Today I answer some of the comments in my last video – was the BPD to blame? Isnt it too soon to say my kids are happy? Are my bpd traits resurfacing?
hi my lovelies today I'm kind of I'm doing a follow-up video on my last one where I told you about the breakup with my partner and I want to thank you first of all for your lovely lovely lovely messages of support they really mean a lot but I also had other messages like querying things are some questions some concern and I thought I'd kinda talk about them today clear a few things up say the first thing I want to say is that my breakup had zero to do with borderline personality disorder that's not just me saying that I actually spoke with my ex yesterday and he said have any of the BPD tweets come up since this has all happened off by now so I think because I do videos on BPD and I do videos on recovery and I was diagnosed with BPD it's very easy for people to kind of jump to the conclusion that is the BPD that had a part to play in the breakup when actually you could get to people with no mental health problems that break up there are other factors when myself and my ex met we were new in recovery we were both in recovery from addiction we both had issues and our relationship started out really unhealthy all my vvd traits were out in full force but that's not the case today if I went to my doctor and I asked to be assessed for BPD I would not get diagnosed this because I don't meet the criteria now we know there's no cure for BPD but we can manage it to the point that is not there I've talked before excuse the really sore throat by the way guys I've talked to before about how traits can resurface and even I've noticed there but that's the thing about recovery I notice and when my BPD trato resurfacing and I do something about it I don't just sit back and leave it and let them escalate I put in action immediately and that's the thing again with recovery as we become self-aware and I got asked like someone said they were really worried because they we thought I had a healthy relationship and I'd said I had a healthy relationship so what has happened our relationship was healthy it wasn't in the beginning but as we got into recovery was in the fact that if we had a problem I didn't react the way I would when the BPD was out of control we could sit down and talk through our issues in a healthy way and overcome them and I stand by them hmm again two people can have a healthy relationship and they can still break up and it kind of shows house is sad because it shows how stigmatize this disorder is the fact that if one partner has BPD and the relationship breaks up immediately it has to be the fault with the person with BPD where and the other person can just get off with it's not there's no blame no no fault of their own it's all the person with BPD when it takes to like I can put my hand up and take responsibility fly all my problems in past relationships ah I don't take a hundred percent responsibility because it takes two and it wasn't always my fault all the time but when things are my fault I can put on my hand and say that was my fault and again that's something that recovery has given me back then I couldn't have done that it would have been I would have been blaming someone else the whole time and here's another thing this breakup has actually shown me how far in recovery I've come if my BPD was completely out of control I would either still be in this relationship and it would be up and down like a roller coaster which it hasn't been but I would still be in it and that's how it would be or I would be sending him vile messages I would say no you can't see the kids and I would be so consumed with emotions I couldn't think nationally and that's not the case we're actually getting on amicably and he asked if he could still come and see have someone's nativity yesterday I said yeah why would I stop him if he wants to be there for our boy why would I say no and I saved him a seat and we watched the show we he came he had a cup of coffee and we both kind of said like we neither of us were happy in the end I am sure just like I can sit here and say I wasn't happy and this is how he made me feel I'm pretty sure he would be able to do the same but like I said to him yesterday you know it is sad but it's better this then we wait another five years and then come to the same conclusion that this just isn't working because we are both in recovery and we are so different to how we were when we met we completely different people we have grown so far apart he's a real traditionalist in the sense that he always grew up thinking the mom stays at home she cooks she cleans she was soft with kids dad goes out works every hour earns money she took off his family and in the beginning of our relationship that was kind of the role I had they at home yes I did my YouTube videos but they didn't impact him in any way but now it's getting to a point I'm setting up BPD tribe I've just written a book and the dynamics of our relationship changed and I think he struggled with that and I'm not saying that his foal is just that's just a fact that's just how it was so like I said if the BPD was out control we would really be hating each other I'm not that person today I don't see the point in holding on to anger or going over and over things that have happened things have happened we're not together now and now we're gonna focus on the kids so another comment I got someone said don't you think it's a bit soon to be saying your children are happier when I said that I'm not saying like oh the kids are really happy now he's gone it's all his fault the kids do seem fine they do seem happier they're coming into my room sitting on my bed chatting to me over morning which they never used to do but I'm not saying that's all his fault I'm saying that shows there must have been some kind of tension in the house and that tension between us not just him between us has now gone also I'm not saying that down the line we might come across issues with the kids where they feel a certain way I'm just saying right now they are okay and I'm doing my very best to make sure they are okay given the rates of attention it's a card or sticking to a routine I've been checking in with their teacher and actually it wasn't even my words who said like that said the kids happier it was my son's teacher said why not because I've been checking every day how's he doing is he okay and she said well if anything he seems calmer he seems happier yeah so I was kind of repeating her sentence what she said but that's not to say that it's just because he's having a good week it might have absolute see a road to do what's going on at home he might just be happy because he's enjoying the topic they're studying at school or something I say you're not I was thinking as well like prior to this relationship and try it's my marriage and I would jump from relationship to relationship I could never be on my own and that's not how things are today I don't want to be in a relationship and it's not because I have this fear like oh I'll be abandoned so I don't want to be it's nothing to do it's just I'm quite happy being on my own now I feel strong enough that I don't feel I need to have someone there to make me feel whole I'm okay and right now all I want to do is just focus on the children running and that's it so well I'm very fortunate like myself my ex-husband we get on now it wasn't like that in the beginning because my BPD was out of control and I we would have screaming matches right down the phone at each other but we've got to a point where we can get on and unfortunately with this that actually I'm not going through that screaming map stage I'm not having to do that because I am in recovery for anyone like worried thinking oh my god you've broken up with Hana does that mean all people with BPD cannot have a relationship I would say of course you can of course you can have a relationship because this has nothing to do with the beef tea if my PPT without control yes like anyone's pvd's out cannoli it's really difficult to have a relationship that's the whole point that's why one of the traders is unstable relationships most pity one of the traits is unstable relationships ah if you're in recovery there's nothing to stop you and I personally know a few people yes I can count them on one hand but that are in recovery from BPD and that have really good healthy relationships and it was a time where my relationship was healthy it's just it just didn't work we just grew up all that's here and focus is the children now so I kind of just wanted to yeah do this video and I know I'll probably get comments saying ah not the BPD course it's the BPD but you know what yeah if only I could get my psychologist on here to do a video I don't take the traits I don't have mean I don't meet the criteria to be diagnosed now and yeah it did the BPD has zero to do with the break-up so I'm gonna leave that there today guys I've got them to the school right now I will be back in the week I'm gonna start doing some live streams but just randomly doing them same because I can never guarantee a time like this second when I can definitely do it and I don't want to let you down say yeah I'll leave that there guys but take care enjoy the rest of your week and I love you all those MA
This transcript was auto-generated and therefore may contain mistakes.