hi guys today I'm going to discuss
relationships again but I'm going to
talk about how you can have a happy
healthy relationship whilst you have
borderline personality disorder because
it is possible I say it's possible but
if you're in the grips of the borderline
and you've got all of our behaviors the
Beast is showing regularly the jealousy
is overwhelming the rage and everything
that comes with it if you're going
through that chances are you're not
going to have a really happy
relationship soon basically the key that
it doesn't mean you can't I'm just
saying don't experts like okay I'll do
something in a week we're gonna have a
great relationship but it doesn't mean
you won't have happy healthy
relationship the first thing you need to
be doing if you want to have this happy
healthy relationship you're fed up of
the jealousy you're sick of the rage the
first thing you need to do is make sure
you are getting the right treatment for
the borderline personality disorder
itself because once that is under
control the rest kind of falls into
place and the relationship will improve
if you do something like dialectical
behavioral therapy DBT you will learn
skills you will learn skills to regulate
your emotions so they're not so extreme
you will learn how to tolerate stressful
any kind of distress rather than the
Beast coming out and there's also
there's a section on interpersonal
relationships I haven't started doing
videos on that yeah I'm going to be
doing my final emotion regulation video
today I hope and then as of next week
hopefully hopefully I will be moving on
to interpersonal relationships and
that's how we deal with other people so
yeah my first thing that say to you is
do something for the borderline
personality disorder you need to learn
some skills medication are you on the
right medication do you feel it's right
for you do you feel it's working but
don't think oh I'm not fixed the beast
keeps coming out I'm still horrible I'm
a nightmare I've got crazy mind and I'm
on medication why is that because the
medication is not going to just stop
that what it does do is makes it lesser
to an extent so you're then able to
engage in therapies properly if that
makes sense so yes first thing look at
getting that borderline treated because
what you'll find is that if the
borderline personality disorder that is
causing all this chaos in your
relationship secondly try and get your
partner it's very hard because you can't
force your partner if you have a partner
that is willing then you are very lucky
but try to get them involved and whether
it means they come and meet and sit and
chat with your therapist with you show
them some of my videos just so they know
what you're going through as well
and explain to them when you're feeling
calmer what borderline personality
disorder is different tell them like
look don't take it personally when I go
like this it doesn't mean I hate you I
know it comes across like I hate you but
I don't hate you and try to explain that
to them and just talk about it get them
involved and hopefully like if you're
doing DBT or whatever therapy you're
doing get them involved in that as well
so you can communicate so you can come
home and you can tell them what you're
learning and they're interested and
because a lot of the time we could tend
to just push the board right under the
tape or one hope it disappears but
obviously it doesn't just disappear
unfortunately so yeah communication get
them involved well I could say how do
you get rid of the jealousy how well the
jealousy comes not because your
partner's cheating or that your
partner's done anything to make you
think you achieve but it's actually
because you're insecure and your
self-esteem is low and that you need to
work on building that because when you
start to love yourself a bit more and
you feel a bit better about yourself
that will show in your relationship as
well right and you're going to feel less
insecure and the jealousy will lessen as
well and I'm not saying it'll go away
straight away but it's something that
needs to be worked on I mean if you can
just be like look this is getting me
nowhere
just tell yourself why am I being
jealous this is getting you nowhere at
the end of the day all jealousy doing is
eating you up from the inside out that
is it and causing arguments and rao's
and actually pushing your partner away
when you're getting jealous because you
want them but all you're doing is
pushing and
one thing I did with my partner and when
I was pregnant with my last son and I
was suffering really jealous thinking he
was cheating going not and I started
talking to him about it like it was hard
at first because I'd say look I won't
talk to you I know you're not cheating
but as soon as I'd say that God not this
again and so it's hard but I managed to
get through to him look I just need to
talk about this and tell you how I'm
feeling so what I'd do I'd kind of step
back from the situation I'd say look I
know you're not cheating but these
feelings were really horrid it's like
doing my head in because it feels like
you have even though I know you haven't
and I'd say that to him
and that made it easier me just talking
about it to him kind of lessened it it
took the power out of it and just saying
it out loud and having that conversation
made me think like actually why are you
being jealous all right you're just
started talking about it and it didn't
make sense then the jealousy didn't make
sense until it came round next time and
they're not do exactly the same thing
I'll just start talking to him but like
I said it took a while of me saying look
I just need to talk about it I'm not
blaming you because he was so used to me
again your cheat in Iraq that
whenever I started to talk about it he'd
jump on the defensive but I can't be
bothered to hear this over and so it
just took time and patience on both our
parts really and making time for each
other to have a laugh is important as
well because when you're someone who's
got borderline personality disorder and
there's a lot of either drugs or alcohol
or self-harm or eating disorders or one
of the many other traits that like we
can possibly have are going on it's
really hard to kind of move away from
that
it kind of all becomes about the
borderline personality disorder when she
gonna wear up tor he gonna erupt and and
it's kind of saying right once a week
we're gonna go out for a meal together
and we're just gonna laugh for once a
week we're gonna sit in and watch a film
and and make a point of in that time
youdo blame him him or her for cheating
and you try to actually laugh and enjoy
your time together because sorry
yeah because because that's so important
to have that way you can just laugh it's
healthy for you it's healthy for them
and it's just healthy for your
relationship so really make a point of
having a set time where you're not going
to talk about mental health
you're not gonna erupt like I know
that's easier said than done but just
try and I think that is everything I'm
gonna say on the subject
I'm sure there's there's so much to say
but unless you start actually getting
treatment for the borderline it makes
everything else harder once you start
regulating your emotions learning some
distress skills everything else comes
easier but in the meantime keep the
communication up try and laugh together
and and build up your self esteem
make yourself feel good so I will leave
that there today guys nah take care