In this video I discuss how family members of people with borderline personality disorder can deal with the bpd sufferer and what is helpful and unhelpful.

2 thoughts on “Family Members of Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder

  1. Just found your site after hearing your mum on LBC! (Im in Bognor Regis – word gets around!)
    My daughter is 23 and got her diagnosis in 2014. She has done STEPPS and gained a lot but couldn’t hack STAIRWAYS. A lot of what you say in the family members video strikes true and I wish Id seen it 3 years ago. I understand that your experiences cannot be generalised but to hear you speak is SO reassuring and gives me strength for the next rough time with my daughter.

    She has gained a one bedroom flat through a charity, has ESA with Severe Disability Payment and qualified for the lower tier of PIP. So she is well catered for materially. BUT -dreams and aspirations……Shes always wanted to travel and is starting to think about it again. Your “baby step progress” advice fits here but I so want not to be the damper on her enthusiasm. I have been looking at Travel Insurance for her and the prices are cynical. Wondered if you’d had any luck here? I don’t think its realistic (travel) at the moment . She was last in hospital in February and is only allowed 4 days of meds at a time.

    She had to leave uni after 18months as the BPD really took a hold but she/we didn’t know what was happening at the time. So she has watched her friends qualify and move on and I know its so hard.

    Keep doing what you’re doing and I wish you all the best for you and your family!

    • Hi – thank you so much for your comment. I really feel for you as I know just how hard it is on family members. I also feel for your daughter as living with borderline is so painful. There is hope though and things can get easier. Over time we can learn to regulate our emotions more and that in turn makes life more manageable.

      I would definitely say that travelling this early on doesn’t sound like the best idea. I completely get that you do not want to put a dampner on things though. Perhaps you could get her to watch some of my videos. I have quite a few borderline ones under the mental health section. Under ‘The Solutions’ section I have started doing videos on DBT (Dialectical Behavioural Therapy) as I found this so helpful in my recovery. DBT is huge in the USA but we just can’t get the funding over here so very few places actually do the course. If they do do it in your area it is so worth trying to get on. I will be adding another borderline video next week explaining what it is like to live with BPD. Maybe if your daughter watched some of the videos – perhaps the ones on all the various BPD traits she would be able to relate and realise she is not alone – because she definitely is not. So many people have BPD and I used to find that by talking to others that truly ‘understood’ what I was going through I didnt feel so alone and ‘weird’. I used to find doing a womens group helped me as I was with all like-minded women. We used to support one another.

      Oh and show her the family video – maybe she will realise for herself that she needs to take baby steps and maybe travel isn’t the best idea right now, without you having to say it to her.

      I used to feel the same as your daughter when all my friends went off to uni and I ended up on a mental health ward. It is only now looking back that do I see how much stronger I am as a person because of all the things I went through. Your daughter shouldn’t feel she has been left behind – her journey has taken just a different route that is all. I believe that in time your daughter will get to travel and perhaps one day even go back to uni one day but right now she is best taking care of herself. If I could advise her I would tell her to read up about borderline personality disorder. Learn about it and then look in to all the different skills she can put in to place to manage the bpd. Once she has those skills and can manage it she will be off and running (in a good way!). Not only will she have started to come out the other side she will have learnt amazing life skills that will come in handy not just for bpd but for life in general. She will be so much stronger and she will feel amazing. Just hang in there and keep loving her like you do. I know that having the support of my Mum really helped me even if I didn’t show it at times.

      I wish you and your daughter all the best and I’m sending you lots of love xxxxxxxxxxx

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