It’s now December 1st and or stress levels can start going through the roof. Christmas can be a difficult time of year and I discuss that and offer some advice.

hi guys happy Friday the 1st of December
I'm sitting here today because I have
got my tree up today I'd put it up on
the first it's a bit lighter I'll put it
up last night because I was busy today
heat now usually I put it up from the
first I love Christmas I always have I
have I loved it when I was a little girl
even when I didn't have children last
bit older and I love it now but I know
it's not always the case
when people are struggling with their
mental health or struggling with
addiction it for me really difficult so
today I thought I would do it video on
it I what are you doing you see their
little faces squashed again for not
they keep putting me off my video it's
not stressful at all so I thought I'd do
a video on out I did one last year and
the year before I think I left it really
close to a Christmas and actually this
is this all talk we need to have now and
I'm going to talk to you about the
different stresses that pop up at
Christmas time and hopefully give you
some advice around it so first of all
it's Christmas and so many people are
walking around the big fat grin on your
face so happy and jolly and if you're
struggling with your mental health you
might just not feel happy and we often
put pressure on ourselves like we should
be happy it's Christmas why are we not
happy is Christmas that's it's just
another day but we kind of build up like
into this big thing and think well we
should is only one day but you know what
Christmas will be here next year isn't
my camera one key
sorry guys I think it was um one of the
main problems for me was the stress
about money because I want to buy every
one of the nicest things and in the new
year sales I never ever ever get to shop
in the new year sales because I never
have any money then because I have spent
it all at Christmas and that can get me
pretty low in January so if you're like
me and you want to buy people things but
you just can't afford it sometimes we
have to be honest and say to our family
members look we just can't afford to be
buying presents for everyone this year
and what you've probably find is people
might be grateful that you said that and
think great well we won't buy for each
other and that might be taking the
pressure off them as well one thing you
could do if you're with family or
friends is do Secret Santa so you will
put your name and a half everyone pulls
out a name and you just buy a present
for that person and you can kind of put
pricing on it so it could be presents
for five pound or five dollars less ten
pound or ten dollars or less and then
you haven't got the huge expense of
having to buy for everyone one thing I
tend to do if I have more money and I
need to get present I get my kids to
draw a picture and I will go and have it
when I say I will go for have it framed
actually I frame it I go and buy a frame
for literally like a pound you can get
cheap frames really cheap frame just
plain black or plain white put the
picture room wrap it up give it a
spoiler and I've done that before and
it's great because people really
appreciate it it's got a real personal
touch you can do the same with Christmas
cards if you have the time if you are
artistic and you don't have to again
maybe you could do a little painting or
drawing again cheap frame give it as a
present if you don't but maybe you have
neat handwriting or you know someone
who's got really neat handwriting you
could write out a nice poem or a nice
saying a quote or something cheap frame
nope give it a skit so there are things
you can do obviously planning ahead is
always great I know it's the 1st of
December now and you know what I
actually haven't bought one present this
year I've been so bad but planning ahead
is good because you can kind of budget
for it and just I mean I know people
that start buying in January for the
following Christmas and I really admire
those people and I wish that was one of
those people but I'm just not but if you
give yourself time you give yourself a
budget you do not go over that budget
you write out lists of what you're
getting that's really helpful because
it's not even just presents is that
we've got to go out there's everyone was
going out to Christmas are we honest I
have not been out in four years
literally I mean I have my cousin's
wedding in July I had my brother's
wedding not this October the one before
I'm Matt only two years ago I went out
for a friend's birthday but you know I
left at 8 p.m.
because I just wanted to get home and
look for darkness but obviously it's
Christmas time and if I wants to go out
and it's very difficult one if you don't
have the money to if you're new in
recovery from drugs or alcohol if you
are new in recovery I would say to you
stay in don't go out and I know that
sounds so boring but you're really in a
vulnerable position and you will be
putting yourself at risk now I've always
had this fear of missing out and so I
would go out everyday even if I was ill
I would just have some brandy mixed with
hot water and a bit of honey
damn it some nurofen some paracetamol
and go out because I had such a fear
that I was going to miss come on the
best night of my life and do you know
what I never had the best night of my
life on any of those nights so if you're
thinking of it's nearly Christmas and
everyone's going I'm gonna have the best
time I would say to you actually think
the next couple of days after that night
out how you can feel that because for me
I would often go out and spend too much
money do do many drugs yes so drunk and
I don't really remember the night but
what I would remember is that I have now
got an empty bank account with no money
whereas spent it all myself and my
partner at the time wouldn't have been
talking because we would have had a big
round because I was so out of it and
four days after I was just filled with
guilt and shame and remorse and wishing
I hadn't gone so you can still have a
nice night
at home you could read a book yes you
didn't you could watch of him you could
have some friends over to play a game
I'm right I'm really thinking here guys
but um okay for me I can have or not I
actually prefer to stay in our dates
like I said I haven't been out in years
and years and years but I am going out
in a couple of weeks with the moms from
the school and I'm quite lucky they all
know that I'm in recovery they know
about my history it's not a big shock to
them and I will have one drink but
hopefully have a really good time but
it's I'm like four years into recovery
and I'm still filled with anxiety I mean
I'm gonna go because the mums are lovely
and um I'm sure we're gonna go for
something to eat first no be really nice
night but going out for me just reminds
me of all the times I'd go out and I'm
going to come home for days so I know
that's not going to happen because that
is I'm not in that place today but just
the memory alone it can fill me with
anxiety and fear so another thing that
really bother me every year every year
I'll have this you guys know how jealous
I used to be an obsessive and stalkerish
I have discussed that with you before
now I hate I hate it when signs up work
somewhere and they say we're having a
bit works Christmas too but you can come
be your partner con and so they'd say
that's like my partner my ex-partner
whoever I was with at the time and I
okay so they go into a Christmas party
and I've got a say in they're going to
be cheating on me with all the girls in
the office because that's how my head
would go and I would be filled with
anxiety that night and I what I used to
do is actually go to a friend's and news
loads of drugs do not do that I would
suggest you don't even drink because
drink alcohol is a depressant and it
will make you feel worse if you use
drugs chances are you will get even more
paranoid and you already are and you've
kind of got to see it for what it is and
thing okay this this is quite common
actually works do do this I think it's a
bit mean but I suppose if they are
paying they can't afford for every
person and their partners then it
doubles the price so I would try and
keep yourself busy go and see a friend
go and see a family member what to feel
keep yourself occupied and just remind
yourself like no just because they bunch
what Christmas do doesn't mean they're
sleeping with it from that the office
chances are they just gonna have a good
time and come back and that's always
what happened to me they'd go they'd
have been time actually sometimes they
said you know that was really rubbish
and they'd come home early and that was
really good for me but yeah now I know
it can fill us with fear especially when
we're pretty paranoid and jealous and
that so that's another thing to be aware
of and also speech your partner about
how you feel before and to say look this
is how I'm feeling I'm feeling really
jealous and try and just talk to each
other and hopefully they can put your
mind at ease a bit that would be the
nice thing for them to do hopefully it's
just put your mind at ease but I know
they don't always do that because the
way I used to tackle
it's not oh I'm feeling really jealous
right now I'd say you're gonna go and
check someone and that would get their
back up and then they would just dismiss
me and not want to talk to me about it
and in my head that kind of odd then
think mostly you are up to something
because that's why you don't want to
talk about without thinking actually I
have just completely blamed them for
something that they haven't done um food
food christmas is a time for food loads
loads of lovely lovely food now you guys
know that I suffered with bulimia so I
have an eating disorder of years and it
was always a really difficult time for
me at Christmas and one I was using so
much cocaine I wouldn't eat for days
when I was off it I would binge and be
sick I mean Jimmy sick and it was just
awful it was a really really difficult
time of year I have done a video not
long ago about the sort feeds that you
eat obviously when you eat lots of
unhealthy foods we can have a slumping
mood and so it's kind of saying yes
there is lots of food but I'm not gonna
go oh TT and allow yourself some treats
but then maybe the next day have a bit
of a healthier day and I know this
sounds really boring because we just
wanna eat everything and why wouldn't we
it's Christmas but then comes the new
year and we all feel awful about
ourselves and we're like right I need to
go and get fit now and chances are we
wouldn't have needed that had we not
spent the two weeks eating everything
every day all day
we then wouldn't be that kind of
predicament where we like I have to get
bit because hopefully already be fairly
fit and don't stress money
um family's whole week have to go and
see how family I talk about that but I
know for some people is really tough but
I think that's for most people whether
it's going to see the in-laws or your
own family
it's just a stressful time of year and
sometimes we don't want to go but
because it's Christmas we have to go and
see people that's not entirely the case
if it's just you and say your partner
and you decide you know what actually
we're just gonna stay at home that is
okay to say that maybe go and see family
Christmas Eve or Boxing Day st.
Stephen's Day if you're an island and
don't put pressure you do not have to do
anything that makes you that
uncomfortable um I know the problem here
is if you are seeing that in also you're
going to see your mother-in-law or
father-in-law with your partner and you
really don't want to go but it's their
time you saw your family last year and
it's their turn this year sometimes we
do have to kind of suck it up and just
go along but that doesn't mean you have
to stay all day I would I think there's
nothing wrong with sometimes telling a
little white lies so it might be a Djinn
or more I have a real bad headache I
need to lie down and maybe just say to a
partner beforehand look I'm really in a
struggle I'm not feeling great at the
moment because communication is key what
I'd find probably you'll probably go
along feeling anxiety but once you get
there you'll have an amazing time so but
we spend so long worrying about what
will be and actually none of them we
can't tell the future we don't know if
you'll get there and it's really as bad
as you thought it was there's nothing to
stop you saying I need to go out for
five minutes go for a walk and get some
fresh air
which i think what else I've missed
tonight a Christmas um I was just a
lovely I was on YouTube listening to
songs Christmas songs and do they know
it was Christmas came up the original
with the video of like the starving
children in Africa and it kind of really
brings it home right no matter how bad
we think we have it there are always
people out there that have it so much
worse and and this is kind of the time
of year that we can say right actually
we're gonna give back somehow it might
just be giving a little bit of money to
I've told if you can do Christmas boxes
so they could be sent to like children
in Syria or they can be sent up like I
know we used to get them sent up to
London to the people homeless people in
London it'd be a shoe box they might
have a pair of gloves or some source and
like just real like little basic things
and that we would get and feel and give
it and there are like soup kitchens
homeless shelters that you can volunteer
at and doing things like this can often
take us out of ourselves and make a stop
thinking about how bad we have here and
actually we can see other people
struggling but we can also feel with
doing something about it we're not just
sitting back we're going to do something
and it it's really good for us because
we can then feel good about ourselves
knowing we have helped another
I'm going into a daydream like I always
do I could always do so talked about
money I talked about eating I talked
about drugs
there's lots good TV on at Christmas
thought let's throw that out there
that's a good TV like Christmas plan
ahead but by planning ahead I'm not
saying guess what's going to happen at
the head because we don't know what's
going to happen but if we kind of try to
stick to some kind of routine and not
let our routine because that's the thing
we struggle with change and everything
is different
and Christmas the kids were for school
and I've done videos about that when the
kids are on there for days and that's
tough for parents if they're used to
having that little bit of free time in
the day and luckily I find the Christmas
holidays were easier because Santa's
visited and so they have lots of
presents to keep themselves occupied and
so it's not as painful as in like the
holiday hop that's just gone where they
work constantly on it to mean take me
out spend time with me do this like I'm
trying I'm trying and it is tough is a
hard time of year but you need to keep
yourself safe and like I said sometimes
it might be sacrifice amount night out
and saying actually I'm not going to go
with money tell people if you don't have
money you don't have money don't because
that's the thing I know at the time we
put this pressure on ourselves
no one's picking on us it's us and it's
kind of pointless because we're adding
stress and we're adding on this time and
we only don't need to so kind of view it
like yes it's Christmas but do you know
what it is just another day and you can
get through it
it can be for some people really lonely
time like if you don't talk to a family
or you don't have any friends and you
kind of isolate it can be lonely if you
are someone that does find it lonely
like I said before volunteering at
places like the homeless shelter and
that it's a really good way to get out
and kind of be around people because you
do not have to be on your own and if you
really really want to spend it on your
own that's fine but don't just sit there
moping about the house like to watch a
film and make yourself a nice little
dinner you know be kind to yourself I'm
sure before I started this video I
literally have so much to say and now
it's come on and I'm sure like forgotten
half of that yeah what I'm gonna do I'm
going to leave this here before I just
stop babbling on about nothing which I'm
very likely to do did I show you my self
at the beginning I think I did my
dancing F and see I told you I'm gonna
talk about rubbish so I'm gonna leave it
here guys but if I do remember the
things I will be putting those videos
out through December for you and if you
have video requests put them down in the
comments because I do read them I do get
to read them I don't always get to reply
I'm sorry but do read your comments and
I will start making notes of the video
requests and I'm gonna leave that there
bye guys
This transcript was auto-generated and therefore may contain mistakes.

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