oh there's people hi my lovelies
hi you know I've been trying to go live
for the past 20 minutes but I realized I
have it set on private nothing cute
I was just fat hair my own thinking no
one's here Hey hi I'm George I don't how
are you guys I'm gonna really have to
try and talk and read messages at the
same time because like I explained not
very good
hey hey hey hey mario's I'm just reading
some of these see this is what I mean I
can sit and just shut up shut attack and
all I can read the messages but that's
not much of a video if I'm just that
like hmm
just reading so I hate all good
I was able to do a video tonight because
my older two are at their dads so it
made it bit easier and the younger two
are in bed oh I'm glad the video you can
only see the top of my face right now
like this can you see me now
oh hi mom can you see my face now I
don't know why that's doing that
my mom's district darling can't see your
face I can see your whole face okay
means I've got hold yeah I had this
propped up so I didn't have to get a
numb arm basically I'm talking to the
cat so you can see my whole face now oh
I'm glad my videos help you so today I
was gonna tell you a little bit about my
website that I've got coming up that my
wonderful stepdad is building and it's
called BPD tribe because I like to think
we're like community we're all together
and I just love that name and so for me
- Washington DC thank you everyone feel
lovely messages was there coming up so
for me I found like those of us with BPD
we are not empowered at all we're like
the opposite and it's really difficult
for us to feel empowered because there's
such a huge stigma attached to BPD so so
then you question why is there a stigma
attached and I was thinking about this
and I thought okay so if we like just
say you went out for a meal and the meal
was really good and you really enjoyed
it and it's lovely it is good and you go
away from the meal and you might tell a
couple yeah really nice meal last night
restaurant was good atmosphere was good
food
good so you tell a couple of people hi
from USA in Belfast and I spelled my
name wrong my name is well SH E H
there's a silent H in there
Rin a so um yes so now imagine you'll go
out from bad meal and the atmosphere is
really bad
maybe you find a slug in your soup or
something something bad and the company
is bad
you won't go away it means falling star
mom thanks mom
you will go away you won't just tell a
couple of people about your bad food you
will tell anyone you meet if you go to
the shop that day you've got oh the
worst meal there was a slug in my soup
I'm going somewhere with this so you
take the relationship want people with
those of us with BPD and often it can
end quite badly often there are some
really bad experiences in that
relationship so those people when they
get out for relationship with us they
will go around telling everyone do not
go out with someone with BPD people
would be B D about and it really adds to
the stigma but there's no smoke without
fire unfortunately and a lot of the
problems in relationship we can cause
like problems we can have complete
meltdowns and ACT you've definitely been
a slug in someone's soup few people's my
slug in your suit babe yes yes
so yeah we have our meltdowns we do this
so huh headstock and um so why did we do
this why do we do this
and people like people come out
relationships with us they stay away
from their evil they will destroy your
life and the reason they do this it's
like doing backstroke the reason um
people go around saying these things is
because the way we've behaved and I get
we behave badly I knew that trust me
I've been there
but when I wrote my book this is what I
wanted to get across to people right
these are our behaviors this is what
everyone in the outside world sees but
the things you can't see our thoughts
our feelings this is these are the
thoughts and feelings Oh No is it bad
signal can you hear me
mom if you're there can you hear me
[Laughter]
signal fine I can I can brilliant thank
you my mum mum I was slow she wasn't got
back oh absolutely
thanks mommy thank you guys so yeah so
in the book I really wanted to say okay
these are our behaviors running running
well we know that everyone whole world
knows our behaviors but these are our
thoughts and feelings and - okay so yes
so these are restless in Phoenix so I
wanted the outside world to recognize
that to try and try and break the stigma
a bit but I also want to empower us I
want us to feel empowered and breaking
the stigma is part of that but there's a
number of different things and one of it
is taking action because if not if we do
nothing and nothing changes nothing
changes basically so it's vital that we
do put in action but it's not that easy
for everyone to do that because we don't
all have therapy like just if we want it
I've come flurry Larry you want to say
hi bed hi so therapy is not available
everywhere so that's why in my website I
say my website my lovely friend Meghan
she it's her website - we're doing this
together and I wanted to have courses
that are available a reasonable price in
small chunks so it's not and you say you
can recover is this true
okay so yes I believe you can recover to
the point where I am if I went to a
doctor now they wouldn't diagnosed with
me with BPD
because I don't have the traits but it's
learning to manage them and sure in
times when times are tough traits can
appear even now I can sometimes start
seeing myself thinking in black and
white
sometimes my partner will walk through
the door and I think oh my God he's so
amazing and the next day walks through
the door and I'm like yeah so like but
you can have really like wonderful life
free from basically feeling like you're
chained up where your emotions and
completely controlled by them I don't
suffer with that but yes I believe
recovery and I it's possible for
everyone so the courses so basically as
well with both the book and the website
I wanted to do it one for people with
BPD but also for loved ones and founding
members because they often don't have
anyone to turn to
there's no courses for them really so
oh my mum thank you you're answering
Claudia for me yes ma'am questions
Esther Unni if you see that name that's
my mama believer mom you get on that and
then I could so yeah family members
don't have some so that's why even in my
book that is coming out it's gone to the
printers now um my mom's legend issues
it's there's a whole section especially
for family members so I wanted that on
the website as well
now Meghan has experience working with
family members so we're going to start
having courses for family members as
well and I will be doing the ones for
those of us with BPD so that's one part
because like I said if we want to become
empowered part of it is putting in the
action taking little steps well you
don't have to take one massive leap it's
just little baby steps to start with
sometimes we trip and we fall back
that's alright we just pick ourselves up
and we can keep moving forwards so fancy
a day BPD bunny-boiler stigma ha yeah
hey committee mimi d say where was I so
that's one part now this is what the
exciting bit that I really wanted to
tell you guys about and I want it to be
which is called BPD tribe a place where
you feel safe a community so you can
sign up and it's free like just to sign
up obviously if you want to do courses
you can that's an extra cost but you can
just sign up and I really saw the power
in 12-step fellowships like Alcoholics
Anonymous I did cocaine know my math
there's Narcotics Anonymous there's all
the Anonymous's and I saw the power of
like one addict helping another
I saw one alcoholic helping another and
that's what I've always say to you I
really believe in the power of someone
with BPD helping another person with BPD
and it doesn't matter if you're still in
the grips of it you still have a story
to tell that can help someone else that
is also in the grips of it and
so I really want to create a community I
want to have I'm gonna have a questions
and answers section absolutely any
question that you think of you can ask
and that will always stay on the site so
there will be every question like
different question on there VPD related
but I want you guys answering them
because you guys have the answers you
have your own experiences and you you've
got my answers because I do my channel
and I tell you everything there but
we've all got different things to share
and some method scars so just reading
about that about self harm scars and I
was I never really did treat them or
plea I used to actually do the opposite
and leave them and so I've got scars and
so I'm not the best person to ask on
that but this is what I mean there's
questions like that that I might I don't
have the answer for I can't tell you
what is the best way to treat self harm
scars but you could go on the BPD tribe
you can ask that question and get loads
of answers from people that are going
through that and I think this will
really help you help me because I don't
have to do it but do you know what I
mean like I think sort of having a quick
read see I can't talk and read at the
same time it's so putting for me that's
my mummys here I would flash the camera
that way but he's all in his hoodie
playing his xbox and I said I wouldn't
not even a quick hello hello my lovelies
[Laughter]
so yeah right like this is a way that
you can really get involved so you can
like I said you sign up
and then you can go on ask any question
answer any question and hopefully we
will just build this real safe community
amongst ourselves how do I get out of
the devaluation cycle is it you
devaluing or is it him your partner
devaluing it's all about boundaries
basically putting boundaries in place
crazy in the early department so CIC I
just have a quick read and then I forgot
what I'm saying BPD is often
misdiagnosed as depression it can be to
start with and but you will often find
actually BPD is come or behd you have
the two together and anxiety thrown into
the mix I need your help from you you
broke up with me she has beaten I told
her breakups are really hard I've done a
number of videos on breakups and it's
kind of like a grieving process and it's
very hard if especially if you like your
partner has BPD because I've done
actually a video about this I would just
say one be kind to yourself I mean you
can reach out it very much depends how
much like your ex partners in recovery
if they like accept
half BPD or if they're in denial but
right now I'd just be really kind to
yourself what's this I find it really
good front mental or physical lists of
good and bad traits of people's like me
that's a really good idea to do that to
weigh up the goods and Bad's because we
can often see on this is what I mean
I've got to get used to doing this
because now I'm trying to read mum where
are you so now I am completely lost I'm
sorry I just I would love to help all of
you is being abusive projecting to
valued me after Hector he's like a
different person if someone's like being
abusive they're devaluing they need help
you need to put boundaries in place and
say what you will and will not tolerate
not only do you put those boundaries in
place but you have to stand by them so
next time you can't a starts getting
abusive or having a go at you if you say
next time you talk to me like that I'm
gonna walk away and then they talk to
you like that and you don't walk away
then they're not learning from that they
know that they can hit mommy where are
you
thank you George where is she gone so it
is putting boundaries in place and
sticking what's that sorry I came in
late what's the tribe VPD tribe is my
new website it is still being done I
will be really honest with you because
I'm trying to get the course is done and
I'm still in the right and stage I've
just got to sit down and film so when it
launches there might be one two courses
the first course I'm doing is on anger
management that's actually the first
course I ever did before I was even
diagnosed with BPD I had severe anger
issues and I had to do an anger manage
so yes that's the first one I'm doing um
so it's not up yet I'm hoping in the
next couple of weeks because the books
gonna launch and the website at the same
time that's what I'm aiming for like I
said I need you guys to sign up it's
free to sign up and then you can just
get involved and stop asking questions
answering questions and it can be like
the site that anyone has a BPD related
question they can come to it and we will
have the answers not only will we have
the answers we will have loads of
answers so people can just skim through
and see what they can relate to what
they don't relate to it's a truck Thank
You SL thank you everyone for your
lovely comments yeah anger management
see anger that was a real huge one the
borderline rage because we are not only
like do we just flip out quickly once we
do it's like really intense and we just
can't seem to calm down most people they
can get angry they can go and then they
can calm down we really struggle to do
that so we stay in a rage for quite a
while and as it can come in different
forms like there's passive aggressive
nurse there's people that when they're
angry they take out themselves people
with quiet borderline
they tend to do that so sub red on red
air yes you see I never got in to read
it I don't know why I really I need to
do that there's a few of these sites I
am no good on that social media do you
know what what I'm gonna have to do is
my mum has disappeared but I will be
phoning her after this and having a word
saying you disappeared I'll thank you
the house yes turn around her house that
that Bassem so you guys
now I told you my brother's been
diagnosed with spinocerebellar ataxia
which is the cerebellum at the back of
his brain it's breaking down that's
responsible for all motor skills eating
talking walking all that so he won't oh
my god no darling Cole had a choking fit
lie now my mom's just written say sorry
mum so that's my brother and he's okay
I'm glad he's okay so my mom's really
having to look after my brother like she
just said he's just had a choking fit my
mom works in the day greeting from
Poland hi and my brother needs us around
and he's on his own in the day and if
they lived here because I'm in
Bournemouth on the south coast of the UK
and they live two hours up away from me
but if they were here I could like nip
round after I've got the kids at school
I could go could sit with my brother he
won't be on its own we support for my
mum and it's like as a family we can
support each other because that is so
important when you feel you've got
people around you and again bringing
that back to the VPD tribe that's what I
want to create there well we've kind of
all got each other and we like one big
family and we can talk and we can share
and yeah so yeah so my bra mum wants to
move down here they'd put a bid on a
house but they didn't get it and my mom
was really like mm-hmm like I explained
in my last video actually say like yes
he family got me through the worst times
like okay guys bear with me I'm going to
have a quick feed okay okay mum you're
back you've got questions
I said that Carl has spinocerebellar
ataxia right it explained um so yeah
that's it I want us to have a place
where we can begin to feel empowered and
together I believe we can do that and we
can help empower one another
I'm really hoping like the book starts
to ease the stigma people can back off a
bit and leave us it was alone so that's
what I'm kind of hoping anyway because
people with BPD do get such a bad rap
Ennis I just think it's not fair because
people don't have a clue what's going on
up here here so yes and I have a aah I
can't cook like her though I have a
collaboration coming up at the end of
this month with dr. Todd Grande you can
if you type here night Todd Grande you
will find his channel YouTube channel
and he's got so many videos on mental
health and I loved his BPD videos he's
like really kind of sympathetic he's not
all they're bad people he's just you're
a great cook thank you so I I'm doing
collaboration one of my last videos I
did it says questions to ask a doctor
that's if you have any questions that
you would like to ask a professional go
onto that video and in the comment
section ask your question so at the end
of the month when I do this
collaboration we're going to do it via
Skype so I will ask him your questions
and he is going to answer them also we
are then doing it the other way around
where his subscribe
ask him me questions and we do not serve
and he will ask me them and I will be
answering them so likewise if you're
interested and asking me a question you
need to head over to his channel and I
think he'd put a posting community so if
you go in community there's a thing
there about recovery mum and that that's
the place to ask the question - Sweden
how can you overcome feelings of shame
for lashing out okay so I've talked
about this before we can let out and say
the most vile most hurtful things we
don't think it through we just kind of
say it it's like a little toddler who
has a meltdown and tells his parents
like I hate you I wish you were dead and
really hurtful things they don't it they
don't mean those things happen they're
just so angry and in such a rage they
say these things and then afterwards
they can feel bad and that's that's how
we we feel like I did the video on
empathy um yesterday and I said like
that's how I kind of think I know I've
got empathy because I could lash out I
could do something but I genuinely feel
hurt for the person for what I'd done
afterwards and yeah I used to be wracked
with guilt and shame and remorse until
next time
and then I lash out again and the whole
thing would be a repeat and then I'd
feel guilt and shame and remorse
until the next time and what I kind of
realized was I kind of I just had to put
those feelings from so I didn't say okay
I'm going to try and focus on getting
well because actually if we can get so
caught up in the shame marketable name
in recovery mum yeah I think this one
good names meek I won't do that to you
if we get so caught oh I'm such a bad
person I'm horrid and we that eats away
at us and that makes us even more sick
we we like get eaten up with it and then
we will act out again because we're so
angry at ourselves and we hate ourselves
and we might turn to drink we might turn
to drugs shares haha that's really funny
that was my nickname growing up shares
the only person that calls me shares is
my uncle Tommy
in Ireland I'm a de they're the only two
that call me shows and my friend Joanne
calls me she she's alright she who's she
the cat's mother so I would say if
you're wracked with guilt and shame you
just need to focus on getting well no no
don't sexy shots that's a funny yeah I
would say just focus on you getting well
there will come a time in your recovery
when you are strong enough emotionally
that you can then go and make amends and
say I'm really sorry all those years ago
I said this or I said that I was in a
bad place by should not said it and
because here's the thing we can go now I
learned this in 12-step fellowship and
because it made making amends is step 9
hmm and you might go and apologize to
someone for something and they might say
you're a horrid person get away from me
I don't forgive you now if you do that
when you're still in the groups of BPD
chances are you're going to either
retaliate and snap and say something
again horrid or you will go away and
sink into depression because you're not
on emotionally strong enough so that's
why I say you need to wait get yourself
off well and when you are strong enough
that's when we can slowly start making
amends to people if we can like if it's
safe to do so which I'm sure I'll
explain because like what I mean by that
is you might want to go and say to an
ex-boyfriend online Sartori dadada but
he might be happily married with kids
and then that's actually just gonna
cause further harms to his new wife or
whatever and say sometimes we just have
to walk away and think yes I did wrong
but I can't
how do you get diagnosed it's through a
doctor its GP well no not GP one I sing
a GP GP is like their first port of call
GPS general practitioner you local
doctor and I would go there and then get
referred to a mental health team where
they can diagnose you I don't know like
I'm sure you probably can you can go
private and do it but then obviously
that's load of money and I'm not
entirely sure like in the u.s. I don't
know I know like someone mentioned the
other day like and teenagers be
diagnosed and there's nothing in the DSM
that says an age but they didn't tend to
diagnose teenagers because a lot of a
lot of like the professionals they think
well your personality isn't fully
developed by then so we won't diagnose
you with a personality disorder and
that's very well but like I knew
something wasn't right when I was a
teenager and now studies are showing
that the earlier someone gets treat them
the quicker they can recover that
doesn't mean you can't recover if you're
older it just means it might take a bit
longer but that's the same as learning
to drive like if you do it when you're
younger you can learn to drive quicker
then when you're if you're older and
that tweeny for depression
yeah a lot of seeing I think nishal II I
was diagnosed with depression and then
anxiety and then saying I have severe
anger and put on Ang's babysitting Oh
bless oh I wish I had babysitter's but I
have no one cuz there are four of them
you can't get babysitter for fall but
when my mom comes down here thank you
mommy
we will have a baby now and again I hope
that we get recovery mom's hurt and now
ah thank you so yeah we were um My
partner was saying Darren Darren was
saying to me yesterday I'm really
worried I was like oh my God my
battery's gonna run out I was like why
are you worried he's like because we
just haven't been out together for so
long I'm really worried if we're gonna
go out and I'm not gonna lie
[Music]
and I mean you're worried at home if I
don't know who that's basically the way
hey guys I'm gonna have to go cuz really
sorry my back I didn't even think cuz I
was trying to film on my computer but
for some reason the laptop wouldn't work
so I've had to use my phone I didn't
charge my phone up I hope I made some
sense this evening what time is it now
really half nine here we're gonna watch
x-men box out aren't we baby
the x-men collection yeah we are
I've been watching right I never watch
TV and I don't watch films I just I just
don't have time that's what I think well
I was kinda like I need to start making
time so I went through all the Marvel
films and um like in order like starting
with Iron Man he going through Thor and
Captain America and loved it was amazing
and now I'm doing the x-men collection
and you were really excited aren't you
yes he said he didn't want to do it we
have a mature adult discussion and we
did what I want as always all right guys
I love you all loads and I will be back
in the week nah oh and don't forget if
you've got a question for the doc head
over to that video and ask him if you've
got a question for me go onto his
channel is dr. Todd grande dra and de
night-night my beautiful beautiful
people love you all
Wow I'm I'm not gonna call you once I
charge my battery
[Laughter]