When I was first diagnosed with BPD I was so scared that this was it – this was how the rest of my life would be. Luckily that wasn’t the case – bpd is treatable and manageable and you can go on to lead a happy fulfilling life. Plus you get to meet my boyfriend for 5 seconds in this video!
hi guys today I am doing a video on is borderline personality disorder for life the reason I'm doing this video is a lot of messages I get and comments I'm sensing a real fear that people have when they've got this diagnosis that this is it this is how I'm gonna live for the rest of my life and I completely understand that because back when I was first diagnosed I was in a really really bad place I was self harming all the time other tempting suicide all the time my relationships were violent horrible unstable everything around me was falling apart and I got this diagnosis of BPD and I was like great okay at least now I know what's wrong with me because before I didn't know I just thought I was the same as other people but not if that makes sense why I didn't understand why I reacted this way and all of a sudden I had a reason and I could look into it and it was great but you then have the fear oh my god is this it if I've got this is this how I'm gonna live the rest of my life or all my relationships gonna be like this am I gonna be self harming when I'm in my 70s throwing Paddy's going mental bike not dealing with my emotions because they're so intense and it's really really scary because who that it's not a life it's there it's not life if that is life it's not a life and I have some good news it's not for life you will not have this for life because borderline personality disorder is treatable it is manageable now is it curable I don't know for example I don't know if I have borderline personality disorder that is lying dormant because I'm using skill so I'm more medication and I'm managing it or if it's just not there anymore I don't know but either way it doesn't matter whether it's lying doorman or or it's gone because I lead a fulfilling happy life today years ago it was really misunderstood people didn't know how to treat people with borderline that's not the case today they know so much more and now they are aware that it is something that is treatable with the right skills the right treatment now when I say treatment is kind of a mix you need medication you might not need medication forever and ever and ever but when you're writing or at all medication helps but medication will not solve it usually cannot just pop a pill and everything's okay but it can help also it is trial and error with medication I was at one point so suicidal that they put me on medication to help my suicidal tendencies and thoughts and it made me more suicidal and I've been on all kinds of medication some work some didn't and it's just trying until you get the right balance of medication that you think yeah this suits me there's no point in me telling you what medications I've been on what I'm on now body rah because what works for me might be horrendous for you because I've talked to friends and we used to talk about it in group therapy and some would say they were on a medication it was the worst less medication ever and I think oh my god that worked really well for me so what works for someone else might not work for you and it is trial and error but sticking at it and not just thinking it's all nothing's gonna work but like I just said medication alone won't help you you need a mix of counseling one-to-one counseling where you can offload and you can talk with proper professional therapists group therapy I found so helpful I did a women's group which I've talked about before and it was we all had borderline personality disorder and would go and do check-in and it was just nice because we could identify to fight with each other it wasn't embarrassing because we all understood we'd all been there and we could give each other advice the advice would give might we might not necessarily take her own advice which we possibly should have but we didn't but we could advise each other and I built up some really close friendships um with some girls that I've really trusted I didn't just do the women's group when I did DBT dialectal dialectical behavioral therapy so some time past that was in group therapy as well that was mix men and women again really helpful so yeah group therapy and learning skills now learning skills is the biggest part of your treatment this is what will help you manage your emotions and manage this illness DBT I know it's huge in America and I've thing they're so so lucky because it's just not as widespread over here and it's really hard for people to get on to try and do DBT in this country which is such a shame because I was like lucky enough I did it for two and a half years and it was literally life-changing it was amazing I personally think they should be teaching it in schools I think if these skills were taught in schools when kids were young they are life skills basically and I think would have a lot less teenagers self harming and going off the rails if they have these skills in place from an early age but hey-ho that's just my opinion so yeah you have DBT you we also had I did something called steps which is ste PPS and it's a stood stood for systematic training for emotional predictability and problem-solving and again that was all learning watching how our emotions go like this and when we're gonna reach boiling point and when we're bubbling and you know and how to lower it and calm yourself and manage your emotions and again that was amazing I never got to complete that course because I was drinking and using a lot and it was decided I would be better going into rehab so I had to stop that and I went into rehab for the drug addiction there are so many different courses and treatments out there it's kind of trying and just seeing what's gonna work for you what skills you can learn I'm doing videos on DBT in my solution section I am up to doing the emotion regulation ones I haven't completed that section yeah I was hoping to do it today but it's getting later and I could've done it this morning but had a nap um because I'm pregnant looks I'm lazy so yeah what was I saying I lose myself what's wrong with me baby brain they paid me brain so yeah I'm doing videos on it now I'm not saying you don't need to do DBT course just watch my videos because yeah my videos might help and they might help you understand it and give you an idea what it's a vowel but I am not qualified in it I'm not trained professionally in it I have just done it basically and I don't think you can be actually going to a professional and doing the course because it's quite long course and doing it with a group in group therapy and doing the one-to-one counseling that comes with it I don't think you can beat that but yeah by all means what to my videos that will give you an idea and there are some skills that you could possibly start putting into place today right so back to my question if borderline personality disorder full life and I say no if now bearing in mind of the one list that written down of the symptoms of borderline personality disorder so we've got fear of unstable relationships unstable distorted self-image impulsive self-destructive behaviors self-harm and suicide attempts extreme mood swings chronic feelings of emptiness explosive anger feeling suspicious like intrusive thoughts and paranoia tast revising now they say if you have tick at least five of these boxes you have borderline personality disorder now when I was diagnosed I ticks every single one of those boxes there was not one that I could think over it was everything impulsive to self to start to behave yourself harm mood swings fear abandonment and say with everything literally everything I takes every box but if I went to my doctor's today and I sat down and I said I think I have order on personality disorder and he went through this list with me I wouldn't take any of them I don't have a fear of abandonment today my relationships are stable today they're healthy today don't get me wrong I can still bicker all have an argument nothing like it used to be I would not feel the need to jump on the person and bite them or just completely lose myself and go for example my boyfriend has done something to pee me off and I've had to think about it today I'm like irritating me but you know what he's coming around soon and I will sit down and say to you know what this is really peed me off and I will talk about it whereas before I wouldn't have sat and talked about it I wouldn't be phoning go get your ass around to it I'm going nuts so yes healthy healthier distorted unstable self-image no impulsive self-destructive behaviors no self-harm suicide attempts no you know whatever my friends here I'm not going to tell it because I want him to be on a you oh never be on any of the videos so now we'll just catch him in the corner ha ha like say yeah explosive anger no BPD um BPD BPD that's right hi there how are you here say hi to the camera yeah it's on I'm dead my boyfriend's here and he's going to be in a video right I've just finished enough no not that you're welcome right I talked to him in a minute anyway um so yeah if I went to my doctor I would not take any of those boxes now so my doctor would then turn to me and say oh you don't have borderline personality disorder so like I said before I don't know if it's lying dormant and I'm just managing it or if it's just not there anymore the thing is it is treatable it is manageable you have to learn the skills not just learn them or know about them practice them the more you practice them they will become ingrained it's like driving a car when I first start learning to drive a car that's very aware of everything put my foot on the pedal what was doing my hand looking in the murse and it we are so conscious of every single thing I did now I don't even know is I just get in and I Drive and it's the same thing with these skills in the end I don't I don't on a day-to-day basis thing I use this skill I did it I just do it and you can do it is just learning it and then to sing it and eventually you don't even need to practice it because you'll just do it and on here I've just notice it says borderline personality disorder often comes with depression bipolar substance abuse eating disorders anxiety disorders what I had the depression I had the substance abuse I had the eating disorder having anxiety disorder and again not none of those are part of my life today either they've gone as well so my arms are basically to the video is yes it is treatable your life won't always be like this you can go on and lead a fantastic life and it doesn't have to take years and years and years it can happen relatively quickly if you get the right treatment you start doing what you've got to do learning your skills you will have an amazing life and you won't be leaving in this dark horrid place forever something you're in there and thank you again for all your lovely comments I even had a troll comment that really made me laugh this week said he I should be ground into dog food oh good it actually made me laugh so much I cried I'm brilliant plastic and but no thank you for your comment thank you for your messages I do try and get back to everyone obviously I have three kids I am pregnant I get tired so sometimes I might not get back as quickly as I like and it might take a few days but bear with me and I will get back to you I will be doing emotion regulation next week so I'm going away this weekend for my mum 16th birthday and oh yes so emotion regulations coming next week probably set 8 and 9 of the 12 steps and I had someone asked me to do a codependency one which I'll definitely get on do as well and if you have any ideas for videos let me know thanks guys take care see you next week bye
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