I have always been a people pleaser and always wanted to be the ‘perfect partner’. But when they were not the perfect partner back I would be resentful and angry.

hi guys I have got on there with me
what is it gone a video request from
Samantha hi Samantha
and who asked me what extremes would you
go to would you do for your partner that
would put you in a position to be used
or made you feel used if it wasn't
reciprocated this is such a good
question because I kind of did this in
lots of different areas on all my
relationships I remember I got with a
guy once and I went around his house and
I'm his sister
I will clean all your dishes and you
know because I wanted him to like wow
she's amazing and when I got with my
ex-husband he was at work one day and I
was at his house and I went through his
wardrobes and I earned every item of
clothing because he used to like iron as
he goes so he came home and I said let
me show you because that's the thing I
would have to show off my work and I
still do that now but if I've done the
housework and I've like no yesterday for
example god yes yesterday I'd spent the
blood Papa the day scrubbing this place
getting really tidy really clean which
is hard when you have four kids and an
adult kid as a partner and I've got news
for kitchen and up on the side we'd
collected like oh loads of all kids
stuff like their Easter eggs for example
that we put out of the way so they
couldn't pinch them but they've
forgotten about so I climbed off from
the sides I cleared all the sides I came
in here I cleared out the cabinet I like
got bin bags full of stuff you know good
clear and then another thing I did my
partner said he needed to do his washing
he's really weird with his washing like
he once hit his washing hung in a
certain way so I don't do it basically
he doesn't scream oh
I died yes he does say they motioned but
he got up yes I got who cares
my washing and so he went to work myself
to him so I did and I hung it all
outside because there's certain things
he's not allowed in the dryer in case
they like shrink I get over it but
anyway so I hung it went out and he came
in from work and I was like running to
the door taking his hand like you got
cleared up there done this done your
clothes and he was that oh my god have I
ever told you how amazing you are
I mean this is yesterday guys this isn't
like something I used to do um but I
don't do it as often nowadays I'm not oh
yeah I definitely don't do it as often
but I want to get recognition basically
I want them to say wow you're amazing
you're brilliant and it's not just the
cleaning the ironing I would make them
the most I say them now thanks husband
you know the best lunches ever I would
like make homemade potato salad a
homemade vegetable rice salad I boiler
load eggs I would do mental block
somehow like roast chicken and little
blocks of cheese just everything and
this amazing lunchbox that would
probably feed someone for a few days not
some only way being like but I know I
realize I was not doing it out of the
kindness of my heart and I like to think
I was but my motive behind it was more I
wanted them to be like oh my god she's
just so amazing I will never leave her
she does so much for me and I would go
on doing this daily until say oh another
thing quickly that I used to do is I'd
buy them stuff they mentioned that as a
DVD they liked I'd buy them that Eve
if we went in the shop and they just
looked at top I secretly buy them and
Surprise them with their top and it
would get to my birthday and I might not
get the shoes that I'd wanted that I'd
mentioned twice to them so they should
know that they were the shoes I wanted
and I'd go nuts and I'd say I bought you
this on this day I bought you this on
this day I made you their best lunches
in this week I tighten did their house I
did all your binding and I'll throw
everything I did in their face and be
like what do you do for me so yeah it
was like I was almost making notes of
all the nice things I've done so I could
use it against them at a later date and
as you can see from yesterday I'd still
do that sometime because my partner did
come in his oh my god you're so amazing
thank you thanks
had he not mentioned it in a bit angry
he wouldn't get lunch for a few days I
would be really peed off and resentful
that's the word I'll be resentful
because I know I know that we are not
supposed to like buy someone something
so they buy us something but we're not
supposed to do something for someone so
they do something nice back for us and I
do get that and I can do something by
nice for my mom and I don't want
anything that I could do something nice
for my brother I don't want anything
back to do something nice for a friend
don't want anything back do something
for my partner he better be grateful
thankful telling me how amazing I am
reciprocating my kindness and goodwill
or I won't be a very happy person
yeah I don't know why I do that um yeah
I just had to be like the perfect
girlfriend but yeah I expect I did it I
do kind of think will don't do something
back or not always they don't always
have to do something back as long as
they know how amazing I am and tell me
repeatedly and hopefully they tell other
people like amazing my lunches are
etcetera then there are my good books
but if they don't do that
well they forget to thank me that's how
to pay I hope that helps Samantha it is
a work in progress guys is a work in
I'm getting better I don't make him
lunch every day yeah it's a work in
I do think it stems from as to a lot of
our issues fear of abandonment because
we kind of want to be the best person
because we want someone to be like wow
she is so amazing she makes this sound
which in the home world I'll never leave
er and if they don't say that to us we
don't know and then we think I'm key to
that beef sandwich in the whole world
and you might still leave me and we get
really angry about it and so we need to
hear how amazing that half sandwich is
so our fear of abandonment it's not at
the forefront of our mind and we kind of
feel a little bit settled like they like
Michael don't
like it um I'm gonna leave that picture
there guys I've actually not got oh my
goodness go go and connect the kids we
got movie night tonight we're watching
Harry Potter the second one the one is a
Chamber of Secrets and because I'm
reading the books to my little girl and
I will not let her watch the film until
over at the book so we've just finished
this second book the other day I will be
starting Prisoner of Azkaban on Sunday
just thought I'll tell you all just so
you know right
have a great week love ya bye
This transcript was auto-generated and therefore may contain mistakes.

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