I got asked to discuss how my relationship with my ex-husband was and is today. Do we co-parent well or are there still issues today? Our relationship was intense and unstable from the beginning and eventually we divorced. I used cocaine throughout our marriage and he hated me using drugs. Today myself and my ex-husband try to put the children first and we get on as well as we can. To get to this point has taken us time and patience and it certainly wasn’t overnight.
hi guys happy Wednesday today I'm doing a video request from Demi our dimitrov and Amira asked me oh hi father we have to talk family share my relationship with my ex I guess it's my ex-husband and because he wants to know he's got problems with his ex and he wants to know if it'll ever calm down so they compared the kids the way they were when they were together um right so back in the beginning I met my ex-husband when I was 21 and I chased him he we were like best friends and I've never laughed so hard with someone and I just clicked and I said to him we were at friends for any about two weeks and I was like we're getting married I'm gonna you're gonna marry me one day he was like yeah right but the relationship took off and from the beginning it was intense and unstable not surprisingly I have borderline personality disorder but I was undiagnosed at this point my ex-husband had a really fiery temper he was really quick to anger I must point out he was never violent he just he could get really angry not like just at me just at anyone he could seem like the calmest guy ever and then just flip so we got together it was intense on the Sables from the beginning we had massive arguments very early on I got put on a mental health ward and that's where I was diagnosed with BPD now my ex-husband used to come and visit every day and he really was supportive and he really tried to understand BPD but he never did the thing is like i chat with you guys now and i can talk all about BPD and i'm really self-aware now but back then I wasn't and I couldn't talk about BPD like I do with you now because I didn't understand it myself so the relationship continued I was addicted to cocaine my ex-husband did not like me using drugs so to the point went out and threatened all the drug dealers in the area not to serve me up or he would be so that made me getting it really difficult that makes me angry and caused me a whole heap of other painful problems because what he didn't realize is that I was using coke to make myself feel better the cocaine for me was my solution it was I suppose what kept me alive because had I not had it there I wouldn't have known what to do with myself but anyway he hated it so again that caused loads of problems when he had a son who well he has a son my stepson who is in his 20s now but he was six when I met him and he came to live with us from he was well 11 years old and all of a sudden I had to kind of be responsible and I didn't know how I really tried I feel I tried my best I I wanted to be a good role model looking back I really wasn't we got married we went I used up my wedding and we broke up the next day we didn't get back together until a few days before our honeymoon and we went away on our honeymoon now I had insisted that his son actually come with us because he was young and I thought I didn't want him feeling pushed out like all now they're married they've gone off together and it was probably a blessing in disguise because I couldn't lose my shit like I would have if he wasn't there so although I'm sure we have plenty of Rosen Holliday they were nowhere near as that bad as they could have been and months after getting back I found out I was pregnant with Amelia and nine months later I had Amelia and that year I kind of just threw myself into being a mom I was cooking all organic food our relationship was seemingly to going okay considering as the first year I mean it was tough especially at them first six months actually I stayed upstairs in a bedroom and didn't leave the bedroom because I suffered well I suffered psychosis I suffered severe depression but anyway that's a whole nother story so I mean he was born a year later I so media was one I went into hospital had my appendix out a month after that found I was pregnant again and the relationship I thought our relationship was really good looking back I can see there were signs that it wasn't so good and he was becoming more distant we went away to Ireland when I was I was pregnant it was in the December myself my stepson Amelia my ex-husband we were in Ireland and on the way back when we arrived back at Heathrow I used his phone because my phone had no battery to call my mum say we at the airport come and get us and I used his phone and I saw that my friend's number was and then they'd send each other messages just like how has the holiday and I thought that's weird but I didn't say anything at that point but that little seed that I've been planted began to grow and I noticed that whenever we went out my friend was there and I used to go home quite early because I had the baby he would stay out my friend and I would question him and he was like you're being ridiculous how to think that and I thought maybe I am being ridiculous I've got chill after we call I can't let all this jealousy creep up on me and I had Keon in the May two months later now our relationship had really gone downhill my ex was resentful that I'd had month baby he wanted to go out say he was going out I was screaming and going mental because I was at home now with two children and I felt I couldn't cope and I can remember clearly he hit my ex had a shower and I checked his phone now this is something I haven't I just didn't do my checked his phone and I noticed there were calls from my friend and I thought I'm not saying anything just leave it maybe it's in a sir later on corel curiosity got the better of me and I checked his phone again and he had deleted all her calls but no other calls and I said why have you deleted her calls and he went We Need to Talk look we're really close we just chat as a how often we chat miss days ah it was the most painful time of my life I physically felt as if someone had ripped my heart out now they both saw nothing sexual happened I actually believe them but the fact that they had this emotional connection where as I questioned both of them and she actually told me that he used to discuss any problems in my relationship he discussed that he didn't really want another baby he it was too much pressure for him I then found out that in the days after the birth it was actually him that he was going out to celebrate the birth of my baby with while I was at home and I just felt like my world had absolutely crumbled I turned to drink and drugs in a big way to numb my pain I stayed friends with her I stayed with him and I thought I was dealing with it but I was drinking ridiculous amounts of alcohol every day and using coke daily it was about a year later that I realized I needed help her into rehab we tried couples counseling now now I was clean and sober the pain came and hit me like a ton of bricks and I realized I can't be with him because if I'm with him the pain is so intense I'm going to use again so I ended the relationship he was devastated believe it or not like he wouldn't think I was because I ended I was devastated this was the person I thought I was gonna grow old with and it just seemed like my whole world had to come to an end I didn't know what I was doing I went on and did a secondary treatment program in another rehab and I made some really great close friends there one was a guy we got together Darrin who I'm with now and I have two children with now and my ex-husband was always under the impression that I left him for him it was never like that but I guess I guess he just needs someone to blame and that's fair enough but it was never like that my relation my marriage was over and I did I got into another relationship really quickly and maybe I shouldn't have by the end of the day I am still with him I have two beautiful children with him and so I don't regret it but I regret the way it kind happened because I didn't want to cause any harm so obviously I caused loads so in the first year like of me being clean I would drive the kids like me I'm their dad with me I would put up the car they would get out go with him we didn't look at each other we did not talk to each other and it was really awkward we would send nasty messages to each other we would get really angry with each other about anything and we didn't co-parent at all and but slowly slowly we both began to heal and we're now at a point that we can talk I can say how you how you cells work and we can chat we are not best friends I think partly we would be better friends had was I'm not with Darrin I I believe that because he my ex-husband won't talk to my part and now because he blames him for the breakdown marriage like I've just said so we're never going to be best friends um but we do get on and I believe we co-parent to the best of our ability like the other day for example are one of the mums at the school said to me how skiing after what happened what happened all those boys surrounding him and pushing him I was like what straight away I found Ian's dad and I was like this is what's happened I'm going to speak to the mistress but I informed him because just because he's not there he has a right to know it is his his son anyway I did see the headmistress and it turned out 15 boys had gone around my boy and started pushing him and he was saying get off for me you heard to me it like as a mom it broke my heart but they did the school did a big thorough investigation it turned out it wasn't like a targeted to tackle my son they were playing football it was one class against another and it got really rough and other boys had got her as well and the game was cooled off etc but yeah the whole of the story so yeah I told my ex and I keep him in the loop because he's a really good dad when we were together we clashed so much I would get resentful he'd be out working I'll be at home with the kids and and I don't I can't remember him having as much time for the children as he does now now he is an amazing dad I'm not a parent has to sit down with my children and say I'm really sorry guys dad's not coming dad's cancelled because he doesn't he never lets them down he sees them and when he sees them he gives them a fantastic time for me sometimes it can be difficult when it's like Oh dad so much fun dad took us here dad took us there and I'm just like yeah I cook I clean I do the ironing I do go to school I do the school run every single day I do everything for you and Here I am I'm boring mummy he's the best dad in the world but rather than getting caught up in that I always put the kids first so my ex-husband lives two hours away but we both drive an hour me drop the kids and then we do the our home eat so it's two hour we do that on the Saturday and then on Sunday when I collect them every other week and sometimes I don't feel like doing it I don't want to do that drive but I'm not doing it for me I'm not doing it for my ex I'm doing it for my children because at the end of day like I said he's not counseling on them and they're really fortunate to have a doubt like that and so I'm going to do my beer so that they can see him whenever they can so there are times when we don't necessarily agree on things I might think a certain thing he might think of something and we don't agree but we do generally try now I think I know people well do me a Demeter of actually row I think you have no contact III know that moms that have done this and stopped their kids seen their dad now if it was because the dad was a raging drug addict and the mum failed the kids were in danger I get it you're putting the kids safety first but a lot of the time is actually a really decent dad and the moms are just stopping the kids now I've seen this and I've seen this play out over years and years and years to the point where the child that was kept away from their dad stopped talking to their mom when they enter their teens and they're now in their twenties and they don't talk to their mum and it's really sad this because mum put herself before her child and thought what is right for my child and it it doesn't end well so you said are we able to parent the kids the way we were when wish to get actually when we were together we weren't the best parents because we were clashing so much I do believe now that we are better parents then you would have been have we been together Divya if your ex is actually has BPD and it's untreated which I believe it is from what you wrote then it stays untreated I I can't see how you will be able to co-parent well however if she gets the right treatment and she gets into recovery there's no reason why you can't I would suggest if you are having your child wrongfully kept away from you do what you can to fight that because you do deserve to see your child and actually your child deserves to see you and I just feel sorry for the children a lot of the time and I suppose that's why I always do put the kids first and sometimes if they dad's irritated me I might think like saying like Oh your dad so annoying but I won't because they don't need to hear that that's my stuff that's mine his stuff there is nothing to do with my children and as far as I'm concerned he's a good dad and that's always what I have to focus on so I'm gonna leave that bag ice my bye
This transcript was auto-generated and therefore may contain mistakes.