Today I discuss some helpful skills that can help you to let go of your fears and unhealthy core beliefs.

hi guys happy Monday I have a little
guest I've just done this video and I
was nearing the end and she's gone
pattern and stopped at here I go again
happy Monday
excuse the frizzy it's the humidity I'm
continuing on from Friday's video where
we talked about fears and negative core
beliefs and how they kind of work a
subconscious level keeping us stuck
where we are unable to move on with our
recovery unable to have the life that we
truly want and and I suggested writing
that work down working out what your
fears are what your core beliefs are now
for some of us just having it written
down and working out one where they come
from we can be like oh and we can see it
for what it is this is feel something
that happened ages ago and it's still
affecting our life sometimes we can look
at it and see it wow that's ridiculous
sometimes we can look and be like I've
got that negative stuff going around my
head constantly no wonder I am NOT happy
and so for some of them they're quite
easy to let go just probably coming
aware of them well our core beliefs are
something that been with us since we
were little
at least some of these fears we've
carried around for years and years and
years and simply just writing them down
looking at them it's not going to remove
them so we need to do more and that's
what this video is today so I'm going to
talk to you about few different skills
that I found helpful before I do that
I'm going to talk about brain waves and
it is relevant for the video I'm not
just throw now there let's have a chat
about brain waves so we have alpha state
alpha state is where we know we don't
scrap that scrap that we a beta state
beaters say is when we're consciously
aware we might be having a conversation
we might be giving a lesson me during
this video we spend most of our day
waking day in beta state
next from that is alpha state now alpha
state is where we're just sitting at we
might have a break and reflects upon the
day and think things over it's very
relaxed if we meditate we're going to
alpha stay and alpha state bridges the
gap between the conscious which is beta
and the subconscious which is the next
state which is theta in theta state we
daydream we might be driving a car and
you know you're kind of on like
autopilot where you're just driving then
you're like I don't even remember how I
got here because you've been in theater
state theater state is when we can have
like just some inspirational amazing
idea it's just come out of nowhere and
we're also in theater state when we're
asleep and we are dreaming and then
Delta state is when we're asleep and
we're not dreaming and it is relevant
because if we're going to tap into our
subconscious we we're not going to be
able to do that in B to stay we need to
be an alpha going into theta or theta
going into Delta so and the reason I
tell you that is some of these skills
that I'm gonna tell you are worth doing
when we're in bed at night because we
maybe go up to bed in Vita state and
then we get start relaxing an alpha and
we go to theta into Delta and when we
wake up it's the opposite Delta Theta
alpha and then we come downstairs and
tackle the day in beta so either at
bedtime who are in bed it's a good time
to practice some of these skills all
first thing in the morning
now the first one I'm going to tell you
is meditation meditation is important
for this reason for those of us with BPD
for those of us with mental health
issues or addiction we spend a lot of
our waking time anxious often not even
aware that we are anxious
when we are anxious when we're fearful
our body has physical changes if we
change our physical symptoms it can
change your drink ah funny
so if with meditation breathe in breathe
out deep breath in deep breath out do it
for like five minutes this will send a
message to the part of our brain that's
responsible for emotion processing that
we're really bad we're not scared we're
relaxed and that part of brain be like
oh sorry know what you're scared and it
will send a message to the heart to slow
down and in turn the intensity of that
fear that feeling also lessens so just
practicing meditation a few times a day
every day
kind of working into your daily routine
is really helpful because by changing
the physical symptoms we can change the
intensity of the emotions the second one
I'm going to talk about is mindfulness
now let me tell you when I first heard
about mindfulness when I started DBT
because mindfulness is a core skill tour
in DBT DBT is made out of four section
this mindfulness interpersonal
effectiveness emotion regulation and
distressed tolerance but not only does
mindfulness have its own section it's
also included in all the other sections
it is a core skill and it's because it
is such an amazing skill to have when I
first started doing it we'd have to
practice being mindful of a stone it
feels hard being mindful you're fully
aware you're free present in the moment
you're noticing your mind's not
wondering if it does you just bring it
back and you're doing so you're
observing non-judgmentally so if I was
like all this stone feels really rough
that's a judgment because I'm like it's
all the stones rough
if I was a well-loved smoothness of the
same again NASA judgment I like the same
not allowed to do that it's just smooth
and I used to be like this I can't find
it so I used to be like this oh my
goodness I can't see it Lottie
sorry guys out so I used to be like this
is so ridiculous
but eventually we've moved on from
objects and we'd go for a mine for work
we're mindful walk and if I like oh my
like the birds singing that's a judgment
it not allowed to do if I heard someone
banging a hammer I was like what's the
judgment like I've just got to notice it
staying present not judgmentally now I
used to be like this is ridiculous
why why what's this mean what's how's
this gonna help me
mindfulness is amazing now like I said
it took a lot of practice for me to
realize it but there's a few reasons
firstly you're keeping things in the
present moment our fears we often look
back on our past and that can cause us
horrid emotions or we fear the future we
fear like the what if what if this what
if that because of something that passed
before then we've been mindful
we're not looking back
we're keeping it in that here and no and
that's really really important
secondly once we've learned how to be
mindful we can start at
are you doing with that little ginger
biscuit what you're doing we can start
learning to become mindful of our
emotions so when we feel fear we can
actually mindfully observe it like we're
an observer just oh that's fear and we
can ride it out because the problem is
we often feed the fear we're after wars
or we try to run away or push it away or
suppress our emotions and actually that
causes them to intensify it prolongs it
it prolongs our suffering now we can't
stop pain we can't stop things happening
not stop that but we can stop suffering
by being able to accept something feel
the feeling ride out and then it go it
will go and that is fantastic for doing
that the next one I'm going to eat is
visualization now this is again is
really good to do at bedtime when you're
going to bed even if it's just for a few
minutes to start with this here's the
amazing thing our conscious mind I told
you is responsible for critical thinking
logic analyzing judgments as a conscious
mind does not do that some stores it
just stores that information let me take
you out yeah thank ya it stores the
information it doesn't judge it etc so
if you
Oh bless you thank you if you visualize
your life how you want it to be and
maybe you're laughing with your part now
you've got lots of friends we've got the
job you always wanted and you visualize
it yes your physical mind knows you're
making that up in your head as our
conscious mind our subconscious mind
does not know that it cannot tell the
difference between what's imagined and
what is reality
so by visualizing we are feeding all
that data into our subconscious mind and
that's how we can then change our lives
for the better that's why this technique
is taught in like law of attraction
because our subconscious mind is just
collecting the data and storing it so
this can be really powerful to way of
letting go of our fears letting go or
changing our core beliefs and the
visualization can also be used in a
different way now you know I'm sure
you've heard this phrase I feel the fear
and do it anyway because if we actually
face fear head-on what we're scared of
each time we do that the intensity
lessons but here's the thing like I just
said our subconscious doesn't know the
difference between real and imagined so
instead of actually actually having to
go out just say you're scared of going
into a room full of people and them
laughing at you
you don't have to go out into a room
full of people you can imagine it and
every time you do that and feel the fear
let your self fear and get over it that
way and then every time you do that huh
you get less and less and less and you
like I said your subconscious doesn't
know the difference I personally don't
do this type of visualization because
I'm kind of more I want to do the
positive but this does work as well so
just see what you think works for you
what will work best for you the next
skill is affirmations we spend all our
days talking negatively s to ourselves
feeding our subconscious with so much
negative stuff we have to change it now
you've got your list or fears you've got
your list of core beliefs I would pick
out the main ones we don't want to
completely overload our brain but if
there's a real main core belief that you
think this is causing like a lot of the
other problems in my life maybe that's
one you should work on so if like you
have a core belief belief that I am
worthless you need to start saying I am
valued and you change it if your
probably is people can't be trusted
change it to some people can be trusted
the reason I say some is because we're
not silly if we don't know everyone in
the world so if we were like everyone
can't be trusted we know we're telling
ourselves a lie we're not gonna we're
just not gonna fall for it so we need to
be realistic we need to kind of start to
believe what we say say if we say some
people can be trusted that will go in
again affirmations are something that we
can do multiple times in the day good
times before bed good time fuzzy and
then you do it first thing in the
morning kind of sets you up for a
positive day you might like to leave
little post-its around maybe buy the cat
lift the first thing you do in the
morning like me is come downstairs you
go and make yourself a coffee have a
little post-it note to remind you of
just your few little a transformations
and again like I said just because
you're saying them you might not
necessarily believe them to start with
but that data is being put into our
subconscious it is collecting that data
and it's important we do that because we
are constantly feeding
subconsciously negativity affirmations
are we going to start feeding a
subconscious with poverty poverty
poverty positive positivity so look at
your fears pick out a few and then
change it change them to the opposite
and start saying it's yourself if like
your affirmation is like I'm a
multi-millionaire light and your fear is
I fear having no money and you're like I
fear I'm a multi again it's not
realistic but you can change it too I
have all the money that I need you know
so it's not having a thing like I said
affirmations can be done constantly if
you're in the car they can be done in
your head you can say them out loud you
could record your voice on your phone
saying them and then listen to them as
you're going to sleep going from now
potato to Delta State get it into your
subconscious a habit it takes anywhere
between 15 and 256 days to form
depending on a person so if we want to
get these things into our subconscious
we're gonna have to stick around with
all this do try them for a week and
think man not for you in there I would
say do it for a hundred days at least
because we want it to go from the
conscious into the subconscious look
Yugi is my little pet is massive now and
my final one is gratitude you cannot
feel grateful and fearful at the same
time gratitude like I keep a gratitude
journal that I write in every night I do
it just before I go up to bed so in of
an evening once I'm tidied up don't what
need to do I will sit down and I will
write all the things I'm grateful for
now some of them you might do real some
you might do imagined you might write I
am so grateful I have conquered my fear
yeah you might say I am so grateful I
have conquered my fear I'm grateful for
my family I'm grateful for a roof over
my head maybe you don't have friends but
you're right I'm grateful for having all
my love trustworthy and loyal friends
because again all this subconscious
doesn't know the difference between real
and imagined we can get it into the
subconscious okay so you don't have to
write like I do right things that bad
genuinely going on in my life things
that I'm grateful I think it's so good
to find things that we are grateful for
and but I also write things back my life
just yet so like I said you cannot feel
fearful and grateful at the same time
you can it's a journal like I did if you
don't like writing you don't have to you
can just practice it when you go to bed
when you wake up in the morning it's
really good to practice I say practice
the act of gratitude because it's not
something that just naturally comes to
us most of us don't we're very good at
looking at all the negative things going
on in our lives and we fail to think
even the smallest things like someone
might smiled at us write it down think
it I'm that grateful that that person
smiled at me if you're in a shop and
someone's just served you like at the
till be thankful that they were there to
do that and serve you your food so yeah
gratitude again like I said it's huge
you can practice it anywhere it doesn't
have to be at home you don't have to
write down you say it aloud get in your
me and my friends used to do a thing
where we text each other 10 gratitudes
every night so there was a group so we
do get each other's platitudes and it's
just that nice filling am
with positivity and when you like maybe
fill your mind with positivity the
negative stuff will slowly go we can
drown it out with the positivity with
the love with the gratitude so yeah I'm
gonna leave that there today guys but
I'm hoping I will be back on Wednesday
but like I said the kids are home it's
the holidays and I go away for a week on
Friday but I am gonna bring the computer
now I'm gonna hopefully gonna do a video
for you while I'm there anyway and that
if I'm not I apologize in advance but I
will try my very best to be getting
videos out this week as well I love you
all loads thank you as well
I am grateful that you guys like my
videos and you subscribe to my channel
thank you
This transcript was auto-generated and therefore may contain mistakes.

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