Is masturbation good or bad? Can it affect our mental health?

hi my lovelies welcome back
to my channel i have a few apologies to
make one is my hair
uh it looks kind of like a scarecrow i
haven't had time to do it today
uh two i am so tired i'm so tired i want
to cry
my 11 year old it was not very well and
she kept waking in the night and
therefore waking me so i had a very
interrupted night's sleep and she was
off school today so i had no time to do
anything and i apologize this video is
due out yesterday i was trying to record
last night but my 11 year old kept
coming down and because of
the topic i decided i was gonna leave it
the next day so
today we're going to talk about
masturbation and mental health
again as i say in all my videos i'm not
a sex therapist i'm not a psychologist
i'm not a psychiatrist
i just have lived experience with mental
and masturbation
i was on the phone to my mum yesterday
and my mum was like oh what video are
you doing tonight darling i said i want
to talk about masturbation
oh good lord
and that's the thing the subject to
masturbation has got a huge
taboo it's like makes people
uncomfortable they don't really want to
talk about it
to the point like i know if i met up
with a group of my girlfriends
and one of them had a new boyfriend we'd
be like
how big is he was it any good did you
come what did you do
we'd have all these questions but never
in my life
can i remember sitting down with my
and hearing one of them say oh
i keep playing with myself this week or
oh i think i play with myself
too much or i don't think i'm doing it
right when i'm it's not a subject
that we really talk about it's just kind
of like
not talking about it um
and yet it's something that the majority
of us do do
um going back
to the 1800s it was seen as a bad thing
now you've got to think there's
different things that can kind of cause
us to
feel like it's bad thing it could be
cultural it could be social it could be
and back in the 1800s
they actually would say like if you do
it you're going to get
like depressed they started believing it
to depression but
1900s came things started to change
it's actually now um studies have shown
the opposite it doesn't cause depression
um in fact when you orgasm
oxytocin dopamine
endorphins feel good chemicals guys
go off in your head and they're likely
increase your mood and make you feel
and they can help you sleep
those of us with mental health issues
often know
sleep is a huge problem unless you're on
sleep is a big problem well orgasm
can help with that their full
can help with your sleep
i remember so i must have been
11 12 years old i don't remember the
exact age but i remember
i got to the age i started to experiment
and i can clear as anything remember
lying in bed thinking
i'm going to hell god's just watched me
and is judging me
i'm going to go blind my hands are going
to fall off
i am a bad person the thing is
i've never had
a conversation with anyone about
masturbation it just wasn't something
that was mentioned
uh my parents never mentioned it to me
um which i suppose
is fine for the fact that people grew up
in a different age
like back then
i know i think for my mum i don't even
her mum would have even talked about
periods like time of the month
i know like i know for my nan
she didn't even know what sex was when
she was 16.
um and yet she was with my granddad
and she had had sex but she she
had never talked about it she didn't
understand it
it just was very it was a very very
different time
but for me
as a say 12 year old experimenting i had
all these preconceived ideas
about something that had never been
so i don't know if that is just
something like you can hear about things
being passed down
generation by generation i've discussed
with you guys
before about the experiment on mice ever
so quickly
they had some mice and they would get
the mice to smell
lavender when the mice smelt the
lavender they'd get a little electric
not nice um those mice went on
and got pregnant and had babies the
were given the smell of lavender without
the electric shock
and the babies would freak out and run
as if they knew what was gonna happen
but they didn't so it proves stuff is
passed down
these things are passed down and so
looking back when i was thinking about
this for me
no one had talked about any of this
like it's just not a conversation that
had been had but in my head
it was bad it was wrong i was going
my hands are gonna fall off
uh and like well luckily for me like i
grew up and i was
inquisitive i wanted to know stuff i
looked stuff up i read stuff and i
learned that actually
it's normal uh it's quite healthy
my hands aren't gonna fall off i'm not
gonna go blind
and the most important thing most people
do it
most people do it they might not talk
about it's not something everyone goes
hey yeah i do that
but most people do it it's really common
but obviously there's some people that
might grow up
and not have learned that and so
you come into adulthood and all those
thoughts about this is bad because
here's the thing we have sexual needs
as humans we have needs and we have
and so someone might have grown up
with these urges and whether or not
they fulfill their urge themselves in
their head
they can be saying if they do fulfill it
oh my goodness i'm going to hell
if they don't oh my god i thought about
it i'm going to hell
and this can cause anxiety
and if this is the case for you and it
has got to the point
you think it's bad you think it's wrong
really struggling with anxiety around
speak to your doctor and hopefully they
will put you on
to a sex therapist who can confirm
that it's perfectly normal and you are
not a bad
person um
i mean more recently that like
they've done more studies on this
and masturbation has loads of benefits i
they took a group of women
that masturbated and were married and a
group of women that don't masturbate and
are married and
they studied there and it turned out the
that masturbated had a really good sex
life with their husband they were more
likely to orgasm
they felt sexually more sexually
than the women that were married that
didn't masturbate
because actually by masturbating you can
increase your sex drive now i've
realized this
over the years so
don't get me wrong there can be times
i'm not in the mood like if you're
and you're not in the mood for sex
chances are you don't want to masturbate
that's how i was
i could just go months and months not
if i'm just feeling down but if i got
the flow of masturbation i would find
i want it that bit more and i want it
that bit more and my sex
drive would increase and i'd want
sex more um
the problem i suppose with anyone is the
same as
when i did the sex addiction video
too much of a good thing uh you can
become addicted to masturbating
uh if
it's like getting in the way of your
day-to-day life
and you have to do it so often and just
say you're supposed to be a job
at this time but you're like i can't
leave the house without
having a wank basically
maybe you've got a little bit of a
problem and if that's the case
speak to your doctor and
hopefully they'll put you onto a sex
what i will say is if you're
a teenager like uh late teens
i like so these videos actually i block
for under 18s
uh because of the subject i'm talking
so i'm if you're
late teens young 20s
and you want to masturbate all the time
it's not such so much of a problem
because that's actually quite normal
but what you find is the teenager
masturbates all the time but as you grow
you don't need it as much if you find
you're in your 40s and you're still
needing to masturbate like you were
back when you're a teenager maybe
you've got a bit of an addiction going
on maybe you're
thinking i need to masturbate i need to
to feel good you're trying to fix
uh that's not meant judgmentally it's
the same as if you're a drug addict
it's the same as if you're a sex addict
it's the same as if you're into gambling
you need
that little high to make you feel good
like i said not judgmental but it is
something that you should look at and
don't be ashamed don't be ashamed be
i suppose if you've got like a real
with masturbating where you can't stop
but you're in a relationship with
then it can cause problems in
relationship and
yourself and your partner might have a
perfectly good sex drive
but one night your partner's tired and
you're just like well i
i need to go i need to come um
it might not make your partner feel so
uh like
oh this is like a whole other subject
isn't it if i go into how your partner
feels about when you're doing it
um i actually read
like if you're someone that is really
and you're uncomfortable and you're not
used to masturbating
and there's the things like just relax
and just question your fear
question why have i got an issue writing
this and if you see a doctor and a sex
therapist talk to them
through what that fear is and why it's
and one of the things was instead of
doing it on your own
why don't you do it with your partner it
ease you in um i don't know for me
that was like that would come at a later
stage doing stuff on my own
i could do comfortably doing it with a
partner that was at a
later stage especially if i was anxious
around something
when you're in a good and you're in a
like a good happy
healthy relationship that is something
the talk of masturbation shouldn't be
any different than the talk of
having sex and it is something that you
do in front of one another and get
enjoyment from that
and get enjoyment from watching them
your partner
getting enjoyment um
but like i said if you're in the
relationship with someone
it's really kept separate
where they're like okay i want to go
down like go to the toilet
or i want to go and sit down stairs and
do it secretly
then that can leave
the other partner kind of feeling like
oh like you can't go one night without
having to go downstairs
or go in the bathroom and do it
i i was going to when i was doing this
video i was going to do
well i was going to title it
and porn because
they often do come together
but i realize that's too
big a topic i think i could literally
talk for ages
on both and i just thought
i need to kind of separate it to break
it down
but obviously masturbation and pawn can
come into it but i'm going to
focus on the porn side separately
um today i am just talking about
masturbating um and then when you think
a partner masturbating again
because here's the thing i think women
when they're women are quite good with
their own just mind and thoughts
men are more i'm not saying women aren't
because women can enjoy
porn just as much as men but men are
more likely they
um i'm pretty sure i've read it
somewhere like they need to
like visually actually see something
uh they're not as good as picturing in
their head
um so men are then
more likely to look at porn and the
is again if you're in a pop like
especially if we then bring porn into it
and if you're in a loving relationship
and you've got perfectly good sex life
and then one night
one of you is tired and the other's like
oh i just gotta go
and they like sneak off they go and you
know they're then watching
porn as well uh
that can cause real
um feelings of inadequacy
feeling like oh they'd rather do that
than me um they couldn't just cuddle me
and go to sleep
they and then that can kind of come into
the sex i don't want to go into the
whole porn thing
um but even if it wasn't porn even if it
was just the masturbation it's like
they're not if someone's masturbating
they're not just
sat there thinking of nothing
if they've got no porn they're not
thinking they're thinking of something
so as a partner you're then like okay so
what or who the hell are they thinking
and that can come up in your head and
that can then cause
real feelings of um
that inadequacy it can affect the
self-esteem of the person
that's not like the partner of the
person who's masturbating
basically um
so indirectly i suppose it can cause
problems and
but if you're in a good healthy
hopefully it's something that you can
do together maybe you'll both come from
a place
where you're both kind of not sure and
then you can explore this stuff together
and just have this conversation and know
it's all right
every like i say everyone does it
i can't say everyone does it but the
majority of people do
uh and it's not a sin and it doesn't
make you a bad person
actually it makes you pretty common
actually um
if you feel like
i haven't touched on something in
regards to this
do let me know in the comments um i
think i've covered everything
i didn't i thought i could do this video
a lot quicker than this
um but i did go into the porn bit
slightly but i'll touch on that more in
the porn video
uh which i will be doing like i said if
you've got any questions if there's
anything that i haven't covered let me
and i can possibly bring that up in a
later video guys
i apologize again one for the hair two
for the late video three
i'm so tired but i love you all loads
and i'll be back next week
This transcript was auto-generated and therefore may contain mistakes.

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