YourGuitarSage – Erich Andreas – my Mum says he’s the best of the best – and my Mum is ALWAYS right πŸ˜‚ Head on over to his channel and subscribe to learn the guitar for free!
Today I do 2 vid requests in 1 vid.
1. My BPD ex left me – will they ever come back to apologise?
2. I have BPD and am struggling to get over the break up.

New video on my new YouTube channel, Familitics. I discuss mood swings – check it out and don’t forget to subscribe and hit the notification bell!

Transcript:
hi my lovelies I apologize I've been
away a few days longer than I thought
would be away basically my mood has been
like this and not in a BPD way not like
this in a day it's some days I get out
and I'm just mm-hmm and other days I get
up and everything's fine and I'm not
going to go into it in too much detail
because I've sailed my new channel
family tics and over there I deal with
again mental health but other stuff as
well but everything to do with this
current situation isolation lockdown not
working being having home school
children etc so today's when I'm
uploading them there which I haven't yet
filmed I'm going to do it next is on
mood swings and like to do with the
situation we're in so today I'm going to
do two video requests they were asked I
believe to me privately so I'm not going
to do a shout out and they're both to do
with exes so the first one was and has
so it's someone without BPD asking has a
BPD ex ever come back to apologize will
say I'm sorry this is why I broke up
with you and given an explanation so I'm
guessing this person before has been in
a relationship with someone with BPD the
person with BPD has ended it disappeared
and they've not heard anything and so
I'm going to talk about that the other
one was how someone with BPD going
through a breakup how do you get over
that how do you get over that
relationship before I do that I have to
give a shout out because my mother has
been nagging me to do say my mom is 63 I
think 62 63 and honestly like the older
she gets the more she wants to do she
does yoga
she plays violin she does the piano
swimming ice skate
like you name it she just she's got this
nice life I'm just like I must do stuff
and she used to play guitar years ago
but she's really got back into it and
she has started following a guy on
YouTube and it's quite funny because
she's that oh he's so lovely and his
wife so lovely and they've got a little
child and I'm like oh my goodness mum
this guy is like your Kardashian family
but the YouTube channel is called guitar
sage and the man I'm talking about is
called Eric Andre and I will put that in
the description box and he has basically
been giving to our live stream free
lessons free guitar lessons every day
this month I think tomorrow is the last
day but you can re-watch all the ones
that have come before like I said
they're completely free now my mum has
looked at lots of people playing the
guitar and she swears what she said this
guy is the best of the best we have a
lot of spare time on our hands right now
and if playing guitar is something
you've ever been interested in I would
highly suggest on heading over to this
guy's YouTube channel and subscribing
like she said his lessons are fantastic
they're free lessons you know you'd be
absolutely mad not to take it up if you
want to play guitar and this is
something that would interest you head
on over and check it out right exes
let's talk rad exes so I'll deal with
the first one ha say that someone
without BPD asking has someone with BPD
ever gone back and apologized I cannot
speak on behalf of everyone with BPD I
can only talk about my own experience I
went through a number of rake ups where
we just break up and I wouldn't see the
person or not walk away and I wouldn't
really think about it sometimes
sometimes I
don't get me wrong I never thought oh I
must go and apologize for the way I
ended it even though sometimes I
actually felt guilty I felt like that
nagging guilt but I block it which
sounds really harsh and it and it is
really I'm but I couldn't deal with the
emotion of it and I at the time just
didn't have it in me to go and say I'm
really sorry it took for me to get into
recovery to look back on past
relationships and look at my part in it
right not what they did nothing it
wasn't to do I had to look at what did I
do wrong in the relationship and go back
and make amends and I have done that
over the past few years contacting
people
I've tried actually to contact someone
very recently a really nice guy I was 18
and he was so lovely he was just so
lovely and I was really kind of messed
up and I entered the relationship and I
looked at now and well for a long time I
felt guilty but I could just get over it
and I thought well he met someone he's
had kids and I've got a relationship but
I would like to have the opportunity
obviously if he doesn't want to hear
that's fine that's absolutely fine but
just to say I'm sorry
really I'm sorry for hurting you
and not making excuses for it because I
can't say oh I'm sorry for hurting you
you've got to understand I was going
it's not to do it's just literally
owning your part and saying okay I was
wrong the way I dealt with it was bad
and I'm sorry for that and so I I want
to do that I have one two or three exes
still three I think that I haven't said
I'm sorry too
um and I I do need to do that but in
general will someone with BPD just go
back and apologize I don't think so I
don't think so because often the way we
break up unless they're in recovery if
their own recovery it's very different
if they're not then they're still caught
up in that madness and how like the
intense emotions they and we have black
and white thinking we tend not to think
rationally we think emotionally and
until we can think rationally and take
those emotions out of it I don't think
we're very likely to go back and say
we're sorry to someone even if we were
in the wrong now the thing is a lot of
the time I never thought I was in the
wrong at the time so I could enter a
relationship and walk away and all I
could do was think about all the things
that go over all the things they had
done to hurt me but actually I think
that was my brain like trying to protect
me really like what I say I I couldn't
deal with the emotion I just I couldn't
often I would push someone away I try to
have to be able to justify it so my mind
would then pick out all the bad things
they ever did so I could justify it to
myself and think I'm right I actually
I've done the right thing it'd be great
if everyone could look back and say okay
I would take accountability
you know I'm a count I can be held
accountable I take responsibility and
I'm sorry now but that unless if I
wasn't in recovery today there's no way
I would there's no way
I would have tried to contact any of my
exes to say I'm really sorry for what my
bit in it because I was still very much
blaming them for their part and that's
all I can focus on basically so I hope
if you're hurting and I'm sorry that
you're hurting you just have to accept
that this person is not thinking
rationally and it's hard when you go
through a breakup if you have no closure
and a lot of people if you have a
breakup with someone with BPD there's no
closure it's just over that's it done
and it's really hard to get over but
it's hard for the person with BPD as
well
I'll probably get loads of thumbs down
it's really a for anyone that's ever
been hurt by someone with BPD and I get
that I completely understand why you'd
feel like that I'm not justifying our
behavior I'm just explaining how it is
both it's painful on both sides but and
I suppose unless you've walked in our
shoes you don't you don't see it you
just see the behaviour you don't see our
thoughts and you don't see how we feel
so the second video request was how do
you get over a breakup and it's really
hard so going back to the closure thing
often with those of us with BPD
sometimes we might have a massive
meltdown something happens and then our
partner is just we push them one too
many times and eventually they're like
I've had enough I'm going and they're
gone
and we can't stop thinking about them
because we still love them and we want
to be with them but we have a fear of
abandonment so the whole part of our
relationship we were pushing them away
anyway which is like I always say is
like a self-fulfilling prophecy we love
someone so much we push them away and
then they leave and we're absolutely
devastated that they have left
what would I do now I'm in recovery if I
was in that situation and I thought the
thing is if I had put some line person
away
chances are I'm not in recovery but if I
was I'd possibly write that person a
letter and just say I'm sorry for my
part again make amends and own up and
say I'm sorry I pushed you away and I
understand how you feel but I do love
you but often we've pushed them so far
away they don't they don't want to know
and they don't want to come back and
it's really painless it's really painful
I would say use it as an excuse to say
okay like I don't want this to happen
again to me falling really hardly in
love with someone pushing them away and
then leaving and get yourself help start
trying to get into recovery teaching
yourself skills on how to manage the BPD
so because eventually you will meet
someone else and you don't want it to
happen again because it will happen
again
not just that when you move on all those
things from that relationship the fact
that they left you will bring into the
new relationship and it will the cycle
will just continue so you do need to you
use this and say okay I'm going to make
changes I'm going to do what I can to
manage this disorder so I can have a
healthy happy relationship and you can
other things you can do is when you
start feeling like those low feelings
and being sad is do things like self
soothe self soothe it's a DBT skill I've
got a playlist on this channel called
DBT skills and self soothing is in there
and it's being kind to yourself and
understanding yeah you're feeling really
sad
and just treating yourself well
obviously if you're in crisis point like
you like so the emotions are so intense
then a distraction technique can really
help I always say like if with BPD often
our self esteems on the floor and we
think so badly of ourselves now's the
time to do little things for yourself to
make yourself feel better learn to love
yourself and it could be giving yourself
a little treat then having a haircut get
your new outfit getting a gym membership
if you haven't got money to get gym
membership to say okay I'm gonna get
healthy it's not about putting on weight
or losing weight so I just I want to be
healthy I want to give my body healthy
things healthy food exercise and all
these little things will help pick up
your mood like exercise releases
endorphins in the brain the thing is
it's getting yourself motivated to do it
but once you do it you're gonna feel
good after and I suppose exceptions over
accepting like okay maybe I've pushed
this person to find they don't know and
I have to accept it I might not like it
and it might be painful but it is where
is don't what if you're trying to get
over someone don't be looking them up on
social media
and try to find out through friends are
they seeing anyone Oh what they're
posting on social because actually
you're only gonna be driving yourself
insane basically it's not going to help
it's really not going to help you so I
mean like I said that you could use this
as a really good excuse to say okay
enough enough I don't want to go through
this pain again and what am I gonna do
I'm gonna completely change my life
ground I'm gonna throw myself into
recovery
learn how to manage this disorder I'm
going to learn to love myself I'm going
to be kind to myself I'm going to build
relationships with friends don't jump
into another relationship straight away
I did that every single time I went from
one to one to one to one and it was for
me it was like there was a wound right
just a matter like a car a deep car and
by getting another relationship by
sticking a plaster on that car but
officially that plaster starts falling
off and so then the wound could be there
and so I'd leave not go into another
relationship
BAM another plaster but actually I
wasn't that wound was never gonna heal I
wasn't going battle it the right way
going into a new relationship straight
away isn't isn't the right way and this
video is quite long I'm really sorry but
there's a lot to say on this subject if
you have any more questions regarding
this ask it in the comments box and I
can do it as a video for you if you want
if I've missed anything out and what I
love about you guys is that you actually
help each other I see people will pay
something and then other people come in
and advise them and that's so good it's
not just good for the person to get
advice from other people but it's the
person doing the advising it helps them
as well and it's our little community
and I love that so yeah I'm gonna leave
that video there don't forget
guitar sage Eric Andre check him out I
will put it in the description box if
you've got spare time and you want to
learn the guitar start a band I love you
guys
This transcript was auto-generated and therefore may contain mistakes.

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