Those of us with BPD often think about if one day we would like to have children … a big fear is that we may pass this disorder on to them. I tackle this issue in todays video.

hi my lovelies I just film for 10
minutes and somewhere at the beginning
of the video I went off on a tangent and
I did a whole other video request the
video requests that I was doing so here
I am again today's video request is from
their 5f never asked me do I notice at
any BPD traits in any of my children
because there are people out there with
that would love to have children at some
point but they have a real fear they
it's going to be passed on so first of
all I'll talk about can BPD be passed on
ever so quickly
I know I've done it before in my book I
used to quote that I heard that I loved
and it was genetics loads the gun
environment pulls the trigger so
genetically yeah we can pass it on just
say I could pass it on to my job but
they could just go through life for
nothing triggers it and they're fine
they never get BPD it doesn't come out
in there but there is a slight kind of
thing with that so you'd think
environment pulls the trigger well
that's got to be an abusive an abusive
environment for it to trigger something
and unfortunately in the well
unfortunately both unfortunately the
majority of cases yeah it is a lot of
people with BPD suffered abuse so that
that's correct but also like with myself
I I was showing traits so early on like
before my mom and dad got divorced you
know before any kind of life kind of
showed up I didn't have an abusive
childhood but I was triggered there was
something that triggered in me and I
developed BPD so
yes it can be passed on yes environment
has something to do with it so obviously
if you have a really bad childhood and
you develop it you grow up and you're
not in recovery your BPD traits are
still out and you have a child talk so
you're going to then create that kind of
triggering environment for your child
and they will go on and develop BPD and
the vicious cycle continues but do I
notice do I notice traits of my children
I thought it did with my daughter
growing up but I think also busy looking
for it
and now I look back and think though it
was she was just a little girl growing
up terrible - throwing a tantrum it
wasn't BPD that's how it was
she was very clingy to me in the
beginning actually I was very clingy to
her so no wonder she was like that but
she has grown into a young lady the way
I don't recognize any BPD straights I
recognize a lot of bad attitude
but I think that young girls for you
going through hormonal changes that they
can have little tempers on them I do not
see BPD in her my eight year old I do
see if I see nah it's their extreme
sensitivity that's so sensitive such a
gentle soul like he's like a little
angel but so so sensitive and look at
that I was like that I actually watched
a video today and it was some mom placed
a little girl and she was so young she
must be a year old and she was watching
The Good dinosaur film and the little
girl by her face her emotion she sad is
and I speak to my mom I was like that
was you that like from such a young age
you didn't know you just empathize and
you'd feel someone else's pain and you'd
be so upset and I do I see that in my
son I do I see that so what do you do
what do you do if you want children but
you have BPD I suppose first thing is
are you managing it are you managing the
BPD um because if you're not and you
throw children into the equation life is
gonna get me answer times harder it does
for people without BPD having to live in
this hard your whole life literally
changes it's just a fact and that's for
moms and dads I suppose for moms you've
got all the hormonal changes in
pregnancy it's not fun like emotionally
it's not fun and then you have your
little baby and then you get baby blues
and then you can get by your postpartum
or postnatal depression and that's
suffer too so if they because it can be
a mum with BPD or a dad with BPD and
either one you can pass it down but what
I'm saying is if you are literally
you're not managing it at all it's gonna
be hard you could have passed it one if
you're not managing it chances are
you're going to behave in a way that
triggers your child possibly develop
it's not guaranteed but it could it's
more likely if you're kicking off and
having meltdowns and you don't know how
to calm yourself and you don't know how
to manage your feelings or it may be
good quiet and you don't want to talk
and you're moody like a child doesn't
understand that a child doesn't
understand Oh mum's just feeling sad and
so she's not talking to me and she's
just stop you they just take it
personally and that could trigger the
child and then the cycle will continue
so it's really important that you but
one say yes I have BPD and I accept that
I know that and you're self-aware and
you recognize it's not everyone around
me causing problems
I am causing a lot of them I mean don't
get me wrong it's not our fault 100
percent of the time but I know for me I
was very good at blaming other people I
thought why people always like this to
me I couldn't see my own behaviors
secondly accepting help and saying I'm
going to do something to change this
because it's very good saying yeah I'm
gonna get help and it's a whole
different thing actually going and
getting help and then it's a whole
different thing once you've got that
help putting the interaction so like
I've explained to you before I did a DBT
course miles going along every week my
two hours or whatever it was and then
coming home and I didn't look at the
homework I didn't recap on the lesson I
did nothing and then I was like why am I
not getting better
and it's because I wasn't putting in the
work I thought I'd just go along to this
little group thing and then everything
would be fixed I thought I could go to a
doctor they'd give me a pill where
everything would be fixed I didn't
realize that actually I had to
completely rewire my brain I'd learn
really bad negative coping skills that
were having a real detrimental effect on
me and now I had to learn new skills to
replace these bad skills and if I didn't
learn new skills I was gonna revert to
the bad coping mechanisms and they were
going to cause a whole load of problems
and if I'd carried on doing that and
having children if I'd passed along one
of them like I said it's just cycle
chance so I'm gonna trigger it in them
and but I like how I did say at the
beginning it doesn't have to be a mum
kick you know anything anything can
trigger it so it is a worry but here's
my thing I recognized the trace in my
son I see that
but I'm in recovery I admit I have BPD I
took responsibility I went out and got
help I put the skills I learned into
action and got to a point where I was
managing the BPD now I've done all that
I can share that knowledge with my son I
try to do it for all the children it's
not just I'm picking him out then I
recognize it in New York getting extra
help I do it with all of them because I
think like the DBT their life skills
everyone at some point goes through a
difficult time yes you might have no
mental health disorder go through a
hideous divorce and turn to drink or
drugs just to help you cope because you
haven't got a coping skill and that's
the good thing one knowledge and
recovery gives you you you learn about
this and you can then pass it on so I
said not long ago my daughter was having
a meltdown from hell hormonal nearly 11
years old hormonal changes I can I
recognize it it's like that teenager and
I recognize it and I didn't kick off I
was just like upstairs
why then I'd gone in I'd run her bath a
few loads of bubbles I turned all the
lights off and there were lots of little
candles around teaching herself soothing
and she got out and she's happy and she
was a whole new person and it just goes
to show the power that it can have now
obviously it's harder for us as an adult
because we've learned all these bad
coping mechanisms and they are how we
get through so having a bath isn't going
to do any things it's like it's not like
using drugs or having sex or you know
for us we'd have to rewire the brain so
to do that we have to keep doing these
new skills and eventually it kicks in
and it won't come natural to us but my
little ones are little and not any of
any of yours you've got children and
they'll lift
they haven't yet learned those really
bad coping skills so I say coping skills
they're not skills they're coping
mechanisms so from a young age we can
teach them stuff like that we can teach
them these distraction techniques we can
teach them how to recognize how they're
feeling we can teach them interpersonal
skills like how to talk to other people
and if if I say something that's upset
look that's upset then rather than
screaming and shouting then saying what
you said made me feel like it this and
that I'm just talking if we teach our
children stuff like that from a young
age I believe we can break the cycle
they might genetically have that kind of
code in them that says their BPD but all
we can do is just pass on our knowledge
and hope they don't have the experience
that we have like I don't think my son
will ever fingers crossed
half the experience I have because I'm
looking out for I do with all of them
and I look out for it and I'm teaching
them those skills if it gets to a point
that is like it's definitely BPD I know
what to do I know where to guide him
where to take him the stuff he needs to
do whether he listens there's a
different thing but I've got that and so
I would say basically if you think I'd
love to have children one day it is
absolutely possible and you can still be
an amazing parent but your recovery is
really important you don't have to be
like fully managing it right now but at
least be very aware and really willing
to put in the work to get to where you
need to be and yes obviously it's a fear
what if I pass it on but if you've got
to the point where you are managing it
then you will have all the skills there
to help you little one early on and do
like everything that I just said really
guys I love you all and I'll be
This transcript was auto-generated and therefore may contain mistakes.

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