Today I discuss the nee website that is launching soon, empowerment and I try to answer some questions! Dont forget to go to my other video about asking a Dr a question! If you have a question for Dr Grande please ask it in the comments section of that video! Xxx
oh there's people hi my lovelies hi you know I've been trying to go live for the past 20 minutes but I realized I have it set on private nothing cute I was just fat hair my own thinking no one's here Hey hi I'm George I don't how are you guys I'm gonna really have to try and talk and read messages at the same time because like I explained not very good hey hey hey hey mario's I'm just reading some of these see this is what I mean I can sit and just shut up shut attack and all I can read the messages but that's not much of a video if I'm just that like hmm just reading so I hate all good I was able to do a video tonight because my older two are at their dads so it made it bit easier and the younger two are in bed oh I'm glad the video you can only see the top of my face right now like this can you see me now oh hi mom can you see my face now I don't know why that's doing that my mom's district darling can't see your face I can see your whole face okay means I've got hold yeah I had this propped up so I didn't have to get a numb arm basically I'm talking to the cat so you can see my whole face now oh I'm glad my videos help you so today I was gonna tell you a little bit about my website that I've got coming up that my wonderful stepdad is building and it's called BPD tribe because I like to think we're like community we're all together and I just love that name and so for me - Washington DC thank you everyone feel lovely messages was there coming up so for me I found like those of us with BPD we are not empowered at all we're like the opposite and it's really difficult for us to feel empowered because there's such a huge stigma attached to BPD so so then you question why is there a stigma attached and I was thinking about this and I thought okay so if we like just say you went out for a meal and the meal was really good and you really enjoyed it and it's lovely it is good and you go away from the meal and you might tell a couple yeah really nice meal last night restaurant was good atmosphere was good food good so you tell a couple of people hi from USA in Belfast and I spelled my name wrong my name is well SH E H there's a silent H in there Rin a so um yes so now imagine you'll go out from bad meal and the atmosphere is really bad maybe you find a slug in your soup or something something bad and the company is bad you won't go away it means falling star mom thanks mom you will go away you won't just tell a couple of people about your bad food you will tell anyone you meet if you go to the shop that day you've got oh the worst meal there was a slug in my soup I'm going somewhere with this so you take the relationship want people with those of us with BPD and often it can end quite badly often there are some really bad experiences in that relationship so those people when they get out for relationship with us they will go around telling everyone do not go out with someone with BPD people would be B D about and it really adds to the stigma but there's no smoke without fire unfortunately and a lot of the problems in relationship we can cause like problems we can have complete meltdowns and ACT you've definitely been a slug in someone's soup few people's my slug in your suit babe yes yes so yeah we have our meltdowns we do this so huh headstock and um so why did we do this why do we do this and people like people come out relationships with us they stay away from their evil they will destroy your life and the reason they do this it's like doing backstroke the reason um people go around saying these things is because the way we've behaved and I get we behave badly I knew that trust me I've been there but when I wrote my book this is what I wanted to get across to people right these are our behaviors this is what everyone in the outside world sees but the things you can't see our thoughts our feelings this is these are the thoughts and feelings Oh No is it bad signal can you hear me mom if you're there can you hear me [Laughter] signal fine I can I can brilliant thank you my mum mum I was slow she wasn't got back oh absolutely thanks mommy thank you guys so yeah so in the book I really wanted to say okay these are our behaviors running running well we know that everyone whole world knows our behaviors but these are our thoughts and feelings and - okay so yes so these are restless in Phoenix so I wanted the outside world to recognize that to try and try and break the stigma a bit but I also want to empower us I want us to feel empowered and breaking the stigma is part of that but there's a number of different things and one of it is taking action because if not if we do nothing and nothing changes nothing changes basically so it's vital that we do put in action but it's not that easy for everyone to do that because we don't all have therapy like just if we want it I've come flurry Larry you want to say hi bed hi so therapy is not available everywhere so that's why in my website I say my website my lovely friend Meghan she it's her website - we're doing this together and I wanted to have courses that are available a reasonable price in small chunks so it's not and you say you can recover is this true okay so yes I believe you can recover to the point where I am if I went to a doctor now they wouldn't diagnosed with me with BPD because I don't have the traits but it's learning to manage them and sure in times when times are tough traits can appear even now I can sometimes start seeing myself thinking in black and white sometimes my partner will walk through the door and I think oh my God he's so amazing and the next day walks through the door and I'm like yeah so like but you can have really like wonderful life free from basically feeling like you're chained up where your emotions and completely controlled by them I don't suffer with that but yes I believe recovery and I it's possible for everyone so the courses so basically as well with both the book and the website I wanted to do it one for people with BPD but also for loved ones and founding members because they often don't have anyone to turn to there's no courses for them really so oh my mum thank you you're answering Claudia for me yes ma'am questions Esther Unni if you see that name that's my mama believer mom you get on that and then I could so yeah family members don't have some so that's why even in my book that is coming out it's gone to the printers now um my mom's legend issues it's there's a whole section especially for family members so I wanted that on the website as well now Meghan has experience working with family members so we're going to start having courses for family members as well and I will be doing the ones for those of us with BPD so that's one part because like I said if we want to become empowered part of it is putting in the action taking little steps well you don't have to take one massive leap it's just little baby steps to start with sometimes we trip and we fall back that's alright we just pick ourselves up and we can keep moving forwards so fancy a day BPD bunny-boiler stigma ha yeah hey committee mimi d say where was I so that's one part now this is what the exciting bit that I really wanted to tell you guys about and I want it to be which is called BPD tribe a place where you feel safe a community so you can sign up and it's free like just to sign up obviously if you want to do courses you can that's an extra cost but you can just sign up and I really saw the power in 12-step fellowships like Alcoholics Anonymous I did cocaine know my math there's Narcotics Anonymous there's all the Anonymous's and I saw the power of like one addict helping another I saw one alcoholic helping another and that's what I've always say to you I really believe in the power of someone with BPD helping another person with BPD and it doesn't matter if you're still in the grips of it you still have a story to tell that can help someone else that is also in the grips of it and so I really want to create a community I want to have I'm gonna have a questions and answers section absolutely any question that you think of you can ask and that will always stay on the site so there will be every question like different question on there VPD related but I want you guys answering them because you guys have the answers you have your own experiences and you you've got my answers because I do my channel and I tell you everything there but we've all got different things to share and some method scars so just reading about that about self harm scars and I was I never really did treat them or plea I used to actually do the opposite and leave them and so I've got scars and so I'm not the best person to ask on that but this is what I mean there's questions like that that I might I don't have the answer for I can't tell you what is the best way to treat self harm scars but you could go on the BPD tribe you can ask that question and get loads of answers from people that are going through that and I think this will really help you help me because I don't have to do it but do you know what I mean like I think sort of having a quick read see I can't talk and read at the same time it's so putting for me that's my mummys here I would flash the camera that way but he's all in his hoodie playing his xbox and I said I wouldn't not even a quick hello hello my lovelies [Laughter] so yeah right like this is a way that you can really get involved so you can like I said you sign up and then you can go on ask any question answer any question and hopefully we will just build this real safe community amongst ourselves how do I get out of the devaluation cycle is it you devaluing or is it him your partner devaluing it's all about boundaries basically putting boundaries in place crazy in the early department so CIC I just have a quick read and then I forgot what I'm saying BPD is often misdiagnosed as depression it can be to start with and but you will often find actually BPD is come or behd you have the two together and anxiety thrown into the mix I need your help from you you broke up with me she has beaten I told her breakups are really hard I've done a number of videos on breakups and it's kind of like a grieving process and it's very hard if especially if you like your partner has BPD because I've done actually a video about this I would just say one be kind to yourself I mean you can reach out it very much depends how much like your ex partners in recovery if they like accept half BPD or if they're in denial but right now I'd just be really kind to yourself what's this I find it really good front mental or physical lists of good and bad traits of people's like me that's a really good idea to do that to weigh up the goods and Bad's because we can often see on this is what I mean I've got to get used to doing this because now I'm trying to read mum where are you so now I am completely lost I'm sorry I just I would love to help all of you is being abusive projecting to valued me after Hector he's like a different person if someone's like being abusive they're devaluing they need help you need to put boundaries in place and say what you will and will not tolerate not only do you put those boundaries in place but you have to stand by them so next time you can't a starts getting abusive or having a go at you if you say next time you talk to me like that I'm gonna walk away and then they talk to you like that and you don't walk away then they're not learning from that they know that they can hit mommy where are you thank you George where is she gone so it is putting boundaries in place and sticking what's that sorry I came in late what's the tribe VPD tribe is my new website it is still being done I will be really honest with you because I'm trying to get the course is done and I'm still in the right and stage I've just got to sit down and film so when it launches there might be one two courses the first course I'm doing is on anger management that's actually the first course I ever did before I was even diagnosed with BPD I had severe anger issues and I had to do an anger manage so yes that's the first one I'm doing um so it's not up yet I'm hoping in the next couple of weeks because the books gonna launch and the website at the same time that's what I'm aiming for like I said I need you guys to sign up it's free to sign up and then you can just get involved and stop asking questions answering questions and it can be like the site that anyone has a BPD related question they can come to it and we will have the answers not only will we have the answers we will have loads of answers so people can just skim through and see what they can relate to what they don't relate to it's a truck Thank You SL thank you everyone for your lovely comments yeah anger management see anger that was a real huge one the borderline rage because we are not only like do we just flip out quickly once we do it's like really intense and we just can't seem to calm down most people they can get angry they can go and then they can calm down we really struggle to do that so we stay in a rage for quite a while and as it can come in different forms like there's passive aggressive nurse there's people that when they're angry they take out themselves people with quiet borderline they tend to do that so sub red on red air yes you see I never got in to read it I don't know why I really I need to do that there's a few of these sites I am no good on that social media do you know what what I'm gonna have to do is my mum has disappeared but I will be phoning her after this and having a word saying you disappeared I'll thank you the house yes turn around her house that that Bassem so you guys now I told you my brother's been diagnosed with spinocerebellar ataxia which is the cerebellum at the back of his brain it's breaking down that's responsible for all motor skills eating talking walking all that so he won't oh my god no darling Cole had a choking fit lie now my mom's just written say sorry mum so that's my brother and he's okay I'm glad he's okay so my mom's really having to look after my brother like she just said he's just had a choking fit my mom works in the day greeting from Poland hi and my brother needs us around and he's on his own in the day and if they lived here because I'm in Bournemouth on the south coast of the UK and they live two hours up away from me but if they were here I could like nip round after I've got the kids at school I could go could sit with my brother he won't be on its own we support for my mum and it's like as a family we can support each other because that is so important when you feel you've got people around you and again bringing that back to the VPD tribe that's what I want to create there well we've kind of all got each other and we like one big family and we can talk and we can share and yeah so yeah so my bra mum wants to move down here they'd put a bid on a house but they didn't get it and my mom was really like mm-hmm like I explained in my last video actually say like yes he family got me through the worst times like okay guys bear with me I'm going to have a quick feed okay okay mum you're back you've got questions I said that Carl has spinocerebellar ataxia right it explained um so yeah that's it I want us to have a place where we can begin to feel empowered and together I believe we can do that and we can help empower one another I'm really hoping like the book starts to ease the stigma people can back off a bit and leave us it was alone so that's what I'm kind of hoping anyway because people with BPD do get such a bad rap Ennis I just think it's not fair because people don't have a clue what's going on up here here so yes and I have a aah I can't cook like her though I have a collaboration coming up at the end of this month with dr. Todd Grande you can if you type here night Todd Grande you will find his channel YouTube channel and he's got so many videos on mental health and I loved his BPD videos he's like really kind of sympathetic he's not all they're bad people he's just you're a great cook thank you so I I'm doing collaboration one of my last videos I did it says questions to ask a doctor that's if you have any questions that you would like to ask a professional go onto that video and in the comment section ask your question so at the end of the month when I do this collaboration we're going to do it via Skype so I will ask him your questions and he is going to answer them also we are then doing it the other way around where his subscribe ask him me questions and we do not serve and he will ask me them and I will be answering them so likewise if you're interested and asking me a question you need to head over to his channel and I think he'd put a posting community so if you go in community there's a thing there about recovery mum and that that's the place to ask the question - Sweden how can you overcome feelings of shame for lashing out okay so I've talked about this before we can let out and say the most vile most hurtful things we don't think it through we just kind of say it it's like a little toddler who has a meltdown and tells his parents like I hate you I wish you were dead and really hurtful things they don't it they don't mean those things happen they're just so angry and in such a rage they say these things and then afterwards they can feel bad and that's that's how we we feel like I did the video on empathy um yesterday and I said like that's how I kind of think I know I've got empathy because I could lash out I could do something but I genuinely feel hurt for the person for what I'd done afterwards and yeah I used to be wracked with guilt and shame and remorse until next time and then I lash out again and the whole thing would be a repeat and then I'd feel guilt and shame and remorse until the next time and what I kind of realized was I kind of I just had to put those feelings from so I didn't say okay I'm going to try and focus on getting well because actually if we can get so caught up in the shame marketable name in recovery mum yeah I think this one good names meek I won't do that to you if we get so caught oh I'm such a bad person I'm horrid and we that eats away at us and that makes us even more sick we we like get eaten up with it and then we will act out again because we're so angry at ourselves and we hate ourselves and we might turn to drink we might turn to drugs shares haha that's really funny that was my nickname growing up shares the only person that calls me shares is my uncle Tommy in Ireland I'm a de they're the only two that call me shows and my friend Joanne calls me she she's alright she who's she the cat's mother so I would say if you're wracked with guilt and shame you just need to focus on getting well no no don't sexy shots that's a funny yeah I would say just focus on you getting well there will come a time in your recovery when you are strong enough emotionally that you can then go and make amends and say I'm really sorry all those years ago I said this or I said that I was in a bad place by should not said it and because here's the thing we can go now I learned this in 12-step fellowship and because it made making amends is step 9 hmm and you might go and apologize to someone for something and they might say you're a horrid person get away from me I don't forgive you now if you do that when you're still in the groups of BPD chances are you're going to either retaliate and snap and say something again horrid or you will go away and sink into depression because you're not on emotionally strong enough so that's why I say you need to wait get yourself off well and when you are strong enough that's when we can slowly start making amends to people if we can like if it's safe to do so which I'm sure I'll explain because like what I mean by that is you might want to go and say to an ex-boyfriend online Sartori dadada but he might be happily married with kids and then that's actually just gonna cause further harms to his new wife or whatever and say sometimes we just have to walk away and think yes I did wrong but I can't how do you get diagnosed it's through a doctor its GP well no not GP one I sing a GP GP is like their first port of call GPS general practitioner you local doctor and I would go there and then get referred to a mental health team where they can diagnose you I don't know like I'm sure you probably can you can go private and do it but then obviously that's load of money and I'm not entirely sure like in the u.s. I don't know I know like someone mentioned the other day like and teenagers be diagnosed and there's nothing in the DSM that says an age but they didn't tend to diagnose teenagers because a lot of a lot of like the professionals they think well your personality isn't fully developed by then so we won't diagnose you with a personality disorder and that's very well but like I knew something wasn't right when I was a teenager and now studies are showing that the earlier someone gets treat them the quicker they can recover that doesn't mean you can't recover if you're older it just means it might take a bit longer but that's the same as learning to drive like if you do it when you're younger you can learn to drive quicker then when you're if you're older and that tweeny for depression yeah a lot of seeing I think nishal II I was diagnosed with depression and then anxiety and then saying I have severe anger and put on Ang's babysitting Oh bless oh I wish I had babysitter's but I have no one cuz there are four of them you can't get babysitter for fall but when my mom comes down here thank you mommy we will have a baby now and again I hope that we get recovery mom's hurt and now ah thank you so yeah we were um My partner was saying Darren Darren was saying to me yesterday I'm really worried I was like oh my God my battery's gonna run out I was like why are you worried he's like because we just haven't been out together for so long I'm really worried if we're gonna go out and I'm not gonna lie [Music] and I mean you're worried at home if I don't know who that's basically the way hey guys I'm gonna have to go cuz really sorry my back I didn't even think cuz I was trying to film on my computer but for some reason the laptop wouldn't work so I've had to use my phone I didn't charge my phone up I hope I made some sense this evening what time is it now really half nine here we're gonna watch x-men box out aren't we baby the x-men collection yeah we are I've been watching right I never watch TV and I don't watch films I just I just don't have time that's what I think well I was kinda like I need to start making time so I went through all the Marvel films and um like in order like starting with Iron Man he going through Thor and Captain America and loved it was amazing and now I'm doing the x-men collection and you were really excited aren't you yes he said he didn't want to do it we have a mature adult discussion and we did what I want as always all right guys I love you all loads and I will be back in the week nah oh and don't forget if you've got a question for the doc head over to that video and ask him if you've got a question for me go onto his channel is dr. Todd grande dra and de night-night my beautiful beautiful people love you all Wow I'm I'm not gonna call you once I charge my battery [Laughter]
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