hi guys happy Friday today I am going to
do three video requests in one they are
all linked I got asked by the wise woman
hey wise woman was it DBT that helped me
or having children I got asked by Ariel
Ariel about coping with BPD
and letting go of toxic friendships and
I got asked by VJ valent hello Vijay
valent about specific techniques that I
use to self-soothe so they're all kind
of recovery based and so that's what
we're gonna go with today and to start
with was did having children helped no I
love my children with all my heart but
they certainly did not help me recover
from BPD but they gave me a good
incentive to recover I didn't want to
end up losing my children I didn't want
to make my children's lives miserable
and I knew right I have to take action I
have to start learning to recover I have
to put recovery first because if I don't
put recovery first everyone I care about
will come lost and so no they didn't
help me in my recovery it was very
difficult anyone that is a parent knows
how difficult being a parent is at BPD
to the equation and it's so much harder
but I have four children and I recovered
from BPD I'm in recovery today I live a
happy life today I can be a good mom
today and I am human and I make mistakes
I can have grumpy days but who doesn't
but I I got recovery and I have four
children and I
leave absolutely anyone out there with
borderline personality disorder can
recover there was a time that I did not
think recovery was possible I thought it
was possible for other people but it
wasn't for me I was too bad I was too
sick the BPD had too much of a hold on
me there was no way I could escape it
there was no light at the end of the
tunnel I was going to leave a very very
painful painful existence which often
led me to try and attempt suicide
because I've just had enough
but thankfully my suicide attempts were
unsuccessful because today life is
really really good and I really really
believe that it can be for any of you I
have said it time and time again we are
warriors and we don't realize that we're
strong until we get into recovery and we
look back and we think damn like how did
I get through that but we did and we can
and you can too I got asked by the wise
woman also was at DBT that helped it was
DBT that helped me because I was
fortunate enough to get on a DBT course
but I also know that there are so many
people out there that do not have access
to DBT either because it's not in their
area or because waiting lists too long
or because it costs too much money and
all is not lost
DBT is a therapy aimed at people with
borderline personality disorder but it
is not the only therapy that is aimed at
people with BPD there are lots of
different ones and all of them are just
as successful at treating BPD so if you
cannot access a DBT course all is not
lost
it does not mean you will not recover
there's no hope for you it's over give
up now it's just simply not the case
you can still recover
through other ways I won't go into all
the other therapies today because one I
don't know even more well I don't know
enough about them to sit here talking
about them but I do know they are out
there and that they are successful in
treating borderline and areare lost
about coping with BPD letting go toxic
friendships now when you first come into
recovery or even before you read in
recovery and you're kind of thinking I
just want to get better there are some
things that you can put into place today
and one of them is letting go of toxic
friendships anyone toxic in your life
here's the thing
we talked badly about ourselves
constantly our negative self-talk is
like this the last thing we need is
someone toxic in our life making us feel
even worth worse we don't need that we
do it ourselves so if you want to
recover you have to know okay this
person is not good for me I am cutting
them out my life you do not have to do
it gradually this is your recovery this
is your life at stake here so do not
think oh I don't want to hurt their
feelings
think about you you were number one if
this person is toxic and it's draining
you emotionally cut them out your life
you can either tell them that we can't
be friends anymore
I know that is easier said than done
because I was not an assertive person
and I would not known how to do that but
it can fade them out just stop answering
the calls just don't answer messages to
them because like I said you owe it to
you other things that we can put in
place today is self-care what I mean by
self-care is check how many hours sleep
you get a night if you only get three
hours probably not enough you get 18
hours probably a bit too much your diet
are you loading up on sugar are you
drinking loads of alcohol are you eating
small meals regularly how often are you
eating
would you just eat all day every day
not at all for days and days and then
have a binge have a look at your diet
because that will affect your mood this
is all kind of about emotion regulation
now obviously if you get sleep and you
eat healthily it doesn't necessarily
mean all of a sudden your moods are
going to be regulated because it's not
simple as that with borderline but it
will give you a head start
these certainly things you need to be
looking at not just that your medication
or the days you miss it
are there days you'll miss it and then
think how about to take a double dose
because if you are using your medication
in this way it's not going to work
properly also if you're on medication
and then you're out using drugs all
night regularly or drinking alcohol it's
going to interfere with the way your
medication works for years are you
saying the meds don't work the meds
don't work but I was drinking alcohol
daily and using drugs daily and it
wasn't until that stopped that finally I
was like wow this stuff works so have a
think about it not just that exercise
and I'm not talking you've got going to
run a marathon I'll talk them out you've
got to get down the gym and do full-on
high-intensity interval training
workouts walk just walk get out in the
fresh air walk then speed up your walk a
bit it releases endorphins in our brain
it makes us feel good it gives us a
natural feel-good feeling and overall it
can increase our mood make our mood
better not only that when we start
incorporating some exercise into our
day-to-day lives we find our sleeping
actually improves so that's something
else to consider so cutting toxic people
out your life and self-care there are
things you can do today now that is not
just going to solve all your problems
but like I said it will give you a
little head start and it will just make
things slightly easier for you and
they're good habits to have
and then Vijay Vijay lent asked me about
specific techniques that I use now to
self-soothe now when you think of
self-soothing you've kind of got a
thinking the five senses hearing
smelling tasting touching and seeing and
it's the senses that we can soothe from
now if it was a little child that was
crying how might you soothe them you
might give them a cuddle read them a
story make them hot drink you know and
just generally be kind and show them
compassion this is what self soothing is
we have to be kind to ourselves to
ourselves compassion and do what works
for us because say smelling okay so some
people might find smelling a certain
perfume or a nice smell can help
self-seed them for me that doesn't work
but that doesn't mean it won't work for
you it's you have to try all your senses
different things and see ah that works
and it's not necessarily try it wait
until you're in a crisis and try it
because once you're in a crisis you're
more likely to do some kind of bad
behavior that you're old unhelpful
coping mechanism so it's just practicing
it daily just try and self soothe once a
day with something different and see
what works
so for me my kitties was do here's what
I done whoo hi back da da okay so my
kitties I got the kitties for the
children but I love them very much
they're all mine and I really find them
so soothing I didn't realize
I got them just how amazing they would
be for me of an evening I'm usually so
busy tidying up doing the kids lunches
and just mundane tasks that I don't ever
say it my don't get to watch TV I didn't
get to relax since I've had the kittens
I sit and I just stroke them and it
brings me so much calm like I cannot
tell you and it reminds me of when I was
younger when I was a teenager
and my mom had two cats and and their
condi it reminds me of that and I forgot
I forgot that that's what these amazing
animals can do for you and so for me to
sit in there and stroking them I just
feel like really at peace it's so nice
another one that works for me is music I
find music so powerful at the moment and
like when was it Sunday we watched the
greatest show man with Hugh Jackman Zac
Effron is India I would highly recommend
that film to everyone I was completely
taken with it all my kids would complete
taken with it it's a musical I didn't
think I would love like musical on film
as much as it going to the theater and
seeing a musical but it was so amazing
so I went out and got the soundtrack
from a car and I have just literally
been listening to the soundtrack of the
greatest show man and it has brought me
so much joy I I find when it comes on I
want to dance and I'm just dancing like
I was dancing I mean it go you're lucky
you didn't see that and dancing around
my kitchen and feeling really great
because the dancing is going to like
exercise a space and so it's really
feeling these releasing endorphins and I
was feeling wonderful
so for me the power of music is a huge
huge self-soothe er I love music and the
thing with well I suppose with any of
the senses they're just as much as they
can sue the us they can also trigger us
a certain smell if we smell an old
partners perfume or aftershave that
might trigger us more hearing a song
that reminds us of someone that might
trigger us so it's self soothing the
things that aren't triggers obviously if
I was trying to self-soothe the last
thing I would do is put on power ballads
or some kind of sad songs because that
would just make me feel so much worse
and so have a think like what wouldn't
be a trigger of what might work and just
try it like I said the greatest show man
I think have a playlist called videos
that haunt mind that I love and um I was
putting the greatest showmen songs on
there today
as I was listening to rock on YouTube
and then I came downstairs and put her
on Amazon's Alexa
it's like Alexa they the greatest show
from the greatest showman and dancing
around of it and then I go out to my car
and I put my CD on and listen to the
greatest showmen so for me the kittens
music sometimes putting on I love funny
films feel-good films make you feel good
and that can increase my mood and just
saying you know ah I'm just going to
relax tonight that's it
forget the housework forget everything
this is about me I need to relax and I
will lie down and I will watch film and
I feel so good for it
another thing I suppose it's because of
the kitties like I said I never really
lied down but I've started lying down a
reading of an evening so I can sit and
lie on the sofa read my book while
stroking the cat and it's just heaven
for me and from the bath
getting out just go out and get some
fresh air and feel the breeze on you and
all the rain or you know exercise I know
it's not necessarily soothing but some
people might find is it can quite give
you that release of energy that built up
energy when you're in a crisis and you
just want to let it out and you don't
know how and just go for a real brisk
walk
so yeah that's um I'm trying I think the
others like taught just pose like this
again if you have a bath or a shower and
start feeling staff stress Falls feeling
stress balls my kids are all into those
bloomin squiddy's at the moment and
slime it's driving me nuts
because they think they can make slime
and it's just a mess everywhere so
that's not very soothing for me but yeah
there they are are the specific
techniques for me that work but
everyone's different but there will be
something out there that will soothe you
you might not be able to think what it
is right now but that's why I say try as
many different things as you can using
your senses ask yourself how would I
treat someone else if someone else was
really upset
what would I suggest them to do because
chances are this what you would suggest
is actually what you should do for
yourself so have a think about it
remember we are warriors and don't give
up the fight because you can get through
this there is light at the end of the
tunnel recovery is possible for every
single one of you have a wonderful
weekend and I love your legs