I get asked a lot if people with BPD or mental health issues should be having children. I would say yes – but support is so important. I was under a special team of midwives called the Sunshine Team and they helped me get through my pregnancy safely.
hi my lovelies it is Friday evening and I was hoping to do a video monday or tuesday by forgot it is the children's half term and so they were around and so I can't possibly do a video but they've gone to my mum's for a few days the older three half I've still got baby obviously she's a seat yeah she's asleep down there good good as you can see I haven't been able to hurt straighten my hair so it's a bit of a wild mess um but I am able to do a video because she's asleep at the moment please because it feels like at the moment she is on my boob constantly and I don't fancy doing a video Tehran my boob don't think any of you would appreciate it I don't think I'd appreciate it and but yeah so it's Friday night I'm hoping to upload tonight but where I used to live it would take me five minutes to upload a video here the connection is slower it takes two hours 45 minutes so like two hours 40 minutes more so it's seven o'clock now by the time I've done it uploaded and I've gotta write in all the stuff the description and that I'll be really tired so I might have to wait till saturday morning i'm sorry but i might try and quickly do two videos and then maybe upload one in a few days so today i am going to talk ah in case you hear banging that is upstairs my daughter's room we are decorating it my partner was a painter and decorator so he's doing it actually um I don't think he wants to do it I don't think it's due please I kind of sprung on him like it's half-term we can do her room get up there I've got the pain yes it that's what the banging is in case you can hear that right yet I'm going to do a video today talking about my pregnancy and so it's might not be something everyone wants to watch but I'm going to but mainly talked about the support that I got in my pregnancy because there are so many women out there that just don't get the support that they really need when you suffer with mental health you're more likely to suffer more in the pregnancy and you're more likely to suffer after you've had the baby as well I get comments from people as well saying like should people with BPD have children should people with mental health illnesses have children oh I get wet what they mean I do get what they mean because obviously if our BPD is completely controlling us our emotions are so intense and we're flying off the handle and doing all the crazy things we do is it wise to get pregnant and answers probably oh it's not but that's not to say someone with BPD can't have children or shouldn't have children especially if you're doing something about it and you're trying to get help and I mean you might not be in full recovery yet but as long as you've got a support network around you there's no reason why you shouldn't I mean what people forget is well with borderline personality disorder of people are very quick to remember our intense anger and our intense crying and all those horrid symptoms but they also forget that with all the our other feelings are intense that the love we feel is so intense like I love my kids so much and I try to be a good mom I would say like for me I have been at the school and I talked to the family support workers at the school they know about my previous drug addiction drinking alcohol my self harm mental health issues and they know all that and I tell them that because then they can support my children and if I feel my children need a bit of extra support they they can get it they've got someone they can talk to my son bless him I just over a week ago he broke down in tears and this is my son kiyan my second child and it just is not like he and he's a really happy carefree little boy he's five and he's so anxious like chewing his top till it's soaking wet and he broke down and he said there was an old boy who's been sitting on him bullying him and it's been going on for a long time and of that night when he went red I just cried I mean I'm emotional anyway but as a mom I just solved because he's my little boy but he spoken to the teachers and and they realized he is really anxiously at would but they're going to support him with that and he's going to be having like counseling three times a week and put in a special little group called the sunshine group actually where he can just go and talk and they're going to get into like talk about his feelings and stuff because he's not good expressing and talking about his feelings was my daughter is yeah Kings not really so I would say yes it's all about the support so in my first two pregnancies I lived two hours away from here so I went to a different hospital and I just had normal even though I had I was under mental health team I just had no more midwives I suffered it re bad prenatally in both and I suffered really bad snootily in both pregnancies and it was kind of kind of left up to the mental health team to deal with their but it just wasn't enough then I moved down here and I got pregnant with my third child eason a little boy and I was told I was classed as vulnerable and three classes vulnerable you can have mental health issues we near diction really young young mom maybe come from home with domestic violence or whatever and I got put under actually same name as my the group my son goes to sunshine it's the sunshine team of midwives and they deal with vulnerable women and now when I moved down here there was a mixup and my paperwork ting is then from sent from my mental health teams one here so I wasn't under a mental health team but I did have this midwife and she would come out to me and I would just cry and cry and cry because I was new to the area I didn't know the area I didn't know anyone and I was pregnant I was hormonal I felt had no one and I used to just cry on her shoulder and say you're my only friend her name was Julie and she was amazing and eventually I got put under the Mental Health team and things slowly slowly got better but so this time I got pregnant I'm back under the sunshine team julie has moved on she works in a different area there now but um I got a lady called Denise and she was amazing like the support I've got from the team I feel I can phone them I can talk to them they're really there and I do feel like it's been kind of life-saving at times like well if just felt I've got no one to talk to or just tell how I'm feeling or have a rent to and I've been able to talk to them now what the sunshine team do they come out you more often and so it's like not as long gaps and when one of my first meetings Denis said to me we have a student and would you like to be her caseload she'll come to all your appointments and I thought nothing of it I said yeah because I can't think well students have to learn yeah sure why not no but I didn't think anything of it and done so i got this girl Kathryn she's from Northern Ireland and she's a student midwife now the reason she's able to work with the sunshine team because they don't usually take students because they're dealing with vulnerable women is that Katherine's previously done a psychology degree and um then she decided she wanted going to midwifery so she was able to work with me and like I said I didn't really think much of it but as my pregnancy went on my ups and downs with my emotions i mean my they were i was quite good the whole way through really but at the end i really kind of needed that support and Catherine would not just come out to every appointment but I was also under a consultant where I'd have to go and have baby scans and meet with him sulwon and a midwife doesn't usually go with you but Catherine would meet me there so I'd have her out every appointment and then at the end I said she's on 24 it's like our call for when I go into labor so she will be with me at the bath and she was because I'll thinking all wish mrs. there I delivered quickly but no she met me she was actually she got to hospital as I got there and it was her that delivered my baby and little Lottie and it was amazing because I was in so much pain and you kind of feeling will be just how you do when you're in labor but I had this woman here that I trusted I've built this relationship with I got on really well with and she was rubbing my back and like just hearing her voice and knowing she was there was really nice i felt like i was in really safe hands and i mentioned before there was a slight problem after the birth and basically what that was my birth my labor went fine and I'm given the baby and it's all gray and obviously the third stage of Labor's where you just deliver the placenta and that's easy done you don't even know its kind of happening and that my placenta decided to not detach from the nutrient or I'd have the injection to speed it up as well and it wouldnt it just wouldn't come away so we waited like an hour and I'm just SAT there and then a consultant came in and told me that they would be needing to take me to theatre so that freaked me out I was like you gonna be cutting me open this and no the consultants going to do it manually we won't need to do that but we will need to give you a spinal so I'm like numb from waist down and I was really frightened I mean I just gone through childbirth and when you go through that finally at the end white eyes over but for me I was like it's over no it's not how I'm going to theatre now I've got to leave my baby and I was terrified but Catherine came with me and held my hand like we were in theatre there must have been like 12 people in the room and she just held my hand and I felt really safe as she came with me when I went to the recovery room and I had to stay in hospital for 48 hours because I've been on medications they were monitoring baby and every day should come up Catherine would come up and visit me and do the baby's checks and it was so nice and also usually with a midwife they just stopped seeing you after I've denote 10 days or something and kind of hand you over to health visitor I haven't had that they've kept me on longer which has been great because I haven't been good I've been in tears a lot I was crying to Denise the other day and yeah it's been really hard I'm actually gay I get motion without after um I will be leaving the sunshine team and this is obviously my I've always said I wanted for children I have my four children so I'd won't be having any more and I feel really sad like oh remember sunshine team because they have been so amazing i mean i was talking to Catherine she came round last night like seven o'clock before her night shift she had a 12 hour night shift and she came round to see me just to check in and see how I was doing which was so amazing and we were talking and she said like in the UK there's only about hundred teams like the sunshine team for vulnerable women and in Northern Ireland where she's from there's only four and I kinda thought I've got to do a video to highlight this because for me it was so important it really helped me obviously I'm under mental health team as well I've got fantastic doctor my doctor shradha and he's brilliant up but it was nice having midwives um that understood the pregnancy side and there to listen to me as well as having the mental health team and I think any woman that is vulnerable by the suffering domestic violence or addiction wherever they need and they get pregnant you need that extra support and they do need that because like I said it was literally like for me so important my pregnancy would not have gone as smoothly as it did had I not had that team behind me that I felt were can't really supporting me I think my mental health would have deteriorated a lot quicker but I don't believe it did because I had them there that I could talk to regularly about things and grant with feelings and when little things popped up I could talk it through and then they would go away obviously at the end it did get a lot worse I am still kind of suffering with my vegetable house at the moment I get intrusive thoughts Allah and I like I am a huge on dbt you know that and I'm right DPT use your skills but I think when it's come this time like the hormones take over and those thoughts come I have tried my skills and I found them really hard to use but I think that is when it's the hormones involved so I feel sorry for people with PMS and for PMT like we really suffer because I never realized just how powerful our hormones are and because any other time if I've been able to use well I've been able to use my skills in a crisis and it's been easy at this time it has been harder but i am still here and I'm still doing this video I spent a lot of time crying every day and but you know that's okay because I talk about it as well I talked about it with my partner I this little lady I'll go and get me oh hang on wait there we're there I will get little later oh look at the little face look at the little face look at you Oh big stretches big strip oh ma come on there it's such bad filming is no I just run off camera I'm not gonna edit it out because I never cut many videos like that you notice i am and i are and yeah so yes I thought I would do a video on this because like I said pregnancy is really really hard but you can get through it if you have the right suppor were you doing little lady you're awake you're gonna see hi Oh little stretches little stretching hello yeah hey yeah she is wow she's in blue today so she looks like a boy then you loved it yes you look like a sea hello camera looking around so just over two weeks now oh yeah mmwah I love you yes if people that are say people with BPD mental health issues shouldn't have children I'd say that's wrong and because we're more than capable of loving and looking after our children but we need to accept help and have support we have to talk and not beat ourselves up when things get hard sometimes things get really hard and I feel guilty most time don't I about everything but as long as I know I'm doing my best that is what matters so I'm going to leave that there today guys whoa Superman right you go there and I'm gonna love you and leave you I was going to do another video but obviously she's awake now so that might not be possible and that yeah I will be doing 11 a week from now on ah bye guys later
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