What if someone you love who you either think has BPD or has been diagnosed refuses to get any help? What if this person is a parent? What are your options?
hi guys today um I got requested to do this video by Lara Lara asked me and she asked about borderline personality disorder parents that either won't admit that anything is wrong or they just outright refuse help what you do and I think I've had actually quite a few comments on the sit by similar thing really from parents saying I think my daughter or my son has this they refused any help they refuse to acknowledge it what do I do I've had it from partners say my partner's good but they don't want help what do I do so I thought I will definitely do this video and basically if you know someone who either you really really think has borderline personality disorder or they have been diagnosed with that the thing is we can really really think someone has that but we're not doctors we can't actually diagnose them if they haven't been diagnosed we cannot force someone to get diagnosed unless they are being a danger to themselves or they are a danger to people around them particularly obviously if children are involved and you think the children are at risk it doesn't have to be physical harm it can be emotional abuse emotional abuse is just as bad sometimes if not worse so unless that is happening you cannot force someone to get a diagnosis if they have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and you know they have it but they still refuse to acknowledge that anything is wrong or or they know there's a problem but they don't care they don't want help what you do again we cannot force someone so it's exactly the same as them getting a diagnosis unless they want help there's not much we can do unless the same thing there are dangers themselves or they're a danger to those around them particularly children and then I think we've kind of like for me I understand what it's like having borderline personality disorder and it's so hot and it's so painful but we kind of have to step back when there's children involved we can't just put the person with the borderline first and think well they're really really suffering especially if they're not wanting to do anything they don't want help we kind have to detach ourselves from that emotionally and say we'll hang on all these children at risk all these children being neglected are these children being emotionally abused or physically abused or you know like what are the children seeing are they seeing awful outbursts as their mom drinking or using is their dad drinking or using rah-rah-rah-rah rah-rah-rah and just use our common sense because it is hard and no one wants to think that right you know what you don't want help I'm going to go into the social services or whoever and say we've got to put the children first they're innocent little children and I think that always has to be our number one priority and if we have concerns we have to raise them we might not want to because it's almost like we're grass and on person we're telling on them but actually I think it's a lot worse if we back and let those children go through some things that can be really damaging to them now this isn't the case for everyone with borderline because most my viewers and people that I've met with borderline personality disorder desperately want to get better and they are trying to get as much help as they want and they deserve and fair play to them and fair play to you but there are some who pulled that just completely in denial or just I don't want help I don't know why that is maybe it's because they generally don't see a problem because it has become so normal for them or maybe they don't think they can be helped and they think what's the point what's the point in doing that because nothing will work because there was a time I used to think nothing would work I mean it didn't stop me trying to get help but I still didn't think anything would work and it's only now that I've come through it I'm like oh my god we can be saved you know like this can be managed we can be helped but for some people they don't see that so I would definitely say you can't force them but if there are children involved and the children are suffering in some way it's kind of our responsibility to say something to someone and get these children help and hopefully in that process maybe the person with borderline we push it in to gain the help they need a lot of people are really scared of like social services coming in taking the children and kids and it's really really not like that I know you do hear bad stories I know that but I've I've actually got one of my best friends and she has lost children through her addiction but you can ask like her herself and she said I just couldn't stop using so there was a reason it was a she gave up and then they took the kids anyway she couldn't stop she has now had other children while she's in recovery and social services again run fall but they realize she's a great mum today and they step back and the case is closed then they're not involved anymore because they don't need to be they were only there to protect the children and so their people have this big fear but from what I've seen social services do try and help they're there for the children basically not fast but then what they will do is try and get you the help you need to keep you mother and father and child together they're not there just to come and destroy families again I know there are horror stories I don't know any of any personally but I have read but yeah there is a big fear there but like I was saying maybe you'll get the person with borderline the help they need and then they can manage it and then that way they will get the help they need and the children will get the support they need if it's not necessarily children just say you're the mum or dad or partner or ex-partner or whatever of the person with borderline personality disorder and you like they don't want help what do I do everything that I've just said basically they're not a danger to themselves or others and they don't want to help you can't do anything what you can do is put in boundaries for yourself just because they don't help it doesn't mean well they've got borderline they're allowed to walk all over me and treat me because they're not well because they're not wanting to get help so you do have to protect yourself and rely well no you're not talking to me like that no you're not borrowing money now you know because I know I would attract anyone down around me I know that I wasn't a nice pair and I didn't don't get me wrong I don't believe it was actually me I believe it was the illness that made me not a nice person but I can take responsibility for that now and and it doesn't mean it's okay if the person I want help you can still step back and say well do you know what I don't deserve to be treated like this and if you feel it's getting too much for you take a break to say no I need a break I need some time out whether it's just not seeing them whether it's just turning the phone off or going to stay with family or friends for a little bit you've got to look after yourself because if you don't and this person drags you down and down and down in the end will start affecting your mental health you Saul came down and when you all up down it's just not gonna help anyone then we're gonna have two people suffering instead of just the one so it is important you do look out for yourself as well I'm not saying you're just like go away don't want to talk to you you've got borderline you want to do nothing about it because I do see it from the other side of the person with borderline and it's not their choice they're like that but we do it has people with borderline we have a choice that we can recognize that our behaviors aren't always right we even if we're not entirely sure if a lot of people around us are saying your behaviors aren't right we have the choice to go to a doctor and speak to a doctor and possibly get a diagnosis if we do get diagnosed we then have the choice of what are we gonna do for our recovery what treatments are available to us I know treatments not available widely to everyone but even little things like a bit of self help getting some books on DBT learning a bit of mindfulness there are things we can do we do not have to sit down and let this disease completely control us I think I've covered everything I heard four answered your question Lara alright my lovelies the see you later
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