hi guys happy Friday today I'm taking a
video request from layout who asked me
to talk about stealing other people's
personality traits
hello lay out before I just quickly
discussed that I am pleased to announce
my website which hasn't launched yet I'm
really sorry but I'm able to now give
you the name of that it's myself and my
partner Megan that have set it up and it
is called BPD tribe the reason that I
called it we chose the name tribe is the
work v speaks of a group of people come
together they're strong it's empowering
your warriors so that is the name like I
said it hasn't yet launched I can't wait
for it to launch but currently I'm
trying to get the content added to it
first right so back to layout request
now I've talked about this before
because one of the traits of BPD is
unclear and unstable self-image and
that's basically we don't know who we
are we might not like who we are often
we're really insecure so it then makes
sense that if we see people that we like
and we think they've got great
personality that we are then going to a
copier because we want to be liked we
want to fit in and this goes back
hundreds of thousands of years I've
talked about it before when we did we
lived in tribes and we have our
personalities and we it was vital for us
to fit in with a tribe because if we
were on our own
against a big lion or whatnot our chance
of survival is slim whereas if we were
together as a tribe fitting in and our
personality helps us 410 then our
chances of survival were way higher so
it's normal for the human race to want
to be light want to fit in we are social
creatures but
those of us with BPD often feel like we
don't feel our personalities go against
us they're supposed to help us fit in
and yet they don't so yeah we have
unclear and unstable self-image which
I've discussed before but there are also
other reasons now copying someone or
mirroring someone is actually really
normal most people to it to some certain
extent back when I was 18
living the dream as a telemarketer we
did training and in that training we
were taught to mirror the person we were
talking to so if someone was like hi how
are you we would snow and lower our
voice to mimic their voice because it
helps you make a connection and so
everyone can do it but we contend those
of us with moosari those of us with BPD
can tend to do it to an extreme and it
can become problematic in the fact that
we don't know who we are we're just
constantly copying other people and we
don't feel content because our whole
lives can feel like it's made up we will
we're putting on this act and that's
part of why we do it we put we've copy
other people because we want to hide out
for yourselves because often we don't
like who we are now
like I said it for a lot of people it's
normal but for those of us with BPD it
can become really problematic and it can
leave us feeling miserable and actually
feeling more insecure so when that
happens we it's like important that we
actually take action and start one
building our self-esteem learning who we
are
and when we go to copy someone maybe
recognize when we're doing it and don't
know don't say out loud and say I'm
copying you I'm not a minute but in your
head like okay I'm just copying go back
to Who I am and it is kind of constantly
reminding yourself now our past actually
has a huge impact on like our self-image
how we interact with others so when
we're growing up our main caregivers
they're supposed to be our role models
now what if someone had really awful
role models they suffered abuse neglect
they grow up one with attachment issues
but also not knowing how to interact
socially looking for someone else to
mirror because they don't want to be
like the person that's treated them so
badly so we often come into teenage
years now the teenager is the
adolescence he is really hard because
that is when our our identity is being
formed so that's why a lot of teenagers
copy one another because they're trying
to learn who they are they trying to
socially interact and get on with people
they want to be liked
etc and but if you've also had a really
awful childhood with no good role models
it's going to really be heightened when
we then reach our teams we will copy
other people because we don't know how
to socially interact we don't know
what's like normal because we haven't
been shown as children because if we've
had a really awful childhood chances are
unlike being completely to say neglected
those things of learning
how to like get on with others and
socially interact we're not taught that
so it's even harder you come into your
teens and so we've kind of that's how we
get through each day
and try and get on socially with other
people is just by copying everyone
around us I've completely my mind what
is my mind of course with recovery like
I always say we can get to a point where
we do build our self-esteem and we do
learn who we are and that's not to say
we won't ever mirror people because like
I have just said is human nature to do
it to some extent but we've got to look
at why we do it are we doing it because
we hate who we are we really don't like
we just want to be someone else we wish
we were someone else because if that's
the case chances are it's a problem and
we need to actually learn how to love
ourselves and how to accept ourselves
and I've talked for nearly eight minutes
so I'm gonna leave it there guys but I
will be back next week I love you all
those back