hi my lovelies today I'm doing a video
request from Nina hi Nina
Nina asked me to talk about rejection
fear of abandonment especially when it
comes to like a family member so I'm
gonna do that but I thought I'd
introduce to you the newest members of
our family I suppose was always
yesterday so little Eason has got a
belated that's Bob the tour twice Ethan
called him Bob and Biddy baby bearded
dragon and I I've um just been
introduced attached to them through the
glass obviously because we live under
one roof we gotta get used to each other
I suppose so basically does our reject
does rejection like come from a fear of
abandonment I would say absolutely
absolutely fear of abandonment I think
most of us have obviously I can't speak
for everyone I know when I was a toddler
I had a fear of abandonment I had no
experience of it I've never been
abandoned but that fear was there so we
go through life and sometimes we
genuinely get rejected just completely
out of the blue and when that happens
that just seems to confirm that we were
right we're gonna get abandoned
sometimes we do get rejected but it's
actually because we have pushed someone
and pushed someone and push someone
because we tend to push people away
because of our fear of abandonment and
then they abandon us
and we like I knew it it confirmed that
they were going to abandon me when
actually it was kind of a
self-fulfilling prophecy
and other times we get rejected or we
perceive to get rejected when we
actually haven't been we are very good
at trying to do other people's thinking
for them guessing
do they like us what they think about us
but unless you're an actual mind reader
the stuff you're telling yourself of why
they don't like you that's probably
because that stuff you think about
yourself we are people that have low
self-esteem no self-image like we don't
know who we are we talk negatively about
ourselves in our mind constantly and so
then when when we're constantly saying I
don't deserve anyone I'm not funny
I've got no personality I'm ugly I'm
there I'm that we're gonna then start
thinking other people are thinking that
about us because why wouldn't they if
that's what we think about us why
wouldn't other people think that about
us
so then we tell ourselves that's what
people think about us and they don't
like us when actually it might not be
the case so it's knowing first of all
are we right
are we actually being rejected why are
we being rejected have we pushed someone
away maybe we haven't because sometimes
rejection happens it happens to everyone
sometimes it just happens
and it's nothing to do with what we've
done or who we are is might it might be
just like how we could reject someone
well we push someone away because we
think they're gonna leave us so we live
them first and it might it might that
that might be it families are difficult
we can't choose that family
if you've got a family that just like
remember that's really family orientated
and gets on with everyone but they just
don't click with you they just don't
have any time to talk to you you're
gonna feel rejected but is it actually
is it actual action are they actually
rejecting you because if we think about
it there could be a number of reasons
this family members like that one could
be they're just not a very nice person
you know that could be a reason might
just be they're just not nice really it
could be that another family member has
talked about you to them and it's made
them uncomfortable so for example if it
was me and a family member was rejecting
me maybe earlier on that day my mother
had gone so - when it's going through a
really bad time at the moment it's
really difficult for the whole family
that family member might be like I'm
staying away from her I don't want to
ask her how she is things aren't good
and actually that says more about them
than it does about me my mum had a
friend has a friend and years ago her
son committed suicide now this lady had
a few other friends and they kind of
grew up together and my mum saw her
recently and said old you still see such
and such and such and such and the lady
said no after my son died they just
stopped talking to me so she would feel
rejected but why would son reject you
the only thing I can think of is they
just didn't know what to say they were
so uncomfortable it doesn't make it
right by the way I'm not saying it makes
it right but actually again it says more
about them than the person that feels
like they're being rejected because they
just don't know how to deal with it and
they don't
maybe they're uncomfortable with their
own feelings another thing could be they
see the family member sees something in
you that reminds them of them so going
back to like when I met a few of my
friends not even just one or two of them
a few of them when we first met we did
not like each other I didn't like them
they didn't like me but at some point we
came together we became besties and
years later our friendships are so
strong but why did we not like each
other to start with I think one were
quite similar actually and maybe we were
looking at the other person maybe it
made us feel intimidated because it was
someone so like us maybe we saw
something in them that reminded them of
something in us that we don't like about
ourselves so there can literally be
numerous reasons why you think someone
isn't talking to me and it might it
might have zero to do with you even if
it is because they don't like you and
they're just like that I don't like this
person just say what can you do about it
we are powerless over other people we
can't force them to like us we can't
grab them and say why don't you talk to
me well we probably could but it
probably wouldn't be the best thing to
do even if we could make someone talk to
us who didn't want to talk to us would
we want to what do we want that person
talking to us and yet when we feel like
this rejection we obsess over we go over
it again again and again in our heads
thinking about it thinking about why
they don't like us what have we done
going back all over our past dragging up
everything
but it doesn't serve a purpose because
we can't we have no power over that
person so it serves no purpose all we're
doing is doing this in and accepting
that we're powerless over people is
quite freeing so like I can write the
world there's actually nothing I can do
because we can try and change ourselves
and for hi like but why would we want to
do that why don't we don't need to
change mmm like maybe isn't maybe
they're just not very nice person it
actually says more about them than it
does about us rejection doesn't feel
good but lots of us go through it yeah
like I said it might not actually be
rejection it's just we're perceiving it
that way and we can't read minds and we
can't force people to like us and I
suppose that that's what I want you to
take away it says more about them than
it does about you you just do you that's
all we can do focus on ourselves when
our minds start to wander we put in
skills that we've learnt if we've learnt
them on how to destruct how to stay in
the moment bit of mindfulness bit of
meditation I'm gonna leave that video
there guys I'm hoping really hoping that
I get another video this week done for
you say I love you all loads