YourGuitarSage – Erich Andreas – my Mum says he’s the best of the best – and my Mum is ALWAYS right 😂 Head on over to his channel and subscribe to learn the guitar for free! Today I do 2 vid requests in 1 vid. 1. My BPD ex left me – will they ever come back to apologise? 2. I have BPD and am struggling to get over the break up.
New video on my new YouTube channel, Familitics. I discuss mood swings – check it out and don’t forget to subscribe and hit the notification bell!
hi my lovelies I apologize I've been away a few days longer than I thought would be away basically my mood has been like this and not in a BPD way not like this in a day it's some days I get out and I'm just mm-hmm and other days I get up and everything's fine and I'm not going to go into it in too much detail because I've sailed my new channel family tics and over there I deal with again mental health but other stuff as well but everything to do with this current situation isolation lockdown not working being having home school children etc so today's when I'm uploading them there which I haven't yet filmed I'm going to do it next is on mood swings and like to do with the situation we're in so today I'm going to do two video requests they were asked I believe to me privately so I'm not going to do a shout out and they're both to do with exes so the first one was and has so it's someone without BPD asking has a BPD ex ever come back to apologize will say I'm sorry this is why I broke up with you and given an explanation so I'm guessing this person before has been in a relationship with someone with BPD the person with BPD has ended it disappeared and they've not heard anything and so I'm going to talk about that the other one was how someone with BPD going through a breakup how do you get over that how do you get over that relationship before I do that I have to give a shout out because my mother has been nagging me to do say my mom is 63 I think 62 63 and honestly like the older she gets the more she wants to do she does yoga she plays violin she does the piano swimming ice skate like you name it she just she's got this nice life I'm just like I must do stuff and she used to play guitar years ago but she's really got back into it and she has started following a guy on YouTube and it's quite funny because she's that oh he's so lovely and his wife so lovely and they've got a little child and I'm like oh my goodness mum this guy is like your Kardashian family but the YouTube channel is called guitar sage and the man I'm talking about is called Eric Andre and I will put that in the description box and he has basically been giving to our live stream free lessons free guitar lessons every day this month I think tomorrow is the last day but you can re-watch all the ones that have come before like I said they're completely free now my mum has looked at lots of people playing the guitar and she swears what she said this guy is the best of the best we have a lot of spare time on our hands right now and if playing guitar is something you've ever been interested in I would highly suggest on heading over to this guy's YouTube channel and subscribing like she said his lessons are fantastic they're free lessons you know you'd be absolutely mad not to take it up if you want to play guitar and this is something that would interest you head on over and check it out right exes let's talk rad exes so I'll deal with the first one ha say that someone without BPD asking has someone with BPD ever gone back and apologized I cannot speak on behalf of everyone with BPD I can only talk about my own experience I went through a number of rake ups where we just break up and I wouldn't see the person or not walk away and I wouldn't really think about it sometimes sometimes I don't get me wrong I never thought oh I must go and apologize for the way I ended it even though sometimes I actually felt guilty I felt like that nagging guilt but I block it which sounds really harsh and it and it is really I'm but I couldn't deal with the emotion of it and I at the time just didn't have it in me to go and say I'm really sorry it took for me to get into recovery to look back on past relationships and look at my part in it right not what they did nothing it wasn't to do I had to look at what did I do wrong in the relationship and go back and make amends and I have done that over the past few years contacting people I've tried actually to contact someone very recently a really nice guy I was 18 and he was so lovely he was just so lovely and I was really kind of messed up and I entered the relationship and I looked at now and well for a long time I felt guilty but I could just get over it and I thought well he met someone he's had kids and I've got a relationship but I would like to have the opportunity obviously if he doesn't want to hear that's fine that's absolutely fine but just to say I'm sorry really I'm sorry for hurting you and not making excuses for it because I can't say oh I'm sorry for hurting you you've got to understand I was going it's not to do it's just literally owning your part and saying okay I was wrong the way I dealt with it was bad and I'm sorry for that and so I I want to do that I have one two or three exes still three I think that I haven't said I'm sorry too um and I I do need to do that but in general will someone with BPD just go back and apologize I don't think so I don't think so because often the way we break up unless they're in recovery if their own recovery it's very different if they're not then they're still caught up in that madness and how like the intense emotions they and we have black and white thinking we tend not to think rationally we think emotionally and until we can think rationally and take those emotions out of it I don't think we're very likely to go back and say we're sorry to someone even if we were in the wrong now the thing is a lot of the time I never thought I was in the wrong at the time so I could enter a relationship and walk away and all I could do was think about all the things that go over all the things they had done to hurt me but actually I think that was my brain like trying to protect me really like what I say I I couldn't deal with the emotion I just I couldn't often I would push someone away I try to have to be able to justify it so my mind would then pick out all the bad things they ever did so I could justify it to myself and think I'm right I actually I've done the right thing it'd be great if everyone could look back and say okay I would take accountability you know I'm a count I can be held accountable I take responsibility and I'm sorry now but that unless if I wasn't in recovery today there's no way I would there's no way I would have tried to contact any of my exes to say I'm really sorry for what my bit in it because I was still very much blaming them for their part and that's all I can focus on basically so I hope if you're hurting and I'm sorry that you're hurting you just have to accept that this person is not thinking rationally and it's hard when you go through a breakup if you have no closure and a lot of people if you have a breakup with someone with BPD there's no closure it's just over that's it done and it's really hard to get over but it's hard for the person with BPD as well I'll probably get loads of thumbs down it's really a for anyone that's ever been hurt by someone with BPD and I get that I completely understand why you'd feel like that I'm not justifying our behavior I'm just explaining how it is both it's painful on both sides but and I suppose unless you've walked in our shoes you don't you don't see it you just see the behaviour you don't see our thoughts and you don't see how we feel so the second video request was how do you get over a breakup and it's really hard so going back to the closure thing often with those of us with BPD sometimes we might have a massive meltdown something happens and then our partner is just we push them one too many times and eventually they're like I've had enough I'm going and they're gone and we can't stop thinking about them because we still love them and we want to be with them but we have a fear of abandonment so the whole part of our relationship we were pushing them away anyway which is like I always say is like a self-fulfilling prophecy we love someone so much we push them away and then they leave and we're absolutely devastated that they have left what would I do now I'm in recovery if I was in that situation and I thought the thing is if I had put some line person away chances are I'm not in recovery but if I was I'd possibly write that person a letter and just say I'm sorry for my part again make amends and own up and say I'm sorry I pushed you away and I understand how you feel but I do love you but often we've pushed them so far away they don't they don't want to know and they don't want to come back and it's really painless it's really painful I would say use it as an excuse to say okay like I don't want this to happen again to me falling really hardly in love with someone pushing them away and then leaving and get yourself help start trying to get into recovery teaching yourself skills on how to manage the BPD so because eventually you will meet someone else and you don't want it to happen again because it will happen again not just that when you move on all those things from that relationship the fact that they left you will bring into the new relationship and it will the cycle will just continue so you do need to you use this and say okay I'm going to make changes I'm going to do what I can to manage this disorder so I can have a healthy happy relationship and you can other things you can do is when you start feeling like those low feelings and being sad is do things like self soothe self soothe it's a DBT skill I've got a playlist on this channel called DBT skills and self soothing is in there and it's being kind to yourself and understanding yeah you're feeling really sad and just treating yourself well obviously if you're in crisis point like you like so the emotions are so intense then a distraction technique can really help I always say like if with BPD often our self esteems on the floor and we think so badly of ourselves now's the time to do little things for yourself to make yourself feel better learn to love yourself and it could be giving yourself a little treat then having a haircut get your new outfit getting a gym membership if you haven't got money to get gym membership to say okay I'm gonna get healthy it's not about putting on weight or losing weight so I just I want to be healthy I want to give my body healthy things healthy food exercise and all these little things will help pick up your mood like exercise releases endorphins in the brain the thing is it's getting yourself motivated to do it but once you do it you're gonna feel good after and I suppose exceptions over accepting like okay maybe I've pushed this person to find they don't know and I have to accept it I might not like it and it might be painful but it is where is don't what if you're trying to get over someone don't be looking them up on social media and try to find out through friends are they seeing anyone Oh what they're posting on social because actually you're only gonna be driving yourself insane basically it's not going to help it's really not going to help you so I mean like I said that you could use this as a really good excuse to say okay enough enough I don't want to go through this pain again and what am I gonna do I'm gonna completely change my life ground I'm gonna throw myself into recovery learn how to manage this disorder I'm going to learn to love myself I'm going to be kind to myself I'm going to build relationships with friends don't jump into another relationship straight away I did that every single time I went from one to one to one to one and it was for me it was like there was a wound right just a matter like a car a deep car and by getting another relationship by sticking a plaster on that car but officially that plaster starts falling off and so then the wound could be there and so I'd leave not go into another relationship BAM another plaster but actually I wasn't that wound was never gonna heal I wasn't going battle it the right way going into a new relationship straight away isn't isn't the right way and this video is quite long I'm really sorry but there's a lot to say on this subject if you have any more questions regarding this ask it in the comments box and I can do it as a video for you if you want if I've missed anything out and what I love about you guys is that you actually help each other I see people will pay something and then other people come in and advise them and that's so good it's not just good for the person to get advice from other people but it's the person doing the advising it helps them as well and it's our little community and I love that so yeah I'm gonna leave that video there don't forget guitar sage Eric Andre check him out I will put it in the description box if you've got spare time and you want to learn the guitar start a band I love you guys
This transcript was auto-generated and therefore may contain mistakes.