hi my lovelies I am now going to do
question and answers on questions
regarding borderline personality
disorder the first question I got asked
was from Laura and she asked me is six
months of DBT worth it
or is it pointless will it be enough to
help and I think this is probably a
question a lot of people ask simply
because I know when I did DBT
I did it for two years but I think there
are only two hospitals in the UK that
did it this is going back nearly ten
years ago it's bigger now but then the
waiting lists are ridiculous like 18
months I do believe that they're trying
to improve on this but I think the way
they're doing it is rather than someone
being on the course for two years
they're having a six-month course I know
in some countries people just can't get
the funding and or how be able to pay
for it because it costs a lot of money
so is six months worth it my answer
immediately would be yes will six months
help you recover no you will possibly
not be recovered after six months but
you could do it for a year and possibly
not be recovered it all kind of depends
on how much work you put in how much you
practice the skills I've talked about
this before practice is so important and
you practice them at home when you're on
your own
the good thing when you're actually on a
course you get the whole DBT package
you'll have some counseling with like
one-to-one with a therapist but also you
get to meet other people that understand
you that are in the room with you that
have borderline and for me that was huge
because before I always felt really
alone and all of a sudden Here I am with
people going through what
is going through see for that reason
it's amazing even if you do six months
there's nothing to say you can't stay
friends with some of these people will
you learn all the skills in six months
you will obviously touch on all the
skills people take them in different
amounts there's a lot to be taken in
even when I did it for two years I mean
I didn't always do my homework to start
with I didn't practice the skills to
start with I didn't take it seriously as
I would like if I went into it now and I
needed it now but that's possibly
because I've come out the other side and
seen how much it helped and seeing how
valuable it is but I would say
definitely six months grab it with both
hands and do it but recovery is a
process I did a video on this the other
day called recovery is a process or the
recovery process or something and I kind
of explain sometimes you're going
forwards and you're thinking it's gray
and then you have little like laps and
you feel like and we're back at the
beginning but you're not these skills
take a while to become ingrained even if
you did the course for a year chances
are they wouldn't become ingrained it is
something that once you've got them and
you've got all your homework sheets and
you've been through the work it doesn't
have to stop there
you don't think well the course is over
and I'm not recovered so I'll put it all
down forget everything and just live
like because you've got those skills
they might not be ingrained but you have
them there is plenty you can do to help
them grow and get in there there are
books if you go on Amazon you can find
so many DBT books are obviously books by
Marsha Linehan herself the lady that
developed it are gonna be the best books
to get I would say I think you can
actually get the DBT workbook so you can
do work from home so
even if there's people out there that
can't get on a course or cut light for
whatever reason it doesn't mean you
can't start learning some DBT skills if
you can't afford to buy the book there's
so much information online I mean I know
I've done some videos I'm not a
therapist
and I'm not qualified but I can tell you
what I did and some of the skills I
learned you can start putting them into
practice and then there's so much
information online just type in DBT on
Google and you will find so much and
like I said with DBT the big thing is
about practicing these skills that
there's nothing to stop you having a
look having a reading going home and
practicing them in your spare time the
more you practice them the quicker you
will see them working I have said before
if you like if you use one of the skills
first time you're in serious distress
you're not gonna see it work you need to
be practicing it when you're feeling
okay but often when you feel okay you
think what's the point but this is when
you do need to practice them because
then when you really need them they come
in handy say yeah I'll say to anyone six
months definitely take whatever you can
because there are some people out there
that just can't get it they can't get
funding they don't have the money or
don't list and I think even for them you
can still learn stuff apparently some
lovely guy messaged me ages ago and I've
been meaning to say actually who's
saying apparently Marsha Linehan is
trying to develop an online course which
so fingers crossed if that happens that
would be amazing because it can
obviously then reach so many people but
yes so Lara Lara
yes stick with it if you get to do the
six months down I know you kind of fell
you saw that I've got recovery but you
don't think it's for you but trust me
you can have recovery all of you out
there all of you can have recovery it is
I remember back then if someone had told
me I thought yes all right for you to
say that
but it's only now I've come through it
that I see it's there it's there so yeah
take the course grab with both hands do
as much work as you can and yeah good
luck right to my next message is from
grimmy I'm gonna plant it like I would
Jimmy and so I'm getting grew me I hope
that's right and when we asked how do
people with BPD deal with breaking up in
both cases whereas we are the dumper and
dumped someone and with the dumpee and
we get dumped and broken up someone
breaks up with us I can only give my
experience I know if someone broke up
with me I would go psycho I did not
handle it well I would go banging on
their door trying to kick their door
through threatening them through the
letterbox and it was so intense and so
painful
and I couldn't handle it at all for
about a day or two they're not movable
and people used to think like that was
quite cold but I think it was like I had
this defense mechanism that just go up
and I think right you know what I
deserve better than you but I'll just
cut them out my life and I've never
looked back and I've been like that with
all my exes I just move on and maybe
that is because if I didn't it just it's
so painful because like I know when I'm
first
dumped I just can't handle it I just
lose it go nuts also harm I will drink
or do drugs like I said or turn up at
their house going mental
and it's really really painful place to
be so for me I'd go through that but
then once I kind of just got over and
started feeling a bit down or whatever
then I think you know I'm just like wow
and for me I would often go and meet
someone else straight away and move on
really quickly and just just like that I
would cut the person out like their
relationship never happened and it would
all be about this next relationship
really intense really so throw myself
into it so yeah so that was that would
happen basically if I was broken up with
someone dumped me um what about when I I
broke up with someone else I was never
good at breaking up with people never
good at all I always have relationships
we would break up and make up and break
up and make up and because I thought
like very black-and-white love/hate
sometimes I'd love them then I'd hate
them then I'd love them again and when I
hated them I think I don't want to be
with them I never want to be with them
again but as soon as I started loving
them again and they came back and say
can I have a chance I love you and I'll
be back in the relationship until I hate
them again and I didn't want to vote I
didn't I wasn't good at just breaking up
I couldn't sit down say look we need to
talk I don't think this is working
between us it would happen it in a
blazing row and I never want to see you
again drama drama drama and like I said
until a few days later or the next day
and I changed my mind because I was very
indecisive I didn't know what I wanted
sometimes I didn't want to be with
someone but I didn't want anyone else to
have them which is quite harsh really so
yeah that's what I would be like unless
it sounds really bad I really decided
I didn't want to be with them but I
didn't know how to end it
and for me like going back before my
ex-husband for him every other partner
I'd often I stick with them loving them
hating them loving them hating them
until I'm Smith someone else now I
wasn't a sheeter I didn't cheat but I
would like have someone with my eye on I
think I'll line you up for next and that
would kind of give me an incentive to
end the relationship and it would always
have to mean a big Rao like right I
can't do this we're over because believe
it or not I still kind of had a
conscience and I didn't want to hurt the
person I was with but I also didn't want
to be with them so I would would end it
in a row and I would move on basically
very very quickly find someone else move
on or someone else and then as you know
our relationships are intense and
unstable I would throw myself into that
relationship and that one again like I
said before cut off forgotten about like
it never happened which sounds so
cold-hearted and I suppose it was but
I'm not actually a cold-hearted person I
did like even now I mean there was times
I cried over the divorce of my
ex-husband believe it or not I cried
because I hated the thought of him being
her I hated the thought that his maybe
his family were hurt
because I never set out to hurt anyone
even though there were times I did hurt
people but then I lived with the guilt
of that so I think sometimes to protect
myself I just put up that barrier and
come across as really cold and heartless
because it was it was like a defense
mechanism so yes that is the answer to
my question
like I said I can only answer
for me personally I don't know if this
is but standard amongst people with BPD
or if it's just me say yeah I hope that
answers your questions guys all right
take care of your legs