The way I would interpret what people would say had a big impact on the way I would then react and behave. So why do we perceive things differently to non-BPD’s?
Transcript:
hi my lovelies today I'm doing a
facebook request and I got asked why do
people with borderline personality
disorder tend to perceive things
differently wrong we interpret things
inaccurately like someone might say
something to us and they mean it in a
certain way and we may take it to mean a
whole different thing now I can talk
from personal experience because I did
this in all my relationships and I'm not
just talking like romantic relationship
I'm talking about
family members friends and people at
work for example I know I had a job um
how old was home when I was 18 I was
working at for this IT company and the
boss who I got on really well with came
over and all he'd said was oh why have
you done that that way and I immediately
I got so angry and I like flung the
stuff down I do it yourself then whether
and all he was just like oh um because
he was just asking me a question oh well
how come you done it that way but I
thought oh my god he's saying my ways
wrong I don't know what I'm doing he
thinks I don't know how to do my job
he's going to sack me well I'll just
walk or just whatever and that's the
attitude I had and and I it wasn't just
in the workplace and if my mum said
something to me oh you've done your hair
differently I would take it rip to mean
that she thinks I look awful and my hair
is a mess I was like well you try and do
it better than Metro dope
um and I was like this also anyone could
say the most innocent thing and I took
it personally and I think this stems
from our fear of abandonment
fear of abandonment is huge with people
with borderline personality disorder and
and I don't like I don't know exactly
know where it stems from
or what I've done I've had this
discussion with you guys before is it
genetic is it social da da da da da and
but I know I said in another video and
that my fear of abandonment was there
from a very young age and up to that
point I had never been abandoned but it
was like there anyway and so I think we
kind of grow up at with these ideas in
our head that we are going to get
randant and therefore we kind of almost
look for the signs so when anyone says
anything if we can turn it into they're
going to leave somehow they don't like
me they've got a problem with me that's
how we see it because it's kind of
that's out that is our belief they are
our beliefs we believe that people are
going to abandon us and even if no one
had abandoned us before it might not be
real abandonment but we have this fear
of this false abandonment it's not
reality at all but we've believed it and
so we look for it we look for it
constantly and I did it with friends and
[Music]
if I felt that yeah I remember a friend
saying to another friend oh do you want
to go out to lunch tomorrow and I got so
hurt because I was like she didn't even
ask me if I want to go and I caused a
bit of light in our
and over it and she was like yeah but
you just said you're going to your mum's
so I said I was doing something so she
didn't ask me but i but even when she
said that that wasn't good enough i was
like now you're making excuses now
you're just making excuses and it wasn't
excuses of course it was it was fact so
I had said I'm going to my mum so she
thought well I'll see if someone else
would go out and that was it but I felt
she didn't want me there that's why she
didn't ask me and we behave in a way um
like we behave in a certain way because
of the way we interpret or perceive the
world around us and so our there's the
cutest little birdie where my window I
was moved sorry
oh yeah so we behave in a certain way
because of how we perceive things and
because a lot of the time we interpret
what people say to be negative we then
react in a similar way in a negative way
whether it's through anger or sadness
and and people around us struggle with
this because one they're walking on
eggshells all the time they do not know
how to act around us because they know
they could just say the most innocent
thing and we might just go like bra and
and secondly when we're blowing up at
people all the time it makes it very
hard for these relationships to last and
that's why a lot of the time we have
many different relationships going
through because we can't keep the one
because whatever this person says in our
head from the very beginning we've got
it in us that
they're going to abandon us so no matter
what they say no matter what they do
that's how we interpret it and so
because we then the most thing
well we've interpreted this way that
means they're definitely going to leave
we then act out on that in a really
inappropriate way most of the time
considering they might have just said
the most innocent thing ever I think
like when I did DBT
and what you learn about the emotion
rational mind and the rational mind or
logical mind and people with all of
personality disorder we think with our
emotional mind so we just all it brings
up all these emotions if we were to stop
and say okay my mom said about your hair
well how long does my mum really say
horrid things at me and I thought very
logically Josh would she say something
horrid or actually her tone of voice
it wasn't room what you done to your
hair is or what you done to your hair
and I start thinking it with it
rationally as well and I can move into
wise mind which is where we need to be
and I'm less likely to explode in a fit
of rage and all run upstairs crying I
think as well as borderlines we really
struggle with our self-image um our like
loss of identity we don't even know who
we are a lot at the time and who we
think we are isn't true to ourselves and
if
like for example if I was out and said
someone said something because I already
think badly of myself I automatically
assumed that everyone else is going to
think badly of me
so therefore I perceive what they say to
be negative but I do think we need to in
order to stop this because it's possible
to stop thinking like this
I definitely don't blow up all the time
every day everything that anyone says
because I can step back now and think
before I react and and realize my fear
of abandonment is it's not real it's not
reality so I can therefore look at the
facts and build up evidence like or hang
on how many people have abandoned you if
someone has left you why might that be
and a lot the time it's been because of
the way I react so people don't know how
to act around me and it becomes very
uncomfortable to the point that it's
easier for them to walk so actually they
haven't just abandoned me I've actually
pushed them away so right I'm going to
stop there guys but I will be back in
the week and I hope you are all well and
I love you love bye
facebook request and I got asked why do
people with borderline personality
disorder tend to perceive things
differently wrong we interpret things
inaccurately like someone might say
something to us and they mean it in a
certain way and we may take it to mean a
whole different thing now I can talk
from personal experience because I did
this in all my relationships and I'm not
just talking like romantic relationship
I'm talking about
family members friends and people at
work for example I know I had a job um
how old was home when I was 18 I was
working at for this IT company and the
boss who I got on really well with came
over and all he'd said was oh why have
you done that that way and I immediately
I got so angry and I like flung the
stuff down I do it yourself then whether
and all he was just like oh um because
he was just asking me a question oh well
how come you done it that way but I
thought oh my god he's saying my ways
wrong I don't know what I'm doing he
thinks I don't know how to do my job
he's going to sack me well I'll just
walk or just whatever and that's the
attitude I had and and I it wasn't just
in the workplace and if my mum said
something to me oh you've done your hair
differently I would take it rip to mean
that she thinks I look awful and my hair
is a mess I was like well you try and do
it better than Metro dope
um and I was like this also anyone could
say the most innocent thing and I took
it personally and I think this stems
from our fear of abandonment
fear of abandonment is huge with people
with borderline personality disorder and
and I don't like I don't know exactly
know where it stems from
or what I've done I've had this
discussion with you guys before is it
genetic is it social da da da da da and
but I know I said in another video and
that my fear of abandonment was there
from a very young age and up to that
point I had never been abandoned but it
was like there anyway and so I think we
kind of grow up at with these ideas in
our head that we are going to get
randant and therefore we kind of almost
look for the signs so when anyone says
anything if we can turn it into they're
going to leave somehow they don't like
me they've got a problem with me that's
how we see it because it's kind of
that's out that is our belief they are
our beliefs we believe that people are
going to abandon us and even if no one
had abandoned us before it might not be
real abandonment but we have this fear
of this false abandonment it's not
reality at all but we've believed it and
so we look for it we look for it
constantly and I did it with friends and
[Music]
if I felt that yeah I remember a friend
saying to another friend oh do you want
to go out to lunch tomorrow and I got so
hurt because I was like she didn't even
ask me if I want to go and I caused a
bit of light in our
and over it and she was like yeah but
you just said you're going to your mum's
so I said I was doing something so she
didn't ask me but i but even when she
said that that wasn't good enough i was
like now you're making excuses now
you're just making excuses and it wasn't
excuses of course it was it was fact so
I had said I'm going to my mum so she
thought well I'll see if someone else
would go out and that was it but I felt
she didn't want me there that's why she
didn't ask me and we behave in a way um
like we behave in a certain way because
of the way we interpret or perceive the
world around us and so our there's the
cutest little birdie where my window I
was moved sorry
oh yeah so we behave in a certain way
because of how we perceive things and
because a lot of the time we interpret
what people say to be negative we then
react in a similar way in a negative way
whether it's through anger or sadness
and and people around us struggle with
this because one they're walking on
eggshells all the time they do not know
how to act around us because they know
they could just say the most innocent
thing and we might just go like bra and
and secondly when we're blowing up at
people all the time it makes it very
hard for these relationships to last and
that's why a lot of the time we have
many different relationships going
through because we can't keep the one
because whatever this person says in our
head from the very beginning we've got
it in us that
they're going to abandon us so no matter
what they say no matter what they do
that's how we interpret it and so
because we then the most thing
well we've interpreted this way that
means they're definitely going to leave
we then act out on that in a really
inappropriate way most of the time
considering they might have just said
the most innocent thing ever I think
like when I did DBT
and what you learn about the emotion
rational mind and the rational mind or
logical mind and people with all of
personality disorder we think with our
emotional mind so we just all it brings
up all these emotions if we were to stop
and say okay my mom said about your hair
well how long does my mum really say
horrid things at me and I thought very
logically Josh would she say something
horrid or actually her tone of voice
it wasn't room what you done to your
hair is or what you done to your hair
and I start thinking it with it
rationally as well and I can move into
wise mind which is where we need to be
and I'm less likely to explode in a fit
of rage and all run upstairs crying I
think as well as borderlines we really
struggle with our self-image um our like
loss of identity we don't even know who
we are a lot at the time and who we
think we are isn't true to ourselves and
if
like for example if I was out and said
someone said something because I already
think badly of myself I automatically
assumed that everyone else is going to
think badly of me
so therefore I perceive what they say to
be negative but I do think we need to in
order to stop this because it's possible
to stop thinking like this
I definitely don't blow up all the time
every day everything that anyone says
because I can step back now and think
before I react and and realize my fear
of abandonment is it's not real it's not
reality so I can therefore look at the
facts and build up evidence like or hang
on how many people have abandoned you if
someone has left you why might that be
and a lot the time it's been because of
the way I react so people don't know how
to act around me and it becomes very
uncomfortable to the point that it's
easier for them to walk so actually they
haven't just abandoned me I've actually
pushed them away so right I'm going to
stop there guys but I will be back in
the week and I hope you are all well and
I love you love bye