Today I discuss how it feels to see people that we used to hang around with – back when things were bad. Once we are in recovery how do we cope when seeing ex-friends etc.?
hi guys happy Friday and this is a quick video I've done another video today which is over 20 minutes I'm sorry it's so long and there was a lot to say today I'm also gonna do a video from Nathan hi Nathan and they can ask me about like my past when I used to drink all the time I was using drugs everything was so crazy and now how do I deal with encountering those people the people that I used to hang around with back then during those times and I suppose I can't answer it a hundred percent and I'll explain why I moved two hours away and away from everyone really and I don't see most of those people I have a handful of friends that have stayed in contact with me that were kind of really there with me through the tough times and I see them and because they were there and they always supported me no matter what I never felt judged so when I see them it's wonderful they they are people that I can now I can be myself around I can talk about the old times and they are just as much there for me now as when things were really really bad obviously there's my family that have been there for me but I'm kind of talk him out all the friends I'll see down the path dead uh it's really strange actually because there was one friend who she was actually a bridesmaid at my wedding we've been close we met in our teens and we were really close and then we kinda didn't see each other and then we kind of remit and it worked out that my ex and her partner were friends and like Oh wonderful and I came into recovery and she just didn't ever contact me but I went through the break-up so I don't know if it was awkward for her because obviously her partner and my ex are friends and my ex said very much he was on his side so I didn't reach out to her but I was thinking about the other day like maybe I should just send her a message because we were really close and we had a really good friendship and do I just want to let some good friendships go because but then at the same time I think maybe she wouldn't even know who I am now because I'm so different and I I wouldn't like if I saw an old friend I wouldn't start acting how I used to be because that's not who I am now and actually that seems pretty like that that person almost seems like a stranger to me like my old self seems like a stranger to me because I was so different hi I am I wish I had some videos like to show you I mean I had a dream the other night and I dreamt I was in the bank and there was like some money on the floor not a lot it was like a fiver or something and this in my dream and some girl picked it up and I went oh that's my fiver and she was like so put in her pocket and in my dream I reacted how I would have reacted back then I was that unjust like read up and went for her and [Music] yeah like that's not how I would go on now I'm just i I'm I don't need drama in my life I don't try and attract drama in my life anymore and but yeah I do think about like some of the people because like I said that friend she was a really good friend and it just seems really sad that we kind of just grew apart and we I can say all she didn't contact me but then I never contacted her either and I was yeah yes it was yesterday and I was like maybe I should send her like a message on Facebook but I had that like fear of rejection what if she doesn't get back to me what she's like look if that was years ago we had friends no more how would I deal with that I I think I'd be really hurt and so for that reason I didn't message yesterday and I thought about it again today like maybe I should send her a message but it's that worried like of rejection and even now or like I'm comfortable in myself I can be myself I don't have to wear a mask but yeah even I can still have that not to an extent that it like destroys my relationships anymore but certainly to an extent where it's kind of stopping me reaching out to someone who was a really good friend and I often think because I used to always drink down like the same kind of pop and it was all the same people in there and sometimes I think I'd love just to go back and say hi to people but then I think maybe I've changed too much and I just wouldn't fit in there now but I would I would like eventually to go back and see people but yeah there's it's a strange one it's a strange one I'm not planning anything at the moment because I have no time at the moment would I be embarrassed seeing people probably not because yes I acted like a complete India a lot of the time back then and I made a complete show of myself pretty much daily bar I very much accept actually that's not who I am that was because I had borderline personality disorder I suffered with drug addiction and so I behaved in this way but it's not it's not me that's not who I am so I'm not gonna be embarrassed yeah I did embarrassing things but I am not so ashamed I can like hold up my hand say yeah I did that and if I did that and I think part that's because my self-esteem is built up it was never built up then I looked back and I realize actually I really wasn't well at all but now I am and it's like if you took someone who had some kind of physical illness that made them be a certain way and then they got well would we look back and go oh look how you used fear we wouldn't so why is it any different for us because we have a medical disorder an awful disorder that makes us behave in a way that we wouldn't usually behave if we did not have this disorder itself it's our thoughts and our feelings they drive our behaviors and so yeah so yeah I couldn't completely answer that for the simple fact that I haven't yet gone back I'm seeing people like like I do see my some of my friends my lovely friend Kat came down and visited me I got in contact with one of my friends we'd never really stopped contact we met like liked each other's pictures but it didn't go much further than that so why I sent her a message and that was really nice and but yeah I suppose I've got a long way to go I still the day I go back I see people I will come and do it for do on it and tell you whether I got rejected or not and if I did how painful it was for me or how I dealt with it and actually learn just to accept that not everyone's gonna be nice or like me and not my fault because those people that hung around back then they knew the old me and I'm someone different so it's like two different people so just because we got on then it doesn't mean they would get on with me now okay I've off hold on for a minute so I'm gonna go I love you all loads ma bye guys
This transcript was auto-generated and therefore may contain mistakes.