What does a genuine loving partner of someone with BPD go through and what should they do  – stay and support their partner or walk away?

hi guys today I am going to do another
video on relationships I did one the
other day explaining what I was like in
my last relationships cycle but I've
been getting messages of people men and
women that don't have borderline
personality disorder but they are with
someone that has borderline personality
disorder and I really didn't feel that
in my last video that I thought much
about these types of partners because
the types of partners that I'm getting
messaging me are messaging me saying
that I love my partner to bits I love
them so much I would do anything for
them but they constantly think I'm
cheating they just turn on me and I
don't know what to do and I really did
forget that in the last video I talked
about a lot of my past unhealthy
relationships but there are people out
there myself included that have had
borderline personality disorder and been
with a really genuine person that really
does love you and does care about you
and wants to support you and how is it
for them
I wanted my partner to do a video but he
doesn't want to and I said to him last
night I was like why don't you do a
video and you can say what it was like
when I was going crazy and his I just
don't want to go there don't even want
to think about it it was just such a
fucked up time and so he's not really
willing to do that at the moment but I
did talk to him about it and I can kind
of tell you what he said I suppose and
yeah he said it was a complete head fuck
because you can really love someone it's
like and think you know them and think
they're just this really nice person and
then one day the Beast comes out and the
finest whoa what the fuck um and the
thing is it kind of it happens again and
again and again I remember one time must
held was for 18 and I was like on
holiday with a boyfriend and we were
having a really nice holiday abroad
enjoying the sunshine and then this
other couple turned up and the other
couple really nice actually um but I
thought like the girl she was just had
an amazing figure and always remember
she had like folks stick on nails on and
for some reason I got it in my head that
my partner wanted to be with this girl
he gave no indication I don't even know
if he'd been looking out but I got it in
my head that he wanted to be with her
and then rouse that I had with him
threatening to kill myself
and if not I'd say if you talk to her I
will kill myself
but then the next day I would go and
talk to her and talk to the couple and
so he'd be stood there and then like we
just all get into a conversation and
went go back to the room I'd say you
fucking dogs like and I would just
completely turn and I'm really stuck in
my head actually that holiday because
after that I got fascinated with stick
or nails because I want his nails like
this girl I wanted to be like this girl
I mean we look nothing alike
but oh it was like I just wanted to be
her I was never happy being me um I was
I said in the last video the jealousy
that I used to feel like that I just
want to be someone else I just was not
happy with me but so going back to what
I was talking about
so if like there's a partner and they
genuinely really love their partners
borderline and the partners constantly
saying you look to her you did this
though it's really really hard for them
um not not just like the rage and the
jealousy and the threats but I could
wake up in the middle of the night and
the whole bed would be covered in blood
where I'd just been sat there just
cutting my arms and just covering the
bed and it was really horrific for him
to see there were partners I know well
myself included I'm not the partner but
like time that I've been admitted into
hospital for an overdose and I've been
in there for days like unconscious
basically and the doctors have said it's
at the point we don't know yet we don't
know if she'll be okay yet and and
having a partner sit at the side of the
bed thinking are they ever going to wake
up again and feeling completely helpless
because they can't save you like if I
was going to arise a partner and now I'm
not therapists I've said this a before
and I'm not a doctor so any advice is my
own and but I'd say if you like truly
love this person with borderline
personality disorder and you want to be
with them obviously there's only so much
someone can take now if the person with
borderline personality disorder doesn't
really want to get any help doesn't want
to do anything just things I'll just
carry on I'll just carry on as I am
there's going to come a point that
actually for that partner I would say
the best thing is you're better just
saying step in a way because it
we'll drag you down and it will affect
you really negatively but that's not me
saying if your partner's got borderline
gal because I am NOT saying that because
most people with borderline personality
disorder know they have a problem they
know their behaviors are not right they
themselves really struggling they're in
pain if they are will trying to get help
they want to do therapy they're on
medication they're doing what they can
they're desperate for help I would say
to the partner look just be there for
them not just that learn about
borderline personality disorder learn
everything about it all the different
traits the intense emotions the pushing
people away so you can understand next
time your partner is going you know
what's going on and know that when
they're going and they are hurting just
as much if not more than you and um
don't take it personally because I know
it seems like a really personal attack
but actually that person is really in a
lot of pain right now and and they need
your support they need they can't have
everyone give up on them especially if
they're trying to get help themselves
and they're desperate to get out of this
stand by them give them support learn
about it don't take it personally
don't walk away but also don't think
like if they start with era p2 say
they've started DBT in a week's time
everything's going to be great
expect a bumpy road along the way
because recovery doesn't happen
overnight it is a process and there are
going to be times when you think
everything's going great it might be
months it might be nearly a year
everything's going great and then one
day the Beast will appear again and go
nuts and don't think right I've had
enough this time I'm walking because
that is part of recovery as well
the outbursts might come fewer and far
between until eventually they stop but
it's not going to happen straight away
so you are going to have a bumpy ride
along the way but also know that once
you'll go through this together you will
have a really healthy happy relationship
and is possible and because like I've
said in other videos borderline
personality disorder is not a life
sentence it can be managed and I think
I've kind of covered everything in that
video I think I think and but obviously
if I haven't I'm sure I'll do another
video at some point I'm going to stop
this one now and actually do one on
relationships friendships friendships
and minute so I'll be doing that alright
thanks for watching guys bye bye
This transcript was auto-generated and therefore may contain mistakes.

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