hi guys I'm back with a DVT video
finally on emotion regulation because I
hadn't finished the section on emotion
regulation I kind of broke it into
different videos I've got this one and
one more and then after that I can move
on to interpersonal effectiveness
today's one is all about building
positive experiences this is huge
because when you're suffering with
borderline personality disorder your
feelings can be so down and you can have
so many negative experiences so to try
and reduce our emotion or emotional
vulnerability we need to do the opposite
to balance things out so we're having
loads of negative we need to have some
positive we need some balance in our
lives so how do we build positive
experiences I would say start with one
thing a day to start with I mean there's
no maximum number you can do loads and
loads and loads if you want but I'm
gonna be realistic and I started with
one one thing that will make you smile
that will give you enjoyment that make
you feel content nice happy you know
there's nice words and plan it into your
day now I can't tell you what to do
because something that might make me
happy might make you think what I love
swimming for example if I've got a
friend who hates swimming I hate horror
films I cannot see how people get
enjoyment from them but I've got friends
who just love them yes so what brings
you joy what makes you happy it could be
going for a walk it could be having a
relaxing bath hobbies reading watching a
film seeing friends
I remember when I first had to do this
and I was told to put in positive
experiences build them into my life and
what I don't I don't want anything
positive because I was just on such a
downer I didn't want to do anything
happy anything that made me happy I
didn't see the point I didn't think it
would work either I think that was the
key I didn't think it'd work so it
didn't see why should bother but I am so
happy that I did because it might not
have worked the first time
but over time I started getting
pleasurable experiences in my life and
that was something that hadn't had for a
long long time and it was it was really
really important and I still do it today
like last night me the kids from a
partner we sat we what zootropolis I did
barbecued chicken and Wales potato salad
and a couscous salad and like lovely
summery foods and we sat and we scoffed
and we spent some family time together
and it was really nice and they brought
me lots of enjoyment sometimes like some
days I might not want to sit in and
watch a film that might not make me
happy
but going to see a friend which make me
happy I want to get out and I can see a
friend but other day is going and seeing
a friend I don't want to talk to anyone
I don't want to leave my little flat and
on those days it is much better to do
sitting in watch film so it's to see how
you're feeling and what you think would
make you happy and give it go try lots
of different things one important thing
to say though is when you're doing these
things you need to do it mindfully I've
explained in previous videos that core
mindfulness
like mindfulness is at the heart of DBT
there is no point in sitting in a lovely
relaxing bath with all your bubbles in
your handles and your minds going I got
paid that bill I've got do this I owe
this person money oh my god what we're
gonna do the kids for dinner tomorrow
cuz you're not gonna enjoy it it's not
gonna be a joyful experience you're
going to be stuck in there but off with
your own mind and that's why we do it
mindfully so when you sat in the bath
think of the sensations the water on
your skin the he look at the low-level
lighting flickering of the candles and
smells or whatever don't get me wrong
sometimes your mind will still go off
and that is okay because that is normal
but what you do you recognize Oh
I start to think about that just bring
it back all the water but I'll start
focusing again mindfully on what you're
doing and what you'll find is the
experience will be a whole lot more
enjoyable then if you do it mindlessly
because I know even watching a film
sometimes I've sat watching a film and I
haven't even realized my mind it's just
completely gone off and then I'm like I
don't even know what's happened I have
no idea it same sometimes I'm reading a
book and I'll be reading like two pages
before I realize I haven't actually read
it like I was reading the web but my
mind was completely off somewhere the
more you practice mindfulness these are
it gets and the quicker you get to
recognize when your mind is going off
but yeah it is important to do these
things mindfully because they'll give
you a much better chance at actually
enjoying it so I start with one thing a
day and see a young you can add more I'm
not telling you you can't do ten if you
want to do ten things that make you
happy do them but just you know start
with one and after you've done this for
a while you can then start to look at
your future and future goals and think
what do I want in the future
when I was in rehab
I fought something out to show you
actually I had to make a collage where
I'd be in three months a year two years
three years four years five years back
across right so I'm gonna show you some
of them right so three months I have got
stress management you need to allocate
yourself some stress time read get the
right support take the step make that
change kisses and cuddles with the kids
and budgeting have a laugh over lunch
as you can see on three months they're
not huge things I have lunch with the
girls have cuddles with my kids they're
realistic I wasn't going to set myself
up for failure
how diaper three months I'm gonna go on
to Safari I wouldn't have achieved there
and I felt like letdown I think I can't
do anything I didn't go on safari off
three months and I didn't do that so
it's like aim small so they're not let's
go to a year and in a year I've got
learn something new just one small step
support network because I put I will
always need my support network right
there we'll go on to let's write this
two years three yeah see I've got at
like two years got skills three years
working
and let's jump right ahead so for now
four years can you see that beautiful
holiday I thought I'd be married then
I'd love to have more children that's
five years I did that a bit sooner but
hey ho hmm I got my dream car my life is
complete healthy happy yeah if I'd put
all these things at three months I
wouldn't have achieved it like I said
and I felt really yeah but I didn't I
started after like three months like I
said build a support network have lunch
with the friends much more realistic and
that's what you can do actually doing
that collage was really therapeutic it
was so much fun when I found that hard
to do it was huh it was great because
like I just sat there with loads of
magazines and the scissors you feel like
you're back at school my glue cutting
out and stick in what I want to do any
pictures I liked and it was that in
itself for me was a positive experience
so I really enjoyed doing it it was good
fun and looking at it after was amazing
now if you were gonna do one of these
collages and just say your lifetime
dream is to go scuba diving in the Great
Barrier Reef there's no reason you can't
put that on years down the line
obviously if you're gonna put it done
this is what I want to do next month
chances are it's not gonna happen you're
gonna feel down but if you put say five
10 years there's no reason you cannot
achieve that that is achievable and it
will give you something to look forward
to and say that is what I'm gonna do in
the future we're not telling you like
put that down
and then today you got go right how am I
going to start my plan to get to the
Great Barrier Reef because right now
your plan is to work on your recovery
and by doing that you're building
positive experiences into your daily
life so it's your starting small you're
doing little things for you because once
you have these skills in place and you
have recovery behind you all those
future dreams can fall into place and
they can happen there's no reason they
cannot happen but just today you just
focus on you but it's nice to have those
dreams of the future of what we'd like
to do and like I said just doing collage
itself was really therapeutic and great
fun so yeah I think I believe that there
like I said I'll be back next next week
with another motion regulation and then
we can get on to interpersonal but thank
you for watching my videos and thank you
for all your lovely comments as well
take care guys bye