hi my lovelies today I'm going to do a
video request but before I do I've got
to mention this dzifa's ball this is the
result of my daughter doing Platts in my
hair as I read her a bedtime story and
then I forget to take the Pats out go to
sleep I wake up stutter right today I'm
doing video requests from Mr hi Emma and
and she asked her impulsivity and how it
manifests in bored lines because we know
one of the traits of having BPD M is
impulsive reckless behavior but it
doesn't always have to be the kind of
reckless behavior that we automatically
think of when we think of impulsive
reckless behavior we think of just going
out I mean sex with strangers going out
gambling going out doing those drugs
drink driving and just get really drunk
and and yes these are obviously reckless
um but it does manifest itself in other
ways for me I can just be sat at home
flipping through a magazine and then to
see like a pair of shoes say I think I
want I like and I literally feel like I
have to have them then and there I can
wait even if I don't have money I
somehow find a way of having those shoes
and even if it means I think I'll do you
know what I'll just pay the bills late
and I must point out that I don't do
this now I can still it still comes up
in me for example the other day I saw
something that I liked in the short like
but for some reason like I literally
just walk around the shops in a complete
daze thinking I want this and then
putting it back on this and then putting
it back because something in my head
nowadays kinda says do you need it
really do you need it how are you going
to feel off that and half that's the
thing how will I feel after because
while I sit in looking at a magazine I
let their shoes and I'm feeling great
and I really really want them and I go
to the shopper I'm feeling good and I'm
handing over my card and I'm buying the
shoes and then I get home and I feel
guilty that I spent my last bit of money
on shoes I decide actually I don't even
really like those shoes I should have
got different ones question I've got any
and I get really low and depressed
afterwards and this always happens
now it doesn't like it for me it doesn't
have to just be closed it could be like
for example like oh I like stationery
that sounds really weird but I love pens
and paper and - stationery and I know it
is weird but err it is and I've like
been that way for years and years like
I'm in my element in the stationery
department in a shop like what pens can
I get I'll get some felt tips and I'll
get a new notepad and I get all excited
and I go home and if say the kids drew
because if they found my pen and paper
they would use it without asking and if
they drew in my new book I'd feel like I
don't want that book now it's been
ruined because I want it new and even if
I'm the first one I draw in here and buy
and then a few days later I just want a
new one it doesn't satisfy me my book
doesn't no longer satisfy me and so yeah
like for my videos obviously I have
packed the paper so I can write notes
and write requests down and ideas and
stuff and I could be thinking I've got a
whole new idea what I need you
book further they're going get on I
won't do a video okay and something has
to stop me like hang on you've got the
kids most of the time you only get small
amount of time to do a video if you go
to the shop by the time you get back is
picking up time it's the school run and
then you won't do a video and then
you'll feel all from tomorrow and ruddy
buddy Mar and then once I've done that
and I've stopped myself because I've
realized this is not going to be good
this will not end well you're just going
out to buy a book it will not end well
because I wouldn't just buy the book I
would get the book and I would buy new
pens and Sharpie pens and pencils like
stuff I don't need and so I'd come back
and I'd have all this stuff but the next
day I wouldn't even want it'd be
pointless but I am aware of that
and that's why I'd say to anyone is I
know you're excited about whatever you
want to act impulsively on I mean it it
might not be shopping I can be like to
get an idea in my head and think oh my
god we should have a barbeque at the
weekend only got this brilliant I've got
a phone my partner even though he said
he's in a meeting or something I'm
phoning and texting like he's at work
and I'm like we've got have a barbecue
did it at her and I start planning it
and getting overly excited and like go
on a complete high and without having a
party you and I can't just hold back
like if he has done a night shift and
he's asleep the next day but all of a
sudden I have this idea of something
maybe that we should get the house I can
be like I've got to wake him and tell
him like I don't think he's been up all
night maybe I should let him sleep I'm
like I'm so impulsive everything has to
be done now but what I've found is if I
can stop myself after only a short
amount of time maybe
our that feeling of active in acting
impulsively
goes he doesn't stay with me after an
hour I'm not still official I'm gonna
get up often actually well not so much
now but often I would then change and
thankfully I'll get this instead or I'll
do this instead and I'll still want to
act impulsively but do something
completely different and completely
forgotten what I initially wanted to do
so if you are someone that acts
impulsively whether it's the really
reckless behavior I mean even the
shopping buying the stationery it's
still reckless because it's spending
money that doesn't need to be spent and
but no matter what it is if you can just
stop yourself from doing it don't like
say like I'm not doing it this is why I
used to do it because if I said I'm not
doing it and I'll be like oh I've got to
do it I've got to do it but if you say
right I'm not going to do it for the
next five minutes that's not as scary
and then after that I'm not ready for
the next 10 minutes or if you can't do
ten five minutes if you can't even do
five for one minute and undo it and
distract yourself and try and do
something different and the only time my
impulsivity is good it's when all that I
wake up I think oh oh my god
I want to spring cleaning the whole
house and I just go off on one and but
what I find is I could start cleaning
then I think I need new dusters I need
new like whatever wipes or whatever and
then I get it my head I've got to go to
the shop and get all this new stuff to
do my cleaning because that's another
thing I can get addicted to
not just stationary I like different
cleaning products like it's really sad
but I've just got everything I love
trying new things new window cleaners
and stuff so um yeah then I have to stop
myself because I could go out and get
all that stuff and the other time I come
back I'm not in the mood to clean
so I have to stop myself but it is good
when I wake up I'm like I've got to
clean the house and I've got to do it
now because then I have nice clean house
and yeah I'm going to leave that video
there but like I said with you I think
it's distraction and kind of just taking
it slowly so I'm not going to do it for
a minute I'm not going to it for
whatever if you have to do 10 seconds to
start with do that and and that kind of
tip can be used for drinking drugs camp
for anything
it's not necessarily going to work
straight away and thought I would try it
because definitely by putting a little
time on it like I'm not going to do it
for a minute that's that's quite
achievable and then you do another
minute and another minute and finishing
that feeling passes and you don't act
impulsively basic right my lovelies I'm
going to go so I love you all loads and
have a wonderful week