hi my lovelies welcome back to my
channel
apologies i have a little lottie here
um in the summer when the house got done
like and all the paint thrown over and
that
lottie neeson couldn't sleep she was
having nightmares they both wanted to
sleep in my bed all the time
uh we slowly got through it took a good
month and a half two months i mean
but eventually eason went back into his
bed
this one stopped waking in the night
uh but then last week i had someone
over about getting rid of it the pain
it's literally taken that long because
obviously going through insurance and
that it doesn't just happen overnight
um and obviously just having someone
around
about that has completely triggered her
because
on the first night she was really
screaming and i
like i ran upstairs because i was like
what the heck
uh because she usually sleeps through
and
and she was saying the pain the baby
man we're going through this again
but we'll get through it won't we
so today's video i'm going to talk about
being in that really dark
dark dark place um
[Music]
i know there's a few quite a few
of you out there that are really
struggling like in a really
dark place um i know that because
you either you message me on social
media
i see in the comment i've had people
like friends as well personally contact
me
to say how down they are um
obviously you guys know i went through
this
not that long ago where i was just so
down
i felt i i hit rock bottom
when you feel like that you literally
feel like you can't feel any worse
uh you feel hopeless you feel
helpless you feel like you're gonna be
like that forever because i know
that's how i was when i was crying i
used to think
i'm just gonna cry forever now and i
cried and i cried and i cried
i am here to tell you that
you won't you won't be there forever you
won't always feel like this i know it
does
feel like it now but you really won't
you will
get through this and there's lots of
like sayings isn't there like about
coming through the darkness
and getting through dark times uh the
one i like
is a butterfly goes through a period of
darkness before it spreads its wings and
flies
uh another light there's light at the
end of the tunnel
and it's true these things are true
but but but
when the caterpillar goes into its
little cocoon
and metamorphosizes
changes into the butterfly it doesn't
literally do nothing there's something
happening change is taking place
um if you are in a dark tunnel
and there is light at the end of it
if you don't take certain steps
and make certain changes
the light might be at the end of the
tunnel but you're not going to get to
the end of the tunnel
because you're going to be stuck where
you are in the darkness of the tunnel
i felt so low
this i can't honestly look like solo
um
and now i can say with my hand or my
heart
i i think i
feel like the best i felt
my whole life like
i feel like i'm buzzing with joy
all the time joy and gratitude and love
and peace and i know that sounds like a
big
fringe but that's exactly how i feel
i feel amazing um
life is good like life is really good
um so how did i get from that dark dark
dark place
to feeling like the way i feel now
uh i made some changes
i learned lessons from my past but i
didn't dwell on them
i made changes little changes
to my daily routine i said to you guys
like meditation
trust me i never ever thought
i would like meditating um i used to
meditate
now and again and think but usually just
do it to fall asleep
it wasn't i'm doing it completely
differently
before now actually something i've read
as well recently with those of us with
bpd
um sitting
in silence um
[Music]
because we've got those intrusive
thoughts uh
it can sometimes make us feel worse and
so i
would suggest doing a guided meditation
because then you're focusing on what
someone is saying
and your mind is less likely to wander
i have recently just been
meditating in pure silence like nothing
no music
no guiding i've been able to sit in an
hour and whereas before i'd make myself
really cozy and lie down and think
have a little nap as well this time
i will sit cross-legged on the hard
floor upright
just breathing focusing on the sounds
around me
and i can do that now
my mind doesn't overtake everything
um
i there was a day last week
i didn't meditate in the evening so i
meditate in the morning
midway through the day if i can and that
night
i didn't do the nighttime one and the
next morning my whole morning fell
off like something wasn't right and
um i didn't pick up on it and that night
again i skipped another meditation
and i just didn't feel right the next
morning there was just something i was
like
something not right and then i realized
i was like i didn't meditate
and so i meditated that night sure
enough the next morning i felt amazing
again
uh there's something to say in this now
i've always kind of
spread into spirituality i've been into
it i like
i tried to be spiritual
don't get me wrong i i've fallen short
many a time but i try
um but honestly guys like it has helped
me so much i can't even explain
explain i'm gonna do a lot more videos
on this kind of stuff
um for you if you're interested
um i'm really like looking into the
akashic records at the moment
if you don't know what akashic records
are and there are
a few good videos i think ralph smart um
i love him i just bought his book
actually
um yeah it does video on it
google it look into it uh it's
fascinating
um
that's what i did guys i didn't
i could have
just let the sadness consume me and
don't get me wrong
i did for a while but then i
i decided i had to make changes
and that was looking at myself and
like where i've gone wrong in the past
things that i've done
and owning my stuff they say the truth
will set you
free and it's so true it's if you
hold on to like these
things and um
they will if you like all these if
you've behaved in a certain way
um you haven't you know it might be
selfishness
it might be deceitful um
if you just hold on to this and refuse
to own it it will consume you
as well guilt can consume you
um these are things you have to kind of
face
i'm not saying like if you're really
really down
just start going and owning everything
straight away
but start making some little changes
little changes um
what what foods are you putting into
your body
um what toxins are you putting into your
body
are you taking time to quieten your mind
see the thing with when you're down
sometimes you can just be
so down and your mind can just go in
there and other times it can just
feel like you just feel empty
um i would say if you've got the
empty empty feeling get into nature
uh i have told you i have been
i have um i've been making sure i
get into nature every single day
um i
practice gratitude every single morning
every single night and throughout the
day
and when i'm driving down the road
when the kids are annoying me
like they can be they were running
around making a mess
they were like chasing they were playing
the game
all of them all four of them running
screaming and i was like oh my god that
scream is
literally going through me i was seeing
the mess they're dropping mess
like they were writing on paper and
throwing it i don't know they've made a
game up
and then i was just like step back you
have four amazing children
be grateful they're not always going to
be running around
destroying the house you know and
there's going to come a time i miss
these things
they'll grow up they won't want to run
around the house anymore
and so you have really just been
grateful uh
for absolutely everything in my life
even things like i said that
i wouldn't usually usually it would just
be oh my god they're making such a noise
and it really irritate me um
you can get out of this place
of darkness um
but sometimes we've got put in even if
it's the tiniest bit of effort
i've said to you before if nothing
changes nothing changes
now i know we are in a really kind of
horrible time and people feel
isolated routines are out
but there are certain things you do have
control over
and take that opportunity to
use that bit of control that you have
to make a little change in your life
um
i think meditating is a great one to
start with
you don't have to do it for hours you
could literally start and do 10 minutes
um
i was around my mom's the other day
the 11th of the 11th it was
um with all the kids and i was like to
my mom and my
brother my brother is in a wheelchair
my stepdad i was like we're all
meditating
um because the kids were there i put on
a little guided one
and it was just really nice it was
really good
no the kids did not sit still amelia was
fab
lottie was quite good the boys were a
nightmare
i'm just giggling and that they didn't
matter
um
it was amazing because they're my bubble
family you say i'm allowed to go there
because i'm a single mom i'm allowed a
family that i can bubble
up with so obviously it makes sense
to be with my mum which is great because
the kids love going there
i was there with lottie today
um you know if you can't
connect with people in person
do it there's zoom you know there's face
time
um sky use these things use
technology of today so you're not
isolated
and you can connect with people
uh i'm hearing about
so many people going through horrid
breakups at the moment
or people being ghosted by someone
they've been with for ages like
the amount of people and i'm just like
how much more can people take in 2020
but i do believe this was meant to
happen as well
uh there's a big change for those of you
in the know you know we're coming into
the age of aquarius
um astrologers predicted
20 20 years ago um
they said big changes will come to the
earth like restriction people will be
restricted
sure enough we're all in lockdown you
know um
but we're coming into a new a new age
and i think i like i personally i just
feel
so ready uh
i'm just i'm vibrating up here
i'm literally like feeling really good
you guys can too trust me because look
at me a few months ago
and i did not think i would be
like how i am now um
life is good life is busy uh
and i am now like so because obviously
you know i've got
bpd tribe ready to come out
soon like i'm on monday i'm on it
but what with that
and doing the sex series and doing
videos for this
um i'm actually having to like squeeze
in time for my meditations now
but i know i have to do that because the
night that i missed it i felt so rubbish
so that's that's like the first step i'd
say guys like
get into it get into the meditation
i've been talking foreign
know that yes there's light at the end
of the tunnel
you can move through that tunnel at
whatever pace you want
uh what i found was i started really
small
and then it just kind of picked up
and i was just off
i love you i love you so much
pen on your face pen on your face you
big disgrace
i'm gonna leave it there guys um i'll be
back
like probably i'm sorry this video i'm
like having to talk quieter and
everything
because this one i'm gonna have to carry
her up to bed now
she's so perfect and she's so
funny like any of you saw the pictures i
feel i mean she's just so
funny the faces she pulls she doesn't
stop talking now either
like a little chatterbox
so yeah i'm gonna leave it there um i
will be back on thursday
with another video for the sex series um
i'm hoping to live stream over the
weekend
because i didn't get to this weekend
you guys will be okay um i'll possibly
read like really go over this video redo
it again at some point because i don't
feel like i touched on
half as much as i could have
but i'm like half focus on the video
half focus on this one so
right i'm gonna love you and leave you i
will be back thursday