hi today I am going to talk about
something that I used to do with
boyfriend's and it wasn't I'd pick a
fight but I think I used to feel so
insecure I had such a fear of
abandonment I was so sure that my
partner was gonna cheat on me that I
would start looking for evidence to
suggest that they did or they were but
often there was no evidence to be found
so I would then make it my mission to
lie almost like questioned them without
them realizing they were being
questioned so I can draw something out
of them that I could use as evidence
against them for example we could be
walking down the road and I could say
look isn't she stunning that goes
stunning and they mock my part like how
can you say that she's oh look oh god no
I love her figure she's not figure to
die for and they my partner would slip
up
he'd go yeah she's got a good figure oh
my beast would be unleashed and I would
just turn because that was the little
bit evidence that I wanted he looked at
another girl's figure he likes another
girl that means he wants done and that's
how I take it and I just go nuts
and they would my partner feel out I
would do it about girls and telephone
switching tell you like oh hello oh oh I
wish I had her bomb and my partner says
yeah yes she's got a nice butt Oh beats
the best day um and again they're just
be sat there like oh my god
and and I would yeah I would just keep
questioning them again and again another
one I used to say what should I do girl
and that that and sometimes they try and
be clever and they'll go will you
I think I'm not fooling falling for that
I'd go look like what like blonde hair
brunette hair and they might say
brunette so okay they passed that one so
I would say oh what brown eyes blue eyes
green eyes and they said I like blue
eyes oh my eyes hazel they would be sat
there again right but obviously what
you're with someone for a long while
they get to know what you like and what
you do and so I would start doing um
what do you think of that girl and they
would say sure you are not playing this
game and that would really annoy me
because it was my game and all the
sudden I wasn't in control and no one
wanted to play with my game and it
really bugged me so they not have to try
and use different tactics to try and get
the evidence that they were cheating on
me yeah and I could just start about
anything like if we went say just we
went down the pub all that and then
we'll just all chatting as a group and
then I just notice he's talking to the
barmaid for a bit too long mmm and I
would see red and I keep it together
been looking at her like yeah I know you
after him I know you're a coward it'd be
like oh it's just playing the top Harold
Hey so yes I appreciate that I was quite
hard to go out with and I think even my
partner now I think in the beginning I
used to try those games with him but he
he knows me very well and he could see
what I was doing quite early on and he
has always refused to play my games
which really paid me off to start with
but then I don't play those games
anymore so it's not a problem so but I
thought I would share that with you I
don't know why maybe because see if I'm
not alone in it or if it's just me but
yeah I like I said I don't play those
games and I think that's because my fear
of abandonment my paranoia about the
cheating all that's kinda lesson because
I manage a borderline personality
disorder today and so because I manage
it and I'm not getting their abandonment
and that I don't feel the need to play
the games anymore and look for evidence
ok bye guys take care enjoy your weekend
see ya