Today I discuss what to do when we have our feelings invalidated.

hi my lovelies welcome back to my
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I am author of the big book on
borderline personality disorder which
was published in January and is
available on Amazon so I was just on a
phone call actually to my publisher
Megan and she's doing a tour in
Australia and she's met some amazing
people there and they were just telling
me that there's this new group called
BPD KO is the code short for
collaborative they are based in Adelaide
in South Australia and it's a new BPD
surface for people with lived experience
with BPD and the launch is tomorrow so
if you're in Adelaide in Australia be
sure to keep your eye out for that it
sounds absolutely amazing so today I am
doing a video request from a lovely
young lady who messaged me on Instagram
and she asked me about people like how
do you deal when people invalidate our
mental health now we see a lot with
mental health because it's up here it's
not necessarily something that you can
see if you walked down the road you
couldn't necessarily point out every
person that has a mental health disorder
and so because it's not seen there is a
huge stigma attached to it
luckily because more and more of us are
talking about it we're doing videos
about it we're hearing about it on the
radio we see not on the television and
because of that the stigma is being
broken down but it unfortunately is
still there and now with mental health
with any mental health disorder whether
it's depression and borderline
personality disorder anxiety what you'll
find there's often a spectrum so at one
end of the spectrum say for depression
you might have some
that is unable to get out of bed they
will not wash they will not eat they
will brush their teeth they will
literally just not do anything but then
on the other end of the spectrum you can
have someone that does get out of bed
and washes and goes to work and manages
their home and what you find a lot of
the time is that it's actually the high
functioning people there are invalidated
the most because people think well why
are you moaning you it can't be that bad
you still go to work and what they fail
to realize is yes this person might get
out of bed and go to work but that does
not stop the way they feel inside and so
to have someone so well it can't be that
bad is really really invalidating
so like fries this is one example of it
I'm pretty sure like I know myself that
I have had my mental health invalidated
numerous times over the years and I'm
pretty sure a lot of you have probably
had yours invalidated as well I know for
me especially with partners that if I
ever spoke my mind about something or
said something they didn't like
immediately they would put it down to my
bad mental health they would not think
actually she has a valid point it would
be she's not and she's irrational when
actually the fact was I was being
rational and I was just speaking my mind
but we see it all the time and it
doesn't just have to come from loved
ones it can come from people at work
work colleagues it can even come from
mental health workers for example you
might have a community care nurse that
comes out to see you and you say
they ask you how your week spin and you
said oh well I did to get up and I did
this and I did that and you talk about
the things you did and you might be told
well is there any need for me to be hit
coming anymore and it seems like a
harmless question like well you seem to
be doing alright that actually no
because yes I've done all these things
but I've had to work really really hard
to do them and it doesn't stop how I
feel but by having someone say do you
really do you need me anymore it's kind
of like well you seem fine your mental
health is fine and it's really
dismissing and it's really invalidating
and like I said mmm more often than not
it is those close to us what we must
realize that with a lot people
especially people that have never
suffered with their mental health it is
ignorance because they just they don't
get it
they've not experienced it so they just
don't get it it's frustrating and I
think people being ignorant nowadays is
a really poor excuse because mental
health is such a huge thing like it's
talked about a lot like I said it's on
the radio it's on the television is you
know it's everywhere and so if you can
still invalidate someone's feelings even
though you might not have experienced
mental health but damn you must heard
about it it's everywhere then there's no
excuse for that ignorance I don't
believe so what do you do if someone has
outright invalidated you now I hadn't
liked more than just being in validating
that I'll go take your pills which is so
dismissive and so rude but I've had that
said to me um what do you do it's very
easy for us to get very defensive
because we know how much we're suffering
and we know how we feel and for someone
kind of make out right actually just get
over it
because I've seen that happen as well
like I said on the spectrum a lot of
people with high-functioning have it but
the people at the other end that can't
get out of bed and do that I've I've
like I've been at that stage and someone
said just get up
just get up it's all in your mind just
get up and you it's not that easy if I
could just get up I would have just got
up it's not that easy so like across the
board invalidation happens but how do we
deal with it I think we need to be
assertive and we need to explain
actually I find that really invalidating
what you just said to me and explain why
and sometimes people might like take a
step back and say I'm really sorry I
didn't even realize because I think a
lot of the time that does happen
people just don't they just don't think
and so they would just say something
without thinking without realizing just
how much it's going to affect us and so
therefore it's important that we explain
how that comment made me feel this way
in I'm sure in my DBT playlist I have
I've got DBT I'm pretty sure I did
interpersonal effectiveness videos
that's very much about how we talk to
people so that would be a good video to
watch to learn how because if you just
say how dare you and start like pointing
the finger that other person's gonna get
defensive they will shut down they will
not listen to what we have to say so we
do have to kind of watch how we say
explain it so that we are heard and
hopefully once we are heard that person
will not do that again if we explain how
we feel and that person keeps coming
back and keeps in validating our
feelings then maybe we need to take a
good look at like do we want this person
in our life because are they good for us
or are they really negative
us because we've explained how this has
made us feel we've explained why it's
invalidating and if someone's still
refusing to accept that and continues to
invalidate us then we need to take their
power and like stand up for ourselves
basically and I don't mean like stand up
for ourselves like how dare you I mean
be strong enough to say actually I don't
I don't want to be around you anymore
because we do deserve better now the
majority of the people you'll find won't
continue to invalidate you once you've
pointed out once you've spoken to them
in a certain way hopefully they will be
more careful but obviously you always
get the order through of odd idiot don't
you that will just continue and in that
case that's when it's time to stuff
right so guys I loved you all loads I
will be back next week
This transcript was auto-generated and therefore may contain mistakes.

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