Today I discuss what has helped me recover from being at rock bottom only a few months ago.

Transcript:
hi my lovelies
i tried to film this and look
peekaboo she's awoken
excuse the dodge hair i got completely
windswept on the beach earlier
so basically today i kind of wanted to
talk to you
uh
about spiritual awakening
awakening spiritually um
collective consciousness where we're all
connected
uh i had someone comment
on one of my pictures on instagram about
week week and a half ago uh asking me a
question it wasn't bad
they just asked like how can you
have gone from rock bottom and been so
bad a few months ago and now you're
saying
you feel the rest you ever have like how
is that genuine like
is and that's a great question
uh one it's 100 genuine like my
family my friends uh my doctor
the kids schools uh they all saw
me hit rock bottom because i literally
couldn't stop crying
i was in such a painful place i just
wanted to scream
and cry i you've got
for me like i'd been in this kind of
depression
but just plodding along actually i think
i was a bit like lost i kind of lost
myself along the way
um but
my one constant was obviously the
younger two's dad
and he was my best friend and
i loved him and
yes i gave him a hard time when i was
having a bad day
uh when my kids have a bad day they
i get it when i was a kid and i had a
bad day my mum got it i mean you take it
out on those closest to you
and in the summer for
all to blow up and for me to find out
when he's turned his family against me
who i always had so much time for and
the stuff that they said i was just like
it wasn't true like um but
but obviously they thought it was true
because he's told them now
and so then i was like does he believe
this or has he done made this up to hurt
me
why would he turn people against me i'm
the mother of his children like
for me i always kind of thought that was
a special bond
and so
i had all these questions like why
how how could he do this to me um
i felt like i was grieving the loss of
someone i felt like it was all a
nightmare and i was going to eventually
wake up from it and everything would be
back to normal
i i couldn't understand how someone i
thought i knew so well
turned out to be like a stranger i
didn't know them
and i thought they knew me so well
but if they believe what they said
clearly they didn't know me um
i felt for the kids i felt for me
it just sucked
i couldn't shut my mind up basically i
was trapped in my own head i was crying
day and day out
and i started reaching out and saying
angels help me
please help me now in my life
i've i don't know about any of you you
know you go through hard times and i
used to be like i'd reach out
to and talk to like um a family member
that's pastor
passed away asking please give me a sign
and it never happened and so
i don't know why this time it was just i
was like angels please i'm asking you
angels and it was so strange because i
just felt like this sense of calm come
over me
it was almost like i sensed someone was
there
with me and i felt okay and my mind
would shut up that's all i would have to
say and my mind which hadn't shut up
all of a sudden shut up so i started
doing that more regularly obviously like
i'd do it
i'd go half hour 45 minutes my mind
would start up again
i would get to a point it's driving me
insane i'm crying
angels please help me please and that
sense of calm again
and my mind would go quiet and i was
like
okay so this is working so now
i need to really work on how i can keep
my mind quiet for longer
so i started
meditating now i've meditated for years
not all
not all the time this is like the most i
think i've
ever done it um and i had
just the strangest experience i was sat
i'd been meditating one day
i was about 20 minutes in and all of a
sudden
i just felt like i disconnected from my
body like my
soul separated from my body
uh i didn't float up in the air i didn't
see myself
like separate my eyes were shut i
just i phoned my mum after straight
after cause i was like mom
guess what's happened uh the way i
explained it to her was i said i felt
like i was
floating in my body
but i wasn't attached to my body
although i was in my body i wasn't
attached
and all of a sudden i realized that i
was
connected with everything um
and i really started wanting to get out
and be in nature um
and i just had this sense of calm and
since then i just
upped the amount of meditation i did
because it felt amazing
it was like eye-opening now
i say it like i'm surprised because i've
always said
everything's connected i believe
in consciousness as in you know
it's separate away from us i believe in
group consciousness where we all connect
um at that kind of level
but i've never had something happen
where it was
for me like it's true
even though i believed it was true and i
kind of told myself it was true
this happened and i was just like wow
i've kind of felt blown away
and since since then
um i've like i said been connecting with
nature i am
practicing gratitude all the time all
the things i'm grateful for
and the thing is it's not like material
things it's not
um i mean it can be but it's little
things like
having cuddles with the children
watching them laugh
um being able to walk along the beach
uh being able to breathe in
this air and
it was really kind of an eye-opening
experience
uh with spiritual awakenings people
often say like you can have
a triggering event where you hit rock
bottom uh if you look at
like some of the people like eckhart
tolle um it
they had it they hit a rock bottom and
then had a spiritual awakening
it's not always the case um it doesn't
have to be a triggering event so a
triggering event could be you have
near-death experience
uh you have a family member passed away
or you get
diagnosed with an incurable disease
a relationship breakdown i actually
don't believe
that this summer i had a spiritual
awakening i believe i reawoken
because i believe i've been through this
before and i then went through a real
period of depression which again it can
be part of it
but i think along the way i got lost and
kind of cut off
um and this kind of really
woken me um
with my mind
being quiet more now it's not quite all
the time but
now i know i've got the tools there i
can quieten it
um at a time where usually like going
back in the summer i just couldn't
i couldn't shut my mind up at all um
like i can i can hear
by this is gonna sound bizarre but i can
like
hear my heart talking to me now
for those scientists out there they've
actually shown that we kind of have
like a little brain of these like neural
pathways in our heart
um and
often you can have it as intuition
gut feeling um and it's our heart
talking to us
but we have our mind and we have our ego
as well
um and our ego
if it's talking non-stop nonstop chance
how you're not going to be able to hear
your heart
and what it's saying to you and i think
it's through the heart that's how we can
communicate with our higher self and get
guidance there
uh so i've been
really trying to like work on that i'm
working on myself in so many different
ways right now
and
there was a story i heard about um a
little girl
she was eight years old and she had a
heart transplant
and she got the heart of a ten-year-old
little girl that died
and the that operation went
smoothly and but after when this little
eight-year-old woke up she kept having
these nightmares and it was a
reoccurring nightmare it was the same
one every time
and when she kind of explained to the
doctors they were like
oh okay uh we think you
need to see like a psychiatrist or
someone that deals with that
so she started seeing
like um a psychiatrist and when she
started describing
the dream the psychiatrist was like
okay this is strange and now basically
what was strange about
it was her dream was she was running
through these woods and there was a man
chasing her and he gets she trips and he
gets her
and then she wakes up the little girl
whose heart she'd got
had been murdered in the woods
so they actually the psychiatrist they
called in friends
a forensic artist who started drawing
um like what this little girl was
describing this eight-year-old girl
and she described man and she described
like i think it was three words that
he'd said
he says um
through the artists drawing
actually they they called someone into
the
like police station and he owned up to
killing the 10 year old little girl
and he's serving time now for that crime
but that shows us
memory and memory was stored
in the heart now before
scientists have always said you know or
we've
we've all thought we're thinking up here
like
you wouldn't think you think with your
heart but then this summer
really kind of highlights me like i
literally the pain i felt
wasn't in my mind it was in my heart my
heart
felt the pain it felt like it was
breaking
um it felt like it'd been smashed into a
million pieces it was
awful um but now i'm on just
understanding why like my heart did feel
that
um so often
[Music]
we can hear things
like it's like you you think it's
intuition you think it's a gut instinct
and we just kind of push it away and
dismiss it
uh because we just think yeah it will
think up here
with our mind um when actually i think
it's our higher self talking to us
through
our heart and we need to learn to listen
to that
now regarding
consciousness collective consciousness
um i do think we are all
joined like connected at higher level i
think this
year
has been a bad one uh for a number of
reasons i'm
like i feel like there's a real shift
there's it feels like
more and more people are having
spiritual awakenings and realizing
there's more to life um but
there feels like there's a real divide
on the planet
with people um and we're seeing that
in the conflicts the
um riots the protests
um
so many people i've spoken to this year
and they've gone through
the most painful breakup uh so many
people i've spoken to this year
have um
just they just feel so down and so
depressed
uh if we're all connected
at conscious level right
consciously consciousnessly
conscious
then maybe that's why so many people are
depressed because we're feeling
other people's pain and so
if so many of the collective their
vibration is
low surely that is going to spread and
more and more people will feel low
and i do kind of think that this year
has happened
for a reason and
sometimes like with people feeling
so low going through this kind of year
that's actually helped them awaken
spiritually
and ask the questions like why am i here
what is my life purpose what is my
soul's purpose
um
we know that everyone is connected
i told you again it was ages ago so if
you're new you probably wouldn't have
had it
scientists i believe in geneva
they wanted to see if everything's
connected so they took a proton
which is a tiny tiny teeny tiny light
particle
and uh they cut it in half and they shot
one
seven miles that way one seven miles the
other way so
when they were at their final
destination they were 14 miles apart
and they started doing things to one of
the protons
what they found was the
other proton that was 14 miles away
reacted as if it was having it done
to it so
they thought okay so surely it's just
sent a message about what's happened and
that's
travelled so they checked the time but
there was no
time difference it was it it reacted
as it was happening um which shows
that you can be separated
like um
physically but there's still a
connection there
that connection is still there
if you look at um like the big bang
they say the big bang started everything
every
everything all matter all the matter in
the universe
was condensed tiny tiny
small little ball that means everything
in the universe was once connected
and then it traveled out
and it separated but at some level
everything's still connected
my little princess snoring away
so
i want to talk to you about these things
more
if you're interested in hearing them i
feel right now
like i'm on the verge i'm i've been
looking at
emotions because those of us obviously
with mental health yes it's to do with
our mind
but this is also to do with our emotions
and so then i'm now thinking about the
link between the emotions and the heart
brain
i'm thinking about how collectively like
a number of us how because we are
connected and we have understanding of
each other how
this might enable us to help each other
even more
um i feel like i'm on the
verge of
i don't know making this connection and
going yes that's that's the missing part
so to recover from our mental health
this
this is what we need to do uh
but i've just got like so much
information in my head and i'm really
trying to just get it out and i've
talked for nearly 20 minutes i've
probably not said that much actually
no nothing really but it's got late and
i was
really really like full of energy
earlier
[Music]
then redone the video and redone the
video um
yeah so i think for me
spiritual path following it
see this is another thing i feel like
this is
my life purpose to share this stuff with
you
to help you get to a place
where something in life can kind of
knock you
but you can pick yourself back up and
you will be strong
and i i believe absolutely any of you
can do it
honestly if i can do it you can do it um
i'm here to guide you
i've just i've just gotta work it all
out in my head because there's so much
there's so much up there
[Music]
um
don't get me wrong either like
when i did that video and i said i feel
the best i've ever felt
i think it was uh i had reawoken
and after like you have like a spiritual
awakening you go through a period of
just feeling like
oh yes i'm like there's more to life i
feel amazing and
um but unfortunately that doesn't well
as i say unfortunately
but then you do come down from that and
um
i have again this like last week
i had the same thing those questions
coming back up in my head
um why why
um but i didn't have to cry over it
i can now accept that chances are
i might not ever have an answer um
maybe the universe did this on purpose
because i was blocked i felt like i was
just stuck i felt i was blocked i didn't
i was just yeah
it doesn't mean every day i'm dancing
around like i feel so good
um i have moments like that
but not necessarily every day i still
get tired
i can still hear the chitter chatter of
my voice
but i can
i can get through the day and be okay i
i can i can forgive actually as well
i feel like i have forgiveness in my
heart
um i don't ever think like forget i
don't think because i don't think it's
wise just to forget
stuff um because otherwise that can
happen to you again you don't
you don't forget that but
i've got to a place where i don't want
to have
hate towards people or anger towards
people
so this week when i was like why why
i just tell myself i forgive i
i just forgive um
doesn't mean the questions won't come
back and i won't be asking them again
at some point but right now
not right now um
bob the tortoise again he's so loud
it's his little shell banging against
the vivarium
um i'm gonna
talk more on this let me know what you
want me to talk about
um or if you want me to go into
like deepest like more information on
stuff i've discussed in this video
just let me know uh
like i said in my um
when i live streamed like there's big
things going on
planetary like big planet
planet alignments happening
[Music]
i i can like i feel like
we can't ignore all this stuff after
like the year we've had this must have
opened our eyes up
so that there's more going on than we
realize
uh and i just think it's good we should
talk about it
i'll be back on thursday with the sex
series
um
yeah let me know and i'm hoping to
livestream this weekend as well
because i want to catch up with you all
right guys i'm gonna love you and leave
you i'm really
super super tired now uh
probably just talking has worn me out
uh but yeah i'll be back in the week
and let me know your thoughts in the
comments i love you all
codes
This transcript was auto-generated and therefore may contain mistakes.

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