hi I'm going to talk about prenatal
depression cuz i kinda suffered it with
my first pregnancy but I think that's
because I came off all medication
suddenly but it suffered more definitely
postnatally my first pregnancy um with
my second I suffered prenatally but
nowhere near as bad as this last one my
little baby boy is a year now and but my
pregnancy with him was so hard really
I'd finish treatment so I was I was
clean from drugs and alcohol I've moved
to a new area so I was away from my mom
I didn't I had gone through break up
with my ex-husband um while I was in
treatment and came out of treatment and
I was pregnant and I wasn't under any
mental health team I was trying to get
under there there was some problems so I
didn't really have anyone other than my
midwife to talk to him um and prenatally
it was just for me it it was like I had
nothing to fix me I had made money or
conditioning I wasn't using I wasn't
drinking um I was so low and um I have
real big trust issues
and I felt really my body was changing
obviously because I was pregnant but I
wasn't dealing with it very well and
whereas I'm quite good at putting on a
mask so if I'm feeling crappy I can just
put a load or make way too much makeup
on um dress up put some heels or try and
feel sexy um but when you've got your
body changing and you're getting bigger
and you feel sick you can't just put
your heels on and go out and feel sexy
because you've got this big block and
for me I found it really hard and the
reason i did was like my intrusive
thoughts constantly your partners were
cheating you probably cheat on you right
now to the point that I didn't know if
it was my thoughts or if he was out
cheating he had done nothing to make me
think this he'd never told on and within
um but like I believed I believed it was
happening and I couldn't do anything
about it and I couldn't just get dressed
up and think it was okay I wasn't under
mental health in that time so I didn't
have anyone to talk to um yeah for me
prenatally it was hot it was different
to postnatal postnatal it was all about
the baby this time prenatally I was very
lucky I mean I have in fact I'll
probably talk about in other videos but
and when I left treatment my mum
actually gave up work to have the troop
my two older children for me full-time I
came out while I was intrigued when I
came out treatment and she said no get
settled because like I said I was moving
to a new area I didn't know anyone so
she wanted me to have the best art and
the two children I couldn't just bring
the route who I didn't know any
she wanted to make sure I'm staple of
settled my daughter had also just
started reception year in the sep tember
i go out or even in november so it'd
have been unfair just to harass school
straightaway three thought let her
finish so i went through that pregnancy
mindful like I saw much infinitely but I
didn't have and they're constantly so I
kind of had that break really um maybe
if I'd had them there it would have been
easy in the fact that they take up so
much time you don't have time to think
about anything but no we did we what we
did was for the best and but my mind
that she wrote me the same thing myself
harmed the law when Tori bad and the
point actually social services then got
involved and because of myself army
because they were worried or this lot
have this baby I'm my children would be
subject to see me so far luckily it
never came down and that was the last
time I have cell phone and yeah horrible
but not just I suffered really bad
postnatally off this pregnancy as well
but I'd be foaming for mental health
teams screaming and going that damn
phone not knowing what to do pregnancies
hard and fatty hormones are all over the
place anyway you don't feel sexy anyway
and add all these things in