hi my lovelies today I'm kind of I'm
doing a follow-up video on my last one
where I told you about the breakup with
my partner and I want to thank you first
of all for your lovely lovely lovely
messages of support they really mean a
lot but I also had other messages like
querying things are some questions some
concern and I thought I'd kinda talk
about them today clear a few things up
say the first thing I want to say is
that my breakup had zero to do with
borderline personality disorder that's
not just me saying that I actually spoke
with my ex yesterday and he said have
any of the BPD tweets come up since this
has all happened off by now so I think
because I do videos on BPD and I do
videos on recovery and I was diagnosed
with BPD it's very easy for people to
kind of jump to the conclusion that is
the BPD that had a part to play in the
breakup when actually you could get to
people with no mental health problems
that break up there are other factors
when myself and my ex met we were new in
recovery we were both in recovery from
addiction we both had issues and our
relationship started out really
unhealthy all my vvd traits were out in
full force but that's not the case today
if I went to my doctor and I asked to be
assessed for BPD I would not get
diagnosed this because I don't meet the
criteria now we know there's no cure for
BPD but we can manage it to the point
that is not there I've talked before
excuse the really sore throat by the way
guys I've talked to before about how
traits can resurface and even I've
noticed there
but that's the thing about recovery I
notice and when my BPD trato
resurfacing and I do something about it
I don't just sit back and leave it and
let them escalate I put in action
immediately
and that's the thing again with recovery
as we become self-aware and I got asked
like someone said they were really
worried because they we thought I had a
healthy relationship and I'd said I had
a healthy relationship so what has
happened our relationship was healthy it
wasn't in the beginning but as we got
into recovery was in the fact that if we
had a problem I didn't react the way I
would when the BPD was out of control
we could sit down and talk through our
issues in a healthy way and overcome
them and I stand by them hmm again two
people can have a healthy relationship
and they can still break up and it kind
of shows house is sad because it shows
how stigmatize this disorder is the fact
that if one partner has BPD and the
relationship breaks up immediately it
has to be the fault with the person with
BPD where and the other person can just
get off with it's not there's no blame
no no fault of their own it's all the
person with BPD when it takes to like I
can put my hand up and take
responsibility fly all my problems in
past relationships ah I don't take a
hundred percent responsibility because
it takes two and it wasn't always my
fault
all the time but when things are my
fault I can put on my hand and say that
was my fault and again that's something
that recovery has given me back then I
couldn't have done that it would have
been I would have been blaming someone
else the whole time and
here's another thing this breakup has
actually shown me how far in recovery
I've come if my BPD was completely out
of control
I would either still be in this
relationship and it would be up and down
like a roller coaster which it hasn't
been but I would still be in it and
that's how it would be or I would be
sending him vile messages I would say no
you can't see the kids and I would be so
consumed with emotions I couldn't think
nationally and that's not the case we're
actually getting on amicably and he
asked if he could still come and see
have someone's nativity yesterday I said
yeah why would I stop him if he wants to
be there for our boy why would I say no
and I saved him a seat and we watched
the show we he came he had a cup of
coffee and we both kind of said like we
neither of us were happy in the end I am
sure just like I can sit here and say I
wasn't happy and this is how he made me
feel I'm pretty sure he would be able to
do the same but like I said to him
yesterday you know it is sad but it's
better this then we wait another five
years and then come to the same
conclusion that this just isn't working
because we are both in recovery and we
are so different to how we were when we
met we completely different people we
have grown so far apart he's a real
traditionalist in the sense that he
always grew up thinking the mom stays at
home she cooks she cleans she was soft
with kids dad goes out works every hour
earns money she took off his family and
in the beginning of our relationship
that was kind of the role I had
they at home yes I did my YouTube videos
but they didn't impact him in any way
but now it's getting to a point I'm
setting up BPD tribe I've just written a
book and the dynamics of our
relationship changed and I think he
struggled with that and I'm not saying
that his foal is just that's just a fact
that's just how it was so like I said if
the BPD was out control we would really
be hating each other I'm not that person
today I don't see the point in holding
on to anger or going over and over
things that have happened things have
happened we're not together now and now
we're gonna focus on the kids so another
comment I got someone said don't you
think it's a bit soon to be saying your
children are happier when I said that
I'm not saying like oh the kids are
really happy now he's gone it's all his
fault the kids do seem fine they do seem
happier they're coming into my room
sitting on my bed chatting to me over
morning which they never used to do but
I'm not saying that's all his fault I'm
saying that shows there must have been
some kind of tension in the house and
that tension between us not just him
between us has now gone also I'm not
saying that down the line we might come
across issues with the kids where they
feel a certain way I'm just saying right
now they are okay and I'm doing my very
best to make sure they are okay given
the rates of attention it's a card or
sticking to a routine I've been checking
in with their teacher and actually it
wasn't even my words who said like that
said the kids happier it was my son's
teacher said why not because I've been
checking every day how's he doing is he
okay and she said well if anything he
seems calmer he seems happier yeah so I
was kind of repeating her sentence what
she said but that's not to say that it's
just because he's having a good week it
might have absolute
see a road to do what's going on at home
he might just be happy because he's
enjoying the topic they're studying at
school or something I say you're not I
was thinking as well like prior to this
relationship and try it's my marriage
and I would jump from relationship to
relationship I could never be on my own
and that's not how things are today I
don't want to be in a relationship and
it's not because I have this fear like
oh I'll be abandoned so I don't want to
be it's nothing to do it's just I'm
quite happy being on my own now I feel
strong enough that I don't feel I need
to have someone there to make me feel
whole I'm okay and right now all I want
to do is just focus on the children
running and that's it
so well I'm very fortunate like myself
my ex-husband we get on now it wasn't
like that in the beginning because my
BPD was out of control and I we would
have screaming matches right down the
phone at each other but we've got to a
point where we can get on and
unfortunately with this that actually
I'm not going through that screaming map
stage I'm not having to do that because
I am in recovery for anyone like worried
thinking oh my god you've broken up with
Hana does that mean all people with BPD
cannot have a relationship I would say
of course you can of course you can have
a relationship because this has nothing
to do with the beef tea if my PPT
without control yes like anyone's pvd's
out cannoli it's really difficult to
have a relationship that's the whole
point that's why one of the traders is
unstable relationships most pity
one of the traits is unstable
relationships ah if you're in recovery
there's nothing to stop you and I
personally know a few people yes I can
count them on one hand
but that are in recovery from BPD and
that have really good healthy
relationships and it was a time where my
relationship was healthy it's just it
just didn't work we just grew up all
that's here and focus is the children
now so I kind of just wanted to yeah do
this video and I know I'll probably get
comments saying ah not the BPD course
it's the BPD but you know what yeah if
only I could get my psychologist on here
to do a video I don't take the traits I
don't have mean I don't meet the
criteria to be diagnosed now and yeah it
did the BPD has zero to do with the
break-up so I'm gonna leave that there
today guys I've got them to the school
right now I will be back in the week I'm
gonna start doing some live streams but
just randomly doing them same because I
can never guarantee a time like this
second when I can definitely do it and I
don't want to let you down say yeah I'll
leave that there guys but take care
enjoy the rest of your week and I love
you all those MA