I spent years and years eaten up with jealousy and resentment. I never realised my jealousy goes all the way back to when I was a child. It is with hindsight that I can see where I was jealous and the reasons for my jealousy. Recovery has helped be let go of the negative feelings. Today I can be envious without being jealous.
hi guys today I'm going to talk about jealousy but I'm not going to talk about jealousy in relationships like when we start getting jealous or our partner or thinking they're going to cheat on us we go stalking them because I've done those videos so I don't need to do talk about that today but I'm going to talk about jealousy with other people because I used to be such a jealous person of everyone absolutely everyone it was from a young age but I didn't realize it was jealousy when I was younger um my mom has a younger brother and he is happily married with three children they're all adults now back when I was a child obviously they were children too they're all just a few years younger than me and I don't know what it was I just always had this resentment towards them my cousins like I just didn't like them and I didn't understand it and I used to think oh they're just still has to hop but as I've grown up I've realized it was jealousy because my mum and dad got divorced and my dad moved back to Dublin in Ireland when I was about five or six and my cousin's parents were happily married and they still are happily married today and we did not have much money at all and but my aunt and uncle had their own business they did quite well they could go a nice holiday so they had a nice big house and we didn't have that my uncle was such a hands-on dad he was so much fun when we used to go round there would be playing tennis cricket football badminton and we just had the best time and although that was wonderful it really highlighted to me the fact that I didn't have my dad there and now I've got very close relationship with my mom I've got a close relationship with my dad over there he lives in Ireland but I know like since becoming a mum I realized how hard is because as a mum we run around doing housework getting homework done sorting out school uniforms and we just don't stop and so my mom literally just didn't have that time to be constantly outside kicking a football around or doing this she didn't have a partner and so it was just her me and my brother but as a child I didn't understand that it was just like my uncle's got so much time from his kids you don't have that time for us but I didn't realize this was what it was at the time I did not realize this I just thought my cousins were stuck-up and it wasn't till I was an adult actually that my cousin's are literally the sweetest nicest people they have all grown into such I say they've grown into such wonderful adults as if to say they weren't wonderful children because clearly they were but I just could not see past my resentment because I was jealous at their lives I wanted that I thought it was unfair but it took a long time for me to like realize that it's how I was feeling I've also got my dad on my dad's side he has an older brother who has three children as well but I never had jealousy with them even though their mom and dad were happily married and I still happily married this day they also have their own business and were very well-off financially but I didn't have jealousy towards those cousins and I understand now because when I used to go out to Island it was my dad that would take me and my brother and my three cousins out most the time so it was like I'm with my dad and having fun with my dad so that resentment towards my cousin did not built but over here it was very different now oh my cousins on both sides there are just all wonderful wonderful people and have they are lovely but like I said I couldn't see past the jealousy and so that was from a very young age growing up my jealousy grew like to other people and I was doing my a-levels I was drinking every day my friends studying every day we got our results through they passed I got really bad results it's not a surprise but I didn't see it like oh it was like they've studied really hard it was I just had this anger and jealousy like how did they pass and I didn't where did I go wrong why did I deserve not to do well because I was drinking every day but I didn't see that I was just jealous a lot of those friends went off to university I was eaten up with jealousy because I was stuck down the pub drinking although that was my choice I felt like it wasn't I felt like life was unfair I hated it when people around me had jobs when I couldn't hold down a job I could be so jealous of their job even though it's not actually a job that I would want but I was jealous of the fact that they could get up in the morning and go to work and come home and not be miserable it's only now that I realised actually I don't I don't know what goes on in other people's heads and often I might have been jealous of people thinking they had the most wonderful lives when actually they really didn't they were suffering with their own demons but I didn't see that because since I've come into recovery people have said to me I have no idea I thought you had it together and I didn't but I was able to put on a mask and act like life is great to people even though it really wasn't I was so eat enough inside and so nice rapport but other people didn't always see that side of me there the thought at first glance I was okay and so it's very likely that is the same the other way around we can get jealous of people and think they have got the most wonderful happy life and that's not the case am ia jealous person today no but I can be envious and there is a difference for example just say there is a girl who has a wonderful job she has loads of money she can go out shopping with all the clothes she wants jealousy I would just think I hate her I want what she has I wish she didn't have it envious is and I can say wow I wish I have what she has she's so lucky I'm happy for her and that's the difference jealousy we're not we're not happier too often they have a person we want it and we are not we do not want them to have it and yes we can still want it but that doesn't mean we want them to go without it because we can be happy for them and I think it's normal for us to be envious of people but jealousy serves us no purpose it eats us up inside and you like can feel that horrid feeling in your tummy and it goes over and over in your head and you're having really negative thoughts and not liking people and feeling self pity towards our own lives like I used to just feel so sorry for myself and think everyone had it better than me so how do you stop being jealous I found that when I came into recovery for the borderline I start doing DBT I had so much to focus on to start with I didn't focus on it and there weren't really many changes and that's why I say to people if you're doing it literally grab recovery with both hands and do not let it go throw yourself into it and focus on it 100% and if you're that focused on your recovery and you're learning new skills and you're building a support network and you're reading up information and you're practicing your skills you won't have time to focus on what other people have because you're so busy focusing on yourself with recovery we learn to build our self-esteem once we start building that again we feel better about ourselves when we feel better about ourselves we're less worried about other people and we're less inclined to think negatively and become jealous so I think it's really important to focus on your recovery focus on building your self-esteem the jealousy doesn't go straightaway it's not like like I always say recovery and wake up and your recovery do you don't wake up and think I'm not jealous anymore I'm just in a few people it doesn't happen like that but it will gradually you'll start noticing or maybe you won't start noticing maybe you'll just be so focused on you you won't notice at all but one day you'll think that horrid feeling inside of thinking everyone else has got it better and wishing them ill and thinking that's gone it just goes and it's free and it feels good because like I said carrying that jealousy and resentment and all those horrid things around with you constantly it's exhausting and we don't have to do it yeah we definitely don't have to do it guys I hope you have a wonderful week it is Monday today Monday yes it's Monday today I am going to try and get a few videos done today because the older two grew up their dads and my 3 year old boys in nursery baby is asleep so I'm gonna try and get some videos Tom today yeah I'll leave it there love you all
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