hi my lovelies welcome back to my
channel I am Serena and I'm author of
the big book on borderline personality
disorder today I'm gonna touch on a
subject I did only a few weeks ago
actually and that is obsession because
I've had a few private requests talk
asking me to go a bit into it in regards
to being obsessed with a person I know
in my last videos about obsession in
general so it could be obsessing over
stationary films stuff like that so I am
gonna do that today
I am in my boy's room again because my
son is downstairs asleep he's not been
very well and I have a quick question
you guys actually let me know what you
think because I'm really kind of
thinking about BPD and astronomy star
signs what's your star sign what's your
rising sign
what's your moon sign what stage of the
Moon were you born um if that's
something that will interest you please
do let me know because I'm really really
curious I was actually born on a full
moon you can google it to see if you
were and so many your things
ah and I did wander like put these
things like have something to do with
the BPD I know it's completely like wild
and crazy but let please let me know
what you think and I will do a video on
that if you are interested so obsession
I am have told you guys before that I
would obsess over romantic partners
mainly we know that those of us with BPD
often have an FP or a favorite person
that doesn't they don't have to be
romantic they could be a family member
it could be a friend it could be a
colleague from work but someone that is
a favorite person um again we kind of
obsess over them
and we want them there all the time
can't stop thinking about them and the
tiniest thing they do can affect us so
massively and but today I'm not really
focusing on the FP as such I'm gonna
talk about like the romantic
relationships because I know for me that
was the one that caused definitely 100%
the most problems in my life again
I'm sure months ago years ago I don't
know I have touched on this but
obviously Newt there's new subscribers
so I thought it's a good one to do again
and I am getting asked about it a lot I
first of all the way I would tend to
become obsessed with someone I would
have a physical attraction to them
unfortunately that included like movie
stars or singers I don't know about any
of you but I was like that crazy one
that if for example absolutely no do I
say that okay so for example I've never
really liked refi ins
the actor you're good lady I have I've
mentioned this before they but I watched
Harry Potter and I thought he was really
hot as bolding I thought that Voldemort
was really hot so there you go anyway so
then I got like this bit of a fixation
on like ray science I'm like looking him
up googling him because that's that's
the thing back when I was a teenager if
I like fancied someone I would possibly
if their picture happens to be in a
magazine I could stick it on my wall
which I did
I did it I told you with my boys own one
I had ronan keating
actually I liked Ronan later on it was
Shane Lynch I liked initially and I did
month kisses right all of course this
poster was huge guys it took me a long
time I covered it in lipstick kisses
kept having to talk
[Music]
[Laughter]
but that's what it was that's that's the
all I could do really worth it and I
could if they happen to be on telly I
would see them if I missed it I missed
it we didn't have playback we didn't
have like Netflix being able to pause
the telly record the telly the program
is on if you missed it you missed it and
that was it
so I suppose there wasn't much to feed
the obsession I thought it was just what
was there now there is literally same up
so I was like oh lord voldemort's really
hot that says a lot about me doesn't it
I like like the body that kills people
anyway I could go on google and I can
look up ray Fiennes and I can do so much
research and if I want I didn't actually
I didn't mind could screenshot here if I
want I didn't I'm too old for that but
that's like it makes it so much easier I
don't know like again oh I could fancy
like not just like the actor but the
character so just say I thought I think
that's really hot and some fyren's based
find so amazing but then I watched a
film and his characters like obviously
he's playing someone completely
different and I don't like that
character that could cause me to go
completely off ray Fiennes
so actually what I'm fancying a
character not even bad thing like the
main it's it's the character that does
it it's their manoeuvres the way they
speaks so for me like an obsession
definitely you like I don't know tell me
if it's different for you guys but for
me there would be an attraction there
like and it tended to be a physical
attraction but he
is the thing as well I happen as you can
see from North Baltimore I don't usually
go for your typical guy like your
typical heartthrob what I find
attractive
lots of people done they just have to
have something about them it might be a
look they give but the way they talk
I've got a funny one I got a friend
believe or not and she had a guy that
liked her and he was so hot like he was
lovely and she was like let me there
hello you're daring men and I was like
oh and now I just after that I couldn't
I couldn't find him attractive is it
wasn't the accent so yeah so I can also
go with someone just like that which I'm
sure you guys can too but they have to
have something so I get that attraction
and then I want to be with them and the
cause those of us with BPD we're very
all-or-nothing
people when we like someone we like come
to me and we want a full-on relationship
for me I was like meet someone
oh yeah planning our babies planning our
wedding when we haven't even been on a
first date and I wouldn't stop thinking
about them and I suppose that's what the
procession is is and that week is it's
in our mind and it completely takes over
everything else now
this person might be really bad for us
maybe they're just not a nice person
maybe maybe they're married maybe they
are in prison maybe you know there's
like it so logically we know this person
is
not before us but we can't see them and
so our mind starts going out for an over
and that logical part of our brain shuts
down and all we can think about is just
the good points and why we should be
with this person and we don't obsess
just about like the here and now we stop
go in ahead into the future of what our
relationship will be like now so we've
done all this we're obsessed we get with
this person we go on a few dates and it
is going okay we get into a relationship
eventually our BPD traits do come out
because guys we have like I think I
don't think I've met anyone with BPD
that doesn't struggle with fear of
abandonment whether they know it or not
sometimes you might be like no I don't
need a relationship but actually that
stems from fear of abandonment you're
like I don't want a relationship because
if I have one they leave me
but without it it's not even a conscious
thing it's so like deep in us we don't
know so we avoid relationships but
that's like the main one and I say are
for me it's one of the core traits of
VPD is having that people are gonna
leave me and it can because of that it
can cause loads of other traits so if
we're with someone eventually that fear
raises the ugly head and we start where
as before and the beginning of
relationship we're obsessing like maybe
we'll get married and we'll have
children and we'll be together forever
that doubt kicks in and then it's why
haven't they foamy in there at work
maybe they're having an affair maybe
they're doing this maybe they don't want
to be with me anymore and we start
acting out on that and we act out there
it never makes us feel any better in
fact we just obsess more we can't stop
thinking about it it literally takes
over our brain and it's all we can think
about we might lose sleep we might start
drinking or using just for a bit of
escapism right I need to get away from
this unfortunately like with technology
it's so easy to feed that obsession
social media is a huge one so if you're
in a relationship and you're going
through that obsession you might over 7
right I'm gonna go through all their
Facebook friends and look at all their
Facebook friends and any one that you
think they might be attracted to you
we're clicking and then you'll be
looking at their page and then you'll go
back to partners page and then you'll go
through and see if that person that
you've just checked has liked any of
these comments if they've loved hearted
any other comments that will send us
like this do lolly like we will go crazy
if we go on their page and we find our
partner has even liked let alone love
heart in any of their comments that will
drive us mad and all we're doing is
feeding feeding with like feeding the
monster in us and it's gonna come out
and it because we're doing this we then
can't stop obsessing we can't stop
thinking about it it becomes it's like
the more we feed it the more it wants
and what we need to do actually is
completely step away come away from
social media
distract the hell out of ourselves and
we we learn to do this skills by
learning skills DBT skills is just one
example of skills that we can learn for
BPD I'm going to do a video on that soon
as well but that that is how like we
have to quite it's almost like going
cold turkey from drugs we can't be
around it we need to just go shut off
it's very difficult though when it's to
do with a partner if like we live
together
all together even because whereas with
drugs you can go right I'm not going to
be around them I'm going cold turkey I
will not have them near me you're not
going to do that with your partner so
they're still there and so it's learning
to cope with it it is difficult but it's
possible I suppose it's the same like
with anything it's really the first bit
is really painful it's really hard
you're gonna be fighting against your
instincts your your brain is gonna be
telling you get it on Facebook get on
Instagram see what they're looking at
but then that will only bring us right
back to square one and we'll be back to
the obsession and we can't do that I
don't think I obsess anymore last year I
did for you times I was a very sick
person last year I might go into more
detail about just how bad my year was
because I say to you God is a really bad
year
listen my BPD traits are out in full it
was a really bad yeah but yeah I think
that will take a whole other video but I
love you all and I will be back very
soon