Today I discuss why many women with bpd are seen as psychopathic or crazy. Is there any truth in this? Why would people think this?!
hi my lovelies - anyone who's new welcome my name is Serena and I'm in recovery from drug addiction and borderline personality disorder so that's kind of what I focus on in this channel I have a book out called the big book on borderline personality disorder I think the best price you can get it at is on Amazon so if you have a look on there you will find it ok so guys you know I'm down to one video a week I have a website that is aimed at people with BPD and their loved ones that is ready to launch this month there's just a few things I need to do and because I'm doing that I can only do one video a week probably really well so I know I have got a lot of video requests by promise you I will get round to doing them just right now I need to kind of focus on this today I'm gonna do a video because well I just so basically I was in my car there's a new song out there's a new somehow it's called sweetville psycho by evil max if you haven't heard it put it into YouTube and have a listen I loved song I was in my car the other day and driving along dog said Anna I thought came in my head and then went out really really quickly and that thought was I wonder if any of my exes they hear this and think of me thought gone nothing of it didn't think of it again that night I was in my kitchen had a lecture on playing sweepers psycho my ex came around to see the children he heard the song and he said to me whenever this song comes on in the car I think of you why do women with BPD get classed as being psycho why I don't believe we are psycho but I also know there is no smoke without fire before I go on I know not every woman with BPD behaves in this way so I'm kind of talking about the more what's called not the quiet BPD ones that we are more an extrovert people like me so I started thinking back to all my old relationships and thinking would this person say I was a psychic probably would this person yeah definitely and so on so those Ian that know me I've talked to her about my stalking before I was very very jealous jealous person and I would take it to another level and I would play mind games I'd say to light a partner do you think she's pretty she is isn't she when they said yeah rod go I would stalk them I was quite violent now I know again I laugh through this video and I laugh not because I think well it's okay what I did because I really don't believe that it was okay at all but it's kind of you laughing a lot oh my god was I really like that but yes I was so I don't want people to take offence if I'm laughing because I was a vile vile person I was really violent I would pant scratch by kick head but not just that I was like violent towards myself when I was angry at someone else so like I would be in the middle of an argument with someone and I'd be hurling abuse and screaming at them and then I would start whacking my head onto a concrete floor so my head would be bleeding I would be hurling abuse at someone and so looking back I can really understand why a partner looking on well like their girlfriend screaming at them and head-butting a wall or a tree or the ground or whatever and think well this isn't normal because it wasn't but this is what I did I was known to do things one time I remember by self-harmed while my partner was asleep and then I just rubbed the blood all over the bed and then woke the rough and said look what you've made me do and again like I know like I've talked about kind of self harming as some people say you do it for attention to done there's many different reasons and sometimes yeah it's because we're crying out for attention it's not all the time but this is this is my story yeah so this is what I did so again if someone wakes up and there's blood all over the bed and they've got very normal I could be fast asleep my partner could be fast asleep I could have a dream that they cheated on me I would wake up and I'd attack them while they're asleep again not normal but this is what I did so there was that whole kind of physical violence side not just that I was really vicious like with my tongue I was I would say the nastiest nastiest things that I'm not gonna say them on here because somebody would be like what'd she say that someone but I was spiteful in the moment I wanted to hurt the other person and I would do whatever I could and sometimes it took saying the nasty it's not to hurt them now some of you might say well that's pretty psycho but here's the thing we like the word psychic I used to be told you're psycho you're nuts I got the nickname squirrel and I was about 20 and I said why are you cleaning this we're awake because you're nuts psycho nuts you're insane you're freaking insane you've lost the plot you're not normal this is what I was told but that kind of word psycho is kind of just thrown about when someone's behaviors aren't seen as the norm if you look up Psychopaths there's not actually a diagnosis you can't get diagnosed as a psychopath the closest thing is antisocial personality disorder which is a cluster B personality disorder a long way borderline personality disorder narcissistic personality disorder and histrionic Personality Disorder so yes we are kind in the same cluster the erratic dramatic kind of personality disorders and I've talked before about how different personality disorders can overlap particularly if they are in the same group so cluster B's we might often find that we have other plus 2b traits of different personality disorders it might not be enough to get diagnosed so someone might have a couple of narcissistic traits they can't be diagnosed as a narcissist but they have the traits obviously there are also people that do get diagnosed with more than one personality disorder and I'm not talking about someone who when I talk about like psycho woman I'm not talking about a girl that has been diagnosed with antisocial and bored I'm just talking about how it's those of us just with borderline because antisocial personality disorder which is the closest thing to psychopathy is very very different yes they are both cluster B personality disorders but they are very two very different disorders they are not the same so what else did I do I think I'm going off-track right okay so if I was having an argument of someone and someone tried to walk away which they so often did why wouldn't they walk away anyone if they saw the way I was behaving would want to get as far away from me as possible I wouldn't like to be walked away from I would chase them jump from their back write them lock them in a room I did that with my ex-husband I looked us in the bedroom together and I flung the key out the window because I didn't want him to go and I literally he was still on the floor like normal I was stood on the bed so I was looking down at him and I was literally like I had my hands out go ahead like growling at him like some kind of animals that's not normal if they tried to drive away I might lie in front of the tires of the car I might throw myself on the windscreen and start punching it so yeah like there are numerous things that I did that we're not normal and so yeah people would say I was psycho I was not so it was crazy I was insane and I do get what people say that but actually if you look up Psychopaths and you look up and social personality disorder like I said they are very different and one of the main things is that those mad I suppose a light a true psychopath they can be manipulative now I know I'm probably gonna get slaughtered down in the comments that's absolutely fine you can slaughter me in the comments just leave my subscribers alone because I will block you because this is a place where we actually sing together so okay sorry so I'm off track what was I saying yeah so I know people say with people with BPD are manipulative and yes I can see that we can kind of do things but we don't my argument is we don't consciously go out our way to do is just a behavior it just happens whereas someone that might be like psychopathic antisocial they kind of plan ahead and that's not the case like I said I didn't plan like I didn't sit and think huh I really want to hurt this person I would just do it in the moment impulsively and after I would feel bad I would feel guilty I would show remorse not all the time like and I mean show remorse I always felt guilty but if I was still angry at someone and then my ex said I can't believe you did that you don't feel guilty I would say no I don't I haven't done anything wrong well if I done and I'd like put on this cold tough exterior but the truth of the matter is I did actually feel guilty I can feel empathy I can feel guilt I can feel remorse I feel bad for what I've done and a true psychopath won't be able to do that they will not feel bad so I think that is like a key difference and that you see these women that are portrayed in films that like try to seduce the man and then if he's interested in someone else try and kill him but I don't want to kill anyone I never wanted to kill her that wasn't like that was just wasn't me and I don't believe that these of us just with BPD are that psychopathic now like I said I know probably I'll get slaughtered in the comments and that's fine but we're kind of talking about the song sweet but psycho can keep women with borderline relate to that so where does the sweet bark come from okay so when anyone that's been in relationship with someone with PPA will often say we're very intense in the beginning we will do everything we've been Dover backwards because and we would just be everything that they want us to be so possibly we can be seen as a sweet bar once we get like emotionally attached they get to know us it kind of triggers our intense emotions and our true behaviors start showing and those behaviors that give us the name of psycho but like I said I don't believe we are true psychos I really don't I can see from outsiders why they would think that catchy what are you doing um there was a few things in the song that I thought was like yeah I can really kind of relate to that there was a phrase what was it kiss your neck with no emotion and that actually was me believe it or not even though our emotions are so intense over time one of the way we deal with that a lot at the time we can just shut off from our emotions so we just don't feel them anymore and we can come across as really cold and it's not like that we are cold it's actually our way of kind of protecting ourselves another word was people say Rawdon don't walk away oh my god the amount of evil odd get in a relationship and they'd say everyone was telling me I shouldn't be with you why is that not be I don't know why would people say that and then when they got to know me that so people warned me not to go out with you and I did so I could relate to that as well but I think like we get really bad kind to name and I do get like I said there's no smoke without fire I do get that some about behaviors are kinda like but that's because of the disorder and how we feel inside there's a fly so my lovelies that is today's video check out the song sweet that's like a pie even max I love it I love the song I don't believe we are psychos but at the same time I can see that how that song I bear a lot of like guys that have been out with a borderline girl would say this song's about her that's that's just what I think and like I said at the beginning guys not all women with BPD are the same there are nine traits to BPD you have to have five for a diagnosis there are so many different combinations no we are not all the same but I am trying to talk about my story how I was and yeah let me know what you think in the comments and I'll be back next week I love you all
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