3 vid requests in one today. 1st vid discusses how we can lash out in a complete rage and what we can start to do about this. 2nd vid discusses the fact that most people can tick some of the BPD trait boxes at some point in their lives. 3rd vid discusses teenagers with BPD and some therapy options for them.
laughs guys happy Friday see hi Severus cui mmm today I'm doing three video requests in one I'm sorry if you feel I'm cramming them in but I get so many video requests and obviously I'm down to one video a week and I do want to work my way through them if you have requested a video ages ago and I still haven't done it I've actually miss placed the book where I kept up my video requests so you feel free to ask again because what I'm doing at the moment is just going through my last video and looking through the comments to do a video just before I do the video so another thing I need to apologize to you for is that I'm not getting back to you or in the comments or your messages and I do apologize for that obviously I'm finished writing the book which is available on Amazon now it is the big book on borderline personality disorder and I am doing a website for you guys and it's just taking a lot of work so that's why I do apologize to you for not going back right so to my first video request is from Chiara hi Chiara and she asked me to talk about lashing out in anger now I have left out like physical violence with my mom my brother my dad my stepmom my step my dad ex-partners and we know that with borderline personality disorder the one of the traits is intense anger and I've discussed before how when we lash out it's very much like a toddler and whereas the front part of our brain the prefrontal cortex responsible for rationalizing and thinking of consequences shuts down and we run purely on emotion and we don't think of the consequences and there no reasoning with us when we like that so when we explode with anger we just go and we can be like I said really physically violent it's scary for people around us especially when we lash out with people that we love like if they're there the people that we love and often they are the ones that brought feel awful wrath unfortunately what I learn like with my anger I'd actually did an anger management course and believed on more it didn't really work for a lot of people but I got a lot from it and and did it solve all my anger issues no but definitely kind of taught me to calm down basically and although I still had anger issues plenty of them off because I was only 20 or 21 when I did this anger management course and so I had years ahead of horrid horrid ness but it did help me and one thing that I kind learnt is we kind of feel that our anger comes out of nowhere and we just go we lash out we swim shout out bye and where did it come from it just feels like it just happened but I learn actually I was toys like this bottle we have a bottle we are a bottle and every time something irritates her slightly it might be we're resentful at a friend because we always do them favors and they're never there for us little resentment bill goes into the bottom we might be walking down the road and someone rude my barge into us that little bit irritation goes into the bottle and over the weeks the built bottle is actually building building building with lots of like minor stuff but it gets to the point that reaches the top now our bottle has a lid on it and all it takes is one person look at us funny but it goes in and the bottle is so full it explodes and we like walk where did that come from after war actually that's been building for a long time and it's recognizing that is building now I did a treatment program called steps is ste PPS its systematic training for emotional predictability and problem-solving I believe and in that we learnt to kinda monitor the intensity of our emotions because when we have a huge outburst and we're we're at nine or ten and really we want to be down by one but actually very few of us are ever at one one's just like good but to us we might be at three or four and think wow things are good because we're so used to be hyn up on the intensity intensity scale and by monitoring our moods daily I mean I do go into this in more detail in my book that I have coming out but monitoring our emotional intensity daily we're able to recognize when we're creeping up to a five or six because the thing is once we reach maybe a seven or eight on the intensity scale it's really hard to come back down but if we're at five we can get it and start lowering yeah go to a four go to a three and it's a wonderful way of preventing us from reaching that point of no return before it's too late but like I said I could you go into that in more detail in the book but I suppose a lot of our angle as well can be caused the way we interact with others so someone might do something that annoys us and the way we talk to them will determine how they then talk to us so if we're like eat and then I point in the finger chances are they're gonna get on the defensive and they're gonna get and that's enough for us to flip and then we go so we have to do before we just talk just learn to stop and just think breathe and if you think I'm going to say something walk away get out of there before you reach that point because if you say something in quite aggressive way chance all people are can I get defensive and they're gonna react and then we don't like that and we all react and the whole thing will completely escalate and it doesn't have to if we can learn to just go huh breathe count to 10 before you say anything and like I said if that's not gonna work just walk away it does take practice it's not going to happen straightaway but over time that can work the second video requests have got a red can up here is from finding the calm within hello finding the calm with it and they asked me to talk about BPD trace verse full diagnosis of BPD and I have a feeling on the message actually it said getting diagnosed with BPD traits verse full diagnosis and I haven't heard of that I didn't know you could get diagnosed with it was just some traits all of the full diagnosis all I am aware of is to get full diagnosis you have five of the nine traits and you have to have had them for two plus years but I do know that people can have borderline personality disorder traits not five plus they might just have a fear of abandonment someone might just have anger issues someone might just have I think like just each one's horrible but intense or unstable relationships someone might just be really depressed have that chronic feeling of emptiness and it's actually most people in their lifetime will tick some of the borderline traits off some might have three or four of them at one given time it's not enough for a diagnosis but it's enough to cause enough havoc in their life and enough upheaval and actually I feel sorry for those people because imagine having four of the traits long-term and you don't get the BPD diagnosis with that but you've still got enough traits to really caused harms in your life and make your life miserable but you're not offered the treatment for it because you don't have the diagnosis for it so I do really feel for those people because there are a lot of people out there that do take those boxes just not enough or for a long enough time now I mentioned I'm sorry I keep going on about my book bar and what I've done in my book I have like a chapter on each crate say a chapter on fear of abandonment a chapter of intense and unstable relationships etc etc and I go into each of the traits but then I have skills particularly for that trait as opposed to just BPD as a whole so if you are someone that might have a few of the traits don't but don't have a diagnosis you might find that helpful because there are skills and anyone can put these skills into practice guys it's like absolutely anyone can and you don't have to have someone holding your hand while you do it it's something that you can do alone at home and it can definitely definitely help with easing the pain of each individual tray as you will and the third video that I'm going to do today is a lovely lady contacted me and she was talking she's got real problems with her teen with BPD and I really feel sorry for parents because I'm actually I've had a few lovely ladies contact me recently with teens with BPD and the parents just feel completely helpless because they are so scared now I know this being a parent the love that we have for our child we just want to wrap them in cotton wool and we don't want any harm to come to them but if your child has BPD and they're completely acting impulsively they are pushing you away do you do you're so helpless so I thought I would touch on this subject I have actually done a video a couple I think about BPD and being a teenager but I thought I would do a little add-on today because I've actually included a chapter in my book on BPD and teens the traits are obviously the nine traits are the same the thing is a lot of there's a lot of professionals that do not want to diagnose teenagers with borderline personality disorder and the reason for this is they don't believe that their personality is fully formed yet but there is nothing to say there is an age limit in the DSM or like when you should diagnose so more and more experts are coming around to the idea actually it is better to diagnose and get get that diagnosis get the person like the teenager into treatment but like I said not all do the teenagers the traits are all the same like I just said but one thing I have noticed that I've read in quite a few places is that teenagers can really come across as no so cystic they seem to have a complete lack of empathy but it's not actually narcissism it that is their defense mechanism to help them deal with their really really intense fear of abandonment so they kind of shut off emotionally and it seems like they have no empathy and they might seem really really nice or cystic and that's more common in teenagers the good thing with a teenager getting a diagnosis is that the recovery rate is high it's so much higher they it's actually the earlier someone gets treatment the better the outcome so I think that's why more and more professionals are coming around to the idea of actually it's a good idea to diagnose and get this teenager help now treatment can be the same obviously they might be at inpatient and outpatient and there's DBT CBT all the different treatment options for borderline personality disorder but one that kind of I noticed that stood out that seems to work particularly well is when it's I can't think experiential is that therapy basically where teenager they do it could be art therapy or music therapy or therapy with animals or through drama so rather than just having to sit and with a counselor and kinda talk things through they can say exit out or do it out through music or through their art and that's proven to be really successful with them and a lot of them get a lot out of it doing it that way I actually do a therapeutic day unit I used to go to it was I've been living on the mental health ward and obviously my time to leave and my mom was so scared about me leaving because she would just thought everything's gonna go back to normal she knew that while I was on this ward I was safe I couldn't commit suicide on this ward and she felt I was roguelikes that's safe and protects it and the time came to leave for them just be an outpatient coming in once a week to see the psychologist and but they offered they had something where I was called the therapeutic day unit TDU and you'd go in and you could choose what you wanted to do whether it was gardening cooking painting pottery and I did the pottery and so it was just like therapeutic and it was so helpful it was absolutely amazing and for me I could never quiet Tim my mind it always just was like all over the place I couldn't seem to shut it off and even when I first started doing mindfulness and meditation I would just be sat there and my mind would be wandering and I to get really annoyed and I'll storm out the room disrupting the group and I didn't ever think I'd get it but when I started doing pottery I found God to get so into it that my mind would just shut off all I would do was focus on what I was doing like physically doing and it was the first time I felt calm and I could be sat there for two or three hours and it feels like it was 20 minutes it just feels so quick it was amazing I did find that really helpful and so I can see why that sort of therapy can be really beneficial for absolutely anyone I mean anyone with BPD anyone with just some BPD traits getting into some kind of hobby some therapeutic Arup you take like that is a great way of shutting off our mind without us actually trying to shut of our mind because obviously when we first starting to meditate or if they're starting mindfulness it's very much like focus focus and your mind wanders and it wanders and it's bringing it back and your mind wanders but when you do something therapeutic now it could be gardening it might be painting a fence in the garden or painting room and house or wherever you choose it could be just washing the car if you like doing that but it's a great way to shut them shut off the mind without thinking you're just so focused on what you're doing like I'm washing your car there what's on anyway yeah it's it's really good and it's beneficial I think absolutely anyone so it's really worth trying something like that I'm gonna go guys I now have to do the school run but I love your loads and I will be back next week have a wonderful weekend
This transcript was auto-generated and therefore may contain mistakes.