I dont think I ever really considered the importance of recovery to start with. But it really is a matter of life and death. We need to take recovery seriously. Why are some people able to overcome addiction and others struggle?
hi guys happy Friday today I'm not doing a video request I want to discuss recovery with you not I'm just recovery from borderline personality disorder but also recovery from addiction alcoholism as you know I was in rehab about just over five years ago and when I was in I did primary rehab which was mainly it's like detox some group sessions and that and that was six weeks but then I went on and I did secondary for like five months so in secondary there was a like the lady that ran out I always remember she sat down and she we were all sat in a circle doing group therapy and she was like look at the person next year looking and she said chances are they'll be dead in a few years and we were like wow and she's like like this addiction kills basically a lot of you aren't gonna make it and I remember just thinking but that's a bit harsh early like that's that's a bit March I didn't I didn't get it that it was only about three months into leaving rehab but I found out that three people that I'd done the primary stage with had died they were all died of alcoholism and as I came into recovery and I got into like the 12 steps and do meetings I met a lot of people in recovery and whilst it's wonderful seeing people recovery you do see people go back out there and start using again and people do die from this I lost a guy a friend that I did secondary treatment with and he was lovely and he died about a year year ago and because he he could get clean he just couldn't stay clean then in February of this year another guy in recovery that we were very close with because he had a daughter who was the same age as my eldest daughter they were only like four at the time four five years old at the time and we used to all go out together and he came around for Christmas dinner like we were all really close and he died in February and I so didn't thought become like numb to it like it makes me really sad it makes me actually not I really like I think about his little girl a lot his mom actually had won custody of her just a week before he died so last night I was chatting with my partner Darren and I was like oh do you remember when you me and Ben and Ben was a guy he was like my best friend and treatment in the primary stage I have never laughed so hard with anyone I think I did um a video a while back on codependency and I talked about him because we actually had to go to like couples counseling together and they were like this is the first time we're doing couples counseling with a couple that on a couple you're just friends and we've stayed in contact over the years sending messages he sent us calls I was promised Todd Gallup to London to see him and I just never did and so I said this to my paradise night she remember Ben he went oh he died a month ago and I'm like yeah yeah we're funny funny he was like no seriously I just didn't know how to tell you I was like oh my god so I've gone on his Facebook and sure enough he's passed away so I was telling my mum last night like I'm just talking Malia and I think for her it's like cause she knew Ben and she knew um my friend who died in February as well she knew both of them and it's a reminder that actually that could have been me and she's the kinda said what what makes some people able to recover and some con and it really got me thinking like what is it why can some of us get in some calm and for me I think it's very much helping others being around others like yourself and I think that's why it's 12-step meetings like AAA and NA work the twelfth step is to help another addicts help another alcoholic for me with my channel are trying to help other people that are dealing with things that I dealt with and honestly guys you have no idea I'm sure I you guys have kept me live you've kept me sane because I think I felt I had a purpose and I never did have before I never felt like I had a purpose and now am I actually do you know what all the crap I went through I can now turn this around and do something good with it and show a lot of people how they can recover as well I don't exactly lie I haven't spoken to them for a few months so I don't know but I didn't I don't know what happened there I don't know like what kind of support he had around him my other friend who died didn't it on February he was doing so well and he had just got back custody of his daughter and we would all go out together and it was all through like the summer holidays this is five years ago and then the September came his daughter started school and all of a sudden it was like he was just had all this time on his hands and he went back out there started using again lost custody of his daughter and really struggled to get clean after that and it was just so sad because we don't got clean together and we were no different this guy is like he had so much wool or than that's so much to offer and it's like what a waste of her life and I think we can't be complacent when it comes to our recovery whether we're talking about addiction whether we're talking about alcoholism whether we're talking about borderline personality disorder these things kill you know this is our life at stake I look back now and I mean I've mentioned just three people that it was within treatment that I lost that were good friends that that's not including all the others I hear honestly it's like at least every month it's did you know such-and-such died did you know such-and-such died it's all the time and it's a constant reminder or lie that's why I can't go back out there I can't pick up again I have to take recovery seriously and I think all of us do we need to get connected with other people for a star and I think again that's why 12-step meetings work because you're amongst other addicts or you're amongst other alcoholics and that's what like with my website BPD tribe that's what I kind of want us just all of us with BPD to stick together and help one another not just one person helping it like not just me we all help each other because honestly you guys do help me and I just think we have to take recovery seriously I got asked by Magnolia Rose I can't remember my head I'm sorry about what we know wrong something about in early recovery do you think because I just got with him a new partner do you think that helped my recovery go quicker well actually no that was a really dangerous thing I did and I can see that now I'm very lucky that it didn't cause my recovery to blow up in my face I think when we're first in recovery we kinda have to just focus on us and it's very difficult because those of us with BPD we often just want to be in a relationship but it can cause so many other problems so I don't know today I don't want this video to be will doom and gloom but I just kind of want us to sit off and say do you know what we have to take recovery seriously it's like it's our lives at stake basically and I see that like every time I hear that someone else has passed away it's a reminder and it's absolutely horrible but but recovery is possible there's some is it a TEDx talk a guy does you can look it up it's about rat Park I was calling him rat City but I have a feeling it's gonna pop and it's really really interesting about they were giving these rats they put a load of rats and then one rat in an empty cage and they put heroin in a water bottle and then one normal water bottle and the rat would always go for the heroin but then they created like a rat Park where there were loads of fun things for the rats to do and they put lots of rats in together so they could interact and the rats weren't interested in drinking the water laced with heroin they just wanted the normal water because they were happy and I think that that's what we need we need to feel like connected we need to feel we have a purpose we need to feel like we're not secluded we're not on our own we're not the only person like this there are others out there that get us and this can really really help us not only like get clean but stay clean because that is the difficult thing it's easy for someone to get clean staying clean is a whole different ballgame um I'm gonna leave it there but I will be back on Monday and like I said next week I've got a crisp from the reward so doing a video for you guys I love you all let's have a wonderful weekend guys
This transcript was auto-generated and therefore may contain mistakes.