3 vid requests in one today. 1st vid discusses how we can lash out in a complete rage and what we can start to do about this. 2nd vid discusses the fact that most people can tick some of the BPD trait boxes at some point in their lives. 3rd vid discusses teenagers with BPD and some therapy options for them.

laughs guys happy Friday see hi Severus
cui mmm today I'm doing three video
requests in one I'm sorry if you feel
I'm cramming them in but I get so many
video requests and obviously I'm down to
one video a week and I do want to work
my way through them if you have
requested a video ages ago and I still
haven't done it
I've actually miss placed the book where
I kept up my video requests so you feel
free to ask again because what I'm doing
at the moment is just going through my
last video and looking through the
comments to do a video just before I do
the video so another thing I need to
apologize to you for is that I'm not
getting back to you or in the comments
or your messages and I do apologize for
that obviously I'm finished writing the
book which is available on Amazon now it
is the big book on borderline
personality disorder and I am doing a
website for you guys and it's just
taking a lot of work so that's why I do
apologize to you for not going back
right so to my first video request is
from Chiara hi Chiara and she asked me
to talk about lashing out in anger now I
have left out like physical violence
with my mom my brother my dad my stepmom
my step my dad ex-partners and we know
that with borderline personality
disorder the one of the traits is
intense anger and I've discussed before
how when we lash out it's very much like
a toddler and whereas the front part of
our brain the prefrontal cortex
responsible for rationalizing and
thinking of consequences shuts down and
we run purely on emotion and we don't
think of the consequences and there
no reasoning with us when we like that
so when we explode with anger we just go
and we can be like I said really
physically violent it's scary for people
around us especially when we lash out
with people that we love like if they're
there the people that we love and often
they are the ones that brought feel
awful wrath unfortunately what I learn
like with my anger
I'd actually did an anger management
course and believed on more it didn't
really work for a lot of people but I
got a lot from it and and did it solve
all my anger issues
no but definitely kind of taught me to
calm down basically and although I still
had anger issues plenty of them off
because I was only 20 or 21 when I did
this anger management course and so I
had years ahead of horrid horrid ness
but it did help me and one thing that I
kind learnt is we kind of feel that our
anger comes out of nowhere and we just
go we lash out we swim shout out bye
and where did it come from it just feels
like it just happened but I learn
actually I was toys like this bottle we
have a bottle we are a bottle and every
time something irritates her slightly it
might be
we're resentful at a friend because we
always do them favors and they're never
there for us little resentment bill goes
into the bottom we might be walking down
the road and someone rude my barge into
us that little bit irritation goes into
the bottle and over the weeks the built
bottle is actually building building
building with lots of like minor stuff
but it gets to the point that reaches
the top now our bottle has a lid on it
and all it takes is one person
look at us funny but it goes in and the
bottle is so full it explodes and we
like walk where did that come from after
war actually that's been building for a
long time and it's recognizing that is
building now I did a treatment program
called steps is ste PPS its systematic
training for emotional predictability
and problem-solving I believe and in
that we learnt to kinda monitor the
intensity of our emotions because when
we have a huge outburst and we're we're
at nine or ten and really we want to be
down by one but actually very few of us
are ever at one one's just like good but
to us we might be at three or four and
think wow things are good because we're
so used to be hyn up on the intensity
intensity scale and by monitoring our
moods daily I mean I do go into this in
more detail in my book that I have
coming out but monitoring our emotional
intensity daily we're able to recognize
when we're creeping up to a five or six
because the thing is once we reach maybe
a seven or eight on the intensity scale
it's really hard to come back down but
if we're at five we can get it and start
lowering yeah go to a four go to a three
and it's a wonderful way of preventing
us from reaching that point of no return
before it's too late but like I said I
could you go into that in more detail in
the book but I suppose a lot of our
angle as well can be caused the way we
interact with others so someone might do
something that annoys us
and the way we talk to them will
determine how they then talk to us so if
we're like eat and then I point in the
finger chances are they're gonna get on
the defensive and they're gonna get and
that's enough for us to flip and then we
go so we have to do before we just talk
just learn to stop and just think
breathe and if you think I'm going to
say something walk away get out of there
before you reach that point because if
you say something in quite aggressive
way chance all people are can I get
defensive and they're gonna react and
then we don't like that and we all react
and the whole thing will completely
escalate and it doesn't have to if we
can learn to just go huh
breathe count to 10 before you say
anything and like I said if that's not
gonna work just walk away it does take
practice it's not going to happen
straightaway but over time that can work
the second video requests have got a red
can up here is from finding the calm
within hello finding the calm with it
and they asked me to talk about BPD
trace verse full diagnosis of BPD and I
have a feeling on the message actually
it said getting diagnosed with BPD
traits verse full diagnosis and I
haven't heard of that I didn't know you
could get diagnosed with it was just
some traits all of the full diagnosis
all I am aware of is to get full
diagnosis you have five of the nine
traits and you have to have had them for
two plus years but I do know that people
can have borderline personality disorder
traits not five plus they might just
have a fear of abandonment someone might
just have anger issues someone might
just have I think like just each one's
horrible but
intense or unstable relationships
someone might just be really depressed
have that chronic feeling of emptiness
and it's actually most people in their
lifetime will tick some of the
borderline traits off some might have
three or four of them at one given time
it's not enough for a diagnosis but it's
enough to cause enough havoc in their
life and enough upheaval and actually I
feel sorry for those people because
imagine having four of the traits
long-term and you don't get the BPD
diagnosis with that but you've still got
enough traits to really caused harms in
your life and make your life miserable
but you're not offered the treatment for
it because you don't have the diagnosis
for it so I do really feel for those
people because there are a lot of people
out there that do take those boxes just
not enough or for a long enough time now
I mentioned I'm sorry I keep going on
about my book bar and what I've done in
my book I have like a chapter on each
crate say a chapter on fear of
abandonment a chapter of intense and
unstable relationships etc etc and I go
into each of the traits but then I have
skills particularly for that trait as
opposed to just BPD as a whole so if you
are someone that might have a few of the
traits don't but don't have a diagnosis
you might find that helpful because
there are skills and anyone can put
these skills into practice guys it's
like absolutely anyone can and you don't
have to have someone holding your hand
while you do it it's something that you
can do alone at home and it can
definitely definitely help with easing
the pain of each individual tray as you
and the third video that I'm going to do
today is a lovely lady contacted me and
she was talking she's got real problems
with her teen with BPD
and I really feel sorry for parents
because I'm actually I've had a few
lovely ladies contact me recently with
teens with BPD and the parents just feel
completely helpless because they are so
scared now I know this being a parent
the love that we have for our child we
just want to wrap them in cotton wool
and we don't want any harm to come to
them but if your child has BPD and
they're completely acting impulsively
they are pushing you away do you do
you're so helpless so I thought I would
touch on this subject I have actually
done a video a couple I think about BPD
and being a teenager but I thought I
would do a little add-on today because
I've actually included a chapter in my
book on BPD and teens the traits are
obviously the nine traits are the same
the thing is a lot of there's a lot of
professionals that do not want to
diagnose teenagers with borderline
personality disorder and the reason for
this is they don't believe that their
personality is fully formed yet but
there is nothing to say there is an age
limit in the DSM or like when you should
diagnose so more and more experts are
coming around to the idea actually it is
better to diagnose and get get that
diagnosis get the person like the
teenager into treatment but like I said
not all do the teenagers the traits are
all the same like I just said but one
thing I have noticed that I've read in
quite a few places is that teenagers can
really come across as no
so cystic they seem to have a complete
lack of empathy but it's not actually
narcissism it that is their defense
mechanism to help them deal with their
really really intense fear of
abandonment so they kind of shut off
emotionally and it seems like they have
no empathy and they might seem really
really nice or cystic and that's more
common in teenagers the good thing with
a teenager getting a diagnosis is that
the recovery rate is high it's so much
higher they it's actually the earlier
someone gets treatment the better the
outcome so I think that's why more and
more professionals are coming around to
the idea of actually it's a good idea to
diagnose and get this teenager help now
treatment can be the same obviously they
might be at inpatient and outpatient and
there's DBT CBT all the different
treatment options for borderline
personality disorder but one that kind
of I noticed that stood out that seems
to work particularly well is when it's I
can't think experiential is that therapy
basically where teenager they do it
could be art therapy or music therapy or
therapy with animals or through drama so
rather than just having to sit and with
a counselor and kinda talk things
through they can say exit out or do it
out through music or through their art
and that's proven to be really
successful with them and a lot of them
get a lot out of it doing it that way I
actually do
a therapeutic day unit I used to go to
it was I've been living on the mental
health ward and obviously my time to
leave and my mom was so scared about me
leaving because she would just thought
everything's gonna go back to normal
she knew that while I was on this ward I
was safe I couldn't commit suicide on
this ward
and she felt I was roguelikes that's
safe and protects it and the time came
to leave for them just be an outpatient
coming in once a week to see the
psychologist and but they offered they
had something where I was called the
therapeutic day unit TDU and you'd go in
and you could choose what you wanted to
do whether it was gardening cooking
painting pottery and I did the pottery
and so it was just like therapeutic and
it was so helpful it was absolutely
and for me I could never quiet Tim my
mind it always just was like all over
the place I couldn't seem to shut it off
and even when I first started doing
mindfulness and meditation I would just
be sat there and my mind would be
wandering and I to get really annoyed
and I'll storm out the room disrupting
the group and I didn't ever think I'd
get it but when I started doing pottery
I found God to get so into it that my
mind would just shut off all I would do
was focus on what I was doing like
physically doing and it was the first
time I felt calm and I could be sat
there for two or three hours and it
feels like it was 20 minutes it just
feels so quick it was amazing I did find
that really helpful and so I can see why
that sort of therapy can be really
beneficial for absolutely anyone I mean
anyone with BPD anyone with just some
BPD traits getting into some kind of
hobby some therapeutic Arup you take
like that is a great way of shutting off
our mind without us actually trying to
of our mind because obviously when we
first starting to meditate or if they're
starting mindfulness it's very much like
focus focus and your mind wanders and it
wanders and it's bringing it back and
your mind wanders but when you do
something therapeutic now it could be
gardening it might be painting a fence
in the garden or painting room and house
or wherever you choose it could be just
washing the car if you like doing that
but it's a great way to shut them shut
off the mind without thinking you're
just so focused on what you're doing
like I'm washing your car there what's
on anyway
yeah it's it's really good and it's
beneficial I think absolutely anyone so
it's really worth trying something like
I'm gonna go guys I now have to do the
school run but I love your loads and I
will be back next week have a wonderful
This transcript was auto-generated and therefore may contain mistakes.

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