hi my lovelies welcome back to my
channel today I'm doing a video request
from bears hi bear and I'm going to be
discussing obsession now I know I've
done videos on obsession before but they
were probably a long time ago and if
you're new subscriber chances are you
haven't seen them so most most of us I
said I can't say most of us many of us
with BPD have at some point struggled
with being obsessive when we think of
obsession we tend to think of like being
obsessed with another person and I think
possibly the majority of the time that's
true either we are obsessed over another
person or the fact that we obsess over
someone else is what causes us the most
problems but it's not the only way we
can obsess we can obsess over not just
people but things places experiences I
kind of done them all at some point I
have discussed how I would get like
really randomly obsessed over stationary
and I would just have to have all the
best pens and like sharpies and just new
paper a new notepad if I've said this
before if I left my brand-new notepad
pad out and someone went and used it or
wrote now they're not kind of feel like
he'd been dirtied and I didn't want it I
did not want that notepad anymore I
needed a new one um but it's not just
stuff like that it can be it can mean
new clothes which is a big one and where
you just have to have something new and
sometimes it's not even that you have to
have all you it's like obsessing over
the experience of going and buying
something and then you get home
stick it in your wardrobe and you never
wear it you don't look at it but it's
like you just have to have that
experience that feeling that feeling you
get I suppose like an addiction it makes
you feel a certain way I won I don't
know if I've shared this actually but if
I walk like a really good film I can
like start obsessing over the film and
what I mean is like thinking about
constantly wishing I was in it reading
all kind of fanfiction because I just
wanted to know everything like even if
it was made up I needed to know more
about the character and I did hear what
other people said I went through a stage
of being like that with Harry what's her
actually like I loved the series I read
the books and then I was like oh god I'm
joining potable and I've even got like
hairy Papa John I don't really wear them
but I have them Harry Potter hid me yeah
and it was like I'll read Pottermore go
on there is the website and there's
extra stuff that Harry put on there and
there's like writings from JK Rowling
that explain stuff that isn't explained
in the book so there's extra stuff which
is amazing but then that wasn't enough
for me I needed more so I would then
look at fanfiction and I'll just a
flower and then I think I want to write
but like Harry Potter and I just get so
obsessed with her but I think the
biggest or the most painful is when it's
over someone else and we cannot stick a
stop thinking about that person making
up scenarios in our head so our thoughts
completely overwhelm us the thing is
it's not the obsession that's the actual
problem I mean the obsession of course
is a problem
and it will cause us problems I know it
did for me I would go a bit too far and
always like crazy stalker lady so
they're not cause problems for other
people cause even more problems for
myself and it didn't ever went end well
and I've never stalked someone I thought
yeah that was really worth it that was
really good I do it was like completely
all-consuming it takes over your whole
mind but what I mean like the obsession
yes it's the problem it's a problem but
it's not the problem the problem is the
reason we're obsessing so we know this 9
traits to be PJ one of them's fear of
abandonment that could cause us to get
very obsessive over people because we
have that fear that if we don't get them
and all consumed them then maybe they'll
go they'll leave us and we can't bear
that so maybe that's it
we have unstable emotions like our mood
changes that could be the like the
reason we obsess is because of those
mood changes sometimes we're okay
sometimes we're obsessive and crazy it
could be what's it what's the word
impulsive impulsive reckless behavior
just like drug addiction or gambling
random sex with strangers that is yes
that's the problem but the reason is the
symptom symptom is the problems the
symptom of BPD so the obsession might be
is because we're getting that fix it's
making us feel a bit better so I think
when we're dealing with obsession we
have to look at why we're feeling this
way because it might not be the same for
all of us there's some of us that might
have five feet we just deal Lulla BPD
trace all the way up to nine BPD traits
and there's I think it works out like
256 different combinations there can be
so it's working out why what what is it
for you is it there fear of abandonment
is there chronic feelings of emptiness
and you're trying to fill that void and
by doing that you fix on someone is it
this is just an impulsive behavior
because again makes you feel good you'll
just do it and once you can work out why
you're obsessing and it might be it
might be actually a few different things
it doesn't have to just be one symptom
then you look to treat the symptom and
obviously there's things like DBT
dialectical behavioral therapy where you
will learn skills there's lots of
different therapies out there I told you
guys I'm working really hard on my
courses at the moment which I think or a
game-changer and they will really help
you so I'm working on that light at the
moment that's what I'm only putting one
video out a week at the moment what kind
of skills I'm not going to go into too
much depth I am like going to just touch
on the fact that rather than just
treating the obsession I'm focusing on
that is actually focusing on the problem
area of the BPD some of the skills like
we know there's in DBT distressed
tolerance where you learn to tolerate
stressful situations without acting out
on them
there's distraction techniques
mindfulness interesting interesting
story actually the other day not
yesterday the day before my daughter
came home from school and she was like
raging she's so angry storming around
the house awesome please don't talk to
me like that Amelia I should run up to a
room slammed a door and I just I don't
know what made me do it but I just went
upstairs I went into the bath
I ran a nice hot bath loads of bubbles
and I've got little little the tea light
candles and I put them all round the
bath and I lit them turn the light off
I got a nice relaxation like playlist
from YouTube and put it on and I called
her into the bathroom I was like Mimi
just like what I said just come here
and I'm she walked in and I've never
seen her like react like the way she did
she just looked like and she looks so
emotional she looked like she was gonna
cry and she was just like oh thanks mom
mom thanks and she stayed in bath laughs
now I know it's relaxing Bob Scott how
she it was like a new person she was so
happy and all that evening she was not
home mummy thank you nothing yeah for
once I did something good like I've got
it right I dealt with her okay I didn't
argue back with her and with her she's
10 but I can tell a lot of it is very
much hormones and so I just just don't
with it like that and it kind of wanted
to tell you that because it can show you
just I mean it doesn't have to cost a
lot of money running a hot bath if
you've got some kind of lights and
so it was kind of all these different
senses being stimulated it was the
atmosphere and just from that she went
from absolutely raging where she wanted
to smash up her bedroom to calm happy
relieved and I think we'd be good to
like remember that next time you're in
that kind of place try something new go
run yourself a hot bath put some nice
relaxing music on and just see it might
not always work all the time but that's
why we learn lots of different skills so
we can kind of pick and choose them as
we need and I'm going to leave that
there but I have got a lovely friend
call mark and he has BPD and he was he's
going to do a video with me
the kids are breaking up tomorrow for
half turn breaks so I will get a video
done next week but I possibly won't do
it with mark next week it will probably
be the week after but I think you guys
are really gonna like him
he's really interesting he's really
watchable and yeah and I think you're
hearing it from a guy a guy's story as
well it's always good to hear different
perspectives so I'm gonna leave it there
I will be back next week and I love you
or legs
This transcript was auto-generated and therefore may contain mistakes.

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