and hopefully eventually
they will see that people that have all
the line they can change which is proof
that it's the borderline personality
disorder that makes us behave how the
way we do not us as a person all right
my lovelies I'm gonna leave it there
okay