hi guys I have just done my poor my
video on pornography I haven't just done
a porn video and I'm gonna do another
good that was it
because I was actually gonna link it
into something someone else has asked me
to sex I have done a sex video and I've
talked about issues that us BPD owes of
its X we can struggle with intimacy can
be promiscuous can be quite cold I'm
just not like sex there's there's lots
of different issues and we are all
different
I am NOT saying that you have all of
them you might just like for me I really
struggled with the intimacy that's so
this is where porn comes in I did the
video just now on if you find out your
partner's been watching here and the
deep hurt feelings and feeling betrayed
what he were wrong now this might make
me a bit of a hypocrite little bit but I
have watched porn myself yes yes yes yes
I'm gonna go right now okay say I think
like people with borderline personality
disorder and one really for me I people
have their needs don't pay basically
people have their names but I hated
myself I felt uncomfortable because I
never kind of felt good enough I
struggle with the intimacy and I just
couldn't relax enough to let go and
enjoy it so everything was kind of put
on a show which I know it sounds
horrible but that was my way of coping
with it
and so I would do all that like act the
part
and it wasn't I didn't want to do it it
was just I just didn't feel good enough
and I just yeah so porn came in and the
good thing with porn is you can watch it
on your own and you're going off to be
intimate you don't have to be intimate
with the telly you don't have to be
intimate with the computer screen it's
like all that your emotional attachment
is cut off so you can just enjoy it
basically and I don't know if anyone
else out there
has gone through that but for me I just
thought yeah because there was no
emotional attachment like I said with
sex with porn
we can use it as a way to fix ourselves
as well because we think it will make us
feel better but it's like a drug isn't
it we do it to get that it high but then
we just feel horrible afterwards but we
still chase that high the next time and
do it again and again again and soon sex
or the porn that can become an addiction
and to the point where we're unhappy we
don't want to do it but we're still
doing it and yeah
not nice I know like not so much with
the porn actually because you can't get
love from a porn video that are with
like people with BPD they often think
any kind of attention means someone
loves you they want you and because we
really feel less than a lot of the time
we chase that we want someone to feel
like we want to feel wanted
so we'll do what we do just to get that
feeling and then the next day we feel
like used and horrible and not good not
good at all
and I just can't really talk too much on
this subject only because I have done a
sex video before Dallas the next video
that sounds difficult yes I have done a
video on sex before and I think I kind
of covered everything there but I was
asked to touch on this subject again and
it's about I suppose for new people
that's our new subscribers to my channel
this is for you
yeah I'm good I am going to leave it
there I think I just wore it on a little
bit chilly mmm um but I'm gonna go now
I'll see you later guys bye