hi guys happy Friday I'm really sorry
adding a video out Monday I have been
poorly this week but I am back and I am
continuing to discuss personality
disorders with you we are doing the
cluster B's last time we discussed
antisocial personality disorder today
we're going to discuss narcissistic
personality disorder now I have lots of
notes in front of me because there is
literally so much to say
and I didn't want to miss anything out
as we know both personality disorders
are in the cluster B's the erratic and
dramatic cluster so it makes sense that
there will be a lot of similarities and
often the two disorders can be mistaken
for one another but the thing is it's on
the surface there are lots of
similarities if you scratch that surface
a bit you will see in fact they are two
very different distinct personality
disorders one thing I didn't know is the
comorbidity rate of having NPD and BPD
co-occurring is 25% that's quarter
quarter of people have both which i
think is really high okay so what I've
done I let me get my phone I'm gonna
read you the nine symptoms in the DSM of
narcissistic personality disorder and
there are nine symptoms as well for
borderline and just like with borderline
you have to have five of them to get
diagnosed so one an exaggerated sense of
one's own abilities and achievements to
a constant need for attention
affirmation and praise three a belief
that you are unique or special and
should only associate with other people
of the same status for persistent
fantasies about attaining success in
power fine
exploiting other people for personal
gain six a sense of entitlement and
expectation of a special treatment 7 a
preoccupation with power of power of
success eight feeling envious of others
or believing that others are envious of
you and nine a lack of empathy for
others and
coming to the hallmark of narcissistic
personality disorder that lack of
empathy so I have written down loads of
similarities and I'm gonna read them to
you and then we're gonna go back over
them and put discuss the differences in
the similarities that makes any sense
right so both disorders have an Arrested
emotional development the borderline
personality disorder estimated
development level age is age three and
their developmental age of a narcissist
is age six and that kind of got me
thinking like why is that because the
three-year-old will throw their toys out
of town completely have a meltdown a
tantrum and you cannot get through to
them whereas the six-year-old kinda has
a little bit more control and we will
see actually that narcissists do have
edit impulse control than people with
borderline and I don't know if it's to
do with the brain I'm gonna be looking
at basically we have the emotional part
of our brain that is responsible for our
emotions and then we have the prefrontal
cortex and there's a part here that's
responsible for decision-making
rationalizing and it's with borderlines
we go with the emotional so it and it's
like that's supposed to be making
decision and looking at consequences and
telling us actually that's probably not
the best thing to do it just shuts down
just like a three-year-old and so we
just go and whereas a narcissist it's
more able to control their behaviors
especially in public where they can put
on a mask and a lot of people they just
slip under the radar people wouldn't be
aware it's those that are close to them
their loved ones that recognize actually
something's not quite right here right
so the similarities a lack of concern of
how our behavior affects others constant
need for attention these the
similarities remember between the to
struggle with work family relationships
intense anger fear of abandonment
both
or neither fight fairly both can be very
very vicious especially with their words
and make very cutting hurtful remarks
and both on a spectrum as all the
personality disorders even get
high-functioning REO function right so
now we're going to go back to and look
at these similarities the lack of
concern how our behavior affects others
I think like I'd kinda just said about
the emotional development age that's one
thing with people with borderline we are
very impulsive it's one of the symptoms
impulsive reckless behavior we cannot
kind of control our behaviors we go with
our feelings and the feelings are so
intense we just can't stop them and
whereas someone with narcissistic
personality disorder I think their lack
of concern comes because they believe
they are so far up here they are so high
about everyone else they they're not
going to concern themselves with the
little people and what they think what
you'll learn is some with narcissistic
personality needs a supply a supply is a
person or people that will constantly
feed their ego and let them know that
yes you are so important you are so
right up there so I think that like the
lack of concern is just with the
borderline it's because we just don't
think of the consequences we're so
wrapped up in our emotions and they're
narcissists is because they don't think
it matters you know because they're up
here so they don't concern themselves
them down there then we have intense
anger now like I said neither fight
fairly but it can be very vicious but
it's how the anger kind of manifests
where it comes from and someone with
borderline their anger will often come
from a deep hurt or thinking someone's
going to leave them or abandon them and
they make these frantic attempts to stop
the
person leaving them and that can often
come out as threats or manipulating or
devaluing just because it is coming from
this place I meant her someone with
borderline then why actually turn that
her and anger towards themselves and are
like this may be self-harm where is the
narcissistic personality it sort of the
narcissist that anger will often stem if
from thinking someone has questioned
their superiority if they think someone
might be about to leave them and so it's
kind of where the anger comes from and
why the person is getting angry that is
different the fear of abandonment now we
know that is one of the symptoms of four
line and we constantly think people are
going to leave us and because of that we
make frantic attempts to avoid it
like I just said we might manipulate we
can get angry we can make threats
because we'll do anything can to stop
that person leaving whereas the
narcissist would leave the person before
if they had a fear that someone was
gonna leave them they would just leave
them first and someone with borderline
like myself we can get all our crap and
dump it on someone that's what we do we
dump all our crap onto someone someone
with narcissism the person their supply
their part is the crap that they are
going to dump
both insecure the narcissist you
wouldn't believe is insecure because
they have an ego that's up here but
actually they don't even realize they
really really aren't insecure they need
someone constantly but admiring them to
keep them up here where so they don't
show their insecurities but it's there
whereas us borderlines are very good at
showing we come across as very clingy
needy need to be loved because we are so
immature immature insecure I'm sorry in
Figure we are immature emotionally were
immature the the self-image of both is
like looking at it the narcissist has
this like really high self-image of
themselves like they are so amazing um
where is someone with borderline we have
have a very unstable self-image um sense
of self low self-esteem the someone with
borderline is likely to attempt suicide
this isn't really something that happens
with people with narcissism the
narcissist kind of things the world
revolves around them us borderlines kind
of wrap ourselves around people and make
them our world the lack of empathy of
the narcissist this is kind of the
opposite for borderlines we actually
empathize so much with people and go out
away to show our love and our commitment
to people often letting ourselves get
her and be vulnerable in the process I
get asked a lot actually like from
people with borderline life
was going out with a narcissist why do
borderlines grant with narcissist and
it's because a narcissist needs someone
that it comes across as weaker than them
that they can manipulate easily that is
vulnerable and us board lines we're all
those things we are really vulnerable
and we kind of look for someone that can
look after us like we're a child and we
need looking after and along comes the
narcissist who's up here on a pedestal
and we're just like wow and we're all
the way down here and so we kind of feed
each other and it's not good it's not
good relationship but then no
relationship with the borderline or no
relationship with a narcissist is great
they are very painful because both
personality disorders cause a lot of lot
of harm and we caused a lot of hurt it's
our fault no because we don't choose to
be like this we don't choose to have a
personality disorder it is something
that's developed with us from a young
age and but we're trying to come into
adulthood and if we get to the point
that we realize that our behaviors are
different then we need to learn to look
ourselves and then we can make the
choice okay I want to do something about
this I don't want to live like this and
so we have the choice to change if we
choose not to change and we don't want
to do anything then shoot our partners
to stay with us and put up with our crap
no because they've got to look out for
themselves as well and self-care for
them is important and so no no they
shouldn't put up whether we have a
personality disorder just because we
have a personality disorder does not
make it okay for us to her other people
but like I did say if we're willing to
get help and if we're trying to change
you know that can only be a good thing
because finally we're gonna be taking
responsibility for our actions and I
said both can manipulate I said that ah
that's what I was going to discuss as
well though with the borderline we have
this black and white thinking someone is
all good they are meeting they are all
bad they are the scum of the earth
and it's also known as splitting
narcissists have something similar but
it's called idealization and devaluation
so they will idealize someone put them
up on a pedestal and then they will
knock them off and completely devalue
them and then they will put them up
again and then off and leave valium and
I think that's like when someone with
borderline will first get in a
relationship with a narcissist we're
kind of put up there and were like wow
but then we get knocked off and we don't
understand what went what's gone wrong
like what's happened to the person that
loved us and we're often left thinking
did they even offer stalks and I think a
lot of people who've been in a
relationship with narcissist or with
someone with borderline goes away
questioning that
did they ever love us and that's the
thing people with borderline personality
disorder we have a wider range of
emotions we can feel intense love we can
feel intense happiness and joy we also
feel intense sadness intense anger
someone with narcissistic personality
disorder tends to have this chronic
feeling of emptiness now I know people
with borderline do feel like that at
times as well but like I said we do have
a wide range of emotions the narcissist
doesn't it is intense anger chronic
emptiness which can lead to boredom they
can get bored very easily and that's
when they need to drop their supply and
get a new one I can start picking them
up and boosting them again ah that's
what I'm thinking um so how do these
personality disorders
come about how do we develop them I've
discussed this before about borderline
and I think it's kind of the same with
all the personality disorders from what
I was reading
if narcissistic it's the same in
borderline in the fact that we have a
biological predisposition as well as
environmental factors so with someone
with borderline often it could be
childhood abuse may could be trauma and
we developed in such a way that we have
borderline and believe it or not the
same is for narcissists they can have
childhood abuse trauma
just like with borderline see PTSD can
be mistaken for borderline it can also
be mistaken for narcissism and the other
way around
see PTSD is complex post-traumatic
stress disorder in case you haven't seen
the video I did on it but also with
someone with narcissism they might not
have had childhood abuse but they might
have had a parent that completely
idealized them and they could do
absolutely no wrong and so this child
grows up with this kind of sense of
entitlement and thinking they are up
here and before you know it
a narcissist is born did I say about the
BPD and dumping their crap did I say
that I might have said it but that again
is the big difference I think I did the
BPD we put our crap on other people and
just dump it on them was the narcissist
will dump you because you are the crap
in their eyes which is harsh but it is
true the thing is I read it out and I
think God I'm for any narcissists out
there I'm like really kinda just not
being nice about them but they haven't
got nice traits
but I'm also aware that they didn't
choose to have it just like we didn't
use to have borderline it doesn't make
someone likeable oh it's not their fault
so I will like them and their big fat
ego but it is it's not something they
chose to have it is a mental disorder
just like borderline and so yeah I try I
try not to judge even though the person
with all these traits is just awful it
sounds awful to be genre like that but
yeah I'm try not to judge any who even
think I'm done I think I'm doing I'm
just quickly scanning Minuit's to see if
I missed anything out no no okay no I'm
doing I'm doing right I'm gonna go don't
know why I'm doing northern accent is it
northern accent right I'm gonna go my
lovelies and I will be back on Monday
have a lovely weekend love you guys bye