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hi my lovelies so today's video is non
virus related it's non isolation related
it is gonna be quite quick because I've
got the kids in there waiting to what
frozen with me not the second one not
the new one the one I've seen a million
times the first one because Lucky's
never seen it and last night when I was
getting lottery to sleep she's not let
me sing Elsa I'm like singing let it go
listen like she was like amazed that I
knew the words and I think she was so
impressed with that she thought I was
like her superhero there is the thing I
literally cannot sing no I'm literally
tone-deaf I I'm not a singer I'll give
it my everything I will sing this house
down so we're gonna watch phrasing very
exciting to watch again to be fair it
has been a while since I've watched a
right today
I got a message of someone and I wanted
to discuss that because it was like
something you know when you read a
message like oh my god yes I get that I
know how you're feeling and this person
basically had made a friend and they
became really good friends I believe of
the opposite sex but um either way they
got in a relationship where it was
friends with benefits and it was going
great for months like friends with
benefits for months and then the friend
that this person was coming benefits
with got girlfriend and this person just
messaged me and said like it's been a
while and I'm still crying I'm still
upset I don't know like I I'm trying to
get over it
what's all kind of advice and I felt
really felt from this purse
and I have some advice whether it's
right advice who knows the person that
message we never actually mentioned if
they had BPD but if they did or any
other really mental health condition
like when we like say whether we're
depressed and we find someone that is
gonna be our friend and we we put out
all into it not going and told it like
that the main traits which we know fear
of abandonment reckless behavior up and
down mood swings not about that other
things like the fact we can have a
favorite person then that person like is
out or I think if you have a mental
health condition or BPD and you meet
someone whether you tell yourself it's
just gonna be casual I'm okay with it
it's fine you know I don't want anything
serious they make us feel so amazing
because actually because we don't feel
great about ourselves so they do kind of
really like gift us and make us feel
really really good
and I think a lot at the time we're
kinda kidding ourselves when we like
yeah we're cool we cool it's just casual
it's fine because this person is like
making us feel amazing so imagine like
you're with someone and they are just a
friend and you're saying we just made
y'all a toy except that that's cool but
you're having great sex and you're
having a laugh together and you're
having great conversations and you're
talking it kind of feels like a
relationship yeah I know we've said no
it's casual we don't want to say
everything I had it feels more than just
that so if this person that we kind of
have all these feelings which we
shouldn't because we've said it's casual
if this purse
is like I've met someone I think we're
just gonna be ups I know for me I'm
speaking up like me I would be
absolutely devastated because mmm this
person was a friend and we had sex
now isn't that what a relationship is
someone like I saw a friend you get on
you laugh you have all those good
qualities and then you have to sex as
well which is really good and so if they
then like I've met someone I mean this
it's kind of it kind of feels like a
stab in the back because it's like I
know we've said it's casual I know that
and I know I've said that but in our
head and the way we feel it was kind of
more than that and if they can move on
like it's like it can leave us just
feeling I really like nothing basically
worthless like what was I just another
little light thing that you did
basically it can make us feel dirty it
can make us feel ashamed it can just
make us feel really rich it basically
really so there's no wonder that
you're still crying I would say and
you're feeling bad because it's
literally a huge huge like knock on your
self-confidence on your self-esteem
especially if it's a friend because it's
like friends don't do that fineness
don't hurt each other and you will feel
her and you will feel betrayed the other
thing I think which is huge is the way
it can happen so suddenly like
everything seems gray and then all of a
sudden they've met Saarland we've got
them that it's like we were so close
so close we were doing it and laughing
and giggling in bed now you're off going
out cinema with someone and it just
feels like it ha what the hell happened
it happened so quickly and I think that
is like its to do with lack of closure
this so and usually if you're in a
relationship you might be in a
relationship for a year or six months
for a few years or loads of years and
then things start going a bit and you
start leading different lives will you
start bickering or arguing over money or
moaning about each other but slowly
there is a decline you might not even be
aware of it till it gets to a point
you're right I got oh it's over and the
whole relationship like big explosion is
broken up but there's been that slow
decline for a while if it's a phone with
benefits your mates everything's going
great and then it's like they're in a
relationship from you like what what
just happened now years ago before I was
married I was with a guy and we went
together right years and years it was
like it wasn't a long relationship it
was intense especially on my part
VPD but it was intense and then we broke
up and it was just like happen like did
the relationship happen like this this
person just sort of son had a new
girlfriend and I was out doing and I was
like two weeks ago we were like together
and everything seemed normal and now
it's like you're a stranger and it
literally it took me so long to get over
that because there was no closure and it
was the one person I couldn't stop
thinking about and it took what what
I think for me it was time it just went
so long so many years past so many
different relationships and that that
eventually it kind of faded but it was
really tough and I know it was to do
with lack of closure I have no closure
we never sat down and talked about what
went wrong or could we have made it work
it was literally went from intense to
pull not seeing this person anymore
unless it they've got new relationship
they've got on with their life no okay
and it's probably to do with my intense
feelings as well because obviously I was
like 20 or something and uh I had BPD
and I really like this person and
thought a lot of them and so we know
like when we have a BPD relationship you
get with someone you're like oh my god
we're married and happy with it so I
probably did all that in my head back
then so when it went from that
absolutely okay he's got another
girlfriend and he doesn't know who you
are it was kind of like oh and it took a
long time to heal I would like I would
suggest like if you're still in contact
with this person that was a friend just
to talk about it and say I found it
really hard and I think if you just have
that conversation just little you could
just talk for 10-15 minutes and have
that conversation say oh really tough I
didn't realize like I actually liked you
more than I probably thought whatever
they'll be like they might be like oh I
didn't know I'm really really sorry I
just you know you said it was casual
than sore wife it was casual and this is
happening but it will give you that
closure and another thing is to know
that it's not it's not something that
you did wrong
it was obviously you've come into this
the other friends
of benefits and maybe this friend has
made sure he has not felt for you this
way because he dint go there because in
case he got hurt or she got hurt or
whoever and so they've kind of cut off
and then moved on so they found it
because they've shot off those emotions
but you haven't but maybe they didn't
know that and I think communication is
key if you're not able to talk to them
just talk with friends about it and just
get it out literally let it out another
good thing is just to really say all the
bad things about that person I mean it's
not spiritual it's not particularly nice
decayed you know actually they went over
there and just say all the bad stuff
about them and it make you feel a bit
better not very spiritual I actually
really suggest that but it can help
especially if you're talking with your
friends and their trust it and you can
have it you can laugh about it and when
you start thinking about them literally
just cut yourself off by yourself get
busy get busy distract yourself home
talk to other friends and you will get
through this absolutely you will get
through this yeah but I know at the time
it doesn't feel like you will but time
is a healer and just don't take it
personally because it's nothing to do
look like that you weren't worthy or
anything like that yeah interesting a
video I'm allowed to be in it you can
come and see clue
that's my girl and we're about to watch
frozen ah you can say that you were the
first one that used to make me watch it
on repeat and now I'm having a colossal
yes because you were the first but he
never asked watch face and it was only
boy so does that mean not see what she's
boy programs she's thinks she's an
she thinks she's spider-man I'm finished
okay well I did take talk video
yesterday but the movie I know it oh my
god I'm so old guys I love you leave you
lonely pop I I will put the ticked off
you're out on recovery mum channel
Facebook channel because a few of you
asked I'll do that so I do that oh my
god listen the serious case I'm not
trying to be sexy yes or no I was like
Amelia today I was like look I know I'm
really old so yeah I'm gonna put on
recovering mum Facebook channel I'll do
that now
I'll do that now yeah no I do it right
now oh well I love you guys and I will
be back tomorrow if you've got any yeah
if you've got any questions or video
requests please let me know in the
comments and I will be back tomorrow
love you guys can I give you a video
request can I do your makeup
This transcript was auto-generated and therefore may contain mistakes.

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