hey um I'm gonna talk about after rehab
copy Oh sketchy right so you've done
rehab you think it fixed you feel great
when you finish rehab you feel great
you've had clean clothes UV Enya three
meals a day and got all your energy back
put weight on you can give feeling good
and then you leave rehab and it hits you
um ah or like didn't know what to do
with myself I scared all those feelings
started coming back because I hadn't put
anything in place I haven't I'd stopped
doing meetings I did meeting swallows in
treatment it's probably spot to do when
I left didn't think I needed them for 15
fixed and didn't bother going to see
anyone just kept myself at home kept
myself to myself so cuz I wasn't doing
these also I didn't plan anything I did
I thought I wasn't going to be start sit
there and do a planner once a week and
plan my week I had to do that in
treatment it was bad nothing buckets if
I was going to do so I didn't do it I've
got quite painful like all that fear
started coming back the irritability
being discontent my old behavior that
you learn all about in treatment that
these old behaviors now we have these
old behaviors seven purpose because when
you're using you need them we're not
using we don't need them and like
manipulating people
it's been a bit of an asshole beanie and
and yeah that's what it was like for me
and I felt in a really horrid place
actually kinda started feeling pretty
shit pretty soon after I learned like
now when I say pretty shit I actually
really really shit like I felt suicidal
I didn't know who to turn to because
I've not bothered with anyone um I
whereas before I'd lean on my mom I
couldn't do that relocated to new area
and I'd also learn in treatment just how
much I'll put her through um and I
wasn't willing to do that to her I must
step dad again so I kind of kept it
myself and I couldn't just fine people
for meetings cuz I didn't fucking know
anyone so I didn't bother finding any my
didn't go to meetings and and when I had
gone I wasn't taking people's own
numbers I wasn't taking the girls
feminine side the girls are supposed to
take the girls very nervous and the boys
are supposed to take boys in numbers and
I didn't do that um so life became
pretty painful for me and it got really
really bad to the point I wanted to pick
up and I knew I was in trouble somehow I
got myself to me I did the 12-step
meeting to see a and I let myself get
wrapped up by the girls and I'm a lenten
for support finally took their numbers
finally start speaking to them for the
first time ever rather than sitting at
the back of the meeting on my mobile
phone I would sit at the front of the
meeting because then I couldn't be on my
mobile phone I could but I knew people
judge me and I think would be touched
um cuz I'll still have my head up my ass
so I would say the front some you tinker
they don't have to listen um first time
ever I stopped thinking well I didn't do
that I'm not crack head I didn't go to
jail been a little of that black and
start again and yeah yeah I used to lock
myself in the toilets for hours yeah I I
felt like that in and I would find all
the similarities and realize how much
shit man these people are the same as me
exactly the same as me when I could
accept that it could accept help other
than willing we're really wanted to
change I didn't want to feel like this I
thought complete shit and it's not nice
place to be so not just that it wasn't
just the meetings I finally thought how
I need to start doing stuff I actually
went back to college and I started
planning things down two times odd eat
and two times I do housework and I'd
Phil that Phil my spaces and I'll try
and stick to it because if I don't golf
plan I don't go flat so drugs alcohol
isn't in my plan so have them in air
Nick not my plan simple huh yeah warn
anyone like who's going to rehab do not
think you can come out and you are fixed
because you will feel like you're fixed
trust me or not if you're a true addict
of the hopeless variety that nothing is
work for before there is no way you can
have gone into rehab and you'll be fixed
you you need
need more for good luck go them if you
do it like just good luck god I'm
talking shit today I'm gonna go by