I have had multiple messages from people in the same situation – they have told a lie to someone they love and now regret it but are too scared to open up and be honest in case their loved one abandons them.

hi guys happy Monday today I'm doing not
a video request but I have received at
least four messages from different
people all relating to the topic I'm
going to discuss today so because it's
kind of recurring I thought it would be
easier for me just to do the video so if
there's anyone else out there that might
be struggling with this problem but not
actually wanting to admit it to anyone
then hopefully this will help you I'm
hearing a lot from teenagers and they
have told a lie
basically to their parents and nearly in
nearly every case it has been they've
told a lie to their parents saying
something awful has happened to them at
school so they can't go and something
awful hasn't happened at school they are
just really suffering with anxiety and
their mental health and they don't want
to go to school and a lot of the time
they often feel parents don't just get
that so if they make up something
physical an actual situation that has
happened the parent myself and take
notice which they do the parents will
take them out of school but they then go
to get a therapist and the therapist
will talk with them they won't admit the
lie they told by the way and the
therapist will say I want to speak with
your mom or dad as well and these teens
are stuck because they want to be honest
with the therapist because they want
help at the same time if they admit to
this lie that they the therapist will
talk to their parents and their parents
might not trust them their fear they
might leave them they'll be angry at
them they'll make them go to school
they're really kind of stuck they have
told a lie that they regret telling but
it's just done they didn't think about
it they just said it and now it's
risking their recovery because they
don't feel they can tell anyone
now my advice would always be honesty is
the best policy if we think of a
situation like this and we think okay
worst-case scenario the worst case
scenario you're honest with your
therapist and they tell your parents and
your parents are mad at you that's like
the worst case scenario if you tell the
truth the worst case scenario if you
don't tell the truth well you won't get
help you won't recover you'll carry on
self harming you might carry on having
suicide attempts and struggling and life
is just gonna get more difficult for you
the longer you hold on to this lie the
worst of that you're not going to be
able to move forward now with BPD we
struggle with our fear of abandonment we
might really fear that a parent is going
to completely reject us after finding
out we've done this but my suggestion
would be this tell your therapist not
while your parent is there and say this
is what's happened but I'm so scared
that my parents going to react this way
and maybe could you ask the therapist if
they could be there while you talked to
your mom or your dad and the therapist
can talk to them and explain where this
came from
because at the end of the day if you've
made a huge lie up that something awful
has happened because you're that scared
of going to school well all right that
horrid thing didn't happen but you've
only said it because you're so scared of
going to school so the problem that
you've said is getting to school is
completely truthful you're not telling a
lie there it's not you're just trying to
skive off you just don't fancy doing
some work today you're really struggling
the anxiety the depression
the borderline personality disorder if
you have it that that is the problem
unfortunately a lot of the times
Outsiders family members friends they
don't understand mental health sometimes
they do but we don't realize they do and
because especially as a teenager because
I've talked about this before and how
difficult it was being a teen because I
knew something was wrong but my mum
thought I was a typical teenager and why
wouldn't she
I had all the typical moody teenagers
traits acting impulsively but just to an
extreme so parents can often just
dismiss it and think oh you just don't
want to go to school or you'll be fine
you're just a moody teenager when you
know it's so much more than this and
this is what you need to explain to your
parent in front of the therapist and say
I couldn't didn't know how to make you
understand how bad it is for me I I
can't be a school now I'm living with
this lie and it's eating me up because
I'm so scared you're gonna leave me and
I love you so much and I don't want you
to feel that I've lied to you just be
honest and I think you'll find that your
parent will understand where you're
coming from and why you did it and if
you do it with your therapist there
you're all in a safe environment if your
mom or dad is like oh you told her lie
you know the therapist can talk to them
and you are safe but like I said if you
look at the worst case scenario for
carrying on with the lie and the worst
case scenario they're telling the truth
with the best options to tell the truth
because if you imagine how paint how
much pain you're in now that pain is
gonna grow and grow if you keep hold of
this lie and you don't open up the only
way you're going to be able to move
is to be able to open up honestly with
her therapist and put your trust in
someone now that's really difficult for
those of us with BPD because we do have
crust issues but if we're dealing with a
professional we kind of we have to put a
bit of trust in them because otherwise
we won't benefit from therapy what's the
point if we're not going to tell them
how do we expect them to help us so for
any of you out there in this situation
and you might not be a teenager maybe
you're a fully grown adult and you've
told a lie to your partner because of
the way you feel and you didn't know how
to explain it any other way
I'd say the same kind of thing first of
all discuss it with a therapist
obviously if you're an adult you have
the benefit of you can talk to a
therapist in confidence and it won't go
any further as opposed to if you're
under a certain age the therapist has to
speak with your parents
but I would always say just you've got
to be honest with someone and tell
someone what's going on for you why you
feel the way you did why you told this
lie because you only told this lie
because the way you're feeling inside
and you just want someone to understand
how you're feeling and like I said you
didn't know how to let them know that so
you've kind of made up the situation to
have give them an inkling of why you
feel the way you do so yeah I'd always
say honesty is the best policy good luck
and I will be back in a week guys I love
you all later
This transcript was auto-generated and therefore may contain mistakes.

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