What do Mums, Dads, siblings of people with Borderline Personality Disorder go through?

hi-yah today I'm going to talk about
family members or people with borderline
personality Hilda I spoke about loving
partners the other day and I've spoken
about friends actually there was
something I forgot to mention in the
friendship one that I really wanted to
say that I do or did I used to get
really really jealous of my friends if
they had other friends like if I went
round to see a friend and they're like
oh yeah I saw such-and-such I'd get this
real jealousy inside like I dare you see
other people I'm supposed to be your
best friend and other times like if we
were all out together
and then I could see my friend talking
to other friends I would get the
jealousy but not just that I'd then
start getting paranoid thinking they're
laughing at me they're talking about me
and I could blow up I mean I know we
things thing about me I'm just go off on
one so yeah I forgot to mention that the
other day so I thought throw that in
there yes sir today family members now
when I say family members it's not so
much aunts and uncles and cousins and
distant relatives it's really mums and
dads siblings and sometimes grandparents
depending obviously how close they are
and how involved they are but because I
had completely forgotten to do this
video and I was telling talking to my
mom and she was like what about me about
me and I think like for my mom that was
pushy that was it was harder on her than
on anyone not just on my mum my brother
as well he saw or things that he
shouldn't have seen and it's really hard
because just
with like before I got the diagnosis
they just probably thought I was just a
horrible really I was loyal I'd say the
most awful things I would smash up the
house I'd steal money from them I'm
still money from my brother threatened
my brother they would find me downstairs
overdosed with a plastic bag on my head
they would find me cutting myself in the
bathroom I would lock myself in the
bathroom retaking pills my stepdad would
have to kick the door down and my mum
the amount of times especially I talked
about in another video like New Year's
Eve I mean every New Year's Eve she
planned to do a nice dinner but we never
got the dinner because I would be in
hospital all these day and she would be
sat on my side watching her little girl
possibly dying I she didn't know and I
think it's only now that I'm a mum I
think how could I put her through that
like I know it wasn't my choice um but
as a parent I really am sad because like
my children are my world and I know my
mum used to say to me like I just think
I'm gonna lose you she really thought
she was gonna lose me I was extremely
lucky in the fact that she never gave up
on me and it was my mum that would be at
the hospital saying someone needs to
section her she needs to be in hospital
where she is going to kill herself how
far do you want to go out before she
kills herself and before you're willing
to help her and I know not everyone has
that you say because my mum just would
not take no for an answer and in the end
they did they put non-mental health
water there that I was diagnosed with
borderline personality disorder again my
mum pushing for me to have care
so I was really lucky it was really hard
on my brother he used to always leave me
little notes around the house like
little post-it notes like saying things
like why don't you join drama school or
why don't you sign up for this college
course because what he didn't understand
that she would have been a worse thing
for me to do cuz I had done that and
somehow I would have sabotaged it anyway
but he just cared and he just wanted to
see his older sister well because for
family members they must feel so
because there's nothing they can do they
can't save us there's nothing they can
do no matter how much they love us they
cannot save us and it's up to us to save
ourselves I suppose learn the skills
ourselves they they can't learn the
skills for us we have to do that we have
to make sure we're taking our medication
responsibly yeah I like looking back I
think oh I put my poor mum through so
much I think like every day that I well
now is so amazing for her to see that
her little girl I will be fifty years
old and I'll still be a little girl but
to know that I'm well is amazing like
what would I say to family members it's
hard because I'm getting messages from
people where some of their families
don't even believe in mental health just
because obviously they can't see it they
don't believe in it and there's family
members that just don't get it
like they don't be slightly don't wanna
learn like they believe in his son or
daughter whoever is a horrible person
and they don't realize is it's not
borderline personality disorder the
person is not horror
or person they do horrible things
because they are completely taken over
by this illness that light completely
controls them and dominates their life
and turns them into this like horrid
person but they are not horrible
and then yeah I find it really hard
because I can't say - like message back
and say well you know tell your family
this or because I can't make their
family believe something and
unfortunately there are people that are
ignorant to this and don't understand
and some just don't want to understand I
think if that's the case it doesn't mean
that the person still can't get well it
just means unfortunately it might be a
bit harder because they don't have that
support there it upsets me to think
there's people out there that don't have
support because I know how desperate and
alone and everything I felt and if I had
to do it all on my own I mean I know I
pushed my mum away so much and I pushed
my brother and everything away but I
always knew they loved me and that was
huge and some people unfortunately don't
have that and it's just so sad but then
there are other people out there that do
have families that do really love them
but they just don't understand it and if
and if it's a family member watching
this and I'd say one you can you cannot
alone save your loved one but you can be
there to support them and if they get in
treatment like learn about the treatment
with them I've actually done a whole
other video I think it's called for
family members of people with borderline
personality disorder and
and that goes into that a bit more about
what you should do but yeah I don't
really know what else to say it makes me
really uncomfortable talking about that
I think it's because I'm so close with
my mum and I know she'll probably
watched it
and it will make her sad because it
brings back all horrid memories for her
but Mum if you're watching you know I'm
not like that now I have learnt my
skills and I put them into practice but
yes I'm gonna leave that there guys oh
no one one more thing if you were a
family member and your loved one has
borderline personality disorder and they
are telling you they hate you they want
you to die they're smashing up the house
just don't take it personally because
they don't mean it they they're
literally just out of control but they
don't mean it they are not a bad person
they are not saying you're a bad person
so if you are doing that just please do
not take it personally and still just be
there to support them alright guys I see
you later bye
This transcript was auto-generated and therefore may contain mistakes.

2 thoughts on “Family Members of People With BPD

  1. Thanks for doing these videos Sherhina I really like to know more about my illness I’ve been diagnosed this about four months ago and I’ve recently lost my very good friend and Aunty due to she’s gone to heaven now and I’ll really miss her you take care love.X

    • Hi sweetie, I am sorry to hear about your friend and Auntie. Losing somebody we love is such a painful experience anyway – let alone whilst suffering with BPD and having the even more intense emotions. I am sure she will be watching down over you though my lovely. Also – you are alllowed to grieve. It is a process. So do not just bottle up your feelings. Maybe if you have a therapist you can discuss this with them. Sometimes it just helps to talk and have a good cry.

      So you have only recently been diagnosed then. Well, the good thing about having a diagnosis is that once you know what is wrong you can look at how to fix it. BPD can be managed with the right treatment and you can still go on and have an amazing life so whatever you do stay strong and do not give up hope. If you can get in to some sort of therapy (ideally DBT) that would be amazing as it is here you can learn skills that help us cope. I have done a few DBT videos so feel free to check them out. Stay strong sweetie – things can get better. Sending you lots of love xxx

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